A/N: So I am back to torture you all some more lol. This is just a fun one-shot that I wanted to do before throwing myself into another series. This takes place between 8x02 and 8x03 aka the episode where Donna invites Sam to the girls night in. And sorry luvcali, I broke my promise. :p

P.S. If you don't get the Sylvia Plath references, she was an incredible poet who committed suicide by gassing herself in her kitchen oven. How's that for a lively opening?

Disclaimer: I own nothing, fortunately because I would be in deep depression if I had anything to do with Season 8.


Jackie and Hyde, alone in a basement - always a dicey combination.

Ever since the event a few weeks ago, interaction between the two had been so rare that even being silent while sitting in opposite sides of the room felt suffocating. Hyde sat slouched on his chair, focused on whatever crap had managed to crawl its way onto the screen in front of him. Jackie, meanwhile, was curled up on the far edge of the couch with a book on her lap. It was a hobby she had acquired only recently and if she could withstand the whacked-out hyperboles which Sylvia Plath was churning out like butter, Jackie might not have had to force her interest so much.

A lot remained to be said between them, but as long as it went unsaid, they could figure out a way to be around each other and not feel the urge to break out into yet another 'I don't know' conversation.

Just as the level of awkwardness was reaching new heights, in walked a buffer. Or a fluffer Jackie thought as she took notice of the leggy blonde with a lopsided rack. She flounced down on the couch beside Jackie and turned to her.

"Hey Jackie." Sam said genuinely. Since nobody had dared speak of their relationship since Sam had shown up on the porch with a STD suitcase, she had no idea of just how tempting it was for Jackie to follow Sylvia's footsteps and find the nearest oven.

Jackie showed no acknowledgement towards Sam's greeting and casually turned to the next page in her book. Sam looked bewildered and glanced towards her husband for help but he was either ignoring her as well or was too heavily engrossed in a Viagra commercial.

She decided to try again. "Jackie, you OK?" Jackie again showed no reaction and Hyde quickly grew irritated.

"Oh, for God's sake Jackie, will you just answer her?"

This got Jackie's attention as evident by her head snapping up and her book being slammed on the table.

"Fine." She turned to Sam. "No, I'm not OK because your husband or, as the girls in Point Place High used to call him, Mr. Minuteman, is an ass!"

Hyde laughed. "I'd rather be an ass than a slut like you."

Jackie laughed back. "I? I am a slut? Steven, before me, your initials were carved into every whorehouse in the state, and the stories your bed could tell would make Sam look like a virgin. No offence, Sam." Jackie finished with a hand in defence.

Sam shrugged it off. "It's cool. I've been under everyone." Jackie fought the urge to smile at the pride in her voice and resumed her battle with Hyde.

"You know Jackie, I can respect you wanting to keep some dignity for getting dumped for her," Hyde said with a smirk, "but now it's just pathetic that you think you can get one up on me. I'm untouchable, baby." Jackie couldn't recall ever having rage blackouts but all of a sudden, she felt one came on when she heard, "OW! My nose!" She looked over at Hyde and realised that she had thrown her hardback book square at his face. Before she knew what she was doing, Jackie ran out of the basement while Sam chased after her.



"Jackie! Jackie, wait up!" Sam yelled as she ran after Jackie who was slowing down at the Vista Cruiser.

Jackie leaned against the car and dropped her head in exhaustion. "Jackie, I'm sorry. Hyde had no right to say that to you. He's been touchy like that since Vegas." Sam told her apologetically.

Jackie couldn't believe the absurdity of the situation she had landed herself in. Here she was, being comforted by the woman who had stolen her man from right under her feet, even though her husband lay inside with a broken nose. But realising she didn't have the strength for anymore confrontations today, Jackie let herself take temporary solace in having somebody beside her who would listen without trying to feel her up. With Kelso in Chicago visiting Betsy and Donna, Kitty and Red still reeling from Eric's departure, Jackie was riding low on the friend wagon so even an oblivious enemy would have to do.

"I don't know what came over me." Jackie told her. "He just… he's an ass. I don't know what I ever saw in him." Sam immediately looked perplexed.

"You dated him?"

Jackie blinked and kicked herself for starting up a fresh new bit of agony. "A little." Jackie told her quietly. Normally, Sam would have destroyed anybody who had been near her man before, but she wasn't so dense that she couldn't realise when a girl was suffering from a broken heart.

"Look, I haven't really made any friends here and I hear you like shopping so…?" Sam asked with a smile.

Crying or shopping? Jackie had only one answer.



"I love shopping!" Jackie exclaimed as she ran up to Sam with bags full of clothes making her sway from side to side.

Sam laughed. "I see you're feeling a lot better." Jackie grinned.

"Well, ATM machines have been around a lot longer than Steven Hyde has been so my ties to Prada are everlasting."

Sam and Jackie continued walking around the small selection of stores and Sam grimaced. "No offence, but this place is kinda lame. Nothing like Vegas."

Jackie nodded. "Yeah. We don't really have a lot to do around here. That's partly why I moved to Chicago in the first place. The other part being-"

"Wait." Sam interrupted, stopping the both of them on their walk. "Did you say you lived in Chicago?" Jackie nodded. "So you're the-"

"Two-timing, spoiled bitch?" Jackie offered with a dazzling smile. "C'est moi." Not surprisingly, the only bit of high school French which Jackie remembered was about her. She had always felt that foreign people had their own languages because they were too poor to learn American.

Sam laughed bitterly. "You are all that Hyde talked about when he was in Vegas." Jackie's heart boomed but it died out just as quickly. If this morning was anything to go by, he most likely wasn't recounting the half dozen times in their relationship that he attempted being sweet.

Jackie kept her mouth shut has Sam recounted every utterance Hyde had made about what went down in Chicago.

"..but I've seen Kelso and I can't say I blame you for cheating." Sam finished with a grin. "I can't believe you had both of them under your thumb at one time. You must be great in bed." Sam queried. Jackie looked disturbed. What is this chick into?



After hearing her go on and on about God knows what, Jackie was ready to relinquish her title as 'town talker' which she had been christened with after the great blackout of '75. And it was official.

She hated her.

Jackie had been relatively glad to find someone who had the same stomach for shopping as her, but strippers were strippers and boyfriend stealers were boyfriend stealers. Hence, the reason for Jackie's hands gripping her shopping bags so tight that her nails were cutting into her own flesh. "I'd like to cut these into her eyeballs." Jackie muttered.

"What?" Sam asked.

Jackie stuttered. "Uh… I said I'd like to put peas into Hyde's balls." Jackie practically sprinted off as she spoke in the hopes of diverting attention from how she had just addressed Hyde.

After Sam had made a mad dash to catch up with her, she rambled on about how her hair seemed to have a mind of its own today while Jackie contemplated the most effective ways to get back at Hyde and her without drawing suspicion.

As if it were some cosmic sign, Jackie noticed a sign for a florist around the corner and remembered something in a book from Red's collection she had read about a few days earlier. "Hey, Sam?" Jackie asked innocently.

Sam looked up from the leotard jumpsuit she was currently fitting around her body.

"How would you like me to make you so irresistible to Steven that he forgets all about this two-timing spoiled bitch from Chicago?" Jackie surprised herself at how convincingly genuine she could sound when there was a golden opportunity for the burn to end all burns.

Sam beamed. "Oh that would be great! Thank you, Jackie!"

"No problem!" Jackie said, waving her off. At least it won't be for me.



Jackie was actually skipping across the path to Donna's house and only stopped when Sam grabbed her arm to hold her back for a second.

"Hey Jackie?" Sam asked. She turned around to face her. "So, what do I do with these again?" she asked, signalling to the small brown bag in her hands.

Jackie smiled. "Oh, it's easy. Just smear them all over your hands before you give him a helping hand," The girls shared a laugh, "and they will make him scream like he never has before." Jackie said in a low, sultry voice. Sam smiled at her.

"I can't believe your gardener grows these exotic herbs in your own back yard. That is so cool!"

"Yeah, it was the last thing my mom did before she took off. Made sure that I could get all the right minerals and now Roberta gets me whatever I want." Sam nodded and Jackie was about to take off when Sam spoke again.

"Hey Jackie," she said softly, "I just wanted to thank you again for being so nice. I know I wouldn't want to help the girl who married my ex-boyfriend become even sexier despite the fact that I owed neither of them anything. I'm just… I'm just really happy to have a found a friend like you." Sam gave her a sweet smile and walked into the kitchen, leaving Jackie standing alone in the driveway.

She almost felt bad for what she was about to do. Almost. But Jackie Burkhart was still Jackie Burkhart and when it came to payback, she was the bitch.




Jackie had waited until Sam left before she ventured into the basement and when she did, she was glad to find that she hadn't missed the show yet. As Jackie had done every morning for the past week, she came in, curled up on the couch, took out her book and kept reading until it was time to leave. But for today, all she was going to do was wait.

A half hour after she had arrived, Hyde came out of his room and sat gingerly on his chair, trying to be unnoticed while scratching 'down there'. Jackie had noticed this from the second he sat down, because she could see how Hyde was getting into a worsening state of discomfort and because she knew that it wouldn't be long before he was forced to go find out what the problem was.

Jackie chuckled to herself and when Hyde noticed this, she simply pointed to the book she was reading. "It's got some great comedy in it." Hyde looked away from her and his scratching was becoming more and more unbearable. Finally, he couldn't take it any longer and bolted up the stairs while waddling like a penguin. Despite being in the basement, Jackie could tell from the movement above her that he was climbing the stairs and heading towards the bathroom. Once she heard the bathroom door slam shut, Jackie mentally counted down;

3, 2, 1.


Jackie immediately doubled over in laughter and soon found herself breathless from the girlish screams of her former boyfriend. Deciding that it was time for her to leave before Hyde found her, Jackie packed up her things and walked up the stairs and into the den where Red kept all of his books. Taking out from her bag the book she had borrowed a few days earlier, Jackie placed it back in its rightful slot and read the title aloud:

"The Effects of Poison Ivy."

The End.


A/N: So, did you like? I know that Sam and Jackie could never be friends or anything but I figured that if Jackie was lonely enough and if Sam was unaware of her history with Hyde, they could have an amusing afternoon. I don't want you all thinking that I have completely lost my mind but this was just a funny idea that popped into my head in English class yesterday. Review and let me know if you enjoyed it.