Title: The Boy is Mine
Author: Barbara Graf
Rating: PG for language
Disclaimer: Not mine. J.K. Rowling's. I just like to take them out, make them gay and have everyone fight over Harry. 'Specially Draco.
A/N: This is what happens when Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Ice Cream, lack of sleep and working 8 days straight does to a mind. Please, R/R and if you feel like flaming, it's your prerogative, not mine. Be warned, this is about Ron/Draco wanting Harry, so I guess you could consider it kinda slash, hell I don't know.
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Ron: Excuse me, can I please talk to you for a minute?
Draco: No.
Ron: (Mutters under his breath) C'mon Malfoy, do the damn thing right would you?
Draco: All right, all right.

Author: Come on Guys, can we do this right?
Director: Take 2.

Ron: Excuse me, can I please talk to you for a minute
Draco: Uh, huh, sure, you know you look kinda familiar
Ron: Yeah, you do too
Draco: Well, I should, I hate your guts and want to kill you.

Director: CUT!!!!!!!!!!
Barbara: C'mon, guys, please, for the name of me writing, would you please do this right.
Draco: (looking at Barbara) who are you?
Barbara: The author, who can delete you with the touch of a button
Draco: You wouldn't dare!
Barbara: Or what?
Draco: I'll get Crabbe and Goyle to have sex with you.
Barbara: (Makes a face) No thanks, that's why I'm a lesbian.
Director: Take 3!

Ron: Excuse me, can I please talk to you for a minute
Draco: Uh huh, sure, you know you look kinda familiar
Ron: Yeah, you do too, but umm......I just wanted to know, do you know somebody named........
Draco: Oh yeah, definitely I know his name
Ron: I just wanted to let you know he's mine
Draco: Huh? No, no, he's mine
Ron: Mine!
Draco: Mine!
(Ron and Draco start killing each other)
Barbara: Okay, guys, stop. (Goes over and pulls apart Ron and Draco) Look, do this right, or I'll put you in leather, Draco, and Ron, you will be having sex with Snape in my next story.
Ron: NO! NOT SNAPE! PLEASE!
Draco: Well, all the women think I'm hot in leather
Barbara: (buries her face in her hands) Christ, I can't win. Lets start from the middle, okay?
Director: (shouting in Barbara's ear) TAKE 4!
Barbara: Christ, can you not shout, I'm getting a headache

Chours 1:
Draco: I think its time we got this straight (A/N: Strange choice of words, I know), let's sit and talk face to face, there's no way you could mistake him for your man, are you insane?
Ron: See, I know that you may be, just a bit jealous of me 'Cause your blind if you can't see, that his love is all in me
Draco: Me? Jealous of a Weasley? Are you nuts?
(Ron lunges for Draco, strangling him)
Barbara: (throwing my hands up in the air) If you two don't stop, I'm going to do what I threatened. Its a song, guys. A song. After the song, I don't care if you two kill each other. Please guys,
(Ron nods, Draco glares)
Barbara: Fine, Draco, into the trailer, now! (Grabs Draco by his arm and marches him into the trailer, throwing him and yelling to her wardrobe person) Put him in the ugliest outfit you can find.
Barbara: (walking over to Ron and grabbing him by his arm) I will follow through with my threat by having you and Snape having sex.
Ron: I promise I'll be good.
Barbara: Thank you.
(Draco walks out five minutes later in a ferret outfit, muttering): Where is the justice in this?

Barbara: Think you can behave now, both of you?
(Both Ron and Draco nod accordingly)
Barbara: Thank you
Director: TAKE 5!
Barbara: Christ, can you not yell? Jesus, I'm getting a freakin' headache.Take it from the middle.

Chorus 1:
(Draco and Ron singing together)
You need to give it up
Had about enough
It's not hard to see
The boy is mine

Draco: I think it's time we got this straight let's sit and talk face to face.
There is no way you could mistake him for your man, are you insane?

Ron: See, I know that you maybe, just a bit jealous of me. 'Cause your blind if you can't see, that
his love is all in me.
Draco: See, I tried to hesitate, I didn't want to say what he told me. He said without me, he couldn't make it through the day, ain't that a shame?
Ron: And maybe you just misunderstood, Plus I can't see how he could wanna take his time
and that's all good. All of my love was all it took.

(Draco and Ron singing)
The boy is mine, You need to give it up
Had about enough, it's not hard to see,
The boy is mine
I'm sorry that you seem to be confused
He belongs to me
The boy is mine

Draco: Keep on acting like a fool.......something you do well, Weasley.
(Ron goes for Draco's throat)
Barbara: CUT! CUT! CUT! CUT! CUT! (sighs) Why can't you two get through this without killing each other?
Draco: Because he's a moron and I'm a god in leather.
Barbara: (cursing under her breath at her girlfriend for getting her to like Draco Malfoy) You, Draco.......well, you are......
Draco: (smugly) Don't deny it, you know you and everyone else admits its true.
Barbara: I admit no such thing!
Draco: Yes you do. After all, how many stories have you written with me in leather?
Barbara: NONE! That's every other author on fanfic......I have never even thought of you in leather.
Director (somewhat dryly): As fascinating as I find this, can we move on with this?
(suddenly door opens and Harry Potter walks in with Seamus.)
Harry: What's going on here?
Me: (awed at what Harry is wearing) um........
Ron: We're singing a song about you......(stops and stares at Seamus) Um.....Seamus, what are you doing here?

Seamus: Well, since you two are fighting over Harry, I thought I could be someone's man.
Barbara: (rolling her eyes) That's not the point of this song........but hey, I guess you could be Ron's man...since no one ever pairs Ron with anyone.
Ron: Hey!
Draco: (rather sarcastically) So, does this mean that I don't get my dying wish and get to bed all the Weasleys?
Barbara: Do you want every fanfic author in the world after me?
Draco: Well, since you put me in this ridiculous outfit, yes.
Barbara: (smacking Draco) Careful, or you will wind up screwing someone you wouldn't want too.
Draco: who?
Me (smiling evilly): Ginny or Hermione.
Draco, Harry, Ron, and Seamus: NO! ANYTHING BUT HET FIC! PLEASE GOD! NOTHING BUT
HET FIC!
Director: I quit! (walks out in a huff)

Draco: Does this mean Harry's mine?
Ron: No, he's mine!
Seamus: Mine!
(Barbara watches as Draco, Ron and Seamus start fighting over Harry)
Barbara: (Sighing as she throws her hands up and walks away) I quit too
Harry: Hey, hey, hey! There's enough of me to go around! We can work out a schedule of who can have me on what days..........
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A/N: This is something that came out of my warped little mind at 1am the other day. The song I was
trying to do is "The Boy is Mine," and is by Monica and Brandy.
If you like this, I'll do the real version, and I can't promise that Ron and Draco will behave.