Lost Hope

Summery: when Harry believes he has nothing left to live for he tries to commit suicide. Can his father and mother bring him back from the dark?

Disclaimer: I don't own anything I have used in the making of my story except the plot.

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It was a cold and stormy week at Hogwarts during Harry's sixth and worst year yet at school. The previous year his godfather, his last hope at a proper loving family had been killed at the Department of Mysteries when duelling his cousin ,Bellatrix Lestrange. Harry blamed himself for his death and had fallen into a deep depression causing his aunt Petunia, who had never ever given a damn about how he was before, to become worried about his behaviour. She had tried taking him to see a therapist but that hadn't work as Harry closed up like a clam, bottling all his emotions inside himself. Harry had stopped feeding his body and had lost a lot of weight as a result. Everyone was worried about him as it looked as if he hadn't had a decent night's sleep in a long time. Dumbledore began blaming himself for Harry's poor mental state but McGonagall quickly scolded him when he started that. Hermione and Ron had tried talking to Harry about it but he kept quiet most of the time and didn't even try and answer any of their questions.

One evening after Harry's potions class Severus Snape headed towards Dumbledore's office with the intention of speaking to his grandfather. Severus gave the password to the office and headed up the revolving staircase. He entered the circular room and found his grandmother and grandfather conversing.

"Evening grandmere, grandpere I need to talk to you about Harry" Severus said to the elderly couple situated there.

"Ah yes Severus we were expecting you please sit down" Dumbledore said gravely

Severus took a seat next to his grandmother who immediately began fussing about his hair.

"Severus how many time have I told you…" she began

"Never stand over potions for more than 48 hours and always wash your hair immediately." Severus concluded "I know grandmere but we have more pressing issues. Grandpere have you noticed Harry's behaviour during the year?'

"Yes I have, I believe young Harold has fallen deep into the threshold of depression. He believes that he is responsible for Sirius' death and now he has nothing left to live for. I believe that he is capable of taking his own life and have asked young Miss Granger and Mister Weasley to look after him and keep an eye out."

"Grandpere don't you think I should…"

"No Severus he is not ready for the truth yet. It could destroy him. Maybe when he is well again"

Severus sighed "Grandpere I cannot loose my son to the darkness. He's all I have left of her"

"I know Severus we'll try and help him in every way we…"

Suddenly Dumbledore was interrupted by the door flinging open and a frantic Hermione and Ron burst into the room.

"Professor, Professor it's Harry!" Hermione cried

"Miss Granger what is the matter with Mr. Potter?" Dumbledore asked calmly not wanting to panic just yet

"He's gone Professor and he left this note" Ron said. Dumbledore took the letter from Ron and began to read

To whom ever it concerns it read

I cannot carry on anymore. I am the cause of so much pain and death. I cannot stand to see another innocent die because of me so I am taking my own life.. I wish you all good health for the future and am so sorry for all the pain I have caused you all.

Goodbye

Harry Potter

"This is a very serious matter. We must search for him at once. Severus gather some of the prefects and start searching from the fifth floor to the top of all the towers. Ron, Hermione I want you to search all of Harry's favourite places. Minerva and I will gather all the teachers and start searching the other parts of the castle. I must urge you to make haste as every minute we waste puts Harry so much closer to death. Now hurry"

Everyone rushed from the room to perform their assigned duties. Dumbledore gazed out the window into the stormy night. He hoped they were not too late

'Harry my child be safe'


Harry sat on the ledge of the window in the Astronomy Tower. The wind and rain whipped around his face and messed his slightly longer hair up even more. He had long stopped crying tears and had now become blissfully numb. Whether it was from the cold or from his own emotions Harry couldn't care anymore. All that mattered was that he had killed Sirius and so many others before, that he didn't deserve to live. A lone tear made it's way down Harry's face at the thought of his godfather. 'There is nothing left for me here.' Harry thought as he took the dagger Sirius had given him for Christmas and made three deep cuts on each of his wrists. He watched as slowly his life essence flowed away. Harry stood up from his position on the ledge and slowly made his way towards the end. It was now or never. Just as he as about to leap of the ledge, the door to the Astronomy Tower banged open and Harry whirled around to come face to face with his potions Professor, Severus Snape.

How can you see into my eyes like open doors?

Leading you down into my core where I've become so numb

Without a soul

My spirit's sleeping somewhere cold

Until you find it there and lead

It back home

(Wake me up)

Wake me up inside

(Can't wake up)

Wake me up inside

(Save me)

Call my name and save me from the dark

(Wake me up)

Bid my blood to run

(I can't wake up)

Before I come undone

(Save me)

Save me from the nothing I've become


Severus raced up to the Astronomy Tower after leaving his nephew on the fifth floor and other prefects on the following floors coming up. He really hoped that he wasn't too late to save …. 'Oh god Harry don't do anything stupid' he thought. He leapt up the remaining steps before opening the door to the tower with a bang. Severus stopped short. There standing on the edge of the ledge in the pouring rain was Harry, his son . Harry spun round ,startled, so fast that Severus thought that he would slip. The look in Harry's eyes was one of self loathing and a deeply hurt, haunted soul. Severus never wanted to see that look in a child's eyes ever again. He moved forward a bit careful not to startle the boy anymore.

"Stop where you are!" Harry screamed

Severus froze and eyed the hysterical young man in front of him

"Harry get down from the ledge" he said slowly

"No don't come any closer, I told you not to look for me!" Harry continued screaming

"Harry you know you don't want to do this, come down from there you could fall," Severus said as he slowly crept forward again.

"STOP, don't move!" Harry began backing up on the ledge "Do you know how it feels, everyday all your loved ones falling down dead because of you, I can't continue, there's nothing left for me here. I can't continue living knowing that everyone who gets close to me is going to die!"

Severus noticed that as Harry kept talking he waved his arms around and that his wrists had been slit. 'Probably did that himself' he thought.

"Harry that's not true. Everyone you love is not going to die just because they are close to you"

"LIAR!" was the hysterical reply "I know the truth so don't try and convince me other wise. I want to die, don't you get it? I want to die, it's what I deserve."

Harry turned around and was about to jump off but Severus' next words stopped him

"You don't deserve that Harry; nobody does , plus think about the family you'll be leaving behind"

"The Dursley's? Ha they couldn't care less if I was alive or not." Harry gave a bitter laugh" I have no family left. I just killed the last remaining person of my family. Don't you see Sirius is dead and IT'S ALL MY FAULT!" Harry screamed again.

Now that I know what I'm without

You can't just leave me

Breathe into me and make me real

Bring me to life

(Wake me up)

Wake me up inside

(Can't wake up)

Wake me up inside

(Save me)

Call my name and save me from the dark

(Wake me up)

Bid my blood to run

(I can't wake up)

Before I come undone

(Save me)

Save me from the nothing I've become

"Harry you do have a loving family, you have a father, grandparents, an uncle, aunt and cousin who love you so very much" Severus said quietly knowing that he was deliberately disobeying his grandfather's orders.

Harry gave another laugh only this one was a very cold and cruel one

"I've already killed my father, and I don't have any other relatives or cousins other than Dudley and the Dursley's."

"You have me" Severus said so quietly that he doubted Harry heard him

"What?" Apparently he did

" You're my son Harry, Lily Evans was my wife and James my second cousin twice removed."

"Great now I've just gained more family that hates me. I deserve it though, I deserve all the torment, hate and pain. All I wanted was to be normal but no a murderer like me can never be normal" Harry sat on the ledge now shedding silent tears

"Oh Harry I've never hated you and neither does Draco. It's all been a ruse to fool Voldemort."

"How do I know you're not lying. I've been lied to all my life what would make this any different?"

"I would never lie to you Harry, I love you too much to do that now come down so that we can discuss this properly" Severus urged. He knew that Harry was already going to catch the chills from sitting in the rain for so long and he was still scared that Harry would change his mind and jump of the ledge.

When Harry made no show of moving, Severus slowly made his way towards the distraught teen careful not to slip and end up falling off the ledge himself.

Bring me to life

(I've been living a lie there's nothing inside)

Bring me to life

Frozen inside without your touch

Without your love darling

Only you are the life among the dead

Severus made it to Harry without any mishaps or outbursts from the fragile teen. He carefully wrapped his arms around him and held him as he silently wept for the family he had lost. When he was sure Harry was calm and the wind began getting too rough Severus suggested that they head inside. Harry just nodded and stood up. Unfortunately the ledge was now very slippery and Harry couldn't keep his balance due to the amount of blood he had lost. He screamed in fear as he began falling over but a hand held onto his wrist. Harry looked up and saw his father's onyx black eyes in the dim light. Harry tried not looking down but the temptation was too great. He gulped. He was suspended 60 feet in the air!

All of this time I can't believe I couldn't see

Kept in the dark but you were there in front of me

(I've been sleeping for a thousand years it seems

Got to open my eyes to everything)

Without a thought without a voice without a soul

Don't let me die here there's got to be something more

(Bring me to life)

(Wake me up)

Wake me up inside

(Can't wake up)

Wake me up inside

(Save me)

Call my name and save me from the dark

(Wake me up)

Bid my blood to run

(I can't wake up)

Before I come undone

(Save me)

Save me from the nothing I've become

Bring me to life

(I've been living a lie there's nothing inside)

Bring me to life

"Harry can you pull yourself up?" Severus cried over the roar of the wind

"No I injured my shoulder when I fell. Severus I'm scared" Harry shouted back. Sure he had planned on killing himself before but that was before he had a living family. Someone who he actually hoped loved him for who he was. Severus tried pulling Harry up, the boy was entirely too light, but found that his hand was slipping.

"Harry I need you to grab onto my hand with your other hand. You're slipping."

Harry reached up to grab Severus' hand but the grip was lost then and Harry began falling down the tower. Severus swore and whipped his wand out of his pockets. There was nothing he could do to stop Harry from falling but he could slow him down so that the fall wasn't fatal. After yelling the spell to slow Harry down, Severus sprinted down the tower pausing only to tell Madame Pomfrey that she needed to get ready to admit a new patient. When Severus got outside Harry lay on the ground as pale as death. He carefully gathered him into his arms and sprinted off to the hospital wing. He met Dumbledore, McGonagall, Hermione, Ron and Draco there. While Pomfrey took care of Harry, Severus relayed all that had happened to everyone else gathered.

"It is worse than I feared. I just don't know what to do for him anymore. I think the best method would be for us to erase his memory." Dumbledore said gravely

"No!" Hermione and Severus said simultaneously

"Harry would never forgive you if you do that to him, besides that just wouldn't be fair" Hermione sobbed

"Well your erasing of Harry's memories will have to wait." Poppy said interrupting their debate "Harry has suffered many major injuries but most have been healed. Unfortunately Harry has also fallen into a self induced coma. It is up to him to return to us now as I've done all I can."

"Then we can only wait and hope that he comes out of it soon" McGonagall replied tearfully. Dumbledore wrapped his arms around his wife and held her as she began sobbing for their great grandchild.


Harry was floating in a sea of white. He liked it here and didn't want to go back to the land of the living where he knew he would only cause pain and suffering. Harry shifted a bit in his sea, he pondered all that his potions professor had told him before he fell off the tower. He didn't want to believe it but he knew deep in his heart that his Professor had been the only one who had never lied to him before. He only told him half of the truth. Harry didn't know how long he spent in the white mist but soon he fell asleep.

When Harry next woke it was to someone playing with his hair. He yawned and looked up at the person who sat next to him. She was beautiful with flaming red hair and startling green eyes. In fact she reminded him a lot of…

"Hello my baby did you have a nice nap?" The angel said in her melodic voice. It washed over Harry like a cool summer breeze.

"Mom?" Harry asked cautiously. He didn't want to believe it just yet

"Yes my little seeker" Lily replied

"Mom is it really you?" Lily nodded and Harry launched himself at her. She just held him as he cried out all his frustrations and hurt. When Harry was calm again he looked up at his mother's angel

"Mom I thought you were dead"

"I am dear but I was given permission to come and see you. Harry you have fallen into a self induced coma, do you know why's that?"

"I just don't want to go back and cause so many people more pain. I mean I've already killed Sirius, you, James, Cedric and caused so many others pain." Harry said while looking down at the ground of white.

"Harry dear you are not to blame for all those deaths. If you want to blame anyone then blame Voldemort" Lily gently chided him

"But…" Harry began

"Enough now" Lily said sternly " Harry do not punish yourself for something you didn't do. Sirius and the others do not blame you for their deaths, so don't do that to yourself. There are many in the world of the living who love you a lot, your father, grandparents, Ron, your cousin and even your girlfriend"

"But mom I don't have a girlfriend"

"Yes you do, your friend Hermione. You two were destined to be together, I foresaw it. I'm seer Harry dear and so is your cousin, Draco. Give everyone a chance to love you Harry and don't think back on all the dark times. Look forward to the good and live your life happily. Now I have a gift for you"

Lily pulled out a box from behind her back. She pushed it into Harry's hands. He opened it carefully and gasped. Inside was the egg of a golden phoenix.

"The egg will hatch in a few days Harry. He's all yours just remember to take good care of him."

Harry launched himself t his mother again, this time crying tears of joy. "Hush now Harry my time here is up. Just remember my words carefully and go back to your loved ones. I'll never forget you."

"Thank you mom I love you so much"

"I love you too Harry now go back to the world of the living"

Harry's world of white and Lily started to fade and was soon replaced with a world of black. He was going back.


It had been three weeks since Harry had fallen into his self induced coma and slowly everyone began loosing hope. Hermione slowly began falling into the threshold of depression herself and Severus had taken to overworking himself in an attempt to forget what had happened to his son. However things began looking up.

Hermione had been on her daily visit to Harry, telling him of all that had happened that day when she burst into tears

"Don't leave me Harry, you can't leave me. We still have so much of our lives to spend together. Plus I never even got to tell you that…that I love you" she whispered.

Hermione lay her head on Harry's chest and continued sobbing. She didn't see that glow of light on Harry's bedside table or surrounding Harry himself. What she felt though was someone rubbing her back in a comforting motion. She look up into Harry's tired green eyes and gave a squeal of excitement.

"You're awake oh Harry you're awake!" She ran off and seconds later Madame Pomfrey came bustling in with Hermione at her side.

"Welcome back Mister Potter you gave us all a scare there. Now just you rest, I have to go inform everyone that you're awake" she left and Hermione sat next to his bed.

"Harry I've missed you so much, everyone has."

"What happened while I was gone" Harry rasped

"Well nothing has been the same without you. Everyone has been constantly subdued and Professor Snape has been grouchier than normal. It looks like he hasn't had a good night's rest in a while. Draco came and apologized to us and has been helping Ron comfort Ginny and myself. Oh Harry we all missed you. Don't do that ever again do you hear?" She finished sternly

"I promise. 'Mione I have something to tell you" Harry shifted a bit

"What is it Harry?" Hermione asked curiously

"I lov…" Harry was cut off however when the doors to the hospital wing burst open and admitted his father, Dumbledore, McGonagall, Ron, Draco, Ginny and nearly the whole of Gryffindor.

"I'll tell you later." Harry whispered to Hermione before he was surrounded by all his visitors.

"Harry you're alive!" Severus cried as he engulfed Harry in a hug. "Never will I loose you again my son, never" he mumbled into Harry's top.

Harry hesitantly returned Severus' hug. He still wasn't used to the idea of having a loving family after all. Severus then made way and Ginny tackled him, followed by Ron. Draco hung back unsure of Harry's feelings towards him. Ginny and Ron made room for him and Harry invited Draco into the hug. Soon Hermione couldn't handle being excluded and hugged Harry as well. The youngsters were then roughly pushed out of the way as McGonagall moved to give Harry a hug as well.

"I can't believe I almost lost my only great grandbaby" she sobbed.

At this Harry gave his father a confused look. Severus sent an 'I'll explain later' look towards him. After everyone had delivered their hugs they were ushered out of the infirmary by Madame Pomfrey. Soon it was only Severus and Harry in the wing. Severus now looked extremely uncomfortable and kept fidgeting. Finally Harry couldn't take the silence any more.

"I forgive you" Harry blurted out

Severus looked up at Harry in surprise "I treated you horribly Harry, I don't deserve your forgiveness"

"Well you have it," Harry said stubbornly "now explain to me about McGonagall, Dumbledore and this great grandchild business"

"Well child, Albus Dumbledore is my grandfather on my mother's side. Then he married Professor McGonagall earlier last year and she became my grandmother. Simple really. Now I believe I best leave you to rest. You okay?"

"Yeah mom gave me a real talking to, I know now that all the deaths weren't my fault. I'll be okay in time, I certainly won't be having any suicide attempts anytime soon. Oh mom gave me a gift"

Harry leaned over the side and took the box from his side table. He lifted the lid and showed Severus the phoenix egg. Severus' eyes widened and a lone tear made it's way down his cheek

"I can't believe she kept it, even in death she still kept it with her."

Harry looked at his father perplexed that he didn't know what was going on "hello earth to Severus, are you going to tell me what you are mumbling about?"

"Harry this egg is the one that your mother and I found just days before she got killed. We had planned on giving it to you for your eleventh birthday so that you had a familiar. It was about to hatch the day your mom was killed. I guess she took it with her to heaven because she knew…"

"She knew that I would try and kill myself. That I would blame myself for all the deaths that would occur. It must suck being a seer" Harry said

"Actually Harry according to Draco it's actually handy. Come to think of it you are also a seer though not a major one" Severus replied

"Wait I'm not a seer I've never had… you're not thinking about my Voldermort visions are you?" Harry asked suspiciously

"Go to sleep Harry we'll talk more when you've had a nap" Severus said avoiding the question.

"I don't need a nap I just woke up!" Harry cried indignantly but a yawn gave him away

Severus laughed while Harry smiled sheepishly "okay so maybe I do need a nap but will you please tell me why I had to stay with the Dursley's all this time? I could have stayed with you or grandma and grandpa. Unless you didn't want me" Harry finished meekly

Severus gathered him in a hug "Oh Harry, you foolish child, of course we wanted you it's just the ministry wouldn't allow it. Now that Fudge is out of office you can come home to your family."

Harry smile sleepily as Severus tucked him in "Who's our new minister then?"

"Arthur Weasley"

"Good for Ron and his family. Severus can I ask you one more question?"

"Go to sleep Harry" Severus said gently

"Only after you answer my question. How is Draco your nephew and my cousin?" Harry said yawning

"You are such a curious child. Lucius' family adopted me when I was fifteen but I never changed my surname. So Draco is not your cousin by blood"

"But aren't the Malfoy's death eaters?" Harry asked curiously

"No Lucius and I are spies now go to sleep"

"Night" Harry said as he lay back on his pillows

"Goodnight Harry" Severus replied, placing a kiss in Harry's hair once he was asleep.


After weeks and weeks of being confined to the hospital wing, Harry was finally allowed to move back into Gryffindor Tower. During his time in the infirmary he had conversed with Hermione, Ron, Draco, Ginny, his father, his grandparents, and a therapist for his depression and had also gained a baby golden phoenix called Apollo. When Harry made it up to the common room after a hard day of classes he found Hermione seated in front of the fire, book in hand. He had never been able to tell her how he felt every since that day in the infirmary because he was constantly surrounded by people. Now was his chance. Harry dropped his book bag and moved to sit next to Hermione.

"Hey you," he whispered into her ear "you're here all by yourself and I figured you need some company"

"Hi Harry. Draco and Ron were here a minute ago but they went up to the dorm saying they had stuff to do." Hermione replied not taking her eyes away from her book.

Harry plucked it from her hands. Hermione made a noise of protest and made to get it back but froze at the look in Harry's eyes.

"I never did tell you what I wanted to tell you in the infirmary now did I?" Harry continued huskily.

"What did you want to tell me Harry?" Hermione asked. Her heart was now beating a mile a minute in her chest

"This" Harry replied and pulled Hermione in a soft kiss. It was gentle but also demanding a response. Hermione felt herself melt in the kiss and deepened it. They went of for quite a while before the demand for oxygen became too great and they reluctantly pulled apart. Harry gazed into Hermione's chocolate brown eyes

"I love you 'Mione, I love you so much. I've loved you since fourth year. You are smart, funny, caring, beautiful and all I can ever look for in a girl. Spend your life with an idiot like me?" he asked her

Hermione just stared into his eyes, overwhelmed by all the love she saw shining there knowing it was all for her

"Oh Harry you don't know how much that means to me. I love you so much as well." Hermione launched herself at Harry and pressed her lips to his in another passion filled kiss.

When they pulled apart they heard laughing from the top of the stairs and looked up to see Ron and Draco coming down with the hugest grins on their faces. Ron handed Draco four gallons.

"Ron did you and Draco actually bet on me?" Harry asked sceptically. Ron at least had the grace to look sheepish about it. "Ron you did know that Draco's a seer right?"

Ron turned to face Draco "hey that's not fair you knew they would get together you little cheat"

Draco and Ron had become rivals of sorts and usually got back at each others through pranks. Right now Ron was trying to execute Draco for 'cheating'.

"Hey Hermione, do you want to come down with me to my dad's chambers? Grandma and grandpa should be there by now. You should see grandma fuss over dad's hair it's hilarious."

"Yeah I'll come with you as it seems these two here are going to ignore us anyways as they are too involved in themselves."

"Don't you think we should at least ask them?" Harry queried

"Knock yourself out" Hermione said nonchalantly

"Hey guys do you want to come with us down to the dungeons." Harry asked the fighting duo.

"Sure I wouldn't miss seeing uncle Sev get chewed out for the state of his hair for the world." Draco said picking himself up

"You coming Ron?" Harry asked

"Uh huh just need to find my wand ah here it is now we can go"

The quartet made their way dungeons where they knew Severus would be taking refuge from his grandmother and her obsessive nature about his hair. When they made it to the portrait Harry hissed a greeting to the snake in the picture. After giving the password they made their way inside.

"Dad where are you?" Harry called into the empty rooms

"I'll be out in a second Harry." Came Severus' voice.

Harry directed his friends to the sofas where they lounged for a few minutes. Soon Severus was out wearing a t-shirt and tracksuit pants. His hair was damp and smelt strangely of mangos.

"Good evening I'll make…"

"Severus are you in there?" came McGonagall's voice from the portrait. Severus' eyes grew panicked and he started searching for an escape route.

"Tell her I've gone to get more ingredients, I'll be back as soon as she's gone" and with that Severus disappeared from sight

"Severus I'm warning you…"

"It's only me and my friends grandma. Dad's gone for more potions ingredients" Harry called back.

"Okay Harry dear I'll be back later"

As soon as McGonagall was gone Severus reappeared in front of them.

"Cool trick uncle Sev!" Draco exclaimed

"Well who do you think the marauders got their ideas from?" Severus asked proudly

"Tell us about your school days dad" Harry urged.

The rest of the evening was spent recalling some of the earlier Hogwarts days. As it grew later the others began leaving. Eventually Harry was left with his father down in the dungeons.

"Thanks for a great evening dad. I really enjoyed it and I think the others did as well

"No problem Harry it was my pleasure"

"Dad?"

"Hmm"

"I love you"

"I love you too son."

Harry curled up in his father's lap content to just lie there. He was so peaceful until…

"Severus Snape I demand you open this door!"

The end.

Random ending I know but I didn't want a very depressed ending. Thanks for reading. Stay tuned for more from me.

Ciao