Disclaimer: No, I don't own Pokemon, but I have something better: A PIECE OF STRING!

TEAM ROCKET JUMPS OUT OF THE SHADOWS! But they're in disguise, and by disguise, I mean wearing clothes they don't normally wear! Of course, the stupid retards that we have to call our heroes are totally fooled by Team Rocket's transparent attempt. Unfortunately, someone mentions the word "trouble" and, being as brilliant as they are in the art of being inconspicuous, they enter into their idiotic motto that goes a little something like this:

"Prepare for trouble!" Jessie begins.

"I have caveman stubble!" continues James.

"To protect the world from devastation."

"To inquire embarrassingly about masturbation."

"To denounce the evils of truth and love."

"Doctors like to assault you with a glove."



"Team Rocket blast off at the speed of light."

"This motto sucks with all of its might!"

"Meowth, I concur!" Meowth jumps up like a stubborn pimple and ends the speech thunderously.

Ash says "TEEM RAWKIT?", as if he's surprised they showed up again to catch his Pikachu even though he's probably seen them more than his own mother at this point, and the battle begins. And, by battle, I mean both groups shouting commands to their pokemon and watching them do it to each other (oh get your minds out of the gutter please). At last, after twelve long seconds, Team Rocket's girly pokemon lose and they resort to a huge machine that is shock proof, fire proof, water proof, and most importantly since this is a world full of various untamed creatures, piss proof. They believe they are triumphant, but they aren't. Not even by a long shot. Want to know why?

Because Ash and his friends are sweet, innocent, lovely, friendly, caring and helpful, goddamnit. But, most importantly, they are the main characters and, you better believe it, they can get out of any ridiculous situation. No matter how hopeless it would be in reality, it's a piece of cake in the pokemon world. Whereas Team Rocket are cheap, lying, no good, rotten, four flushing (whatever that even means), dirty, evil, kitten killing, baby choking, racist, scoundrel, Scrooges who could honestly care less about saving anybody. They will fail at life, and will more than likely spend the rest of their lives writing for some stupid fanfiction website. Of course they'll lose. It's in their nature- in their instinct- to do so. Villains of their status, in a similar manner to Emperor Pilaf from Dragonball, have a way of snatching defeat from the jaws of victory that is consistently impressive to the discerning spectator. Again, I digress.

Okay, let's recap. Ass Ketchup and his three-ring circus are getting royally pounded and Team Rocket are the poundees. They are getting pounded beyond most peoples' ability to comprehend with all of the Dragonball Z footage in the known universe. I mean, pounded worse than the COMMUNIST who played the AMERICAN in chess so many decades ago. 'Dem communis' are everwhar! The battle wages on and on and on and on (these things take time), and it quickly becomes apparent that there is no way, NO WAY. NO. EFFING. WAY, that Ash and Co. are going to win, because Team Rocket will not go more than about five or ten or two seconds without reminding the denial ridden Ash group and their barely standing Pokemon that is completely, utterly, and obviously hopeless, and they should just give up any dreams of winning and should give up all of their pokemon and go to the small shitter of a village known as Pallet Town and live out the rest of their worthless, meaningless twerp lives as factory workers making 12 bucks a week and not even owning a toilet. But they won't because, aside from all the reasons that I have already listed above, they are totally stupid as hell, as Meatwad would so eloquently put it.

So, at this point, the good guys have pretty much used each of their Pokemon at least four times, but they still aren't admitting defeat. Because, really, where would the show go after that? No where. It would end up in TV hell like Robot Jones and The Showbiz Show. But, I digress. Now, at last, Team Rocket have beat down the good guys so badly that they are finally starting to feel like it might actually not work out. There is a glimmer of not-hope in their boundless enthusiasm. But, then Duncan with her half dead, half dying pokemon shows up, declaring that her precious fluffy kins is going to single handedly destroy a piece of state of the art anti-Pokemon technology being operated by two dangerous, if totally fucking stupid, criminals.

This is too much stupidity for even our heroes to take. They ask her if she is crazy, and she responds with "Why, of course I am, my dad named me Duncan, for God's sake! But I want to help!" Before the Stupids (both of the groups) can respond, Duncan's pokemon experiences a powerful surge of strength and does, what I can estimate, is the equivalent of "ATOMIC BOMB PUNCH" and completely totals Team Rocket's gadget, making them blast off. Then they say their goodbyes and Ash and Co. are back on the road again. They all live happily ever after, Osama Bin Laden is arrested, and unicorns are found!

Not the ending you wanted to see? Me neither, but it had to be done. I'm a realist, folks, I'm not a wish granter. If I could have had my way, these guys would have all been taken out in a freak nuclear explosion in the height of the battle just because I know the comedic timing would have caused riots in the streets by disgruntled Pokemon fan boys.