I do not own any of the characters, events and/or places that are
recognized as being written and created by J.K. Rowling. J.K. Rowling
owns all the characters and places from the Harry Potter books
including the ones used in this story.
A/N: Hello everyone! This is my take on Remus's life. There will be 12 (maybe 13) chapters. Each will take place at a different time in Remus's life, and will be themed around the name of the Full Moon that cooresponds to the month the chapter takes place in. I hope that makes sense, hahaha. It will also be an R/S story, obviously. Happy reading, if you choose to! (Also, if anyone likes my writing style, I have posted some original stories which you can find on the link under homepage in my profile. Just incase you feel really bored!)
Remus's 2nd year at Hogwarts
They could have been in a snow globe. The way the sky was heavy and low. It stretched far and curved down. Enclosing everything in its arch. Trapping Hogwarts in a secure gray embrace.
And of course there was the snow. Falling in rapid, perfect, tiny balls of ice and clouds and cold.
Remus was lying sprawled on the soft snow next to their new favorite tree. He held his double gloved hands out, catching a couple perfect flakes in his palms. He had two and a half holes in his own gloves. James wordlessly threw him an extra pair before they bounded outside. Remus was always grateful for the James he knew. The James who did nice things and didn't need to point them out for the sake of being revered.
Being in a snow globe wouldn't be bad, Remus thought. Things never changed in a snow globe. Especially the weather, but the scenes too; and the people. Remus wouldn't have minded sitting in that spot forever, staying right where he belonged.
When Remus's perfect white world was turned up side down and thrown about, the gray sky replaced by equally gray eyes, Remus realized why people probably don't live in snow globes. There was that whole being shaken part.
"Sirius," Remus said gently. "I was having a moment."
Sirius rose up on his hands, the lower half of his body still holding Remus's down. "Well, now we're having a moment." Sirius smiled down at Remus. His cheeks were red, and so was his nose. His dark hair was escaping from under his wool hat, and each one of his eyelashes was holding up a tiny star of snow. Sirius was winter. Remus smiled back at him, but it was slow and secretive; the kind of smile a wintery Sirius Black deserved. "I didn't hurt you, did I?" Sirius asked, suddenly looking nervous.
"No," Remus laughed up at him.
"Good." Sirius rolled off of Remus and landed on his back to the right of him. "Remus? I think I've solved world famine."
Remus closed his eyes against the onslaught of snow. "Go ahead. I'm ready."
When Sirius didn't immediately start talking, Remus turned his head and opened his eyes. Sirius was staring up at the sky, tongue lolled out catching flakes of various sizes and swallowing their melted remains. "We flavor snow."
"Oh," Remus said. "Like snow cones. Those exist. Not really a big aid in the war against hunger, though."
"No, no, no, no." Sirius turned to look at Remus. A large section of his glossy hair fell across his cheek and framed his face. "We charm falling snow so when they reach your tongue they turn into nibbles of food. No spending money, no going hungry." Sirius's eyes twinkled. They could very well have been two snowflakes trapped in endless black holes. "I'm the biggest genius you'll ever have the pleasure of freezing your bits off with, Lupin." Sirius opened his mouth again, but stopped and looked curiously at the sky. "Wait, what are snow…cones?"
Remus rolled his eyes. It was his second year at Hogwarts, and he still hadn't gotten used to explaining simple things like pens to those crazy purebloods. "Snow cones are a muggle treat. It is a compact ball of ice flavored with syrups like cherry or blueberry, and then it's stuffed into a paper cone."
"Syrups, hmmm. And what do you do with them?"
Remus couldn't help stare at him with open amazement. "You eat them."
"My idea was better."
Remus laughed as Sirius sprang to his feet with a bright smile and bounded away.
"Remus!" The shrill voice brought Remus to his feet. Sirius galloped back to him, and wrapped his own gloved hand around Remus's scarf. "We're all going for a walk. Come on."
Sirius led him over to a small alcove of snow covered trees. "Finally," James sighed, as Remus and Sirius came to stand in front of him. He was draped awkwardly over a mound of snow. "If you wanted to take a nap, Remus, you could've stayed in the dorm."
Remus laughed. "Oh? And you three would have left me alone up there?"
James nodded, but playfully pushed Remus back so he could stand up.
Sirius strolled over to where Remus stumbled back to and slithered his arm around Remus's elbow. Remus's stomach coiled up at the contact, like the way it did whenever the pretty Ravenclaw prefect Laura smiled at him in the hall. He wanted to move away from Sirius, but Sirius didn't seem to be having any of that. "He wasn't napping. He was having a moment," Sirius said to James.
James laughed. "I swear you're a girl Lupin."
"Can we start walking now?" Remus turned around to see Peter or to see the vaguely human form of six overstuffed winter coats in which the unmistakable screech of Peter's voice seemed to be issuing from. "My legs are falling asleep."
"Can you walk, Peter?" Remus questioned, poking Peter in the stomach.
Peter swung back his stiff arm without bending any joints (because he couldn't), and used the returning force to knock Remus out of his way. Sirius caught Remus before he could crash to the snowy ground.
"That was pretty much uncalled for," Sirius shouted. He let go of Remus once he was sure he was unharmed.
"So is wearing everything one owns," James added, watching Peter amble to a stop.
"I don't want to get sick," Peter whined. Peter Pettigrew, Remus remembered, really really hated winter.
Sirius leaned into Remus and his breath was hot and welcoming against the numbness of his earlobe. "He shouldn't drink his pumpkin juice tonight then," he whispered.
Remus shook his head. "Don't do anything, Sirius."
Sirius winked at him, and twisted his arm around Remus's again. With a slight nod, he led him further down the path, walking closely behind James and Peter, keeping a tight grip on his forearm.
"Um," Remus spoke up. "We could go talk inside, by the fire. Peter, if you're starting to feel sick or too cold."
Peter angled his body around so that he could look at Remus. His face was lit with a wide smile. "Thank you, Remus," he said with sincere gratitude. Remus watched Peter exchange looks with James. "But, I'm fine. Let's walk."
So they walked and walked. With the cold wind curling around their bodies, caressing any sliver of bare skin. With droplets of snow threatening to bury them completely if they even thought of stopping. Remus watched his breath burst from his mouth in cloudy puffs of smoke, liking the brief pocket of warmth the old air gave his face. All around them the world was white and almost silent. Their boots were making an odd chorus over the fresh fallen snow and in the distant came the twinkling sounds of other Hogwarts students laughing and playing. Next to him, Remus could hear Sirius breathing hard through his nose.
For the second time that day, Remus imagined they were in a snow globe. Walking forever, together, with no destination, no end.
"So, Remus?" James's voice shook Remus out of his make believe snow globe.
"Where were you earlier this week, again?"
Remus tried so very hard not to react to that question with Sirius still holding onto his arm. His stomach without fail always turned in on itself with a violent clench whenever someone brought up one of his mysterious absences. He cleared his throat quietly and stayed calm. He just needed to stay calm, stick to his story, and Stay Calm. "My grandmother is sick. She, she's not going to make it. And my Father wants me to come see her once a month, just in case."
"Hmm," James hummed. He had his head tipped back, addressing the falling flakes. Remus slid his eyes over to Sirius who was staring at the back of James's head. "You know," James continued. "Last year, my grandparents died and my mum had to fill out a day's worth of paperwork to take me home for only one weekend."
"Oh," Remus whispered. He forgot about that. Remus remembered suddenly going to James to console him and feeling slightly shocked to see the boy shrug and say "they were old". Remus did some quick thinking. "Maybe Dumbledore has changed the rule since then." He looked full on at Sirius, willing him to give a reaction. Sirius kept up his vigil of James's head, his jaw set tight and straight.
Remus had never felt more sick to his stomach in his entire life.
"Maybe," James said.
There was silence again. But it wasn't the peaceful silence from before. The world felt colder to Remus. His skin prickled every time a snow flake landed on his face and he desperately wanted to go inside. Even Sirius's close presence did nothing to make him feel OK. In fact, Remus then realized, that Sirius was holding onto him, to prevent him from running.
"Remus?" James asked. James wasn't the oldest of the group, barely the tallest, but there was something about the way he held his head and walked that made him the clear leader of the four of them. He had a cool calmness about him. Peter would never have the courage to question someone else's actions and Sirius would never be able to get through one round without just spitting out his point.
"Yes?" Remus answered him.
"Wasn't your grandmother sick last year too?"
Stay calm. Stay calm, stay calm. "Yes. Well, it was a different grandmother."
"Oh." James paused. "And where do you live again?"
Remus was so focused about keeping up his story he almost forgot that he didn't have to lie about that. "A small village, near Lancashire," he answered.
"That's awfully far to fly to."
"I suppose. But, I wouldn't fly there. I'd floo." As soon as the words left his mouth, Remus was positive he just said the wrong thing. Not because flooing seemed unrealistic, but because he just made himself sound like he would floo there if he had to floo there, which he doesn't. For a second he thought of saying "I mean I do floo there", but he knew James and his perfect hearing wasn't going to be fooled by that.
James whistled. "You must be the world's worst floo…lander."
"Why do you say that?" Remus asked. If this whole conversation was leading up to a debate about traveling methods, he'd be the happiest boy who lived. Rather unlikely.
"You always look so destroyed when you return from your grandmother's," James said. "Is her fireplace next to a wall or something?"
Remus sighed and pulled Sirius to a halting stop. "James, is this going somewhere?"
"Yes," James said. And he stopped walking too, and turned to look Remus right in the eye. "I was hoping to get you to just tell us, mate. Because that's what we are. Mates. What, were you going to keep pretending you have deadly ill relatives for the next five years?"
Remus bowed his head. "Maybe. Probably." He looked at Sirius's leather covered hand, gripping his arm. "Sirius, you could let go of me. I'm not going to run."
"Oh," James scoffed, rolling his eyes. "He just feels wretched, that's why he's holding onto you for dear life. But, never mind Sirius's guilty mind. Why didn't you tell us?"
"I'm not supposed to!" Remus shouted looking imploringly at James. Dumbledore…if Dumbledore finds out you know…Please, I don't want to leave school." Remus could feel a hot lump forming in his throat.
"Remus," Sirius said. He didn't utter another word until Remus looked at him. "We will never let that happen to you."
Remus smiled, feeling weird and much older than twelve. "How did you figure it out?"
"Last September," James said immediately. "Astronomy class, remember? We had a whole lesson on the phases of the moon?"
Remus nodded. He would never forget that class. The Professor was showing slides of different full moons, and he just could not stop fidgeting in his seat. He was uncomfortable, he didn't want to look at the full moon; he was scared of it. After the sixth or seventh slide, Sirius jabbed him in the ribs and whispered: "What's the matter with you? Unless you're a werewolf and starting to change, then stay still!" He'll never forgot that class because it was the only moment so far in his short life where he hated someone more than the full moon.
"Well," James continued. "We had an observation on a full moon night and you weren't there. It took a little research, writing down the moon phase whenever you went to visit your grandmother. But…everything pretty much fell into place then."
"So, so, you really are a, a werewolf?" Peter asked, whispered, wobbling up behind James.
Remus looked down at his boots again. "Yes,' he said, his own voice coming out in a strangled whisper. "I'll understand if you-"
"Don't even finish that, Lupin. That's the whole point of this. We're still going to be your friends. Even if you can kill us once a month. In fact, if I'm going to stop being your friend, it's going to be because you'd rather study than watch Quidditch."
Remus looked at each one of his friends, his real friends, in turn. "Really?"
"Yes," James shouted, punching him lightly in the shoulder. His eyes passed over to Sirius, and he laughed. "Now will you please hug Sirius and tell him you forgive him before he starts crying."
Sirius scowled, but held his arms loosely open.
Remus hesitated, unsure if it was proper to hug another boy in front of friends. When Sirius's scowling eyes became wide and puppy like, Remus immediately stepped into Sirius, wrapping his arm around his thin waist, and patting him soundly on the back. "Sirius," he asked, as he withdrew back. He quickly noticed how much pressure Sirius used to hug him and stored that for later analyzing. "I'm not mad at you. Why, what do I have to forgive you about?"
Sirius busied himself with picking lint off his scarf, and shrugged. "I…my family…" Sirius sighed. "Well, what I said to you in class that one time. And…you see…my mum taught me to hate three things. Muggles, Mudbloods, and werewolves. Well, dark creatures, but especially…" Sirius gestured at Remus. Remus bit his lip. Sirius looked so anguished, it hurt. "Remus," Sirius continued. "I've said some, some really horrible things about people who are, werewolves, and…you're none of those things. And you don't deserve having those things said about you. And I can't take them back. I know I didn't say them to your face, but ever since I, we, figured out why you were really absent those times, it's all I can think about. I just…I'm really sorry."
"Sirius," Remus said, grabbing hold of Sirius's hands which had been gesturing wildly during his rambled speech. "It's OK. You, your mum made you think those things. You didn't know any better."
Sirius nodded. "Can we still be friends?"
"How come a conversation about Remus turns into therapy time for the heir of the House of Black?" James asked loudly, throwing a snowball at Sirius's chest. Before Sirius could bend down to gather his own retaliation snowball, James launched himself at Sirius locking his arms at his side. "Snowball fights later, Black. First, I have more questions for Remus."
"Yeah," Peter said, slowly rocking his stiff body towards them. "Like where do you go to, you know-" he lowered his voice in a conspiratorial whisper. "Transform."
Remus looked around the area, and then at each of the boys. "Do you promise to never tell a soul any of this or give Dumbledore any reason to suspect that you even know what I am?" All three nodded eagerly, and honestly. With apprehension still racing through his body, and snow still falling gracefully around their tight huddle, Remus told them everything.