persists, please see your doctor.
The True Bounty Of Yoshimo
Whereas he thought it would be stifling darkness, instead it came to
light; blinding light, and he could see nothing. If he still had eyes
to see with, that is. He was not sure of anything any more, except of
what he wanted; peace.
Child, a voice chimed, and it was a million different voices all at
once yet one voice, beautiful and sweet yet powerful and dominating,
female yet male. Child, Yoshimo.
"Where am I?" He started at the sound of his own voice, then swallowed
and swallowed again, for there was nothing there to swallow. He was as
ethereal as an air elemental, and it was highly unsettling. "Yes - where
You are here to be judged, he was told. Judged and passed sentence
Immediately it was as if he was turned inside-out, his soul laid bare,
everything able to be seen and pored over, all impurities to be
scrutinied. It was both a refreshing and a disturbing experience, but
he felt relief; it was out of his hands, now.
Ah, the voice said after a while. I see.
Yoshimo stood quietly. If he could, he would have fidgeted.
There is just one question now, Yoshimo.
Inwardly he broke out into a sweat, because in reality he had no glands
or pores. They already knew the answer to the question, so that made it
easier; but not much. He flung himself forward and sobbed.
"They promised me the underwear, I made a bargain with a devil Irenicus
- all for my own base wants and needs. It consumed me, inside and out!"
"All I could think about was Aerie's +2 good-aligned panties, or
Anomen's Loincloth of Frost Giant Strength! When I closed my eyes, all
I could see were Minsc's Lightning-Resistant Boo-Patterned breeches!
They promised me all of it, all of it would be mine - how could I
refuse? And as special privelege, I could have Bodhi's... oh, Gods."
Yoshimo smiled at the thought, even as he pleaded for his soul. "They
set your charisma twenty points up, and I cared nothing for the fact
that they were cursed!"
"Oh, for Viconia's lovely drow chainmail wrap; I would take it a
thousand times even if it would turn to dust upon daylight! And even
Jan's Super Flexible Undead Repelling shorts had a charm of their own,
but... but they closed my soul and the deal with their promise of..."
His voice stopped as he gave a little sob. "... The Bhaalspawn's class
2 reflective Charm Person Once A Day monk-only asbestos-reinforced
panties with t-the pit fiend desiiign!"
He could not go on for the shame and remembrance, curling up in a
foetal position before The Judge.
Lathander stared, and took quite a long time to gain back It's train of
thought, and made a decision hastily. There were many people to see,
even if it was a God.
Ah... er... Child! The decision has been made!
Yoshimo rubbed his eyes blearily and looked up.
Within the blinding light a gateway opened, and Yoshimo fell through.
He landed soft, looked up at an azure-blue sky and a cheerful sun,
with the smell of petals on the wind, and of soap-powder, and -
He was lying on an enormous mountain of underwear.
Take your reward, Yoshimo, indulge in Paradise.
Next. (Geez, these people get worse every time.)
Yoshimo's delighted squeal could be heard in over forty heavens.