Ch. 1 The Green Light
Nick was walking back from his car after his daily streaking with Myrtle when suddenly he hears a noise. Startled, he looks up at the Gatsby mansion. Jay Gatsby is standing on the roof butt naked. One hand is stretched out towards the green light, the other is massaging little Jay. Little does Gatsby know, the light is actually a UFO landing light. But anyways, that has nothing to do with the rest of the story.
Nick turns to go back inside but instead sees Jordan Baker approaching him. He tries to ignore her foolish sex drive, but her hand ends up on little Nick and he can't help it. Immediately, the two of them have sex on the ground. Suddenly, a swarm of cats erupts out of nowhere, meowing and purring. "Oh no!" cried Nick. "This always happens when I get it on with Myrtle! The cats must be a symbol of sexual activity!"
"Myrtle," replied Jordan. "Mmm, she's hot. Let's have a threesome! More cushion for the pushin!"
At this instant, the cats start to run away.
"Make that a foursome!" Gatsby said, descending down from his roof by flying. (Gatsby has magical powers.) Jordan and Nick look at each other and run into Nick's house, afraid of Gatsby.
"That was close!" Jordan said as she tried to catch her breath.
Nick looked to her and then at his unzipped pants.
"Jordan, I must tell you something." By this time, Gatsby was pole dancing on Nick's porch with one of the posts, still naked. "I'm…" Jordan looked at Nick with anticipation as Little Nick grew in length and width. Then, he whipped off his clothes displaying a super-shiny gold and silver spandex outfit. "BISEXUAL!"
"Oh no!" Exclaimed Jordan. "Not bisexual!"
With that, Nick ran onto the porch and him and Gatsby had hot and passionate sex through a hole that Nick had cut in the butt of his spandex.