Disclaimer: I own nothing…
Summary: CBPC Jan. Brennan's use of a sick day has Booth concerned and when he shows up to check on her, another piece of the puzzle that is her past falls into place.
Author's Notes: So, this story is what it is. I have done no revising and if it seems rushed, that's because it kind of was. Unfortunately, I just don't have much time on my hands right now… I have to read 300 pages of Dracula, 100 of Casino Royale, and about 50 or so between Linguistic Anthropology and Survey of Human Communication, and on top of that I have to write an abstract for Linguistic Anthropology and about six pages for Creative Writing. All by Monday. And apparently my housemates are having a superbowl party tomorrow night, which will make concentration pretty much impossible… So, yeah, it is what it is. I sincerely apologize for any mistakes I may have made, and I hope it's enjoyable…
And sorry for the rant… A word of advice, never take two lit courses, one writing, an anthropology, and a comm that requires speeches every Friday all in the same semester… Especially when most of them are upper division. It's just asking for trouble...
Anyway, the lyrics in this one are from Splender's "Maybe Someday"… Not sure how much sense they really make with the fic itself, but the song sort of inspired it, and I kind of thought they worked, so they're here…
And finally, to anyone waiting on the next chapter of Shortly Before the End, I apologize. It should have been up last week… But I forgot to e-mail myself the file from home and it wasn't on my laptop, so I haven't been able to work on it. I should have it finished soon… Hopefully by next weekend.
No pain, no blood, no oxygen
No breaks, no cuts, no sedatives
No time, no way, to work this in
So where do I begin
When she heard the insistent knocking at the door, she chose to ignore it, opting instead to stay exactly where she was, her face buried in the crook of her arm as she rested her head on the table, trying her best to stop the memories that simply wouldn't stop flooding back to her. Her whole life, there had been things she had tried her best to put behind her… Things she had never again wanted to remember… And yet somehow, they just kept creeping back in. Nagging at her until she simply couldn't take it anymore, and she had to know… Had to see if her suspicions could possibly be correct…
And they were. The proof was right there in front of her. For so many years she had hoped for nothing more than her parents' return… And yet, in reality, their actions had done nothing more than destroy everything in her world…
She wasn't surprised when she heard the door open and she sighed heavily, lifting her head to run her hands through her hair, and offering no other acknowledgement that he was there, standing beside her… Apparently, he had decided that her use of a sick day was the equivalent of an emergency…
And if I gave you the sun
Would you take it home?
And if I gave you a gun
Would you feel alone?
And if I bothered you much
Then tell me to walk away
"What're you doing here?" she questioned, her tone harsh as she leaned back in her chair, crossing her arms tightly over her chest and keeping her eyes from his.
"What am I doing here?" He pulled out the seat beside her, making himself comfortable as he continued to speak, his voice dripping with disbelief. "What are you doing here? You never miss work, Bones."
"I'm sick," she stated matter-of-factly, trying her best to keep the edge out of her voice this time.
"The hell you are." He disagreed, still watching her closely. "You never get sick… And if you were to get sick, I know damn well you wouldn't just stay home of your own free will… Something's going on here, Bones, and I'm not leaving until you tell me what it is."
She scoffed at that, her eyes rolling heavenward before she finally allowed them to focus on the man beside her. "You're awfully demanding, seeing as how none of this is any of your business, and you're in my home."
"Angela told me you called to tell her you wouldn't be in… Said you sounded upset. I figured I ought to drop by and check up on you." He informed her, opting to ignore her statement, as he noticed the photographs that littered the table before him. She shook her head in annoyance, watching him cautiously. There were certain things she had never told anyone and, though she knew he really ought to know, she wasn't entirely in the mood to share.
"Looks like a trip down memory lane." He stated, reaching out to lift one of the photographs from the table and studying it for only a fraction of a second before it was ripped from his hands, her angry eyes immediately finding his.
"This is none of your business, Booth, and I would really appreciate it if you would leave. Now."
Throw me around to stop all the stones
I would steal you the flesh to sew on your bones
And if you show me a sign then I'm gonna die for you
That's all I have to say
Her anger perplexed him, and it only caused his concern to flair as he looked at her… There was more than anger behind her eyes, and the pain he saw hovering there unnerved him, and only convinced him further than there was reason for worry.
"What's going on?"
His voice was firm and demanding, though there was a soothing softness to it that had her eyes sweeping up to meet his, wide and suddenly glassy with unshed tears. He reached out then, resting a comforting hand over hers as he silently urged her to let him in… And when she saw the genuine concern in his eyes, she gave in, wrapping her fingers around his for support and letting out a sigh of resignation.
"When I was fifteen, my best friend was murdered. Back then, I didn't know why… Now I think I do."
"Bones?" His voice was soft, but insistent and when she tried to pull her hand from his, he tightened his grip, no willing to let her go so quickly, because he feared the moment she lost that contact, she would close herself off again.
Her eyes fell to their joined hands as she continued, but she didn't try to pull back. "She was the only person I had ever known who really understood me. I was always the outsider. The girl nobody noticed or cared about… For most of the people around me, I wasn't even on their radar. I was so invisible, Booth… I wasn't even important enough to make fun of." She paused for a moment, taking a deep breath to steady her words as she tried her best to keep from breaking down. "But Abby… She noticed me. And she wouldn't let me ignore her… She wanted to be friends, and what Abby wanted, she got." She smiled faintly at the memory, her eyes bright with tears and he squeezed her hand gently in reassurance.
She stayed silent for a few moments, trying her best to find the words to continue and he waited patiently beside her, afraid to speak for fear that she would immediately retreat back within herself and lock him out for good if he were to push.
It wasn't long before she reached out to lift the photograph she had so hastily ripped from his grasp earlier from beside her and handed it over to him. "That's McVicar. There, in that picture." She paused for a moment, indicating the man who stood in the background of the of the picture before allowing him to study it a bit more closely. "That was the week before she was taken… Kidnapped. Tortured. Murdered…"
He wasn't sure what he should say in those moments, and so he stayed silent, his eyes moving over the smiling face of a fifteen year old Temperance, her arm resting around the shoulders of a pretty brunette with dimples and the greenest eyes he had ever seen hidden behind a pair of glasses and bangs that fell to her cheeks. After a moment, his eyes moved back to hers, ad he knew by the look she gave him that he wasn't doing the best job of hiding the sadness he was feeling for her. But he couldn't help it… She had been through so much in her life, and all he wanted to do was take away all of that pain…
She continued then as she took the photograph back, her eyes moving over it slowly. "After that, I never really let anyone in… Because not too long afterwards, my parents disappeared, and Russ left… I had lost everyone I had ever loved… Before Angela, I never even could have called anyone a friend. And even then, it was hard for me to use the word… Because it felt like I was betraying Abby."
Blow out the clothes
They'd never appear
And if you ever got sad
I would choke on your tears
So you should show me the line
I'm standing behind for you
A tear slipped from her eye then and instead of letting her hand go so that she could wipe it away, he reached out his free hand and gently smoothed his thumb over her cheek, wiping away the little trail it had left in its wake. "Why have you never told me any of this before?" He asked gently, his voice urging honesty as he locked eyes with her.
"Because, Booth…" Her own voice was soft as she watched him, shaking her head gently. "My whole life, there have been certain things that I've tried my best to keep hidden… Because bringing them up serves no other purpose than to bring sympathy, and, honestly, I don't want to think about it… I don't want to have to relive that pain… Sometimes I wish I could just forget that that whole year of my life even happened…"
"But keeping it all locked up inside isn't good for you either… Sometimes you just have to let someone in."
He could see the uncertainty in her as he spoke, and he hoped that maybe he was getting through… Because he wanted her to let herself open up more often. This side of her was something he loved. Because when she was like this, open, she was no longer wearing the mask she so often used to cover up the emotion she had somehow convinced herself she shouldn't feel, and it gave him a glimpse of the real Temperance Brennan…
"I have a lot of secrets, Booth…" She told him softly, her eyes seeking his, honesty dripping from her tone. "This is just one of them."
"And I think I'd like to know them all."
She laughed a little at that, dropping her eyes to their hands once more as she shook her head just a bit. "Trust me, Booth… A lot of people have tried. None have ever succeeded."
"I will. One day." The determination in his voice had her raising her eyes to meet with his as a little smile slipped over her lips to match the one he wore as he watched her. "Trust me."
And in that moment, she did…
But if you wanna believe For you That's all I have to say
That I got a need for you
That's all I have to say