The E. D. O.
Join the Resistance
Warning: Story based on Ed-bashing session and may contain Ed Hate. Not intended for reading by Ed fangirls.
Al was wandering alone, either angsting or trying to escape his brother's depressing presence. It occurred to him that he should have told Ed were he was going, in case he got worried, but it didn't much matter. Al was easy to find.
"Hey! Al, there you are. I've been looking all over for you." Yes, Al was easy to find. "Come on, there's something I need to show you." Al barely had time to turn around and follow the unusually serious Ed down a dark alley, then down an even darker set of stairs to the basement entrance of an extremely dark building.
When Ed knocked confidently on the wooden door, a small panel slid aside and a pair of purple-red eyes peered out. "Password?" they asked.
"Death to the Elf King," Ed replied promptly. Al wasn't so sure about all this, but before he could voice these opinions, the door swung open, and he had little choice but to follow his brother inside.
The room was, as Al had suspected, a dark one, furnished, as far as he could see, with a few chairs and a heavy wooden table. But Al's attention wasn't on the furnishings.
The door snapped closed immediately, but Al's attention wasn't on the door, either. It was on his brother, who had begun to glow, and, more alarmingly, change. Into someone Al recognized. "Envy..."
"That's right. Envy," the homunculus confirmed.
"And Lust," added the woman at the door.
Al started as two new figures emerged from the gloomy room. It occurred to him that he was surrounded. "What do you want with me?"
"We want you to save the world."
"Save the—" Al did a mental double-take. "What?"
"More specifically, we want you to poison your brother."
"Never. I'd kill myself first. This is about the stone, isn't it? If you'd just leave us alone, as soon as we find one, we'll lend it to you. I swear."
"Yeah, sure. Your brother would never give it to us, not when he knows we need it so badly," Envy muttered bitterly.
"He would too. Once we're—"
"It doesn't matter," interrupted Wrath. "You'll never find one. They don't exist."
"That's a lie. They do. Brother—"
"I've been studying them for about a month, and I already know they don't exist. Your brother knows it, too. Just ask him why he's never created one himself."
"The only reason he doesn't create one is because he would never slaughter—"
"Please, Al," snorted Lust. "I don't like, and don't trust, your brother, but I do know he's telling the truth when he says he loves you more than anything. He would gladly kill ten million people to ensure your happiness."
"You don't know my brother."
"We know him better than you think," Envy countered. "We know he's been planning to take over the country for years, and that his preparations are almost complete. We know enough to shudder at the thought of a society controlled by him. That's why we've started the E. D. O."
"Edo, Edo," Gluttony echoed rather absently.
"The Edward Defiance Organization. An underground movement to destroy your brother before his reign of terror can begin."
Al was processing all this by clinging to the one perfectly solid fact in his life: Ed Good. Sins Evil. "This is just some plot to get your souls."
"This isn't about our souls anymore!" cried Lust, slamming her hand against the table and embedding nine inch nails in the wood. "This is about the fate of humanity!"
"What do you care for humanity?" Al snarled. Or sort of snarled. As close to a snarl as sweet little Al ever gets.
"What do you care for them?" Envy snapped back.
Preparing for a fight, Al yanked open the door. It wasn't locked. They didn't make a move to stop him as he left.
"Fine, leave," Lust growled as she tried to free her hand. "But think about what we've said, Alphonse. And remember, your brother isn't the saint you've made him out to be."
At military headquarters, Ed was bursting triumphantly into King Fuhrer... Fuhrer King... Fuhrer Bradley King... (oh, for God's sake) Bradley the Leader Guy's office.
"FullMetal! How did you get by my secretary?"
"Simple," Ed laughed. "Waited for her to take a coffee break."
Bradley the LG couldn't help but gulp at the sadistic smile spreading over the little alchemist's features.
"Now, let's have a little chat," the boy suggested, pulling out a gun and aiming it at Bradley's heart. "I've decided, I'm sick of being a Military dog. I want to be the Military's Top Dog. And the best way to get there is by taking you out."
The Fuhrer started to laugh, which seemed to amuse Ed.
"There's not much funny about your situation, Bradley... or should I say Pride?" Bradley stopped laughing abruptly. "Oh, yes, I know your secret. I know it wouldn't do me much good to shoot you."
"I don't suppose you care to explain why you're holding me at gunpoint, then?"
Ed's smile stayed in place. "First, I'd like to register my astonishment that a freak like you could ever manage to become Leader Guy. Especially when we all know what happens to homunculi the Military get their hands on." There was a pause as Ed listened to the footsteps running down the hall.
"My bodyguards," explained Pride with a smirk. "They'll be here any second, and that will be the end of you."
"Guess I'd better hurry, then." With perfect timing, he sent a bullet straight through Pride's heart just as the guards entered the room. Ed held up his hands in surrender.
"Gentlemen, hold your fire for a second. You're about to witness an inhuman phenomenon. The spontaneous regeneration of flesh..."
Pride regained consciousness and examined the former bullet hole to make sure everything healed up correctly. Then he noticed he was being arrested by his own men. "Oh crap."
"Take him away, boys," Ed ordered, relaxing comfortably in Pride's former chair.
"You'll pay for this, FullMetal!" vowed the dethroned leader.
"Oh, I hope so. I can only imagine how the citizens will reward the brave young lad who overthrew the evil dictator. But, in the meantime, you be a good little Sin, ok? Who knows, we may even let you out in a century or so."
Sloth (better known as That Workaholic Secretary On The Third Floor) took a sip of coffee, then added a little sugar, then reached for the cream, when the intercom came on, and Ed's voice filled the halls.
"Attention, Ladies and Gentlemen. This is a coup."
Coffee and cream forgotten, Sloth slipped out of the room, hiding as necessary to avoid being spotted by the men she knew he would have looking for her.
The remaining Sins were discussing what to do now that their last resort plan had failed, as well as trying to dislodge Lust's fingernails, when the agitated knocking came at the door.
"Death to the Elf King, death to the Elf King!" whispered a voice frantically. Envy opened to door, narrowly avoiding being run down by Sloth as she collapsed into a chair, gasping, "They got Pride, he got Pride."
The other Sins exchanged glances.
"Then we're too late," Lust concluded grimly.
Winry picked up the phone. "Hello, Rockbell residence." She listened, then her face fell, the happy expression replaced by something unreadable. "Are you serious?... I'll be right there, pronto." She hung up the phone, grabbed her trusty wrench and headed for the door. "Bye, Granny. I'm going to Central."
Pinako briefly set down her crack pipe. "Be careful, Granddaughter."
"I always am," the girl assured her with a cheerful grin.
"So. There's only one option," Lust summed up as she filed off her last nail.
"Ed has to die. And... we have to kill him," sighed Envy. "And, in doing so, expose ourselves to the public. There's a very real chance that we'll be sacrificing our freedom. Our last traces of humanity."
"Well," reflected Lust, heading for the door. "It's gotta be done. Let's roll."
"This is it..." Envy announced dramatically.
"The Homunculi's Last Stand," proclaimed Sloth.
Gluttony raised his hand. "Um... Maybe we should wait?"
"Yeah..." Wrath added, taking a precautionary step away from the door. "Glut and I will stay here and wait for the reinforcements, ok?"
Sloth grabbed the boys' hands and dragged them out the door. "Nice try. Get your asses out here with the rest of us."
Winry gazed, awestruck, around her childhood friend's recently acquired office. "Wow, Ed. You really cleaned up, didn't you?"
"Yeah, Old Brad was loaded," Ed laughed as he closed the doors. "I missed you, Winry."
"Oh, Ed. I missed you too," Winry sighed. Ed leaned over to kiss her, but apparently she didn't notice, because she turned at the last second to look around the room. "You checked for bugs, right?"
Ed stumbled forward a few steps before regaining his balance, then tried to act as though nothing had happened. "Of course. First thing I did. Can't have a few well placed amplifiers destroying my reputation. I've done my homework. I know how corrupt leaders fall, and I'm not about to repeat their mistakes."
Winry acknowledged this with a nod while strutting about. "Any word of the Sins?"
"Nah. I've got a few people looking for them, but they'll be in hiding by now. There's nothing they can do to me anyway, though. Who are people going to believe, the evil, soulless abominations, dangerous, merciless, and scary, or poor little Ed, spastic, brave, kind, loving brother with the oh-so-tragic past?" In an ADD moment, Ed cut off his evil cackle and pulled out a pair of wine glasses and poured some liquid into them. "You want something to drink?"
"It's just juice. You know what a light-weight I am."
Smiling, Winry accepted the glass and sat down across from Ed at a large ornate desk Bradley's taxpayers most certainly were not aware of. "I've got to know, how long have you been planning this?"
"I don't even remember. I know it's been there for a long time. Remember when we were little, how I used to act so much different around other people? Only you and Al and mom ever saw me acting natural. I was planning even then, learning to manipulate people. When mom... when mom died, I didn't have anything else to do, so I decided to take over the country."
Winry gasped. "You didn't plan... what happened...?"
"NO! No. I really thought we could... I love Al. You know that. I would never hurt him." There was a sullen silence as Ed stared thoughtfully at his glass. "But, I must admit, he is a lot more compliant now that we're looking for these 'stones'. I wouldn't be able to get him to do half the stuff we do now if not for that." Ed laughed again, then stood up and began to pace around the room. Winry sighed unhappily. "Something wrong? OOF!"
Ed's leg gave out from under him, and he hit the ground. "Winry! Something's conked out in my automail."
"I know," Winry said quietly, staring at her feet.
"Well, take a look, will you?"
Winry shook her head, then pulled a little remote control out of her pocket. "I don't need to. I know what's wrong with it. The set you've got on right now was designed to die on command. I'm sorry, but you had to be stopped. Granny and I have known it for a very long time now. You're evil, Ed. Just plain evil." Ed struggled to sit upright with his two remaining limbs as Winry continued monolog-ing. "When our first plan failed, we invented this remote,"
"Remember Barry the Chopper? Or Butcher, or whatever the hell they called him?"
"Winry, come on. Don't joke about that!"
"No joke, Ed. I'm not that big a country bumpkin. I know better than to climb into a creepy stranger's van. I knew you'd find me. That psycho didn't figure out to take off your arm on his own, I'll tell you that. He would have killed you and ended it there, if not for Hughes...
"Hughes proved too smart for his own good. We couldn't risk him uncovering any more of our carefully laid plans. Didn't you wonder how I knew about his death before you did? Don't you wonder how I seem to know everything before you? It ain't female intuition that tells me when your teacher is being strangled by her own creation on some deserted island. It's my contacts."
"Winry, this isn't funny. Just fix my damn leg, and I'm prepared to overlook this whole thing..." Winry shook her head. "Do you even know what you're turning down here? Power, fame, money... I'm going to give you to the count of three to reconsider, and then I'm screaming for my guards, and let me assure you, your death will be very painful. One..."
Winry cocked her head to one side as though listening. Suddenly, she smiled.
Outside, a guard gurgled as his throat was slit.
"Three... I'm sorry this couldn't have worked out, Win..." Ed took a deep breath to scream...
The doors burst open, and Ed's face went pale. Without turning to see who it was, Winry began talking to the intruders. "She was known as Winry de Belle Rocke, and at the turn of the century, she used deceit, drugs, and her beguiling charms to become the bane of evil rulers everywhere." With a bright grin, she turned to the Sins (except Gluttony as he was trying to spring Pride loose). "How do you think that would sound in the history books?"
"Lovely..." Envy assured her, "But, there weren't any drugs involved, were there?""So I took a few creative liberties. Sue me."
Suddenly, they were interrupted by a hole alchemizing itself in the wall. Izumi Curtis had arrived. "What did I miss?"
"Everything," Wrath told her. "You know the door was open, right?"
"Excuse me for wanting to make a flashy entrance."
Meanwhile, Ed wanted the attention back on him. "Winry, you bitch! You'll never get away with this! You know I'm too popular to kill outright!" The incapacitated dictator tried to spit at her, but Envy yanked the girl out of the way protectively.
"Oh, pipsqueak. We know how popular you are. That's why..." Using his sweet transmute powers, Envy turned into an Ed clone. "It will be so tragic when you... excuse me, when I die young..."
"Of the same mysterious illness that killed your mother, nonetheless," Sloth wiped away a sarcastic tear.
"Yes," Envy continued with a grin. "The public will undoubtably remember me best for my last little practical joke. Pretending to have the Fuhrer arrested. What a couple of kidders Ed and Brad are."
Izumi tapped Wrath on the shoulder. "Honey, isn't there something you want to say to the nice boy before we 'take care' of him?"
"Oh, yeah..." Wrath kneeled down so he was eye level with Ed. "I want you to know that I hate you worse than I ever hated Envy, and that's saying something."
Al, having recently heard the news of his brother's coup, and having serious doubts after his conversation with the Sins, was rushing to his brother's office for comfort when he ran into an odd precession; Winry, the collective Sins, and Izumi, walking solemnly down the hall, carrying a large object wrapped in fabric suspiciously similar to the curtains in Sloth's office.
"Al, I hate to say this..." Envy sighed. "You're like family to me, after all, but..."
"We SO told you so," chorused the E. D. O.