Disclaimer: I don't own any part of the Harry Potter franchise.


This is a story about a man named Draco Malfoy and his hat.

Draco Malfoy was a very organized man, and he lived his life according to his wristwatch. He never said much. More often than not, he kept to himself.

He felt it was a very efficient way to live.

Every day for 9.7 years, Draco Malfoy woke at exactly 7:15 AM. He traveled the approximately thirteen steps from his bed to his private bathroom, where he showered for seven minutes and brushed his teeth with a plain white toothbrush. He allowed three minutes and forty-five seconds for his breakfast, which consisted of sugared porridge on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, and of eggs and sausage on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays. On Sundays, Draco Malfoy did not eat breakfast, because he slept until 9:37 AM, he was never hungry until 12:09 PM, and he considered it a waste of food to eat when one was not hungry.

Draco Malfoy was twenty-nine years old, and he lived alone in a house containing 138,000 square feet of floorspace, seventy rooms, and thirty-one house elves. He owned twenty-five suits, thirty-six pairs of shoes, and thirteen hats. The hat that is especially important to this story was his favorite, a black borsalino that he favored because he thought it made him look forbidding and unapproachable. Each morning Draco Malfoy counted the seconds it took him to apparate to the Ministry of Magic—three—and counted the marble tiles in the lobby of the building—three hundred and fifty-five. He rode the lift six floors to his 95-square-foot office, where he spent the day filling out 7.5 official "Illegal Instance of Magic" packets.

For 9.7 years, Draco Malfoy returned to his house at 5:38 PM and ate supper thirty minutes later. He read approximately three books per week and spent the 3.8 hours after his supper reading the book of his choice. He then walked the grounds of his house—800 acres—for fifty-three minutes He retired without fail at 10:30 PM.

Another thing besides the black borsalino that is especially important to this story is that Draco Malfoy liked numbers.


It was because Draco liked numbers that on a particular day he remembered the same day ten years before. Other people remembered this day, to be sure. It was mentioned many times in the periodical that Draco spent 2.4 minutes skimming every day, and he could not help but notice the decorations adorning the hallway outside his office. In fact, he could not help but notice that there were not many people at work at all.

But Draco remembered this particular day for a reason different than everyone else.

Everyone else remembered this day because ten years before, at approximately 8:43 PM, a boy named Harry Potter killed a man named Tom Riddle. Draco remembered this day because, fifteen minutes after the death of Tom Riddle, a man named Lucius Malfoy killed a girl named Ginny Weasley precisely four seconds before a killing curse from the wand of a boy named Ron Weasley struck him in the chest.

It was because Draco liked numbers that he remembered this, and it was because he remembered this that he did not retire at 10:30 PM. Instead, Draco found himself at a bar at 8:58 PM, exactly ten years after the death of Lucius Malfoy, swallowing his seventh shot of firewhiskey. And it was because Draco swallowed a total of nine shots that night that he left his wand sitting on the table of the bar and retired sometime after eleven none the wiser.


Draco awoke the next morning at 9:07 AM, and cursed when he realized that he was late for work. As he showered for 3.2 minutes, he calculated quickly that due to his lateness he would only complete 6.4 "Illegal Instance of Magic" packets today, putting him behind schedule. Draco did not like to be behind schedule.

But Draco understood that he would be put even further behind schedule when he reached for his wand and it was not there. He remembered vaguely that he had his wand at the bar the night before. Draco did not keep a supply of floo powder, so he concluded that he had no choice but to walk the 2.6 miles to the bar to retrieve his wand.

So far, this story has sorely neglected Draco's hat, and Draco's hat was rather fed up about this. And so, as Draco was walking down a street filled with muggles and muggle cars, his hat saw the perfect opportunity to make its frustration known.

A wind with a speed of approximately fifteen miles per hour approached from the west, and Draco's hat decided at that moment to leave the head of its owner and soar as best it could to the other side of the street. Draco, naturally, chased after his hat—it was his favorite, after all—and narrowly missed several speeding cars in the process.

But Draco's hat had found an unexpected new owner, at least for the moment.

Draco saw a woman that he had not expected to see stoop to pick up his favorite hat, looking up as she held the brim between her small hands for its owner. Draco stopped chasing his hat. He entirely intended to turn around and forget his favorite hat, but instead Draco did something unexpected for the first time in 9.7 years.

"What are you doing here?" he said, wondering instantly why he had opened his mouth because he was sure that he never did anything unexpected.

Draco saw the eyes of the woman named Hermione Granger widen one-eighth of an inch as she looked at him. He rather thought she wished that she had never picked up his favorite hat.

He had not seen her in nearly ten years.

"I was looking for you, actually. I was just on my way to your house," she said as she gave him his hat.

Draco was surprised by this. "Why?"

"I wanted to give you this." Miss Granger handed Draco an envelope.

"What is it?" he asked.

She seemed to hesitate, like she was searching for the right words. "There are two letters inside."

Draco was beginning to become annoyed with her. She was making him more behind schedule than he already was, and he was impatient to find his wand and make his way to the ministry. "Letters to whom?" he asked as he glanced at his wristwatch. It was now 9:52 AM.

"Letters to you, from Harry and Ron."

This made Draco temporarily forget about the time and the fact that he was now nearly two hours late to work. He had absolutely no idea why Ron Weasley and Harry Potter would have written him letters. She must have seen this on his face, and hurried to explain.

"It's been ten years. I think they've finally come to terms with Ginny's death. I think they wanted to apologize. They were afraid you'd hex them if they tried to find you, so they gave them to me," she said.


Miss Granger looked at him strangely.

Draco slipped the envelope in his jacket. "I must be going," he said, and began to continue on his way. He had taken precisely five steps before he heard Miss Granger again.

"That's it?"

Sighing, Draco turned around. "What do you mean?"

"You don't speak to anyone from the war for ten years, and that's all I get? 'I must be going?'" She had her hands on her hips, and for some reason Draco found her stance very familiar. "After the war you disappeared for three months when everyone else was celebrating. Once you came back you didn't talk to anyone. What happened? Everyone tried to get you to communicate but no sane person was going to keep at it forever!"

"3.6 months," said Draco. Miss Granger was making his head hurt.

She stared at him. "What?" she asked quietly.

"I was gone for 3.6 months."

"What!? Fucking hell, Malfoy!"

When she didn't say anything more, Draco turned slowly and began to walk towards the bar. It was now 9:56 AM, and he knew that because of Miss Granger's interference he would only complete 6.2 "Illegal Instance of Magic" packets.

"Where are you going?" She was walking beside him, taking 1.4 steps for every one of his own.

"To a bar down the street to pick up my wand, and then to work."

"I work at the Ministry, too. I'll walk with you."

"That's not necessary."

"Shut up. I'm walking with you."

And she did.

Draco Malfoy's hat was satisfied.


Author's Note: A bit different, no? I got distracted in the middle of writing "Green-Lit Rooms" by Stranger Than Fiction. Part of the tone and the opening lines are inspired by the movie. Other than that, the plot's all mine. This story will only have two or three parts, and I should be able to get them up pretty quickly.

Hope you enjoyed it!