Title: Baby Talk

Author: Phoenix Kaen

Summary: The guys of Yu-Gi-Oh! have become fathers. When their baby daughters grow up to become young women, it is time for the fathers to give them the birds and the bees talk but how are they going to do that when they were never given the talk themselves?

A/N: Thanks everybody for the reviews! I received a pleasant surprise when two of the reviewers revealed they're parents. I thought that most of my readers were preteens and teens so it's great to find out adults can also enjoy my stories. (Do guys read my stories, too?) Although, if you are going to give your children the talk, don't use any of these methods. lol On another note, could someone give me an example on how they were given the talk? It's okay if you don't though (if it's too embarrassing). But if you are willing, just send me a message and I promise to not use it in my story if you don't want me to.

Disclaimer: Kazuki Takahashi owns the Yu-Gi-Oh characters.

Chapter 3: Kaiba's Two Way Guaranteed (to Fail) System/Otogi: Too Pretty/Honda: Highly Disturbing

The First Way: "Taken Care Of"

"Okay, Haru, I will say this once and I will not repeat this again. Do you understand?" Kaiba said seriously as he sat facing his daughter. Her blue eyes identical to his looked blankly at him. She didn't say anything but sat listening to him. Whether or not she actually understood was another matter. The stern expression on his face did not waver as her head turned to a particular spot on the wall. "Haru, will you look at me when I am talking to you?" She turned her eyes to her father once again. He cleared his throat. "I am just going to get down to business since I am a busy man. Haru, you know that I can't always be there to protect you. There's going to be a time when you get a boyfriend then you two will get serious after say...ten years. After that certain amount of time, you will have urges and he, whoever he will be, will also have urges because all men (except me) are perverts."

"Haru?" A woman's voice called from outside of the office. Kaiba looked to the door then back to Haru. She was playing with her fingers. She suddenly looked up as if she could sense her father's eyes on her. "Seto, do you know where Haru is?" His wife's voice called again. He ignored the question.

"Anyway as I was saying, if that said boyfriend acts upon those urges, tell me and I will have him 'taken care of'." He finished with the same serious expression. Haru tilted her head to one side and burst out into a fit of giggles. She chewed on her bib (which bore the logo KC for KaibaCorp) and kicked her tiny feet. Kaiba's face slowly broke out into a smile. He couldn't maintain his serious expression. He got up from the leather chair and went to her. "You are just too cute, you know that, Haru? Of course, anything made by me would be perfect," he said, throwing her up in the air. The baby giggled with glee. When he stopped, she relished in her father's embrace. "I love you, Haru-chan." He said as he held her out in arms' length. She just smiled back and gurgled her response.

"Da!" She exclaimed which caused his smile to widen.

"I think I've got myself a prodigy," he said to himself, carrying her to his side.

The Second Way: "You Will Die"

"Maria, could you tell my dad that I'm going out on a date today?" Haru said to her maid as she adjusted the scarf around her neck. Haru Kaiba was about thirteen-years-old now. Her deep blue eyes and chestnut hair reminded everybody of her powerful and rich father. She was quite a beauty so it was no surprise that she had plenty of boys chasing after her. The problem was that most of them didn't even try asking her out because they knew what her dad was capable of.

Maria hesitated wondering how she should say this. "Uh, Haru-san, someone wants to talk to you about something." She stood aside to let a tall man with brown hair and blue eyes enter the room. The middle-aged maid was mentally wondering how her boss thought up of this ridiculous plan. "If any of you need me, just call my name. I'll be in the next room," she said and bowed before the man and Haru. The man cannot believe he was going to do this. He sighed. This was going to be so embarrassing. The teenage girl looked at the man with confusion. He looked like he was troubled with something.

"Um, are you okay?" She asked him, her eyes peering at him. He straightened himself and stood at least two feet away from him. Clearing his throat, he reached into his pants pocket and pulled out some notecards. He re-read them to make sure and mumbled along with what he was reading. He looked like he belonged to a mental institution.

"OKAY!" He exclaimed loudly and surprising the daughter of the CEO. "I'm ready." He then pocketed the notecards. He cleared his throat again.

"What is it already? I'm late for a date!" Haru snapped. He winced. Yup, this girl was his boss' daughter all right.

"Haru, dear," he said mechanically. "There comes a time in a teenage girl's life when she gets urges to do certain things but you should always control those urges. The reason is because you will die. If you have sex, you will die. If you kiss a boy, you will die. If you hold hands with a boy, you will die. If you-" Just then, Maria burst in the door and slapped the man in the back of his head.

"You idiot! How can you tell her such lies!" She yelled angrily. He clutched his head in pain and exclaimed "That's what Mr. Kaiba told me to say! He was too busy to give Haru-san the talk and he wanted something quick and effective." They didn't notice that Haru had already snuck out during their argument. On her way out of the mansion, she shook her head and couldn't believe how much of an idiot her chauffeur was.

Otogi: Too Pretty

"Son, there is going to come a time when everybody's going to want to do things to you...because you're my son. You see I am a beautiful man and as are you. You inherited my beauty. We're so beautiful that your mother can't stand a chance against us," Otogi said, twirling a strand of his dark hair. His wife who had heard that comment threw a brush at him as she passed by.

"Dad, you are creeping me out," (1)Pegasus said. Oh, yes, Otogi named his son after his idol. "Shouldn't you be telling me to have safe sex or wait until I'm older to have to do it?" Otogi ignored him.

"We are so beautiful that women and yes even men can't help but lust after us," he said, putting an arm around his son. "We are two sexy beasts." Pegasus mumbled "I can't believe this is happening" under his breathe. "Oh, you might want to carry some condoms around with you, just in case an opportunity arises."

Pegasus looked up at the ceiling and mumbled, "Kill me, kill me now."

"Why would you want someone to kill you? That's just a waste of beauty. Do you know what else I think? I think we're descendants of Narcissus (2)."

Honda: Highly Disturbing

"So this is a man and this is a woman," Honda said, indicating the brown teddy bear and the pink bunny stuffed animal. His son looked at his father like he was crazy. "Geez, couldn't you have at least gotten actual dolls to be the man and the woman? Now I'm going to have nightmares about imouto-chan's stuffed animals. His baby sister sat staring confused at the two males through the bars of the crib. She reached her little fingers out to her daddy since he was holding her favorite stuffed animals. He looked over at the baby. "And anyway, should you be doing this in front of her? She's too young."

Honda scoffed. "She can't understand us." His son sighed. "Here, take the girl."

"Why do I have to be the girl!" He exclaimed while Honda shoved the bunny at him.

"Because I don't want to be the girl," Honda said simply. "Now hold it up." His son did exactly what he asked and Honda started to make kissy sounds. He pressed the bear's stitched mouth to the bunny's nonexistent one.

"This is highly disturbing."

"Mwah mwah mwah. Ooh, I'm so hot for you baby," Honda said which mortified his son. He threw down the bunny and ran out of the nursery as quick as he can.

"Mom, help me!" He screamed.

(1) I just named him Pegasus because I couldn't think of anything else.

(2) Narcissus is a man from Greek myth. He was a human who was so beautiful that he looked at his reflection and fell in love with himself.

A/N: Is there anybody who might want to collaborate with me on this story so I could end it quicker? Just message me for details. Another thing; the future chapters are going to feature Malik, Yami Malik, Yami (but I like Atemu more), Yugi, Ryou (or if you prefer the good Bakura) and maybe Pegasus. If there's any other male character you want me to include then mention it in a review. It depends if I even know anything about the characters though like the three guys from the Doma season (or Doom season) because I skipped that season.