A/N: I published a story before this, but stupid me, I had to experiment with some buttons and ended up deleting it. If I wasn't the lazy ass that I am, I would start over. Instead, I decided to go on with a different story and a whole new plot. I don't think this is very original. You know? Your typical 'genie in a bottle' story. But at least it's something. I just hope it doesn't bore you.
Be My Genie
by: Mediarite Flow
(Sasuke's Excellent Point of View)
"Sasuke, you're being promoted again." Kakashi, another coworker from Hokage Incorporate told me as he passed by and went his way towards who knows where.
As many of you know, my name is Sasuke Uchiha. What am I saying? Of course you know me. Everyone does. Not that I'm trying to be arrogant. It's just a well known fact. I know I'm a better employee than more than half of the poeple who work here, but for some reason, I'd rather stay in my current position then anywhere else.
My life is what they call 'perfect'. I have people look up to me, girls fawn over me, and respect from almost everyone who has ever had the honor of being introduced to me.
Er, except for Naruto. I don't know. I think he's retarded.
"What the hell happened to you yesterday! You were supposed to cover for me!" he reminded me for the hundredth time today. He is quite annoying to have around.
"It's not any of my business that you skipped work to enter some stupid ramen eating contest." My narrowing eyes burned through his abnormally thick head.
"It was my life passion."
"And now your life passion is trying to convince Tsunade not to fire you."
Naruto Uzumaki. Not the brightest, not the coolest, not even the most attractive guy you'll see around here. But there's one thing that I will assure you, he has the biggest heart. It's hard to ignore the presence of Naruto. He's loud, annoying and doesn't have a clue.
I suppose that's why Tsunade favors him out of all her employees in the business.
"Because of you, I will have no life." he crossed his arms.
"You and I both know you had no life to begin with." I made my last comment of the day, or tried to. "If you don't mind, I'm gone." I told him, leaving him in the dust. He snorted and didn't even bother to irritate the life out of me like he usually did.
Something was up.
"Um, Sasuke, I have bad news." the nervousness in this voice was so compelling, I knew it had to be something horrible.
God, this guy was slow.
"Tsunade wants you to take a vacation...," he sighed.
I paused for a short while. "Forever?"
"No, bastard. Just for three days!" he rolled his eyes.
I inwardly sighed of relief. "I don't want one."
Naruto seemed to think otherwise. He always does. "You know, I kinda agree with the old lady. You haven't had a break since you started working here. You need a vacation sometime, Sasuke."
"Sure, I'll have a vacation." I shrugged. Naruto waited for a response, because even he knew I had one coming. "When I'm retired." I attempted to walk away.
The man-child simply groaned. "Come on! I'll take one with you! Maybe we can go on a road trip?" he grinned slyly. From the look on his face, he's probably waited a long time to say that.
"What about Hinata? She's pregnant, isn't she?" I couldn't really care less.
"Yeah, she is. But even I need a break from her crazy mood swings." Could've sworn I saw him shudder. Hard to believe innocent Hinata could cause a grown man to react that way.
Then I looked at Naruto.
Maybe it isn't that hard. "I'm not taking a vacation." I said for the very last time. Hopefully he'll understand that.
Silly me, this is NARUTO we're talking about.
"Oh, come on, bastard. This is the only time I'll ever have a vacation in a long time!" he whined like the baby he is.
He's a liar because we ALL know he takes a vacation almost everyday.
"In order to take a vacation you'll need a job." I rolled my eyes.
"I'm not going to get fired, Sasuke."
"Yeah, too bad."
That was the last conversation we had today, but tomorrow's another day. Dammit, tomorrow's another day...
"Fine." I muttered bitterly.
Naruto raised a curious eyebrow.
"I'll take a vacation." The hesitation in my voice was so clear, even Naruto caught on.
"Are you sure-"
Blue eyes beamed with excitement. There's never a dull moment in Naruto Uzumaki's life. "GREAT! Trust me, Sasuke. You won't regret."
"I already am."
He didn't hear a word I said due to his blind happiness to take a break from his wife's mood swings. Thankfully, I will never have to experience that because I will never get married. The fact is, I am incapable of loving.
I will never love and that's the way I like it.
Watching Naruto giggle everytime we hit a mile wasn't exactly what I call 'exciting'. He thought it was though. I thought this was stupid. "Where are we going, brain dead idiot?" I asked in the nicest way that I could.
He simply snorted. "None of your business."
I frowned. "My car, my business."
Naruto paused. Finally looks like he noticed that he was in fact driving MY car. Judging by the look on his face, he thought this was all his. "Oh." he shrugged. "I don't know. I'm just driving around."
"Ok, let's go home."
"You're so boring, Sasuke! Have a little fun." Naruto laughed at me. He will pay for that one day...
"Driving in a car for three hours isn't exactly what I call fun." I glared holes in him.
He couldn't care less. "I was planning on taking you to an old shop my granny used to own."
I paused. "Granny?" a smirk formed on my lips. A really big smirk.
The blond idiot choked with embarrassment. "I mean my grandmother." he said, a little too quickly.
"So what is Granny Uzumaki doing anyway-?"
"Shaddup!" Naruto swallowed his embarrassment.
I would've laughed with a full heart during this 'special' moment. But I'm not reffered to as a 'cold-hearted bastard' for nothing. I live to keep my reputation.
"Nice shop, Naruto. No one's in here." I retorted sarcastically.
He glared at me. "Granny - er, Grandma always used to chase people away."
I nodded my head in clear understanding. "Runs in the family." was the muttered reply that got my eardrums into a lot of trouble.
"Naru-chan, is that you?"
I struggled to keep myself from laughing. "Granny? Naru-chan? This is just too much for me." Naruto glared at me, hatefully.
An old lady appeared out of the shadows and opened her arms for an embrace. "Naru-chan!"
"GRANNY - er, GRANDMA!" he did the same and held his dear Granny into an heartfelt hug. It was SO disgusting. I would never hug my grandmother like that. My grandmother hates me. But it pleased me to know that she hated Itachi too. So I wasn't so offended.
"I missed you, Naru-chan."
"Me, too. And, uh, don't call me Naru-chan in front of this guy, okay? It's kind of embarrassing." he whined.
"Don't tell me what to do."
I rolled my eyes at his childness. I know what you're thinking: I should have been used to this by now...
The old women fixed her glasses into place and stared at me intently. "Oh, my. He's a handsome one, isn't he?"
Naruto snorted in disbelief.
"He's VERY handsome."
Of course I am, woman.
"Oh, boy. He has very nice hair."
I don't comb my hair for nothing.
"And what beautiful eyes he has."
"He looks like my old lover."
"Oh, Maiku! How could you leave me like this!" she opened her arms and ran - or tried to - towards me. Her lips were parched and her face looked like it was about to fall off.
Apparently, not only does chasing people away run in the family, craziness does too.
"Granny, leave the bastard alone." Naruto sighed heavily.
He didn't know it, but he saved my ass that day. The old lady looked like she was about to make out with me. I don't even want girlfriend, what makes her think I want to kiss her? I swear I'm going to kill myself afterwards.
I scanned through every single item in Granny's stupid shop and thought, 'What the hell am I doing here?'
Yeah, even the great Sasuke didn't know the answer to that one.
"When are we leaving?"
Naruto snorted. "Sasuke, this is a once in a lifetime kind of thing!"
"Searching through your Granny's shop for NOTHING."
"No, searching through my Granny's shop for FREE items!"
I narrowed his eyes. "You can get them for free anyways, idiot. You're blood related."
"Please, Granny doesn't come cheap."
Rolling my eyes at him, I continued to scan through the dirty, old, useless shop with nothing in here.
"Sugarcakes! There's always the backroom." The twinkle in Granny's eyes shone like a flashlight glaring into your eyes.
It was blinding. Too blinding...
"Aw, come on. There's nothing but junk in there." Naruto, the baby that he is, whined.
"Let's go, gummy bear." Granny pinched his cheeks towards the backroom. As I watched Naruto cry with pain, I followed thinking there was nothing else to do anyway. Some vacation...
"Come on, Sasuke. I'll be back in a few mintues." Naruto laughed at me. Like it was said before, I will make him pay for that.
My piercing onyx colored eyes burned through his. "Don't leave me alone with this nut." I almost had the nerve to beg.
Naruto frowned. "She's my grandmother."
"She's still a nut."
"Just for that, I'm gonna take ten extra minutes." he walked out the door taking MY keys.
Too late. He already left through the door. I stood there in silence for a very long time. Something behind me shrieked so loud, my eardrums nearly bursted. I was almost tempted to find a bat and hit it with it. Stupid Granny...
"What are you yelling at now-"
"LOOK! It's here. I found it!" she continued shrieking.
I merely looked at her like she was crazy. Not that this was the first time or anything.
"It's beautiful...," she held it up for me to see. Looking up to see the object...it was just a stupid can. "It's a can."
Obviously. "Yeah...just a can."
"A magical can." her eyes beamed with happiness.
I paused for a while. "Listen, old lady. A can is a can. I think I know my own cans."
"Oh, I swear, Maiku. You are so ignorant!"
"My name is Sasuke."
"Whatever you say." She got up from sitting and sighed softly. "I'll be right back."
Great. Leave and never come back.
The old woman slowly made her way out the door. Before doing that, she placed the can near the doorway and turned her eye at me as if I was something suspicious. And to my absolute relief, she was gone.
As soon as she was out of my sight, I picked up the can and grunted. "What's so special about this?" I said shaking it without the slightest care.
Before I knew it, a powerful unseen force pushed me to the ground and a blinding light hit my face.
"Geez!" a female voice reached my ears. "I really hate that stupid can." her shadow appeared to be stretching. "So, who's my idiot master now?"
Chapter One - Genie in a Can
A pink haired woman floated before me with her legs crossed in the air, leaning boringly into her palm. Her eyes were blunt, yet so brilliantly green. "Seriously, who are you?" she asked plainly.
I gaped, obviously hadn't seen this coming. I knew Naruto's relatives were crazy, I just didn't know they'd rub off on me. Crazy or not, there was a pink haired girl floating casually in the air as if she's done this before.
"Who...Who the hell are you?"
"I asked you first."
"No way!" her green eyes suddenly became colorful and wild. She placed her hands on her knees and gasped. "You're SO old. The last time I saw you, you were this short little kid who thought he was better than everyone else!" she giggled annoyingly.
I frowned in clear confusion. "What are you talking about? I never saw you in my life."
She hesitated for a while. "Oh. That's right." she laughed nervously. "O-Okay, forget I ever said anything."
Consider it done.
"What are you? A stalker...who flies?" my eyes were still wide. Did she have some kind of invisible jet pack underneath her ass? That has got to be it.
Than I realized something. I am going crazy.
"I'm a genie, smarty." she responded in a hostile sarcastic voice that only I am capable of. "I grant wishes."
"Great. I wish you to be gone forever."
"Wait. I wasn't thinking straight."
"Of course not." she smirked in a sly kind of way. "I never grant wishes on the first day. Those are the rules."
I sighed patiently. If this really is happening and I am some kind of mental person, than I might as well make the best of it. "There are rules?"
"Yeah. There's always rules. First of all, I can't make anyone fall in love with you."
That's the last thing I want.
"I can't bring people from the dead."
That's just creepy.
"Nothing dangerous, like wishing for your hated one to die a horrible, long suffering death."
There goes that. Itachi, you lucky son of a bitch.
"And absolutely no falling in love with ME." she grinned.
Well, there's a simple rule I can follow. No problem.
"Great! Now, do you have any questions?" She looked too smug for her own good.
"Aren't genie's supposed to appear out of bottles or lamps?" I looked down at my feet and there sat a can of coke. What sort of psycho genie lives in a can?
Her eyes narrowed and the same force that caused my to fall to the ground happened again. Apparently, I hit a nerve. She disappeared into the red can of coke and that's the last time I saw her that day. I picked up the can and hid it into my jacket.
So, that's what happened.
I found a Genie in a can.
This isn't quite the way I expected to meet a genie. But then again, I never thought I would meet a genie...ever.