Debrief Disaster By Ardin

Disclaimer: I don't own any of it and after this I will never be allowed within a hundred miles of it.

A/N: I was forced to sit through a really boring seminar lecture this morning and the best part was an opening slide on the Power Point pres. that had a cool picture from "Holy Grail" and the doolie sitting next to me had no idea what it was from and this inspired this. It's totally ridiculous and not really well written, but I figured since I'd already written it I might as well post it.



The mission debrief was…well…not a complete disaster. After all the mission had gone well and the natives were friendly and willing to give whatever they could in fair trade. While they were still reasonably primitive by Earth standards – feudal society and a level of technology roughly equivelent to the European Middle Ages – the planet was rich in naquida and the townspeople were more than willing to give them mining rights in an uninhabited area in exchange for some cultural assistance. SG-1 had stayed a few days checking the area, taking soil samples and looking for evidence of the Goauld (of which there was none). SG-9 was going back next week to finish the mining treaty.

So, because the mission wasn't a disaster, you couldn't really in all honesty consider the debrief to be one either. It was, however, not a stirring success either.

Teal'c, as always, sat patiently observing the proceedings. Occasionally he would answer a question or insert relavent information as Hammond read through the mission report. Other than that he neither spoke nor moved noticably.

Sam's report to the General and the rest of the team is where the non-success of the debrief takes shape. While the report, in typical Carter fashion, was eloquent, simplified for the layman, and encompassed all the salient details, the effects were somewhat diminished by the glares she frequently shot Jack and Daniel, who were doing their darnedest not to laugh out loud the entire time.

This behavior, of course, was noticed quickly by Hammond, who equally quickly became fed up with it.

"Major Carter will you please explain the behavior of you and your teammates?"

"I'm sorry, sir. I disagree with some of Colonel O'Neill's actions during this mission and he and Daniel both seem to find either that behavior or my response to it funny." Again she glared at the Colonel, seeming for the moment to forget rank or the dangers of insubordination. Before the General could reply, O'Neill spoke up.

"Oh, come on, Carter. You've got to admit it was funny. Besides he asked me the question and it was the first thing that popped into my mind." The look on his face said clearly 'I know you want me to be sorry, but I'm not.' And the accompanying tilt of the head from Teal'c was enough to push Daniel over the edge.

His laughter spilled out in waves at first, but as the hysteria did not abate, oxygen soon became an issue and the archeologist was shortly reduced to gasping for air.

Sam seemed to ignore Daniel in favour of continuing to glare at Jack and Hammond seemed content to let his two officers figure things out for themselves rather than get involved.

"But why would that pop into your mind? I mean where did it come from? You could have just said that we were of Earth, or the SGC, or anything else."

Daniel had finally managed to regain his composure and after casting one more mirth filled look at Sam, turned to the General.

"You see, sir, as we've already explained, their society is feudal, with everyone divided in classes and clans. Petere, the first person we encountered, explained that…"

Jack's incredulous voice interuppted, as Sam's earlier comment had only just sunk in, "Carter, you mean you don't know where that comes from? How can you possibly have missed that? I mean…"

This time it was Hammond who interrupted, "Dr. Jackson, if you will please continue."

"Right," Daniel looked flustered for a moment and then picked up on his earlier speech, "Peter explained that all the people were divided into houses and each house into different ranks of knights. Now this appears to be very different from what we call knights, not all of their knights fight, in fact very few are actually soldiers. It's interesting, the word knight in English comes from the root…" The look on Jack's face clearly indictated that he should just move onto the point, "Anyway, apparently on P7X-438 the only individuals who aren't knights of some sort are outlaws and criminals."

"That was about the time he started looking at us suspiciously, sir." Jack's tone said that he resented even the thought that he was a criminal. "He asked us if we were knights, as if after all that we would say that we weren't."


Daniel responded, "And I told them that we were knights from a different region and that we were exploring. Which is when Jack spoke up."

All heads in the room turned toward Jack. His next statement sent Hammond into a fit of laughter, which caused Sam to whip her head toward the General so quickly she winced in pain, which set Daniel off again, ending with him on the floor in hysterics.

It was also a statement that would go down in SGC debreif history. And Sam still didn't get it.

"I told him that we were the knights who say nee."


A/N: Again it's not supposed to be good, it was just a good distraction.