Title: I'm Not That Girl

Author: FrecklesWeasley

From Book: Harry Potter

Summary: Hermione's feelings while Ron is dating Lavender (Hermione's POV)

Type: Songfic, based on the song "I'm not that girl" from Wicked

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry, Hermione, Ron, no one…zip…

I'm Not that Girl

I was standing in the common room helping Ron with his extra homework that Professor McGonnagal had given him. I put my hand over his, which was clutched to his wand, and showed him how the hand movements to the spell he was trying to accomplish were supposed to go. He nodded, my hand still on his, and our eyes met. There was silence.

Hands touch

Eyes meet

Sudden silence

Sudden heat

Hearts leap in a giddy whirl

At that moment, Lavender skipped in, and I took my hand off of Ron's.

"I'd better go." I said hurriedly, starting to gather my things. "I have an…er…extra credit essay to write for Professor Flitwick." Ron looked as though he was about to say something when Lavender came up and gave him a kiss.

He could be that boy,

But I'm not that girl

I headed straight to the library as soon as I left the common room. I had actually lied about the essay. I just couldn't bear to see Ron and Lavender together. I sat down at an empty table (almost all of them were empty; it was a Saturday) and pulled out a piece of parchment and a quill. I figured I could go ahead and start the essay that was going to be assigned next month in Astronomy. I sat there, not thinking about the essay at all. I was actually daydreaming for a few minutes about what had happened between Ron and I, but shook it off soon after. I told myself that Ron and I had no chance and that we could never be together.

Don't dream too far

Don't lose sight of who you are

Don't remember that rush of joy

He could be that boy

I'm not that girl

I looked at my blank parchment and tried to think about the essay, but soon was lost in dreamland again, thinking about what could have been if I had admitted my feelings to Ron. Then, a thought that had hit many times jumped in the way. He probably doesn't have the same feelings. If he did, then he wouldn't be with Lavender. This reality is what had kept me from telling him after he got with Lavender. (I actually was going to tell him the day that he won that Quidditch game, but I walked in the common room and he and Lavender were kissing. So, I ran off, forgetting my previous plans.)

Every so often, we long to steal

To the land of what-might-have-been

But that doesn't soften the ache we feel

When reality sets back in

I thought about Lavender and how much Ron seemed to like her. I mean, why wouldn't he? Lavender had beautiful golden hair (she had dyed it from its silky brown) with perfect legs and perfect teeth. I, on the other hand, had bushy brown hair with crooked teeth.

Blithe smile

Lithe limb

She who's winsome

She wins him

Gold hair with a gentle curl

That's the girl he chose

And heaven knows

I'm not that girl

After a long time of staring blankly at the parchment, I put it away and headed for the Astronomy Tower. I realized, once I got there, that it was nighttime. I must have been in the library for at least an hour. I set my bag down and transfigured a pebble on the floor into a chair.

I sat down and looked up at the majestic night sky. I saw the first star appear right above my head. I closed my eyes and made a wish. However, I opened my eyes quickly remembering that wishes on stars never came true. I felt foolish for trying. Wishes only got people's hopes up for the near-impossible to happen and never followed through.

Don't wish

Don't start

Wishing only wounds the heart

I wasn't born for the rose and the pearl

There's a girl I know

He loves her so

A single tear rolled silently down my cheek and splashed on the stone cold floor.

I'm not that girl