Twas a tricky week for me. I got insulted by my editor. Got pink eye. Got a new job. And finally (!) a new story.

Ok this is a sequel to my other story Lizzy's Guide to Life but if you haven't read it you don't need to know much except... well actually you don't need to know anything that won't explain itself in time.

Enjoy but um try not to go into this with expectations... you will very quickly (and very soon) find them to be shattered.

Tell It Like It Is


Lizzy is still the same person as she's always been. Sure she'd tell people that she was more mature, or intelligent, or open-minded but the truth is that Lizzy Morgan now is the exact same person as the Lizzy Morgan that existed 26 years ago. What doesn't make sense is that if she's the same person as she's always been, then why does the whole city of Los Angeles suddenly love her?

The truth is very simple. Lizzy Morgan is now a name that sells.

When a person walks down the street and sees a billboard with Lizzy's picture on it, beside the jumble of characters HR99.2, they automatically know who she is. When they flip on their car radio and hear "It is now safe to turn on your radio" they automatically know the contradicting softly, crude voice of Lizzy Morgan.

Lizzy Morgan is a product and sales pitch all at once, because she sells herself. She sells her own deluded version of "the truth" and sells it well. That's why whenever they see that billboard or hear that phrase they also automatically relate Lizzy Morgan right back to her advertisers, and managers, and radio station.

That's why Lizzy Morgan has, at the young hot, age of 26, transformed herself into the hottest name on radio. That's why when her "On Air" sign in her own little studio lights up she can basically say whatever the hell she wants and the city will only love her more for it.

No one sells like Lizzy.

"It is 5:55 and you are, for some insane reason unbeknownst to me, listening to HR99.2 and me, your chemically dependant, host Lizzy Morgan. For all you lucky people out there that missed our show today you'll have to turn it back off for the remaining five minutes I have left to consume these air waves."

Lizzy leaned closer to her microphone and softened her voice a little dropping what she liked to call her "advertising voice" and spun he swivel chair quickly to count her pause. "As for the two listeners out there that are actually paying attention it is now time for me to complete my hour long brainwashing process with a very random collection of news segments.

"Amber Bedlow, the star of the hit ABC show Pleading Domestic Women, has recently been confined to bed rest for the remaining duration of her pregnancy. Hopefully with any luck the child will look nothing like her mother and spare us from having to face the fact that there are two people in this world that are that ugly. I mean honestly, who even knocked that witch up in the first place? That requires touching her slimy spawn of Satan skin. Give that poor man some sort of memory-loss disease." Lizzy briefly cast her eyes over to the viewing window on the far side of her studio and tried not to laugh as she saw her manager, Corey Webbing, banging her head viciously against the wall.

"Oh this one's random. Top record executive William Darcy," she stopped and looked down at her notes again just to check the name, she hastily had to pick back up her train of thought that had quickly left the station, "has announced his engagement to Melanie Slaide, Sparkle Publishing heiress, in a statement today. This is very exciting news to the two people in the world who actually seem to even know who Melanie Slaide and Will Darcy are." She wasn't smiling anymore as she grabbed her next announcement and tried to pretend like she wasn't one of those two people. More like two billion people, she admitted to herself. They both headed two of the most famous companies for backing every singly famous author or musician.

"Robert Desoto," she continued keeping her voice in her customary cynical tone, "has also recently announced he's putting in a bid to buy the entire country of Mexico. He wasn't told until later that Mexico is not up for sale and he is in fact the biggest idiot the world has ever seen.

"And finally, -thank god- is the oh so brilliant basketball player, Kenneth Esmond, thought he was actually smart enough, or famous enough, to smuggle two kilos of marijuana through the Miami airport. Turns out he is both an idiot and an egomaniac. Good luck with that Kenneth." She was back into her routine again from that minor throw back about the millionaires.

"Ok well, that's our show for today. I'm sorry that you were taped to a chair and forced to listen to this horrible production because if that wasn't the case you just wasted the past hour of your life.

"Alight I leave you with the amusing rhythms of Sugar Cult and the promise that I will not be on again until tomorrow at five. Alright that's it-" Lizzy spun in her chair as she heard banging on the window and saw Corey gesturing repeatedly to her mouth.

Oh right the line. Shit. She'd completely forgotten her signature phrase.

She smiled at Corey and leaned back over her mic with only one ear of her headset pressed against her ear. "Don't worry. It's is now safe to turn on your radio."

Yeah ok I'm sorry. They had to be broken up. It's Will and Lizzy! You really thought they wouldn't have fought their way out of their relationship?

Oh wow you did? Kind of naive.

Anyway... don't you want to know who Melanie is?

If you review enough, maybe I'll let you meet her by posting the first chapter.

:) I do think the record should show that I'm sorry.