Disclaimer: There's a hole in my pocket, dear Liza, dear Liza, a hole in my pocket, dear Liza, a hole. I don't own Dragonball Z, but thanks for letting me call you an a-hole.
Today, y'all are in for something a little bit different. A yuri pairing. Do you have any idea how hard those are to come by in the DBZ universe? I mean, with this series, there are so many men you could be up to your neck in ridiculous yaoi until the end of time, but there are probably about three or four important women, tops. So, for the first time since chapter four, it's time to give the ladies some spotlight. Unfortunately, it's the kind of spotlight that will blind them long enough for the audience to boo them and throw rotten tomatoes they will be unable to dodge. Bulma mixing it up with Android 18. Enjoy.
"Good night, Vegeta," whispered Bulma to the asleep Saiyan, who snored in response. "I mean, you haven't been inside me since the day after I gave birth to Bra, but keep sleeping. Maybe the gravity room will give you the satisfaction I can't."
So, as you can tell, Bulma's kinda bitter. Vegeta hasn't so much as laid a gloved death-ray-shooting finger on her for a good, long while. And if there was something Bulma was starting to miss, it was something good and long.
At the same time, however, Bulma was sick to death of men. All they ever did was let her down. Whether it be the general apathy and lack of respect from Vegeta or the general lack of not-being-Yamcha from Yamcha, it seemed like all of her experiences with men could be summed up in one word: disappointinglybullshitandvirulentlybullshit.
But Bulma had the ultimate plan. We're talking even more ultimate than Ultimate Mortal Kombat 3. If she could spell her plan with nothing but Ks, she would. All it needed was an unconscious Android 18 and the latest in dildo technology.
"Ready for the operation?" Bulma's rubber glove made a snapping sound as she finished applying it. "Not as ready as I am to quit talking to unconscious people."
So for the next several minutes, perhaps an hour if you felt like being wrong, Bulma turned 18's crotch into a different crotch, and if you're an American you may recognize this operation as "The Point Where Your Insurance Company Tells You to Fuck Off." Bulma was soon going to get the sex toy of her dreams… or NIGHTMARE DREAMS!
"Where… am I?" Android 18 mouthed to herself when she finally stirred, not knowing Bulma was in the room with her. The last thing she remembered was coming with Krillin and Marron to Capsule Corp for dinner.
"You're in my secret cavern," Bulma remarked, causing 18 to jolt up, putting an arm across her nude- and decidedly nippleless- chest. "And soon you are going to be in my secret cavern."
18 got up and glared Bulma into the corner of the room. "What are you trying to pull here, lady?!"
"Something long and hard."
"You bitch! You spiked my motor oil!"
"Motor oil! You served me it at dinner, bitch!"
"That was coke, 18, what the fuck kind of scientist do you think I am? You're an android, not a gas engine."
There was silence as Bulma made a thinky face, putting her finger to her chin. "Of course, Krillin did say once that-"
"Enough about the gas engine!" 18 said. "Now I definitely know you spiked my drink, because it tasted exactly like motor oil!"
"Yikes. Maybe I should have gone a little easy on the knockout juice. So, wait a minute, how do you know what motor oil tastes like?"
18 crossed her arms, blood rushing to her head just thinking about it. "Dr. Gero thought I was a gas engine for about a week."
"…So, anyway, I gave you a penis."
"What?!" 18 looked down. Indeed, there was a penis. It was erect, too, so it's kind of up in the air as to how she didn't notice it until just then. "Why?!"
"Because I need one."
"Then why didn't you just graft it to yourself instead of me?!"
"I meant I need one."
"Oh." 18 nodded sagely. "But why is it on upside down?"
"Yeah. The urethra's facing up toward my face. You know how to do a quick sex change, but not how to put the part on right?"
"Shut up! That's how Vegeta's looks!"
"Uh-huh!" Bulma didn't realize that the reason it looked like that is because of the angle from which she was always looking at it. "And anyway, it doesn't make any difference! Vegeta hasn't touched me in months, and I need someone to bang that frustration out of me!"
"And what makes you think I'm actually going to do that? You know I could kill you just by breathing too hard in your direction, right?"
"Yeah, but then who's going to take the dick off?"
18's jaw tightened, almost as much as Bulma's pussy loosened, when they both realized that she was right. 18 was not looking at a fantastic wealth of options here.
Bulma undressed and laid down on the same table 18 just got off of. "Let's go, 18."
"Fucking hell, Bulma!" 18 exclaimed. "It really has been a while, it's like you have another afro down here." I forgot to mention that, Bulma changed her hair back to that big, gaudy afro she had when Vegeta, Frieza and Goku arrived on earth in the same day. Man, satellites orbiting earth must've been shitting their pants all day that day, what with three spaceships hitting earth at the same fucking time. Has anyone ever expounded on that? Didn't NASA, I don't know, think about releasing some kind of public warning? "Oh, by the way everyone, not to get you upset, but there are THREE SPACESHIPS, EACH OF DIFFERENT DESIGN, HURDLING TOWARD EARTH, AND THEY WILL ARRIVE WITHIN 6 HOURS OF EACH OTHER."
…Oh, I'm sorry, I seem to have gotten off topic. So, there was Bulma, with her light blue pubic hair taking up 50 percent of the room. Android 18 was trying to figure out some way out of having to service her sexually and still getting rid of her unwanted new appendage. What was she supposed to do, fly out through the ceiling, nude, erect dong, looking for a doctor that could cure her of Sudden Penis Syndrome? Her insurance didn't cover that!
"Ten seconds, 18, or I'll activate The Need!"
"What now?!" 18 cried out. "You've already knocked me out, sewn a dick onto me, and made me get close to your vagina without a machete, what else did you do to me that you haven't told me about?!"
Taking her cue, Bulma produced a remote from her monstrous steel-wool factory of a pubic mound and pressed the one big red button it had. Instantly, a stinging sensation hit 18's- well, you ought to be able to figure it out without me having to bother finishing the sentence, even though I typed way more words than I would have if I had just stuck to typing "crotch." Anyway, I'm throwing a bone to all you piss-fetishists out there with this one, because 18's bladder was about to rocket out of her shiny new urethra with the strength of a nightmare coming out of a jack-in-the-box, and not even the mightiest of Gods would have been able to put on a brave face through the pain the way Android 18 did.
"This isn't going to break me, you bitch…" said 18 through a tightly locked mouth.
"Bitch? You're the one who's doubled over on the ground, naked, with the wrong set of genitals."
"Yeah? Well, at least I can take my panties off without infecting the entire room with pubic lice! I swear, you must make funk music start playing every time you pull your underwear down. I bet if I went to your bathroom and got in your shower, there would be more blue carpet on the floor than a strip club."
"I get it!" screeched Bulma. She continued this bout of screeching while she collected her clothes off the floor. "You don't know what it's like to have a husband who's given you the best lay of your life but never touches you anymore! Why don't you think about someone else's feelings for once! You… WITCH!"
Bulma ran away in tears, leaving 18 fully bonered in a white surgery room alone. She didn't even have one of those assless gowns to run around and expose herself in, and I bet I just launched a google search for "Android 18 assless gown" by typing the first half of this sentence. Even if she did have one of those, her foot-and-a-half she-schlong would render it useless in covering the rest of her back. Hey, try repeating this: "She sells she-schlongs down by the sea shore."
Anyway, Vegeta walked in. "AAAHH!" He nearly powered up to Super Saiyan, so shocked was he by the sight of 18's 18-incher. "Oh, come on! First I find out Kakarot's got one inch on me, now I find out you have sixteen inches on me!"
"…I'm going to pretend I never heard you say that, until I get drunk at the next Z Warrior gathering. Your wife just ran down the hall crying."
"Yeah, she'll do that. Where's the gravity room?"
"Shouldn't you know? You basically camp out there."
"No, I don't! I can't! A tent won't stay up! But, I do log in at least 12 hours a day."
"So why can't you find it?"
"The side effects of intense gravity, which include hallucinations and doors not being where they should be, and fairies. Where are we?"
Meanwhile, Bulma had run all the way to Goku's house in the minute 18 and Vegeta had their conversation. Bulma tried to tell him and Chi-Chi about her personal life, and Goku wasn't having any of it.
"How did you manage to attain such amazing speed, Bulma?" Goku asked. He was like a kid, with his cute little world destroying superhero power-ups.
"Goku, can't you hear?! I tried to cheat on Vegeta with Android 18 and failed!"
"That's scandalous," Chi-Chi said passively for the other room. "Would you like to join us for dinner?"
"Chi-Chi, I think she should have the same portions that I get! She needs to keep up her strength!"
Bulma could have shrieked in rage, and probably would have if I didn't write "could have" earlier in the sentence. My keyboard doesn't have a delete button, I literally have to re-type the whole document over again if I make one mistake. One time I misspelled the same word three times, and my mom had to hide all the guns in the house. Fuck writing.
"Listen, you idiot!" Bulma roared at Goku. "How many fucking ways am I going to have to tell you?! I gave 18 the D!"
"Did she want it?" asked Chi-Chi from the other room, which was a kitchen, FYI.
"So, you raped another woman with a penis that you don't have?"
A hole mysteriously appeared in the ceiling of Goku's house before Bulma had the chance to give up and change the subject. Mysteriously, Android 18 was floating very nakedly above the smoking hole, with Vegeta not far behind staring at 18's not-far-behind. You know, robots can't fart. Fun fact.
"Android 18!" Bulma screamed, mainly out of a sense of duty. Any time an anime character sees another anime character, they have to shout that person's name all dramatically.
Android 18 lowered herself very boobily to the floor right in front of Bulma. "Really, Bulma? Goku's house? The very first place I'd think of to look?"
"Fine, 18, I'll do the surgery! Can't you just leave me alone to my misery for a few more minutes?!"
"What?! Why are you the one acting like a victim here?! I have a penis because of you!"
Goku felt a need to throw his two cents in. Unfortunately, those two "cents" are more like the copper wiring that meth-heads strip from houses, fashioned into the shape of a turd with George Bush's face on it. "So, wait, you gave birth to a male Android 18, Bulma?"
Bulma looked long and hard into Goku's eyes. Then she slowly approached 18. "Please get me out of here."
"I can't let you off that easily. That aphrodisiac you slipped into my new dick is starting to take effect."
"…I didn't slip an aphrodisiac into your new dick. That isn't even how aphrodisiacs work."
"Then I guess I'm just that horny, aren't I?"
"…I'm not opposed to that."
So Bulma and Android 18 went back to Capsule Corp and fucked like rabbits. I'll tell you what, 18 gave Bulma such a pounding, she could blow her nose and wipe her ass from the same hole. Vegeta was left awkwardly floating above the home of Goku and Chi-Chi.
"…Want some dinner?"
"What're you having?"
"Sweet. Count me in."