Ah hello there. How are you?

Oh my apologies, I haven't introduce myself. Kyouya Ootori, pleasure to meet you all. And if you're reading this you might want a little bit of visual ne? Of course, I'm still perfectly mysterious and handsome as always, adding to the flair of wearing this velvet robe and reading Macbeth on my expensive leather recliner in front of my very welcoming fireplace decked in platinum with floral gold designs, but of course commoners need not know.

Anyways, it's a bit of comfort knowing certain people have voted me to deliver some bit of news. Please duly note my sarcasm, and rest assured...certain people will pay as well.

"Senpai, I didn't vote-"


You all might be wondering where and when the bloody hell a certain author have been after a year-nay, let me be politically correct-two years (exempting that little vote for Omake) of some failed enlightenment journey to Atlantis, (thanks to the twins) would redeem herself and come back to update. Wait, let me rephrase that. You all might be wondering when is the right time to stalk and kill her-

"Mon ami! You shouldn't threaten our beautiful maker!!"

And she doesn't own us at all, except for a fact that borrowing our esteemed popularity does have its dues. My glasses are glinting evilly as we speak, but no worries, I'm sure her great-great-great grandchildren would be willing to pay.

"Her commoner children could be our slave!"

"Eww, is she even capable of having children. Let alone getting a man."


"Buloy-sama has kids?"


"Ohmagash! What a sl-"

Can you all let me talk here? I thought you've all voted me to get this information to her readers. Ah...I should really get an anti-glare for my glasses. Anyways. No, she's not in any pre-gestational status. And you're right Hikaru, it would be a feat if any man would try to date her, let alone procreate-

"The wonders of procreation is a miracle! Why my daughter, now that mother has mentioned it, we should all take this time and teach you the ways of how a man and woman-"

"No thanks."

Tamaki, please don't grow shrubs there, those books are my personal collection.

"Tono don't tell us you were about to talk about the birds and the bees? That's so grade school."

"If Haruhi wants to know about procreation, she would need a step-by-step demonstration! A foreplay!"

"Are we acting, Takashi? Yaaaaaay!"



Really do you sincerely want to hear how a certain author is pathetic enough to write us giving an excuse of her disappearance?

"I think its clever..."

I'm deducting that on your points for siding with her, Haruhi.

"Hmph! If she's dead it serves her right-"

"Nooooo! She can't be dead! I have to end up with Haruhi!"

"Don't be selfish, tono. You're not her type."

"Takashi what's a foreplay? Is it after death?"


Ahem. If you're all done, I could get this underway...

Oh my did the room grew colder, my glasses seemed to have fogged. Well, now that everyone had settled down. According to my status report-


Research data. The omake had been scrapped...completely, but chapter 19 is in the works with a 5 percent chance of completion out of 95 percent of more plots and writing in between. Really, you'd all thought she'd put more effort than that. What a useless author. I bet she's gotten fatter than a hip-

"Oooh! Kyo-chan! Give us a preview!"

"Did the other bisexual twins finally die!?"

"Will Haruhi confess her undying love for me amidst a plethora of roses!?"

"Am I going home?"

No, unfortunately not, not in this millenia and in your dreams. Good news is that she is publicly promising and had written a will in blood (and no in case you're wondering, I didn't threaten) that she will update WF...this year. It is unknown when exactly 'this year' is, but she had put her beloved goldfish and gigantic shamu stuffed toy as a collateral loan if she fails to keep her word. Don't give me that look Haruhi, there was no threat involved.

"Uh-huh. I should know."

Is that sarcasm?


Added to that fact, she is working part-time and also an aspiring college student pursuing the career of nursing. Heh. Good luck with that, really. I thought she'd be better of as a shrink, but she believes she can save people. Imagine that.

"Hey, at least she's working-"

"Nursing? She got brains for that?"

"Oh how valiant our author is! She is worthy of writing my beauty and elegance in this story-"

"Stop sucking up tono."

On the side not. I am quite miffed over the fact that her obsession had completely turned to another fandom/man. Thus the disinterest in writing anything about us.

"Oh wooooeeeee! Who is this man that is more splendid as I am!?"

"Well for one, anyone with a brain is better than you, tono."

"I agree."

"This is all your fault, tono!"

"Doesn't she like us anymore?"


Anyways there is also the uncertainty that she is planning to revamp this story and edit all the chapters, so it will take awhile. If anyone is willing to be a beta for her...that is.

"A beta!?"

"I warn all betas now. This woman will suck the living English soul of your life and-"

Preferably a grammar-Nazi, she said.

"Make her cry!"

"This could take years!"

Yes of course, but I do expect some talented betas out here.

"Senpai, your 'come hither' stare is scary."

"Mon ami! That's not how to lure a future beta! Come, my lovelies! I will give you pleasure no man can give if you only serve as a beta for our poor abyssmal author-"

"Taking your shirt off isn't as alluring either, Tamaki-senpai."

"Yeah! You have to show them fashionable boxers!"

"And if necessary, we can sell your body, tono and-"

"Please...help us..."

Hunny-senpai, here, use Usa-chan.


"This is too weird."

Well now that you've heard from us. We hope to see you all in the next real chapter. If not...I would be willing to supply each reader a few pitchforks for a commoner price of 10,000 yen, and will give you the exact locations of this story's hermit-of-an-author. I hope you all have a better understanding of her plight in regards to this story. And no she will not abandon it. She doesn't have a passport.

Anyways. Thank you all for everyone's patience. I'm pretty sure she is atoning for her sins as we speak. And no, she's not groveling at my feet...(yet). But she does pass the message of her sincere apologies and thank you for everyone's support, truly. We hope to get this story going...soon.

"Senpai...you're glasses..."