FINAL FANTASY VII

Marlene on MACLA

(open to 7th Heaven. Cloud, Barrett, Tifa, Yuffie and Marlene are all in the basement)
Barrett: There! It's ready!
Yuffie: Wow! I'm so glad you finally got hooked up to the internet! Now I won't have to go down to the library to write my stupid fanfiction!
(she tries to sit down at the computer but Barrett stops her)
Yuffie: What?! Get out of the way!
Barrett: You fool! I didn't get it for you!
Yuffie: You didn't? But who else is more passionate about fanfiction than I am?!
Barrett: Ya damn fool! I got the internet so Marlene could get a decent education!
Yuffie: What the?! Marlene's only four years old! She doesn't need an education yet!
Barrett: I want her to have a good start in life. I never had much of an education, an' I don't want my daughter to go the same walk of life that I went.
Yuffie: (groan) So you're sayin' that no one else can use the computer?
Barrett: Jus' shut up and let Marlene have a try, okay?
Yuffie: Tch, fine! (pause) I'm goin' to the library. See ya.
(she leaves)
Tifa: Weren't you a little mean then, Barrett?
Barrett: Go ahead, Marlene. Give it a try.
(Marlene sits down in front of the computer)
Barrett: I already dialed a connection for ya. Have fun surfin' the net.
Cloud: Ooh, can I look for some Final Fantasy VIII hentai?!
Tifa: (angry) Cloud!
Barrett: Ya sick #@$%! If I ever catch you lookin' at filth like that on my computer, then I'll kick you in the nuts!
Cloud: All right. All right. I won't.
Barrett: Ya better not! Now, we'll leave you in peace, Marlene. You have fun, ya hear?
Marlene: Sure, Papa!
(Cloud, Tifa and Barrett leave the basement)
Marlene: (to herself) Hmm, I know what I can do! I can make a new friend!
(she finds a list of chatrooms: "Teen Chat", "Monster Pad", "Sephiroth Must Die", "Junon Harbour", "Midgar Adult/Child Love Association", and "Chocobo Meat")
Marlene: Here's a chatroom! "Midgar Adult/Child Love Association!" That's perfect!
(she chooses the chatroom and types a message under her user-name PinkGrrl)
Marlene: (typing) "Hello everyone! I am a young girl looking 4 a new friend 2 talk 2. I am four years old and I love..."
(some messages pop up)
Marlene: Wow! Look at all the new pofential friends! I'll try NiceButt! (she clicks on the window) "Hi, NiceButt!"
Nicebutt: (message) "How R U?"
Marlene: (typing) "I'm fine. How old R U?"
Nicebutt: (message) "I'm six years old. U?"
Marlene: (typing) "I'm only four, but I like older people."
Nicebutt: (message) "I bet U do, U saucy chick."
Marlene: (to herself) What?! (typing) "Um, thank U."
Nicebutt: (message) "Would U like 2 meet up 2morrow? U live in Midgar, right?"
Marlene: (typing) "Yes, I do. Where would U like 2 meet?"
Nicebutt: (message) "Meet me at the restaurant in Wall Market, okay?"
Marlene: (typing) "Okee, C U then!" (to herself) Wow! I'm gonna meet my very first internet chatroom friend! I can't wait till tomorrow!

(cut to the bar. Cloud and Barrett are talking)
Cloud: So, you going out tonight, Barrett?
Barrett: Why you wanna know?
Cloud: Oh, nothing. No reason.
Barrett: Don't trust ya!
Cloud: Huh?
Barrett: Ya jus' want me to go out jus' so you can look at cheap porn on the internet, doncha?!
Cloud: No! No, of course not! How could you even think that?!
(Marlene emerges from the basement)
Marlene: Daddy, Daddy, guess what!
Barrett: (laughs) What, honey?
Marlene: I've just made a new friend on the internet!
Barrett: Really? Well ain't that swell!
Marlene: We've agreed to meet up tomorrow in Wall Market. Can I go?
Barrett: Well, sure you can! I'll take you there myself!
Marlene: But Papa, I want to meet my new friend alone.
Barrett: Aw, how could I say no to that cute face. Okay, honey, you can go alone.
Marlene: Thank you, Daddy! (she hugs him) I'm going to make myself look beautiful now! Bye-bye!
(she runs off)
Cloud: I wanna make a new pal too! Can I go online now, Barrett?
Barrett: NO!

(cut to Wall Market, the next day. Marlene enters the local restaurant)
Marlene: (to the waiter) Hi, do you have a Nicebutt?
Waiter: People have said I do.
Marlene: I'm looking for a guy called Nicebutt. He wanted to meet me here today.
Waiter: Oh, um, I haven't seen anyone under that name yet. Maybe you should take a seat and wait.
Marlene: Yeah, I bet he'll be here soon.
(she sits down at an empty table in the corner)
Marlene: (to herself) Hmm, where are you, Nicebutt?

(cut to 7th Heaven. Cloud enters the empty basement)
Cloud: Hello? Anyone here?
(he sits down at the computer and turns it on)
Cloud: Heh heh heh! Japanese hentai, here I come!
(he finds a site with a naked picture of Selphie Tilmitt (Final Fantasy VIII). He smiles)
Cloud: Oh, yeah! What a babe! (Carbuncle: You're damn right, Strife!)
(he begins to drool as he finds more nude pictures of women such as Rinoa Heartilly (FFVIII), Feena (Grandia), Beatrix and Dagger (FFIX), and Misty (Pokemon))
Cloud: Whoo-whoo! Man, oh man! (he clicks another link) Wait a minute! T-Tifa...?! Aeris...?! Yuffie...?!?! What the hell?!?!
Tifa: (offscreen) Cloud? Cloud, are you down there?
Cloud: (panicking) Tifa?! Oh, shit!
(he struggles to shut down the computer. Tifa appears beside him)
Tifa: Were you looking at porn on the internet?
Cloud: Certainly not! (pause) Uh, Tifa?
Tifa: Yeah?
Cloud: Nevermind...

(cut to the bar. Barrett is drinking a beer when Marlene runs in)
Marlene: Waaaaaaa!
Barrett: Marlene, what the hell happened?!
Marlene: Daddy, he didn't come! My internet friend didn't come! Waaaaaaa!
Barrett: Aw, I'm sorry, honey.
Marlene: (sniff) And I was really looking forward to meeting him...
Barrett: I know you were, honey. Listen, why don't you go back online and find out what happened? There could be a perfectly reasonable explanation for why he didn't turn up.
Marlene: (happy again) Okee! See you later, Daddy!

(cut to the basement. Marlene enters and goes back onto the computer)
Marlene: You better be online today, Nicebutt!
(she goes back into the "Midgar Adult/Child Love Association" chatroom)
Marlene: (typing) "Has Nicebutt been in here 2day?"
(a message pops up from someone called Velcrow564)
Velcrow564: (message) "He was on earlier. Do U know him?"
Marlene: (typing) "Yeah, we arranged 2 meet 2day but he never turned up."
Velcrow564: (message) "Man, what a crock! Hey, I'm not doing N E thing 2morrow. Wanna meet up with me instead?"
Marlene: (typing) "I dunno. I kinda really liked Nicebutt. He sounded fun."
Velcrow564: (message) "Okay, maybe if I can find Nicebutt, we could all meet up. Would U like that?"
Marlene: (typing) "Wow! I'd love 2!"
Velcrow564: (message) "Alrighty, we'll meet in Sector 5 at first light, okay?"
Marlene: (typing) "Oh boy! I'll B there!" (to herself) Now I'm gonna get two for the price of one! Yippee!

(cut to Sector 5, the next day. Marlene is waiting on the street corner)
Marlene: Oh, they're not gonna show. I just know it.
(two older men appear)
Man #1: Well, hello there, little girl. What are you doing here?
Marlene: Oh, um, I'm waiting for some friends.
Man #2: Really? So are we. Can we wait with you?
Marlene: (nervous) Okee.
(they stand in silence for a while)
Man #1: (to Marlene) So, you're gonna have some fun today, huh?
Marlene: I dunno. It doesn't look like they're gonna turn up.
Man #2: Yeah, our friend is late too. Where could she be?!
Marlene: Excuse me, but have you two ever heard of Nicebutt and Velcrow564...?
(the men smile)
Man #2: We certainly have. How do you know them?
Marlene: I... (pause) Oh no!
Man #1: PinkGrrl? So at last we meet!
Marlene: Y-You're Nicebutt?!
Man #1: No, I'm Velcrow564.
Man #2: I'm Nicebutt.
Marlene: ...Hurray!

(cut to 7th Heaven. Cloud and Barrett are both sat at the bar, while Tifa is stood behind it)
Cloud: ...
Barrett: Are you okay, Cloud?
Cloud: S-Sure. W-Why wouldn't I be?
Barrett: No reason. But you've been starin' at Tifa all mornin' now.
Cloud: So?! Got a problem with that?!
Barrett: Not unless you have.
Cloud: No! No problem here!
Barrett: Good.
Cloud: Fine!
Barrett: Okay.
Cloud: I... I have to go!
(he leaves)
Barrett: Weird...

(cut to Sector 5. Marlene, Nicebutt and Velcrow564 are all there)
Marlene: I'm so glad we finally got the chance to meet.
Nicebutt: Yeah, we've been thinkin' about you all the time, PinkGrrl.
Marlene: Oh, please. Call me Marlene.
Velcrow564: Okay.
Marlene: Uh, I have a question. You two aren't really six years old, are you?
Nicebutt: How did you find out?!
Marlene: Oh, come on! It isn't THAT hard to work out. You've got to be nine years old, at least!
Velcrow564: ...Yeah. Yeah, we're actually nine.
Nicebutt: (sarcastically) I'll be ten next March!
Marlene: Really?! Cool! I can't wait until I'm ten!
Velcrow564: Say Marlene, would you like to come to our house?
Marlene: Sure, I wanna come! Let's go!
(they start to leave when Aeris approaches)
Aeris: Hi there, Marlene.
Marlene: Hi Aunt Aeris!
Aeris: And who do we have here?
Marlene: They're my new friends I met on the internet. This is Nicebutt, and Velcrow564.
Nicebutt: Hi.
Velcrow564: How're you doin'?
Aeris: Haven't I seen you two in 7th Heaven before?
Nicebutt: ...No.
Aeris: I'm sure I have...
Velcrow564: (pissed) Look lady, we're only nine years old, okay?! What the hell would we be doin' in some seedy night club?!
Aeris: Seedy night club? Do you mean 7th Heaven?
Nicebutt: (to Aeris) Do you want a punch in the teeth?!
Marlene: Please Aunt Aeris, don't make a scene. Nicebutt and Velcrow were gonna show me where they live.
Aeris: ...All right, Marlene. You go ahead. I'm sorry to bother you all.
Velcrow564: Darn right you are, goddammit!
(they all leave)
Aeris: (to herself) I'm sure I saw them down on the prostitution lane... Oh well.

(cut to the MACLA Institution. Marlene, Nicebutt and Velcrow564 all enter the lobby. The place is full of old men)
Marlene: Wow! You live here?! This place is huge!
Nicebutt: (to Velcrow564) I'll go inform everyone. (he leaves)
Marlene: Why do you have so many computers here, Velcrow? (looking at an unoccupied computer) The "Midgar Adult/Child Love Association"...?
Velcrow564: How would you like to come upstairs with me, Marlene?
Marlene: (nervous) Uh... How old are the kids in here?
Velcrow564: It's okay. We're all under 18.
Marlene: ...Why are they all on the "Midgar Adult/Child Love Association" chatroom site?
Velcrow564: They're tryin' to make new friends. Just like you did.
Marlene: But don't they ever go out to do that?
Velcrow564: Eh, it's easier this way. People have no need to fear them here.
Marlene: F-Fear them?
Velcrow564: ...I've said too much. Now follow me to my room. I wanna show you my tool set.
Marlene: I'm not really into DIY.
Velcrow564: Neither am I. (holding out his hand) Come with me.
(they walk hand in hand down the corridor)

(cut to 7th Heaven. Barrett and Tifa are still in the bar)
Barrett: Tifa, did you notice anythin' odd about Cloud today?
Tifa: I saw him use his toothbrush to comb his hair.
Barrett: No, no. I said odd.
(Aeris bursts into the bar)
Aeris: Barrett, you have to come quick!
Barrett: (jumping up) Aeris, what the hell are you talkin' about?!
Aeris: (out of breath) Marlene... big trouble... not much time...
Barrett: Now you've lost me! Talk sense, dammit!
Aeris: Marlene... kidnapped... gone to hell...
Barrett: Marlene's been kidnapped by the Devil?!
Aeris: Follow me... I'll explain... on the way...
Barrett: Argh!

(cut to the MACLA Institution. Marlene and Velcrow564 are both together in a dark room)
Velcrow564: Boy, you sure are hot in here.
Marlene: Excuse me?
Velcrow564: Mind if I take off my jacket?
Marlene: N-No... Go ahead.
(he removes his leather jacket)
Velcrow564: Much better. (pause) Whoo, turn down the heat!
Marlene: Huh?
Velcrow564: Mind if I take off my shirt?
Marlene: Uh... now I'm scared.

(cut to the MACLA Institution - Outside. Barrett, Tifa and Aeris all arrive)
Barrett: Shi't! So you're tellin' me that those bastards have Marlene trapped in there?!
Aeris: Yeah, inside that horrible place.
Tifa: Hmm, that's the MACLA Institution. I've heard about it before, but I never thought it would actually exist.
Barrett: Why would they bring Marlene here?!
Tifa: I think I know, but you might not wanna hear the answer...
Barrett: #@$%, tell me, for God's sake!
Tifa: Have you ever heard about the Midgar Adult/Child Love Association?
Barrett: The hell are they?!
Tifa: They're an organisation that use the internet to lure young and innocent children into their sick trap where they molest them and well, you get the idea.
(Barrett looks horrified)
Barrett: Marlene! I gotta save my little girl!
Aeris: It isn't going to be easy to get into the institute. We're going to have to use all our skill to gain entrance.

(cut to the MACLA Institution. Barrett, Tifa and Aeris are all stood at the reception area)
Aeris: Would you like to buy a box of Chocobo Chocolate Cookies? They've got extra chocolate and taste just great!
Receptionist: Yeah, sure! And if you sing the jingle from the commercial I'll give you an additional 30 gil too!
Aeris: You will?! Wow! Okay, here we go-
Barrett: (interrupting) What the hell are you doin'?! We're here to rescue Marlene!
Aeris: But I wanna sing the song!
Barrett: (angry) You...!
Tifa: It is a pretty catchy song, Barrett.
Barrett: Alright! Sing the damn song then! But then we save Marlene, 'kay?!
Aeris: Hurray! (tapping her feet) Okay, a-one, a-two, a-one, two, three!
Marlene: (offscreen) Don't touch me!
Barrett: Marlene?! She's in trouble!
Aeris: But the song...!
Barrett: (to Aeris) Yo' askin' for a bullet in the brain?!
(they rush past the receptionist)
Receptionist: H-Hey, you're not authorised to go through there! Come back here!
(the party arrive in a hall full of pedophiles who are busy talking to children on the net)
Barrett: Shit! Look at the sick #@$%!
Tifa: We have to hurry and find Marlene. Let's split up.
(they run off in different directions)

(cut to the 2F. Barrett is walking along the corridor)
Marlene: (offscreen) Get off me! Someone help me!
Barrett: I'm comin', honey!
(he enters room AB)
MACLA Member: (from inside the room) Ooh, hello there, little boy. Where'd you come from?
Barrett: (from inside the room) Little boy...? Hey, have you seen my daughter?
MACLA Member: (from inside the room) Ooh, a missin' daughter! Good angle! C'mere!
Barrett: (from inside the room, being raped) What the...?! No, I don't want THAT! Stay away, ya freak! No, oh God, no! Aaahh!
(Tifa walks past the room)
Tifa: Hmm, Barrett, are you in there?
(she opens the door and peaks inside)
Tifa: Oh my! Sorry to bother you!
Barrett: (from inside the room) Help me, Tifa! For the love of God, do somethin'!

(cut to the 3F. Aeris is walking through the corridor)
Marlene: (offscreen) Get off me! Someone help me!
Aeris: Marlene?! (shouting) Don't worry, Marlene! I'm on my way!
(she enters room DE)

(cut to room DE. Marlene is trying to escape from Velcrow564)
Velcrow564: C'mere, baby! Give me some sweet lovin'!
Marlene: Waaaaaaa! Go away! Leave me alone!
Aeris: (to Velcrow564) Get away from her you bitch! (ALIEN reference*cough*ALIEN reference)
Velcrow564: Not you again! Didn't I tell you to #@$% off?!
Aeris: How could you do such a thing to a little kid?! You are one sick twisted animal!
Velcrow564: (to Marlene) I'll be back for you later, babe. But first I have to put a flower girl to bed!
Aeris: Uh-oh!
(the pedophile advances on Aeris)
Aeris: H-Hey, don't come near me! I know self-defence!
Velcrow564: Don't make me laugh! (laughs) Hmm, how cheesy...
(he is about to attack Aeris when the door swings open and knocks him out)
Aeris: Wow! What are the chances?!
(Cloud walks in)
Cloud: Anyone call for a hero?
Aeris: Cloud, what are you doing here?
Cloud: Do I need a reason?! Geez, I saved you, didn't I?!
Aeris: Yeah, sorry. Marlene, are you all right?
Marlene: I'm fine, Aunt Aeris. How did you know I'd be here?
Aeris: Well-
Cloud: (interrupting) No time to explain now. Listen, I called the police, and they're comin' to shut this place down. We should get outta here while we still can.

(cut to MACLA Institution - Outside. Members of MACLA have been placed under arrest. Barrett is lying on a ambulance bed. Cloud, Tifa, Aeris and Marlene approach)
Marlene: Daddy, you're okay!
Barrett: (weakly) Marlene... Thank God...
Aeris: How're you, Barrett?
Barrett: Don't ask! I've been bruised, poisoned and been made love to up the ass by a bunch o' sick men! I jus' wanna go home and take a cold shower!
Cloud: Well, everything turned out all right in the end, huh?
Tifa: Yep, but I'm sure glad the whole event is over with. I've seen stuff today that I never thought I'd ever see in my entire life.
Aeris: You might even say that we've been scarred for life...
Cloud: Heh, and Barrett actually DID get scarred for life!
Tifa: And I hoped you learned a lesson today too, Marlene.
Marlene: Yes, I did, Aunt Tifa: internet chatrooms can be extremely dangerous to little children like myself.
Tifa: Uh huh, so remember everyone; be careful what you let your children get up to on the net, because they could end up in a lot of trouble.
Cloud: (pause) Who are you talking to, Tifa?!
Tifa: Huh? Um, no one.
Cloud: Right...
Barrett: Oh, God! I think I'm gonna be sick!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

THE END__________

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~