Date Written: July 2, 2008
Flo: Yeah, was reading some of this story and saw in the reviews "The Frog Prince" and SHAZAM! Ideas occurred.
WARNINGS! Um, some talk of sperm? Typical Flo fic, really. If you're new to this concept, then basically sarcastic humor with some dirtiness.
Hope you enjoy!
In olden times, when wishing was still of some use (Yuuko says otherwise), there lived a king whose daughters were… wait for it… all beautiful. But the youngest, and this'll surprise you, was so beautiful that the sun itself was amazed each time it shone upon her face. Obviously, the king had some absolutely amazing sperm. With their daughter as gorgeous as she was, the king and queen named her after the most beautiful flower in their garden: Sakura. Mm, smell that cliché!
Close to the king's castle was a large, dark forest where an old lime tree with spreading branches grew. Beneath the tree was a fountain. Whenever the day was hot, Sakura would run there to play, taking with her a golden ball. Over and over she threw it up and caught it, which made the king very happy because as heavy as a golden ball is, by doing such actions it really builds up the upper body strength. Of course, there is also the possibility of breaking one's fingers, which had actually happened in the past. I mean, who on earth makes a golden ball? Never the less, it was the princess' favorite toy (and she did have killer upper body strength, so everybody was happy).
One day it happened the she miscalculated where exactly the ball would land and missed. The ball rolled over the rim of the fountain, quickly sinking beneath the clouded water. Sakura was deeply saddened by this, but instead of being a complete wimp and crying, she began to make her way towards the fountain in order to figure out how deep it was and if she could swim down to get it. If not, she could probably come up with some sort of simple machine to-
"Why are you weeping king's daughter?" a voice asked. "Your tears would melt even a stone to pity."
Sakura looked around and saw a frog stretching it's thick, ugly head from the water… harsh. "That was very poetic of you!" she said. "But my golden ball/weight has gone into the fountain… and I wasn't cry-"
"Listen and do not weep," answered the frog, "I will fetch your exercise equipment, but you must promise me something in return."
"Alright, what is it that you will have, dear frog? Perhaps my pearls and jewels? Or do you want my golden crown?"
"How old are they?"
"Well, the pearls and jewels are fairly new, but the crown has been passed down from generation to generation."
"Sweet! The craftsmanship is amazing and… Um, I mean, I care nothing for wealth… no matter how ancient and cool it is… But if you will love me and let me be your companion, and sit at your table, and eat from your plate, and sleep in your little be-I MEAN, um, uh, just to sleep and that's it! They're telling me to say this, I swear!"
"… Okay, I promise!" she said. But the narrator claims that she was thinking to herself, What is this silly frog saying? Let him stay in the water with the other frogs. He can never be my companion.
Quickly, the frog swam down into the fountain and soon came back up with the ball. With a cry of delight, Sakura picked up the ball and ran off through the fore-
"Thank you, little frog! Come on, I'll take you back with me to be my companion now! You're going to love it at the castle! There's a fountain there, too, and-!"
Suddenly, the princess' caretaker, Yuuko, came running towards the princess and snatched her away from the ugly, disgusting little frog.
"Sakura, dear!" she exclaimed while reading off a hurried script. "Do not touch that frog, it could carry disease! Now come along back with me to the palace."
"But I made a promise to him that I would take him back with me to be my companion. I can't break that promise, Kurogane-san would be furious!"
Yuuko took Sakura's face in his hands and simply explained, "Sakura-chan, you're shallow in this story."
And so, the ugly, disgusting, revolting little frog was left alone in the fountain.
The next evening, the king and daughter were having a lovely dinner together.
"Where's Fai-san? I-I mean, Mother?" Sakura asked.
The king paused before saying, "Hell if I know."
It was during this normal dinner conversation that something came creeping, splish splash, splish splash, up the marble stairs. At the top, it knocked upon the door and cried, "Let me in, youngest princess. Let me in."
So she rose to see who had called her. When she opened the door, there sat the frog. She let out a squeal of delight and went to scoop up the frog, but then a conveniently placed bucket tripped her up and she, instead, ended up slamming the door.
"What the hell is going on out there?!" the king, Kurogane, yelled. "Is some giant stomping around out there, wanting to kidnap you or something?!"
Sakura chose to ignore the giant jab and answered, "Oh, no! There's a frog outside!"
"What's he want?!"
"He rescued my ball from the fountain yesterday in return that I promised to be his companion. But then Yuuko appeared and said that it was contaminated or something and that I was supposed to be shallow and-"
"What you have promised you must fulfill. Now let him in."
Sakura paused for a moment, utterly confused, but then shrugged it off as her father usually doing the exact opposite of her caretaker, no matter how strange. Plus, she wasn't complaining… even though everybody in the court said she was. So she opened the door and the frog hopped in and followed her, step by step, to her chair.
"Lift me up… please," he croaked. "I am not so large as you are… as in tall!"
"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize-"
"Damnit, I order you lift that frog onto the table!" her father suddenly yelled, scaring the crap out of the girl.
Once the frog was on the chair, he wanted to eat from her golden plate. "Push it close to me," he said, "so that we might share the food between us."
At this point, Sakura had accepted that she was to be a shallow little brat and said her lines properly. "N-No, you ugly, wart covered, digusting, slimy, revolting, vomit inducing, little frog!" (Admittedly, she went a bit too far, as the frog seemed to die a little inside.)
Fai, for some reason, was no where to be seen.
The frog and Sakura could not eat a mouthful due to them both feeling absolutely horrible, so the court's fluffy rabbit meat bun advisor gobbled it up instead. At last the frog said, "I am tired now. Carry me to your room and then we will sleep in your silken-OH MY GOD!"
Before Kurogane had a chance to yell at her again, Sakura took the frog up with two fingers and put him in the corner of her room. But as she lay in her bed, he crept up to it (with a very lovely shade of red covering him, instead of his normal green)."P-Put me on the, um, p-pillow beside y-y-y-you, or Iwilltellyourfather!" said he.
"Okay," Sakura said instead of being a little so-n'-so. She was already half asleep and not exactly aware of what was happening, you see. Thankfully, her dear father was there to correct her mistake!
"Throw him against the wall!" Kurogane shouted, right after he brutally slammed the door open.
"…What?" Sakura, now fully awake though incredibly confused, asked.
"Throw. The frog. Against. The wall. Damnit."
"ARE YOU SERIOUS?! NO! THAT'S HORRIBLE!"
"IT'S HOW THE FREAKIN' STORY GOES AND I'M DANM SICK OF THIS AND WANT TO GET IT OVER WITH ALREADY, SO DO IT!"
"I'M SORRY, BUT NO! I'M NOT GOING TO THROW HIM AGAINST ANYTHING!"
"OH YES YOU WILL, YOUNG LADY! THAT'S WHY YOU HAD THAT GOLDEN BALL TO BEGIN WITH!"
(See, I made it fit!)
"THROW THE FROG!"
It was at this point that the king forced the frog into his daughter's hand and tried to move her arm in such a way that it would hurl the frog against the wall, as the story says. It was quite an amusing image to the horrified servants who were passing by. Meanwhile, nobody could find the queen/Kurogane's boy toy.
Though Sakura hated to do this, she found that there was no other way to save her little friend. Therefore, she stomped on her father's foot with her high heel (she's royalty, they dress up everywhere). The king jumped a bit, giving the princess just enough time to scurry to the other side of the room. With the frog tucked securely in her arms, she took a deep breath to try and reason with her father (how he properly ran a kingdom when he's ordering her to abuse a frog was not the subject, mind you, even though it should be). "Well, if we're talking about being true to a story, then I think that since you weren't with Fai-san in 'Snow White,' then I should get a freebie, too!"
"I… I don't know what you're talking about…"
"Yes you do, you're blushing! Remember, the original story of Snow White is that she, er, Fai-san coughs out the apple but the Disney version has it so the prince, you, kisses her awake, which you did! So if you got your Disney experience, I want mine, too!"
"Ha! There is a huge plot hole in that, princess! There's not a Disney movie of this story!"
"Ha HA! That is where you're mistaken, Kurogane-san! Disney is actually already working on that movie! (1) So I get to have my Disney experience!"
"And if that doesn't work?"
"… Um, what doesn't work, Father?"
Now Kurogane was the confused one. "Weren't we just arguing about…? Don't you…?"
"I'm sorry, Father, but I haven't a clue what you're talking about."
"… Hell, I don't even know what to ask! I'm going to bed, screw all of this!"
As Kurogane left, Sakura smirked to herself. Really, people didn't give her enough credit when it came to craftiness. If Sakura wanted a Disney experience with her prince, then would get it, by golly! Plus, all of that time with Fai-san gave her more than just cooking experience (don't ask where the man was at the moment).
"Oh, little frog," she began, completely making up the lines as she went. "I have treated you horribly after you were so kind to me! Because of this, I apologize. Please accept this kiss from me to you."
And so the beautiful princess took the hyperventilating frog in her hands and gave it a chaste (though oddly lingering) kiss on it's little, froggie face. At that moment, he was changed from a frog and into a prince. Named Syaoran. Surprise!
He told her that only a king's youngest daughter had the power to rescue him from the fountain. Why he was cursed to begin with was never brought up.
Obviously, the two were married but it was made all the better because Sakura wasn't some spoiled brat who only fell in love with the frog once he turned into a prince. So there.
And Fai was never found.
1.) COMPLETELY TRUE! It's going to be in 2D and have the first Disney black princess (I've seen pictures of her and she's GORGEOUS!) and it comes out summer of 2009 and I CAN'T WAIT THAT LONG!! DDDDDX
2.) (side note) I don't think that Sakura is as innocent as the fandom sometimes makes her out to be. Though, I DID go a bit extreme here... It was fun!
A/N: So yeah… The Frog Prince. There was also some meaningless crap about the prince's servant, Faithful Henry, but it was so pointless, I don't know why it was in there. Oh, and I'm working on other updates, too, so don't worry! Info's on my profile if you're desperate.
You know what to do!
Please leave a review!
As always, CONSTUCTIVE criticism and IDEAS are welcomed with Fai's location!