Hello everyone. Juba-Juba, the small, chronically diseased little African boy isn't here today (see my other story for what the heck I'm talking about). This is just a little KotOR one-shot that occurred to me. Revan can be male or female, and this takes place while Revan is leading the Sith against the Republic. Enjoy, please review.


"How is he?" Revan asked the medical droid.

"He'll be fine. I am unsure what exactly transpired. He refuses to divulge the information."

Revan sighed. "I'll talk to him." With that the dark lord Revan stepped past the droid into the medical center. On a bed sat Malak, Revan's apprentice. A medical droid was cleaning up the wound, while another worked on constructing a metal jaw to replace Malak's lost lower jaw. Revan noted that the wound was perfectly cauterized. "What happened?" Revan asked calmly.

"Uh wush uttucked, by-"

"Know what, I'll wait until they give you a new jaw."

In a few minutes the metal replacement was attached. Malak made a few random noises to test it. "Good, it seems to be working."

"Yes. Now, what happened?"

"I was… attacked. By a Republic strike force. They must have snuck aboard using stealth field generators. Obviously an assassination attempt."

"And your Jedi senses didn't alert you to their presence?"

"They were… very skilled. I noticed just in time to avoid a killing blow, but by the time I had drawn my lightsaber they were gone."

"The wounds were cauterized. They appeared to be caused by a lightsaber."

"Yeah, the Jedi strike force had lightsabers."

"You just said it was a Republic strike force. If you had told me they were Jedi from the start then that could've explained why you didn't notice. Why didn't you just say that from the start?"

"Didn't I?" Malak said nervously. "I guess I'm just, uh-"

"Never mind. You've said enough. If they're Jedi they've probably already left. I hope this will not slow you down in battle."

"No, my lord. I will be more determined than ever now!"

"Good." Revan left the medical station, but instead of heading back to the bridge, or to personal quarters, Revan headed to the security station. The officer on duty stood up and saluted. "At ease. Leave me; I have some things I wish to investigate."

"Yes, my lord." The officer bowed and left the small room.

Something didn't add up with Malak's story. "Show me the video feed from Malak's quarters," Revan ordered the computer. "Jump back… two hours. Play video."

The video began, showing Malak, complete with jaw, brushing his teeth over the refresher. Malak spit out the paste and felt his head. Then his chin. "Getting a bit of stubble," Malak's recording said. Malak pulled out a razor and began to shave his head. "I need to get a new razor, this one's pretty old," Malak said to himself. He had just finished his head and started on his chin when he swore, dropping the blade. "It broke. I knew I needed a new blade. That was my last one." Malak stared at his partially shaved face for a moment. "I'd hate for anyone to see me like this, but I need to get a new blade." Suddenly he smirked. "Or maybe not."

Revan's head shook, chuckling about "that moron" as the sound of a lightsaber activating came from the recording, followed by Malak screaming.


The other day I was watching TV with my sister, when I picked up our toy lightsaber and said something like, "Guys will always find the stupidest way to do things. Today: shaving," as I turned it on. It was a small step from there to realize how Malak might have REALLY lost his jaw!