Disclaimer: This has and probably never will belong to me, no matter how many pennies I throw in the well.

This Is for Techie and Nova, so they'll shut the hell up.

Warning! This has some naughty language. But than again, if you were in the same situation, you'd be cursing, too.

Have you ever had one of those days? Your goldfish commits suicide. Your toaster spontaneously combusts. You lose your eyebrows in a horrible accident with your electric toothbrush. Your underwear catches on fire. You know, one of those I-wish-God-would-send-a-herd-of-rabid-porcupines-to-finish-me-off kind of days.

Zoë was having one of those days.

While she wasn't quite to porcupine level of desperation, closer to muskrat level of doom if you really wanted to know, her day had been less than productive. After a rather long morning of mechanical mishaps and fiery fuck-ups, she was at the end of her patience. She had foolishly decided to deposit one of her older paychecks during some of the busiest bank hours. The lines were extremely long and the prospects of her getting this errand done within the hour were abysmal. While waiting in this line, Zoë made what was most likely the stupidest decision of her life.

She decided that her day couldn't get any worse.

The Gods could not ignore such an idiotic statement. Normally they would just call upon the forces of rain. Unfortunately, the target of their divine retribution was inside a building. Drastic measures were called for. The gods that governed the so-called Murphy's Law gathered to discuss possible actions.

Contrary to popular belief, Murphy's Law was not governed by one god but by many and not one of them was named Murphy. While the gods argued over what course should be taken, Sugarbutt, the goddess who ruled what side a donut fell on, and Steve, the god who made sure that a person always had an odd number of socks, took a closer look at the young woman.

Brown hair, pale skin, and gray eyes, Zoë was never one to stick out in a crowd. She was perfectly average in nearly every way except for one thing. She carried the Mark of Fate which, appropriately enough, manifested itself as a large flashing bull's-eye.

The mark dictated that the carrier was guaranteed a life-altering, most likely agonizing, and humiliating experience. It also allowed the gods to do whatever the hell they felt like to her, so long as she survived with most of her limbs intact. In other words, Zoë's day was going to get much, much worse. Especially since she had been claimed by one god, or goddess, in particular.


Eris had been watching this mortal for some time. Not because she had any interesting abilities or things of that nature, but rather because of someone she had associated with in the past. During college, Zoë had roomed with one Harleen Quinzel. While Zoë didn't think much of their short acquaintance, Harley had never forgotten her bookish roommate.

In fact, Eris did not have to put much effort into preparing the world for her entertainment. All she had to do was pluck Zoë's name from the recesses of Harley's mind. Harley did the rest.

Eris was really going to enjoy herself.


Valentine's Day was a few days away. The streets were decorated in garish hearts and ribbons. Shops were showing off their best merchandise. From stuffed animals to KY warming gel, Gotham had everything anyone could need for a romantic evening.

In Zoë's opinion, it was completely and utterly disgusting. Of course, she wasn't saying this because she was alone this year. And she definitely wasn't jealous.

Not Zoë.


Unfortunately for Zoë, she was too engrossed in her thoughts, mainly of taking a baseball bat to any couple that even thought about swapping bodily fluids in front of her, to notice she was being followed. But she did notice when she was roughly dragged into one of the abandoned warehouses that populated the rougher side of town.

Way to stay on your toes, dumbass.

She struggled as hard as she could but she was unable to break free of her abductor's grip.

"Calm down, toots, I ain't gonna hurt ya!"


"The same!" Harley grinned.

Zoë was astonished by Harley's appearance. Last time she had seen her in person she had still dressed somewhat normally, and the pictures in the papers didn't do her justice. But it was obvious that Harley had changed little from her wild college days. Just like old times.

"Harley, I love you to death, but next time you want to see me, can you find some other way to get my attention than kidnapping me? There are these things called phones. I think you might have heard of them."

"Yeah. This was funnier. Come on. I got something to show you."

Zoë was less than pleased as Harley dragged her further into the alley and into an abandoned and decrepit building. Of course the outside of the building gave little clue or warning as to what she was fixing to experience. To her surprise, Zoë was led into a jungle. Exotic trees populated the room. The walls were hidden behind the vines that covered them. A soft moss grew on the floor, cushioning Zoë's every step.

It was paradise.

Harley led her deep into the miniature rainforest. The farther they walked, the more amazed she became. As they progressed, the sunlight grew dimmer, only to be replaced by the glow of a luminescent moss. All in all, the place was very beautiful. Zoë wasn't sure what disturbed her more; her surroundings or the maniacal grin Harley wore.