Author's Notes: JOYOUS EVENT! Aqua's not dead! Rejoice! Sorry everyone for the late post. My Senior year at high school is very unforgiving. I HAVE NO LIFE!!!!!!!!!! But I promise to post more. To all my loyal readers: You guys rock my socks. Thank you for staying with me. I PROMISE PROMISE PROMISE!! to finish the Unlikely trilogy. Swear it (but it isn't polite to swear)
Disclaimer: I do not own the lyrics to "My Humps"
"Fate is a cruel mistress… That's why I've renamed her Scotland's Pride."
Epilogue: The New Course
Zim stared up at the screen, his eyes wide with disbelief, positive that he was dreaming. "I thought you were lost in space."
"Yeah…" Skoodge said with a casual nod.
"I ma listen to ma FA-vorite song," GIR chirped to no one in particular and clicked on the ship's radio.
"So where have you been?" Zim demanded.
"Well, first I-"
"WHO'S THAT?! HUH HUH?" Shloonktapooxis asked, floating up into Lard Nar's chair and bending down so his face was less than an inch from the tiny Vortian's.
"How would I know," Lard Nar snapped in reply. "ZIM! Who is that?!"
"He's a friend, and a rebel like me," Zim replied curtly. "Skoodge, I don't hear a story."
"Oh, right. So anyways, we were flying through space at warp speed, when suddenly-"
you gon' do with all that junk?
All that junk inside your trunk?"
"I'ma get, get, get, get, you drunk, Get you love drunk off my hump!" GIR sang along, the sheer volume of the music making it impossible to hear Skoodge's story.
"GIR! TURN THAT NOISE OFF!" Zim demanded, pointing a very threatening finger at the screen.
GIR continued to dance.
hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,
My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely little lumps (Check it out)"
"Oh, yeah," Spleenk cheered. Several Resisty members backed away as the rhythm-deficient alien tried to dance. "Here's a song I can dance to!"
"Is that what you call it?" Lard Nar asked sarcastically.
"WHOO!" Shloonktapooxis cheered and began to "dance" as well. In Lard Nar's lap, more or less.
"Get off me, you idiot!"
"GIR! I SAID TURN OFF THAT MUSIC!!" Zim repeated, snarling.
drive these brothers crazy,
I do it on the daily,
They treat me really nicely,
They buy me all these ices."
"Wooo! This song's bangin'!" GIR cheered as he made pelvic thrusts at Mini-Moose, who squeaked in protest.
"I'll say," smiled Spleenk, before all four of his limbs flipped out from under him.
"GIR… I'm going to count to three, and if that noise isn't gone by then, I'm going to order you to self destruct," Zim stated as calmly as he could manage, considering how much rage he was holding back. "One…"
Fendi and NaDonna
Karan, they be sharin'
All their money got me wearin' fly"
I ain't askin,
They say they love my ass 'n,
Seven Jeans, True Religion's,
I say no, but they keep givin'"
Skoodge finally managed to locate the knob that controlled volume and lower it so it was barely audible. Zim gave a sigh of relief now that his antennas were no longer being assaulted. GIR continued to dance, oblivious of how close he had come to his demise.
"Thank you, Skoodge. Now, can you tell me what-"
"Hey, Gaz, how are ya?" Skoodge asked.
"Huh?" Zim wheeled around and looked at Gaz. She had been standing right behind him, but he had managed to forget that she was there for a moment.
Gaz looked up on screen. "Fine… Why?"
"Oh, I just noticed that you gained weight…"
Gaz's jaw fell open. It took her a minute to gather her hatred into coherent thoughts, but once she was able to construct sentences, she let them rip. "I DON'T THINK YOU'RE THE ONE TO TALK, CHUNKY! I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT I'M-"
got me spending.
(Oh) Spendin' all your money on me and spending time on me."
"GIR!!" Zim screeched and covered his antenna. Gaz grabbed him by his shirt collar and yanked him so that they were face to face. Zim had forgotten how inhumanly scary Gaz can be when she's royally pissed off.
"You never told Skoodge that we were having a child together?" she whispered fiercely through grit teeth.
"I never had time?" Zim offered lamely.
Gaz sighed and released him.
you gon' do with all that junk?
All that junk inside that trunk?
"GIR, you need to turn that down, okay. Zim's kinda hacked at you at the moment, and if he makes you self-destruct inside the ship, then Mini-Moose and I will be caught in the blast," Skoodge pleaded calmly.
But GIR was beyond reason.
"Get you love drunk off my hump," the little bot sung along.
Mini-Moose, being the only one out of the three with any sense at all, decided to turn off the radio.
"Thank you, Mini-Moose," Zim praised.
The little moose squeaked in reply.
"Now, Skoodge, tell me: WHERE IN THE NAME OF IRK HAVE YOU BEEN?!"
Gaz hissed in pain. "That's my ear, you idiot."
Zim flinched and shot her an apologetic smile. She rolled her eyes and looked away. 'Who knows? Maybe it would kill him to say "I'm sorry"…'
"Well, after GIR turned on the warp-drive we-"
"I KNOW!" Lard Nar interrupted. "Let's continue the conversation in here, so there will be no more interruptions."
"Like how you interrupted him just now?" Gaz asked sarcastically, but not so loud that anyone but Zim would hear her. He chuckled softly.
"-And after we managed to escape the mutant, baby ghost-wombats we found GIR. So, after I used the orb of infinite power to start the ship, we used the warp drive and ended up in the same galaxy as you, Zim. Funny thing is, the orb doesn't work any more… I guess it didn't have infinite power after all," Skoodge concluded.
Gaz rolled her eyes, and elbowed Zim awake. He grumbled and straightened up.
"Anything interesting?" he asked softly.
"Not really, but don't be surprised if he's afraid to eat bacon."
Just then, GIR popped into Gaz's lap. "Awww," he cooed at her tummy. "HI, BABY!" the little robot shrieked and sent Gaz's unborn baby into a fit of kicks. A strange mixture of loathing, wonder, excitement, resentment, and undying affection attacked Gaz at once. She felt she might burst from the title wave of emotions; they were far beyond anything she's allowed herself to experience at one time. Something had to be done before she exploded: she took the resentment and loathing out on GIR.
Zim jumped in his seat when Gaz suddenly roared and slapped GIR off of her lap. Once he was on the floor, Gaz unleashed the longest slew of swear words Zim had ever heard to date. Zim never even knew some of these words existed, but he was infinitely grateful that they weren't being used on him. Irk knew he deserved it.
There was a tap on his shoulder. "Hey, Zim… Got a moment?"
Skoodge. Zim sighed, wanting to make some sort of sarcastic remark, but didn't. Without saying a word, he left with Skoodge.
The two now stood just barely in the hallway to the sleeping chambers. The door to the Command room was right behind them, and Gaz's swearing could still be clearly heard, though not as clearly understood. Zim noticed Skoodge gawking at him.
"What?" he asked, a bit annoyed.
"Jeez, Zim… You've grown. If we weren't forever banished from our Empire, I think that you would be Tallest."
The words cut deeper than any of Zim's claws. To be Tallest was something that he had wanted since birth. He had always felt that it was his destiny, but fate had been cruel. Now, because of the path his life took, he would never realize his greatest dream.
"What do you want, Skoodge?" he asked bitterly.
"Oh, right!" Skoodge said absently, not even registering Zim's anger. He dug around in his back pocket for a second before bringing out a disk.
One of Zim's antenna rose in interest. "What is it?" he asked. 'It looks so familiar…'
"It's the disk with the Meekrob's message on it – fully decoded. It was my job to bring the disk to the Tallest, but I left with you before I did… Oops…"
"Not oops! Skoodge! Do you know what this means?!" Zim asked, excitedly snatching the disk from Skoodge's hands.
"We're in Slorbeese secretions up to our eyes if the Tallest catch us?" Skoodge offered.
"NO!" Zim then dropped his voice to a whisper. "We're the only ones in the Universe who have the Meekrob's transmission! Have you listened to it yet?"
"Only a bazillion times. I have it memorized…"
Skoodge was silent.
"Oh, right…Deep in the south is where you'll find, the power for all your dreams to be, that is of course if you provide, the all important key,If power is yours desired, then a sacrifice you'll make, but the decision is yours to choose, your one true love is what it takes."
"What on Irk does that mean?" Zim asked and then swore in his native tongue.
"Well, I'm pretty sure it means that the Meekrob will give you what you want if you kill the one you love the most," Skoodge explained.
Zim was silent. Everything was silent. Eerily silent. Gaz's rant had finally ended. Zim, deeply lost in his own thoughts, left to join his mate.
Now that the resentment and loathing were thoroughly taken care of, Gaz was left to express her remaining feelings of wonder, excitement, and undying affection. She put a hand to where her baby continued to kick. It wasn't even two weeks ago that she felt the baby kick for the first time, and now she could feel the strength of the kicks under her palm. Her baby is strong, she realized, like herself…
… And the father.
'How is it possible that I love you so much when you haven't even been born yet?' Gaz internally asked her child, who responded with a fast kick. She smiled. For once she was happy. Very happy. She loved their child, and she loved Zim for his part in making their child. Which is why she smiled at him when he came in to join her.
Zim sat down by her in a daze. Even a direct smile didn't shock him out of it. Her smile faltered. "Hey, Zim?"
That did it. He looked right at her.
"Where'd ya go?" she asked.
Zim shrugged and looked her over. It made her feel uncomfortable. It was something about his gaze that made her feel like he was sizing her up. For what, she didn't know. To distract herself, she took his hand and placed it where hers had been.
Zim wasn't paying attention to her, or the baby. Inside his brain raged with a storm of emotions and plans.
'Tallest? Didn't he say that I could be Tallest? All I've ever dreamed could come true! But Gaz? What about Gaz? she'd be dead! So what? I'd have everything I've ever wanted. The smeet? Who cares? I don't. I never wanted a smeet.' Zim's insides twisted with conflicting emotions on the last thought. 'If I'm Tallest, I'll take a female. One of my own species. We'll have smeets. Gaz'll be a bad memory.'
Zim looked at Gaz; really looked at her and considered his options further. 'I could stay. We'd have our smeet. Take care of each other… she said she loves me…
'But humans LIE! What if she's lying to me!? And what if she takes my smeet and leaves me? What if she still hates me? No, I won't give her the chance…'
"I love you, Zim."
"I love you too, Gaz. You're my one true love."
Author's Notes: I'm such a meanie-hole. Making you wait forever only to leave off on another cliff hanger. So sorry. Guess you'll have to catch the rest in "UNLIKELY SACRAFICE"!!!!!!! LOLz. Now to thank all the insane people who read my crap…
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That's 75 reviewers by my count. Hope to see you all at the next story.