Disclaimer: I don't even know what I'm writing yet, so just to play all my bases, I don't own any of the shows you see on this website that someone has written a fanfic about before. There, put that in your fucking pipe and smoke it.
This case takes place after the end of chapter 50, where Android 18 has taken over as judge. Not sure how many like this I'm going to do, but it feels like a wasted opportunity NOT to have 18 take charge of a few of these.
(Today's Case: Goten is suing the Rubesfield Arena in downtown East City for throwing him out of a concert and claiming he was drunk. This is only 18's second case, and she's already in the unenviable position of presiding over something literally no one cares about.
Defendant: Gregory Rubesfield)
"The Bonerable Judge 18 pre-"
"Whoops, sorry. The Honorable Judge 18 presiding."
18 was already there, so no one stood. "Let the plaintiff and defendant enter the room."
Goten entered the room first and then Gregory followed, mostly so I'd have a chance to describe him on his own. He is a monkey- no, just kidding, that's the Gregory of next chapter. He is a black man with a buzz cut wearing a nice suit with a red tie. Basically, imagine Obama, but with a head that's not even nearly as triangular on the lower half.
"Goten," 18 began, "state your case."
"Your Honor, this dude told me I wasn't allowed to film the concert and then made fun of my girlfriend and kicked us both out! I paid $200 to see my favorite band Buzzsaw perform!"
"Interesting," lied Android 18. "Defendant, your response?"
"Your Honor," Gregory replied in a deep voice, "the plaintiff was not told he wasn't allowed to film at the concert. He was told that the camera he was trying to film with was his own penis, and apparently he was trying to film up a random stranger's skirt. Your Honor, this man was drunk. How drunk was he? He was so drunk that three of my security guards got wasted just by smelling his breath and had to be given rides home."
"That is untrue! Those allegations are false!" Goten said firmly.
Gregory gave Goten a stunned look. "Dude, you were so drunk- how drunk were you? You were so drunk, when Buzzsaw came on stage and thanked Imagine Dragons for helping them get signed, you just hopped on stage and asked if the dragons names were Shenron or Porunga! I don't know who those two people are, but that is abnormal!"
"Does that prove he's drunk or just stupid, though?" Android 18 asked. "I'm afraid I'm going to need more proof than that before I can make an informed decision."
"The point is, he interrupted the Buzzsaw show with his antics and was told to leave. Then he wouldn't leave, and our guards were completely unable to restrain him for reasons I noted above-"
"They wouldn't have been able to restrain him anyway," 18 noted.
"Your Honor, may I please finish?"
"Goten Son then passed out from his intoxication and we could finally get him off the premises. That's what happened, and our security footage can confirm this."
Gotenks sighed. "Oh, man, does this mean I'm going to have to go to the A/V room?"
"Yes," said 18. "Hurry up."
Gotenks left and arrived back in 2 seconds with a crappy TV set. "There. Took me forever to find it."
"Erm," Gregory started in, "I hate to be bothersome, but do you have a DVD player? We haven't used VHS tapes for our security cameras since about 2002."
"ARGH!" Gotenks whined, returning to the A/V room and coming back with a DVD player in a matter of even fewer seconds than he got the TV. "Stupid A/V room, I hate it in there! Can I go back to my post now?!"
"Yes, you may," sighed 18. "Big whiner."
"Hey, next time you can go to the stupid A/V room," Gotenks shot back.
"Or, you can, because it's your job, and you're being paid to fucking do it."
18 looked up and noticed that most of the courtroom was staring at her. "Uh, sorry. Didn't mean for all of you to see that."
Gregory wanted to tell 18 that Gotenks forgot an important cable, but the poor child bailiff already looked like he was going to explode from rage, so he didn't. "You know, why don't we just skip my security footage?"
"WHY?!" screamed Gotenks. "AFTER I GOT THE TV FROM THE A/V ROOM, AND THE DVD PLAYER?!"
"Sorry!" Gregory shot his hands up defensively. "It's just that-"
"It's that you forgot a cable for the DVD player, dude," Goten finished. Gotenks screamed and decimated the TV set with an energy wave.
"That's coming out of your paycheck, you little brat," said 18. "Anyway, this trial's almost over, so any final arguments or anything before I decide?"
"Yeah," Goten said. "I have a witness!"
"My girlfriend, Angela!"
"Bring her up."
An orange-haired cigarette-y looking woman in her late 30s entered the room, giving Gohan a particularly nasty glance when she walked past his pew, Gohan looking on in shock.
"ANGELA?!" Gohan blurted. "From high school?! You're dating her, Goten?!"
"Dude, she gets me, man," said Goten. "Plus, look at those hooters."
"I can totally believe you just said that," sighed 18. "Angela, can you please sit still in the witness stand, and stop flipping off Gohan?"
"I can't help myself when I see that jerk!" Angela complained. "Did you know he wears teddy bear underwear?!"
"And you're still on about that?!" Gohan said.
"Dude, that's how we met. She just walked up to me and told me you wore teddy bear underwear. She didn't even know I was your brother. She pretty much just walks around all day telling everybody about that."
"Oh." Gohan looked at Angela's eyes and realized they were dilated to the size of dinner plates. "Oooooh." He sat down.
"Let's get on with this," said 18. "Angela, what do you have to add to this? Was Goten drunk?"
"Oh my, yes!"
"WHAT?!" Goten screamed. "ANGELA!"
"Well, it's true," Angela croaked. "You were so wasted you put a bird in a urinal, thinking it was a birdbath!"
"He was so drunk," Gregory added, "he tried to crowdsurf with an actual surfboard!"
"He was so drunk, people were using his nipples like a vodka fountain drink dispenser!"
"He was so drunk, when I told him he was trying to seduce my wife, he said sorry and then tried to seduce me instead! With roofies!"
"Yo momma is so fat, she-"
"Okay, okay, stop it, stop it, stop it," 18 insisted. "I've heard enough. I find the defendant not guilty."
"Damn!" Goten exclaimed. Gregory left, poised and dignified. All appeared to be well and good again in the DBZ world except…
"Wait a minute," Gohan said, standing again.
18 groaned. "Gohan, if this is about Angela again, please-"
"No, no, this is important. So that's Goten there," he said, pointing at the plaintiff desk where Goten continued to look pouty and disappointed, "and that's Gotenks there, standing next to you. How is that possible?"
"I mean, how can Goten and Gotenks exist separately when Gotenks is a fusion between Goten and Trunks?"
Everyone stared at Gohan , then began a roaring peal of laughter. Gohan screamed as a door opened beneath him into the Eternal Pit of Relentless Psychological Torture, to scream and fall forever and ever.
"And that, ladies and gentlemen," said Justin after turning off the projector and turning the lights back on, "is why I'm a better judge than 18."
"Okay," I, the author, said. "I have some questions."
"Shit. Uh, I mean, shoot. The questions. At me."
"Sure." I pulled out my question gun and aimed it at Justin's head. "Question one: how is any of what happened in the court that day Android 18's fault?"
I shot the question gun and the question hit Justin right in the logic. He stumbled but made a very ungraceful recovery. "Well, see, Android 18 should have known immediately that something was wrong when Goten walked into the room as an adult."
"Question two: why did you say 'ladies and gentlemen' when I am the only one in the room?"
Justin narrowly dodged that question, so I decided to let it go.
"Question three: how are we talking when you're basically my self-insert?"
This question nearly missed, but grazed Justin's ear. "Well, I was a self-insert, but then we kinda separated after a while. It's hard to explain."
"Wow. I'm kind of a loser, aren't I?"