Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto!
I find myself watching him again, he's become my newest obsession, and to tell the truth, I have feelings for him so wild it scares me at times. I never felt this way around Naruto, but when I look at him, when I watch Sasuke training so intensely, the intensity takes over me too, and I can't stand it sometimes.
If someone asked me where I wanted to die, I'd tell them, I'd want to breathe my last breath in the comfort of his arms. If they asked me how I'd die, I'd reply surrounded by water, because water is so beautiful to me, and because every time I'm around Sasuke I'm suffocating. When I die, I want to drown, drown in him, and in the emotion that takes over me when I'm near him. I want to smoother myself in the dark pools of onyx that are his eyes.
I can't tell him how I feel, but every time our eyes meet, and the more we pass each other, the more I feel the emotion inside him boil over. Now as I sit here and wait for him in the forest I try and gather the courage to tell him all of this. I can hear his footsteps on the ground, they beat rhythmically to my heart that's taken to pumping practically through my chest, just as his feet are thumping on the ground, I can count it like seconds between a flash of lightning. He's come into view now; he's still sprinting, passionate as he is every time I see him. He's striving to get to something, to someone, but what… or who?
"Hi S-Sasuke kun." I say in the soft voice I hate, I want to come off strong when I speak to him, to prove to him that I am worthy of his acknowledgment.
He stops, and stares at me, the weight of his eyes on mine is too much to bear, and so I look down, until he calls for me, in his beautiful voice, the one that makes my knees weak.
"Hinata." He says, and it sends chills down my spine as I watch him approach me, transfixed by his mysterious and elusive strides. "What're you doing here, you haven't been watching me again have you?" He asks his voice firm.
I can feel myself shaking in a sudden panic, d-does he not like it when I watch him?
"Yes, S-S-Sasuke, I've b-been watching you." I stammer just to get his reaction as he steps ever closer to me.
"I see, so, why have you been watching me?" He asks, and his tone drives me off the deep end, I begin to shake some more as a smile spreads across my face.
"Because you're so strong, and you're so dedicated when you train, it… inspires me." I reply, pausing to try and find the right words.
"Is that all it does Hinata?" He breathes as he comes so close to me now I can feel his warm breath caressing the skin of my neck, "Just, inspires you?" He asks me.
"Why do you ask?" I return in a hoarse whisper.
"Because I can." He says somewhat shortly, and I smile, I can't help it.
"Sasuke, when I watch you… it makes me feel things the likes of which I've never felt before." I reply airily as I try to take all of this in, him being so close to me is like a dream I can't wake up from. This warm feeling in my stomach takes over, and my whole body flutters as he moves ever closer, I don't know how to feel as I stare once again into those strong, fierce eyes of his.
"I'm glad Hinata, because you're like no one I've ever met. You have more talent than most konouchi, you just refuse to see it, and when you want something, you aren't afraid to go after it, but you won't go over board in your search for it, unlike some. I admire that." He says, and I gasp as I feel his strong, powerful arms wrap around me and embrace me warmly.
"Sasuke, I don't understand." I whisper as we fall to our knees on the crunching leaves of the forest ground surrounding us.
"You're not the only one that likes to keep a close eye on the ones you care for." He replies, and I can feel myself blushing as he leans into me and kisses me, it feels so nice, his lips against mine, in a soft, but loving kiss.
"Sasuke." I whisper as we pull apart, and I find myself once again lost in his eyes, they've been more of a comfort to me than any of the kind words of Shino or Kiba.
He runs his fingers through my hair, he's longed to touch me as I have him, just to see if this is real, the two of us, that have never even had a family to love, or to be loved by, we need and deserve this more than anyone.
"You don't know how special you are, drives me crazy." He says, and he kisses me again, I can only imagine my expression.
"Sasuke, don't you think this happened, I don't know, a little too quickly." I pant as I struggle to stand the crunching of the leaves making him unable to hear my giggling.
"Hinata, how long have you been watching me?" He asks me seriously, and I stare at him, breath caught in my throat that I'm unable to force out, and so I can only sit and grow pale. "Hinata?" I hear him say my name. "Hinata." He says more authoritatively as he takes hold of me and shakes my shoulders. I feel so weak compared to him, something that would normally bring me down, but now, with Sasuke, it doesn't feel wrong.
"S-Sasuke." I choke out before going into a coughing fit.
I feel him lock his arms around me again, and his hand makes impact with my back hard. I gasp audibly, but don't move away, I just sit, and try to catch my breath. The ground is so cold around me, but when I try to get up my head starts spinning, it's like something's wrong, but when I fall, I fall back onto Sasuke, and everything's okay again.
"You're in so much of a hurry to leave this behind?" He asks, and I can't tell if he's hurt, or just joking, he's so unreadable to me at times it drives me insane.
"Sasuke… you're so, so different, I mean this is all so different than anything I imagined it to be like." I reply looking up at him with such sincerity it makes him do a double take.
"Is that a good thing?" He asks, seemingly apathetic.
I nod, and he helps me to my feet, I stare at him, and tears spring to my eyes as I realize what this means, that we can't do this anymore for a long time. That we'll have to wait until we can see each other, and until we can make this known. I want everything to happen now, and I hate him for making me wait because he cares too much about his stupid pride. But deep down, I know it's the right thing to, and so I kiss him one last time to keep me going, taking in his unique taste, and then, I watch him disappear, like dust in the wind.
"Sasuke." I whisper. "God damn you." I curse him, knowing all the while I should be cursing myself because I can't let him go, because I can't stop thinking about him even for a second. I slowly make my way home; the wind in my hair reminds me of his fingers as he ruffled it like the ocean breeze on the water. The smell of the autumn leaves makes me want to break down and cry. Drown myself in my tears and smoother myself in fury so that I can feel the same pain he is forced to feel so that we can become closer, and he won't be ashamed of me, and of loving me. I want to gain his respect, his trust so much it hurts.
It's times like these when I wonder if he's just attracted to me physically, but then I realize I'll never convince myself of that because he means too much to me. I just hope I'm not being naïve and that he does love me for who I am and for what I've shown him, because it's more than I've shown anyone else, including my family. I guess he thinks that's stupid, and that all of my emotions are stupid, because he never shows emotions, and he doesn't let on that he likes it when I do.
He says that he likes that I'm not too emotionally attached, does that mean that he'll hurt me, that he'll go against me, are we really even together, what is this between me and him. There's too much fire for just friendship, right?
I can only hope that what we have is more than a friendship, and that he won't betray my trust. I hope he knows I can't be hurt, and that if he goes against such a strong connection he'll kill me. I'll drown in grief and he won't be able to grab me before I hit rock bottom.
I guess I'm just being paranoid, I've never wanted anything so badly in my life, and so I just hope it'll last, I just hope it's not like compassion, it can be given but never received. I hope it's just not some silly crush to him, I hope, that someday in the distant future I'll be more than just dust in the wind to him, even if I have to be content now with knowing I may be nothing in his eyes at all.
I walk into the compound, steadying my uneven breathing as I enter my bedroom and collapse onto the bed. All I want now is to know how he feels, but until the next time he decides to come around I never can, because I know I can't be strong enough to ask him right now. But I'm gonna break away from this routine, and become a stronger person, in the hopes that maybe, just maybe, that's what Sasuke's been waiting.
Maybe this passion is the real thing, and maybe I am what he's been waiting for, maybe I am to him all he is to me, that's be perfect.
Funny word, perfect, but it fits here, because that's what he is perfect.