-Words, Hands, Hearts-
After waiting for what seemed like ever, but really was only two hours, my 'mom' came in to my hospital room. Ashley sat silently looking on with interest and concern in the chair in the corner of the room as Dr. Carlin checked my chart, my IV's, and my shoulder. After she seemed satisfied she finally looked at me and spoke.
"We've given you antibiotics for the virus. The worst of it should be over by now. You'll need to take it easy for a few days, take the medication you will be given until it is gone and follow the notes on your discharge papers. Also your shoulder seems to be swelling some, you might need another surgery. You should follow up everything with your regular doctor. After you get dressed stop at the nurses station to sign out and get everything you need."
And just like that she was gone, no pleasantries, no emotion, all business. I know for a fact she doesn't treat her patients that way, I guess being her daughter gets me that perk all alone. Fuck, I hate her so much, why can't she just accept me. I am stunned into silence as she leaves.
"So, um…you ready to blow this joint?"
I really have nothing to say, I just get dressed and we get what I need and leave as quickly as possible. I feel like shit and this day with that 'visit' from my mother was just a major blow to an already sore spot. How can she be so cold? I have no words.
Ashley dropped me off at home; I really just wanted to be alone. She offered to stay with me, and even though I know it hurt her somewhat, I just couldn't be around her, anyone right then. I just needed to be alone with my own thoughts.
Around five hours later my dad came home from work. He was worried and I wasn't talking. He just checked my forehead and made sure I at least seemed okay before he went to bed. I just stayed lying in my bed like I had been since I got home. I didn't go to school the next day, partially because I still felt sick, partially because I still had trouble forming coherent thoughts and I still hadn't moved yet. I like sitting alone in the dark, granted it's probably not very healthy, but there's something soothing about it.
My dad stopped by during his lunch break, tried to get me to cheer up, but he didn't help much.
"How could she act like that?"
"I don't know Spencer, I'm really sorry. That is not the woman I married, I just don't understand how your mom has changed so much, and I'm sorry you have to go through it all."
"If I need another surgery, are we going to be able to afford it?"
"Yeah, don't worry about that. You are covered under my insurance, and since your mom works at the hospital, you're covered under hers too, even though we're divorced, she's still partially responsible for you. You don't know this, but I had to fight her in court just so she would help support you. She has a much better job money wise than I do, but as far as medical stuff goes, we've always gotten off easy because the hospital covered it because of employee status. The judge ruled that you would still be covered by her insurance until you were out of college, so you don't have to worry about those kinds of bills. If you need another surgery, if you want it, then it will be no problem."
"I have to get back to work; I might not be home for dinner. Take care of yourself okay? And Ashley's coming over after school lets out, she's worried about you too, don't push her away Spencer. Bye sweetie."
What a piece of work my mother is, I mean how did she even get that way? I remember when I was little, I used to follow her around the house and we would just have fun doing the most mundane things. I was her little buddy and I adored her. As I got older she just got farther and farther away from that person, and now she is this cold hearted stranger that won't even claim me as her own. How does a person become that? I guess it's pointless to think she'll change, so maybe I should just let her go; give up on her because she obviously doesn't care about me anymore. Goodbye mother.
After my revelation or whatever you want to call it, I decided I needed something to take my mind off of things. So after digging through the attic I found one of Glen's old Nintendo game systems and I have been playing Super Mario Brothers for the past hour. Ah nostalgia, the simplest things can bring back such fond memories. Of course these are now memories I would most like to forget. But anyway, I am so into this game at the moment, I didn't even hear Ashley come in.
"Hey Spence, what are doing?"
"Ashley! Hey, want to play Nintendo?"
"No thanks, I never was a big fan. Now XBOX, I can play that for hours on end. Have you been doing this all day?"
"No, I just found it in the attic like an hour ago. How are you? How was school? I'm sorry for being distant; oh I might have to have surgery on my shoulder again. Are you hungry, I'm hungry?"
"Spencer, slow down. Are you alright?"
"Yeah, yeah. So, food?"
"Are you actually going to talk to me or are you going to keep up this speed-freak avoidance thing you seem to have going on?"
"Right…so, food and talk?"
"Sure, let's go."
A half hour later we're sitting in a Denny's picking at our food. I haven't really said anything yet and I don't think she knows what to say at this point.
"You have nothing to be sorry for Spence. I just wish, you know that you could talk to me, that you'd trust me. I worry about you, I just want, hell I don't know what I want, but I hate that you're hurting and I can't do anything about it."
"I do trust you. It's not about not talking to you; it's about not talking to anyone. If I would talk to anyone it would be you, then my dad, that's it. So I want to talk, I just, I don't know, I don't know how, or something, it's weird, and hard. And I know you worry about me, I worry about you too. I'm not the only one going through crap, I know you Ashley, you're hurting too, and I'm partly responsible. I guess we still need to get comfortable around each other, spend more time together. I feel like I'm pushing you away, but I miss you so damn much I don't know what else to do."
"Okay…then, I'm not leaving you, even if you get sick of me, I'm staying with you the rest of the day, maybe longer if you're lucky."
"How come I didn't get any stuffed animals?"
"After I got a black eye and had to go to the hospital, the next day you gave me that 'obnoxiously cute' teddy bear with the bandage. I was just in the hospital; I want some cuddly animal or something as incentive."
"Well, until I can go shopping for something equally cuddly and cute, you have me. Plus I can make all the little 'grr' noises or whatever you want as substitute for a teddy bear or a puppy or something."
"Fine, but I expect only the best from you Ashley Davies."
"Of course you would, only the best for my Spence."
Hey, I know what you're thinking. Stupidly cute and pointless bit of conversation there. But I really did want a bear or something. Plus I'm kind of trying to avoid something here.
So now we're watching TV again, just like the other day, her holding me, and now I know I'm going to say something that I should have said a long time ago, I just can't get the words out. I can't figure out how to make my mouth work. See, this is why I hate talking, just when I finally resign to say something of importance, I can't. Ah, fuck it; I just need to spit it out.
"That's how long it took me to realize that I never should have left. Three days in Ohio, and it hit me, I had been avoiding it for the two weeks I was in the hospital, and then on the third day, I knew. I was such an idiot."
"Then why didn't you just come back?"
"I was having major pride issues and I guess part of me was scared. Also, I figured some time might be a good thing, I mean, if we could survive that, then we could get through anything. Of course I should have just come back, but I couldn't."
"Well, for once you weren't smarter than me."
"Nice, Ash. I'm being serious here, give me a break."
"I'm sorry; you know I'm not good with serious stuff. But I'm glad you did come back, and that we're together, and that you're okay. As long as you're okay, I'm okay."
"I'm not okay."
"I know, but you will be."
I will be. Because she says it, because I believe her, for the first time in months, I really think everything will be okay. If I didn't have Ashley, I don't know if I'd ever be okay again, but now, I think I will be. In my heart I know it; it brought me back here, to her. I am going to be just fine.
AN: So that was the end, I hope I wrapped it all up well enough, if not, let me know. Thanks to all of you who read my story and left me reviews, I appreciated them very much. Thanks again for reading. Later monkeys.