A/N: ... Hi there, folks. I know, it's been over a year (naughty me) but I come bearing a peace offering... of the last chapter of Antonymity. Enjoy.


That was the last time I was ever going to have dinner with that damn dragon

I mean, person. Yes, person. That's it.

After that decidedly awkward conversation about his kendo style, dinner resumed.

If by resumed you mean Sano choking on a chicken bone and Megumi helpfully pounding his back with a bit more force than necessary, then sure.

I would've pounded him even if he weren't choking.

That's how good a friend I am.

"The… food was absolutely delightful, Megumi."

I glanced up from the couch to see dragon-man smiling.

Was it just me or did he look at me when he said that?

Freak.

Hm.

Something smells EW.

I look down at my lap.

EW SANO FEET.

"OH GROSS!"

I grabbed his leg hairs and yanked.

HAHA.

I have never heard such a girlish sound come from a man before.

Oh Sano, how wounded your masculinity must be.

"KAORU! What was that for?"

He pouted, rubbing his insanely long leg.

"Kiss it better."

He shoved his leg in my face.

I sneezed on his foot.

Then slapped it for good measure.

"That's cold, Tanuki, real cold."

"I hope you get frostbite."

Megumi giggles.

Where's my shotgun?

I think she noticed the look on my face.

Er…

Saved by the weasel.

You know that saying, Eagles may soar but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines?

If you don't… well, you do now.

BUT.

I always wondered that if you could throw a weasel high enough, if it'd get sucked into a jet engine…

Either that or just make a splat when it landed.

Moving on.

I feel all warm and fuzzy.

Except for my fingertips.

They're frozen.

Stupid fingerless gloves!

What's the point of them?!

They leave your fingertips numb and the rest of your hand all cozy.

It defeats the purpose, I say!

The fact that it was me who cut the fingers off in an attempt to be cool is beside the point.

Like, duh.

"Kaoru, are you alright?"

Huh?

"No, I'm not. I'm slightly left."

Cue drum + symbol.

"Funny." Megumi sneers.

"How about we watch a movie?!"

I look at Misao.

She just wants an excuse to molest Aoshi when everyone is busy.

I KNOW YOUR PLAN!

I happened to walk in on it earlier.

Ew, ew, ew.

I thought I stopped those horrid mental images.

IT BURNS.

URGH.

Those black sheets will never be the same again.

Icky.

"Sounds good."

Ew.

Now Megumi and Sano want to molest each other.

How come everyone gets someone to molest but me?

I can't believe I said that.

Kenshin is looking at me.

I hope he didn't hear that.

Hm…

This silence is kind of awkward.

Not because of the fact that I might've said that out loud.

But for the fact that EVERYONE IS MAKING GOOGLEY EYES.

Stupid lovesick peoples.

Stupid dragon trying to get eye contact so he can make googley eyes.

I think not!

Oh look!

Movie time.

This sucks.

This movie is like, the ultimate cheesy horror movie.

So lame.

I'm bored.

This has gone on for ageeeessss.

Well, half an hour but same thing.

Hm…

Something in this scene is missing…

One of these things is not like the other; one of these things just doesn't belong…

Oops, wrong song.

I know!

The brat!

"Oi, oi!"

I kick Sano in the head, which bumps Megumi, who squawks and then distracts Misao and Aoshi from their face-sucking session and scares the crap out of a disgruntled Kenshin.

Chain reactions!

I love dominos.

They're great fun.

I don't really like the pizza though.

"What the hell, Kaoru?"

Clearly they can't see the humor in the situation.

"Where is Yahiko?"

Their expressions are hilarious.

But I must remain ever vigilant in my quest to find the location of my baby brother.

CONSTANT VIGILANCE!

Now I know how to scare the crap out of them again.

Whoo.

"Y-Yahiko?"

Megumi actually looks shocked.

"Is that the time?"

Misao has pointed at the clock.

"No, it's a bowl of rice. Have some."

She glares at me.

"I hope he's okay."

Some part of me knows that it's a bad thing to hope he's not.

Snotty brat will learn that way.

Everything goes silent.

In fact, why is it silent?

Oh look.

The movie is going all scary.

Oh shit.

I just remembered that I hate scary movies.

Inch closer to Kenshin…

Edge back because he noticed…

We're all transfixed on the movie.

The girl on the screen is hovering at a window.

She reaches out to touch the window, when lightning flashes.

I know what's going to happen.

Horror movies are so predictable.

I bet the chainsaw man will come in now.

And be all: I HAZ CHAINSAW WE PLAY NOW K!

And she'll be like: OH EM GEE, UR SO SCAREE WE GO NOW K!

And then it's just like: iosdfhgoh. ARGH. CHAIN SAW MAN CHASING US. Agfhdfioghdf. BOBBY IS DEAD. Alfhsioghsd. IT'S RIGHT BEHIND US. Oihgsioghdf. OMG, THIS DRESS IS SO RUINED BY LIKE, BOBBY'S BLOOD. Dfghdfoigh. HE GOT ME. gohdoghd. OH WAIT. Dioghdfiogh. HE GOT HIT BY BUS, IZ DED NOW! Dfhoidhgd. End.

See, I know all about horror movies.

Cheesy.

And why do people do the stupidest things?

Like, seriously.

If you saw a malfunctioning light behind a creepy half-closed door, you wouldn't walk into the room to meet a bloody death.

You'd get the hell out of there.

Idiots, I say, idiots!

But even if it's predictable, it's still a good excuse to jump Kenshin- I mean…

To… throw popcorn at people.

Yes…

Molest?

Haha, no, that was… a joke.

Oh shit…

Watch the movie, watch the movie…

Reaching for the window…

Reaching…

Reaching…

Reaching…

Come on, woman, it can't be that far way…

Reachingggggggg….

BANG!!

The door slams open.

I scream.

Megumi screams.

Misao screams.

Sano yells because Megumi dug her talons into his side.

Kenshin and Aoshi aren't as loud and just sit there, still.

And…

Yahiko is standing in the middle of the room, closing the door behind him with an eyebrow raised.

LITTLE BRAT SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME!

"Ano, did I come at a bad time?"

Huh?

Oh…

Shitsticks.

Kenshin is also giving me that raised eyebrow.

I let go of his shirt.

"It… was too flat. It … needed wrinkles. Yes."

I cough, moving off his lap.

Well handled, I'd say.

"… I could've come up with a better way to wrinkle clothes if you'd been that worried, Kaoru."

I hate him, I really do.

I mean.

Sexy people are just always assholes.

ASSHOLEEE.

I hope you hear me.

Go wrinkle your clothes by yourself.

… Ew.

I don't want to think about that.

Wait, did I call him sexy?

"Brat, where have you been?"

Diversionary tactics! Of Diversion!

Buahaha.

Everyone looks at him expectantly.

No one notices me edging subtly away from Kenshin.

Lalala.

I am inconspicuous…

And I have no idea what the kid is saying.

Oh shit.

Now they're looking at me again.

"…Hm?"

I hope I look like I was paying attention when in reality I wasn't and ooh look a bug.

NO.

MUST. FOCUS.

Mouth is moving but I can't hear him.

ARGH.

I'm deaf!

I've gone deaf!

I CAN'T HEAR SANO SNORE!

HALLELUJAH!

Hallelujah

Funny word.

Don't even know if I can spell it.

MOVING ON.

"So yeah, I didn't mean to be so late."

I just have to nod and look semi-serious for him to believe I was listening.

"You have no idea what I said, did you, hag?"

Caught.

HEY WHAT?

"OWW! HAG! OW-DAMMIT WOMAN, LET GO OF MY HAIR!"

My hand didn't let go; his hair let go… of his head.

"Ew. Yahiko hair."

"ARGH. NOW I HAVE A BALD SPOT!"

I burst out laughing, so did Misao.

Quiet you!

This is my gloating moment.

I inconspicuously dumped the handful of hair on Kenshin.

Lalala.

He gave me a withering look.

I totally didn't do it.

"Baldy."

"Hag."

"Brat!"

"Hag."

"Brat!"

"HAG!"

"BRAT!"

"ENOUGH!"

Holyshit.

I clung to Kenshin for fear of my eyeballs.

Megumi is mean.

And dangerous.

Not to mention hyena-like.

Probably shouldn't have mentioned that.

Nope, not by the look on her face.

I think I said that out loud.

"You did."

"… I love you?"

She cracked her knuckles.

I'M GOING TO DIE!

I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!

Well, I guess.

"You're so dramatic."

Does this mean I get to keep my eyeballs?

She glares but that's it.

WHOO YAY!

I GET TO SEE!

Ew.

I can see up Sano's nose.

It's like a jungle in there.

A jungle inhabited by giant green boogers.

Can you imagine the tribal dance?

"Kaoru? Are you even paying attention?"

"Ha… tribal dance… Say what?"

Constant vigilance, people, constant vigilance.

"I said, are you having fun sitting on Kenshin?"

"Yes."

Nyah.

Everyone is looking at me.

What'd I say?

I look down.

Why am I in Kenshin's lap again?

He's smiling at me.

OH SHIT NO.

"I MEAN. No. Nononono."

I leapt off him.

Face + floor hurtie.

Owww.

My faceeee.

My noseee.

IT'S BROKEN.

ARGH.

CALL AN AMBULANCE!

No wait.

It's okay.

Just indented with the carpet pattern.

Ew.

Liney.

"Dude, are you okay?"

"Why does everyone ask me that?"

I seriously don't understand why.

Do I look un-okay to you?

Don't answer that.

Even though you probably just did.

Who on earth am I talking to?

Moving on.

Ew, there's popcorn under the couch.

Amongst other things.

I think that's still alive.

I want to poke it.

But, it might eat me.

And I don't if anyone would believe me at the hospital.

'What happened to your hand?'

'Something under the couch ate it.'

'…Get out.'

'Kay.'

That'd go well.

"You need to clean under your couch."

Megumi looked at me.

"Duly noted. Now, stop being a scrubber and get off the floor. I don't want to have to clean them again."

How rude.

I coughed onto the floorboards to spite her.

I am not a scrubber!

"Well. I think it's about time for bed, now. That's been enough excitement for one day."

Nuuu…

I don't want to!

Actually, I lie.

I do.

Warm comfy bed, I'm coming!

"Wait."

Hold that thought, then.

"Where are we going to sleep?"

"On beds?" I can be hopeful.

"Well, someone ruined our bed."

Everyone glared at Aoshi and Misao.

Yahiko looks confused.

Shame it wasn't him who walked in on them.

That'd be funny.

But because it was me who walked in on them…

That was just wrong. Plain wrong.

I'm going to have nightmares tonight.

Bummer.

"We'll sleep there then! Night everyone!"

Misao was gone with Aoshi before we could blink.

Ew.

Megumi and Sano exchanged a look.

"Remind me to burn those sheets."

"Duly noted." I mocked.

Megumi gave me a scathing look.

"Well, Kenshin, you must stay."

Huh?

No, no, he can go.

"You can't possibly drive home at this time of night, and you've been drinking."

Spft.

So?

I don't want the damn dragon in the house.

He might not be toilet trained.

I wonder, does Sano still have that kitty litter box?

He can use that.

That way, no mess!

"Why thank-you, Megumi-san. But there couldn't possibly be any more room for me."

Good boy.

"Nonsense. The couch sleeps four. Plenty of room for you, Kaoru and Yahiko."

Couch?

I am not sleeping on a couch.

"Haha. Ha. That's funny. Now seriously, where's my bed?"

"You're sitting on it."

"… I'm family! I deserve – no, I demand a bed!"

"Tough luck, Tanuki. You would've been sharing with Misao in the other room, but since she used our bed and we have to use the spare, well…"

How dare she!

Isn't she supposed to be hospitable?

"It's okay, Kaoru, I won't bite."

Kenshin's all smiley-happy.

Wait.

HOLD UP.

I have to share a bed with… him?

Oh lord.

I'm doomed.

This so must be Karma.

Hi Karma, nice to meet you.

Now that you've bitten me on the ass, you can go now.

Argh.

On the plus side, Yahiko has to sleep on the couch/futon thing too.

He can go in between Kenshin and me!

Shame he snores.

I'll just have to smother him in his sleep.

If anyone asks in the morning, I can blame Kenshin.

Buahaha.

My brilliant plan is working out!

Insert evil hand rubbing here.

"You three go get ready for bed, I'll get Sano to set up the bed for you."

Sano blinked.

"Whoa, hold up –"

One scary glare from Megumi…

"Fine. I'll do it. Now get off so I can. Stupid…"

He trailed off, muttering.

Talking to oneself is the first sign of insanity.

Don't look at me like that.

A monologue is so not the same thing.

I mean it's not out loud for starters.

Uh-oh, better get off.

Sano looks like he means serious business.

That's right slave, make my bed, on your hands and knees!

Or couch, same thing.

--

This is bad.

I mean, really bad.

Someone snoring woke me up.

And you know what I awaken to?

A really bad situation.

Yep.

You guessed it.

I'm in-between Yahiko and Kenshin.

I assure you, when I went to sleep it was Yahiko between Kenshin and me.

I bet he had something to do with this.

Or maybe Karma just likes the taste of my ass.

Disturbing thought.

Anyway.

I need to get out of here.

But that might be a bit hard.

Kenshin is snuggled up to me.

Like.

Full on cuddle-snuggle-lovey-clingy.

His arm is around me, his nose is against my hair and his legs are tossed over mine.

And he's smiling in his sleep.

BASTARD.

Yahiko is spread-eagled out next to me, talking up more than half the space.

And there isn't much space to begin with, let me tell you.

Four people my arse.

The only reason we all fit is because we're midgets.

But that's not the point.

The point is that I'm stuck between a clingy moron and a drooling half-wit who is hogging the covers.

Help.

I don't deserve this.

Mou.

Oh no.

I heard a nose.

Ok, calm down, people, it wasn't Kenshin.

Another thump.

And a moan…

EWEWEWEW.

I'M AWAKE WHEN PEOPLE ARE HAVING SEX!

I dunno who it is either.

Damn Megumi and Misao!

Damn them!

Hm…

Shame Yahiko's in the bed.

I MEAN, NO.

I mean, shame Yahiko's in the bed on the wrong side.

Yes, yes, that's it.

So glad no one can hear my inner monologue.

How embarrassing would it be if Kenshin woke up?

I mean, I'm bright red!

I jinxed myself.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

"… Kao…ru?"

Awww.

He sounds so cute when he's sleepy.

Wait no bad.

He yawns.

"What's… wrong?"

He looks around, seemingly alert.

Well.

You see.

YOU'RE MOLESTING ME IN YOUR SLEEP!

I coughed.

He looked down.

"Oh…"

Yes, oh.

Now let go please.

"Go back to sleep, Kaoru."

Um, no.

Excuse me, mister.

"Unhand me. Before I break off your hands."

"What about my legs?"

He's grinning at me, that smug bastard!

I open my mouth to yell at him, when he frowns.

"What did I do?"

Eh?

"Wha?"

"What did I do? I mean," He saw my blank look, "Ever since I've been here you've been avoiding me or snapping at me."

Oh.

That.

I squirmed.

Then stopped because his eyes did a funny colour change.

"You're…"

How do I put this?

Not human?

Mythical? No, sounds like I'm complimenting him.

"Are you afraid of me?"

Well…

When you put it like that…

Sure.

I nodded a bit.

His eyes really are mesmerizing, have I said that?

Creepy, but mesmerizing.

"You shouldn't be afraid of me, Kaoru. I'd never hurt you."

He trailed a finger down my cheek.

Why does he have to be so damn likeable?

"How do I know that?" I snap.

No time to turn into mush at the way he says my name!

Not the time!

Prick!

He kissed me!

Rather, is kissing me.

Mmm…

He tastes nice.

I can taste the spices from dinner.

Wait.

What am I doing?

Did I just moan?

He broke it off.

Thank-god.

Any more and I would've kicked Yahiko out of the bed myself.

Stupid hormones.

"I give you my sworn oath. I never hurt what's mine."

He's giving me this really serious look.

"You don't know me. I don't know you."

Must… distract him… from his googley-eye look.

He smiles.

Bastard.

Stop enjoying this!

"Then we'll get to know each other. Everything."

Another kiss.

Dammit.

Stop.

I'm supposed to be the tough, hard to get chick.

"I have really annoying habits. You don't want to know me."

He laughed.

"Even if you kill people in your sleep, I'd still want to know you."

This can't be happening.

I mean.

HE HAS LONGER HAIR THAN I DO, FOR GODSAKE!

"What are you saying?"

I don't understand.

That's not uncommon, though.

"Will you go out with me? Be my girlfriend?"

Stupid serious look.

How can I say no?

It should be easy.

But no, it just has to be hard.

Will not say it.

NO!

YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!

NO, I SAY!

"… yes."

I glare at him.

This is my 'I hate you because you smell' face.

Even though he smells pretty.

But he doesn't need to know that.

"Good."

He smiles… and… kisses me.

Mmm…

I think I'll let myself enjoy it this one time.

"Kaoruuu, stop hogging the blankets."

Almost forgot about him.

Stupid sleep-talking brat.

--

This morning was weird.

I woke up to Yahiko screaming.

It woke me and Kenshin up with a start.

Sano came running in, butt naked, armed with a baseball bat.

Then I screamed.

Ew.

I saw Sano's dangly bits.

SO MUCH HAIR.

Gross, gross.

What is he, Italian?

I thought he was Japanese!

But now I know why Meg is with him…

Ew, I did not just think that.

Gross.

Sano saw me and Kenshin curled up in the corner of bed and smirked before realizing he was naked.

Then he ran back to grab some boxers and came back out again.

He left the baseball bat behind.

By then, Yahiko had been effectively silenced.

I punched him in the head, in other words.

Yahiko was complaining about feeling dirty because he'd been in bed with us when we were probably having sex or something.

Then he said something about us being freaks for actually doing something like that while he was sleeping.

I bashed him repeatedly over the head with the cereal box.

Kenshin was smiling the whole time.

Bastard.

It's okay though.

I put salt in his coffee instead of sugar.

Pity he didn't react much.

All he did was give a strained smile and a 'Thank-you, kitten.'

I kicked him for that.

I am not a kitten.

I am a human.

Sheesh.

Megumi looked grumpy when she came in.

I wisely didn't touch her coffee.

Well.

I offered to make her coffee but Kenshin interfered and made her one instead.

Suck-up.

Then she realized we were a thing now.

And suddenly understood Yahiko's screeching.

She gave the worst howl I had ever heard in my life.

Dude.

Not even an animal would make that sound, even if it were dying.

I didn't say that though.

Megumi in the morning is scary.

And the butcher's knife was on the table.

I can be smart, too, sometimes.

Good thing I'm not blond.

Can you get blond Asians?

I dunno.

Oh well.

Misao and Aoshi didn't get out of bed for ages.

I know, I heard them. Again.

Megumi was yelling at them when they finally stopped.

That's why Misao is now washing all the sheets and Aoshi suddenly had a meeting to go to.

It's now warm again.

Funny that, eh?

I said that to Misao and she threw a sheet at me.

I screamed and had to go have a shower because I might have gotten jizz on me.

That would have been so gross.

Sano laughed while he was eating and choked a bit.

I laughed at him choking and then ran into a wall.

His choking became worse.

Kenshin then hit him on the back and asked me if I was okay.

AS IF I WAS.

I just stalked off to the bathroom, though.

He laughed at me!

Bastard.

But that was a couple of hours ago.

Kenshin and I just got back from going out to coffee.

I now know his favourite colour, his favourite food, and his favourite scent, what he does for a living, heck I even know the list of injuries he's had.

In case you don't believe me it's purple, melon bread, ginger, a kendo instructor for his uncle's dojo and also private investigator and he's had 23 broken bones, including his leg, arm, wrist, collarbone, fingers and ribs, and had even been stabbed by a katana.

I'd always wondered where he got that scar on his cheek.

There is only one thing that I don't know about him…

"Hey, Kenshin?"

His hair waves as he moves his head to look at me.

Such pretty hair.

Almost as pretty as mine.

"Yes, Kaoru?"

"Are you a dragon?"

His eyes were wide and his mouth hung open a bit.

See.

I knew it.

He totally is a dragon.


A/N: I hope you guys enjoy it. Yep, that was the last of it. Er... I guess that's all from me, for now. Hope you've all like the utter randomness and please forgive me for taking so long with the last chapter. Writers block is a horrible, debilitating disease. Thank you all for the reviews! They're great. Keep 'em coming, folks. I might even add a sequel. XD

Signing out, for now, Trance.