– Sara's P.O.V – (You're not losing anyone)
I've been parked outside where Sofia lives for around forty five minuets now knowing that there is no hope in her answering any calls. I decided that, all I could do now was sit and wait. My head was pounding – my eyes aching – the shift taking full affect. I lent my head against my hand, my arm lent on the open window. The Vegas heat wasn't helping but I was beyond caring – I'd sit and endure the heat if it meant I could fix what I'd wrecked with Sofia. I always seem to do it though, when everything's going great between the two of us I'll say or do something to push her away. I know I keep hurting her and I wish I didn't. I wish I didn't push and push at her because I know, one time I'm going to push that bit too far and she's not going to come back. I had the AC still running though it wasn't helping much – looking at the clock on the dash I decided it shouldn't be too long till she gets back – then I can attempt to make everything right between us.
Looking at my cell I was hoping she'd called, or text - but knew she hasn't. With a deep sigh I set it down on the chair next to me then started to think about what it was I'd done. I am beyond scared of loving the woman, but that's too late to worry about know because I'm so much in love with her that at times it hurts. Sofia had this way about her – a strange way that pulls me in and has a crazy effect on everything that I do, or think. There was a time, when I lived totally for the job, for the thrill of solving a case. Now, life's so different – I live to love Sofia Curtis – and before we were together I'd never imagine myself saying that, or thinking that, or doing just that – loving her.
I closed my eyes trying to stop the pain that settled behind them – already having popped two aspirin. I let the soft cooling air filter through and cool my body. Images and memories overtaking me:
She walked into the kitchen, her arms wrapped protectively around her front as she pace without aim, not knowing what she should do – how she should even begin to make this okay. She tried taking deep breaths – slow, deep breaths but it wasn't helping. It was then that she hared the soft caring voice of the lover who had been the only thing keeping her sane over the last hour.
"Hun, are you okay?"
"Okay! Do I look okay?" Sara barked lowly as she turned to face the other woman. The blond detective who she wanted so much to lean against and just cry – "What the hell happened to her?" the brunette demanded.
Sofia moved form the doorway forward, heading towards her girlfriend. She placed her hands on Sara's waist though the brunette did try to pull away Sofia refused to let that happen. "Baby…she's fine." The officer then caught the CSI looking at the blood covered white shirt she was wearing. "This isn't hers… I promise…" and it wasn't the sisters blood – it was the blood of the guy who she'd been scrapping with.
Sara just closed her eyes, taking a slow breath she could stay strong and angry anymore. Her resolve faded. Leaning forward she placed her head on Sofia's shoulder. Placed her arms around the bond's waist and let out a shaky breath. "What am I doing?"
"Sar…Baby calm down!" Sofia attempted wanting to calm Sara in a way that would least anger her.
"That's my baby sister … I should be looking out for her not…letting… letting that happen to her" Sara explained weakly. Sofia just tried to calm the other woman by running her hand slowly up and down her lovers back. "…everyone I love gets hurt… and I lose them." Sara was crying softly now into the blond's neck – "I can't lose anyone else!" She explained holding tightly onto the other woman.
"You're not losing anyone baby…"
I wish that I could believe her because right now, sitting here, I feel like I've lost her. I've lost Sofia because I'm so god damn stupid – she'd put herself, and her job on the line to save my sister and all I could do was throw it back in her face. Act like it meant nothing to me when in fact it meant the world. It meant so much knowing that there was someone in my life who cared – cared about how I felt and what happened to me. I hadn't ever had that, not to this extent.
The cell to my right now rang, and I reached across grabbing hold of it. Looking at the screen I was hoping it was her – but I was wrong. It was Grissom – and this caused me to sigh again – I'd forgotten I was on call. I moved my head forward and rested it on the steering wheel, defeat all I could muster as I flipped it open and responded. "Sidle"
"Sara, I need you to come in. We have a big one up!" I can't help but notice how much that he hates the small pleasantries. "I'm down in West Vegas – I've had to call in Catherine as well!"
Great, not only covering a day shift but working with Catherine Willows. At the best of times we clashed and I usually forced us into an argument – but in this mood god knows what'll happen. "What's happened?" I asked.
"I don't know… I just got the call. It's pretty bad I've been told – Brass wants us on it - there's an Officer down, K.I.A. (killed in action)."