#002 of The Big Damn Table challenge on LJ - Middles. I'm not making a claim, because I have no doubt my claim has already been made.

Disclaimers: If I owned Torchwood, I assure you, things would have been an awful lot different. Like Jack and Ianto would be buggering like rabbits.

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Ianto hummed as he wiped the shit off his hands. Myfanwy appeared to have diarrhoea – and guess whose job it was to clean up the mess? That's right. His.

As the over-bearing smell of excretion washed down the drain, something else caught his nose.

The smell of Chow-Mien. His favourite food.

Making his way over to the conference room, he saw five take-away tubs of Chow-Mien from the local Chinese Restaurant. One had been left in the spare seat next to Jack for him.

They were, apparently, discussing the kinkiest things they had ever done. It was Gwen's turn.

'I used my handcuffs on Rhys once, dressed in nothing but my bullet proof vest.' She told the group. Owen just scoffed. Ianto had the funny feeling that he should be glad he missed what Owen's was.

'My last boyfriend and I did a bit of swinging once.' Tosh added to the conversation, blushing. Now Owen looked intrigued. Ianto noticed the look he flicked between Gwen and Tosh, and blushed knowing what was on his mind.

'Oh yeah?' Jack asked, amused. The look on his face suggested that he thought they were all amateurs. He'd obviously been a kink-master at some stage, Ianto thought. 'Well, I've had sex with a guy and his sister-in-laws twin sisters. And – they all had tentacles!'

Ianto would have quite happily offered to show Jack the time of his life. Sadly, all the flirting that had happened over the last few months hadn't amounted to anything.

Ianto realised they were all looking at him, expectantly. Well, Owen was looking at him as though he thought he was a monk or something stupid like that.

'What have you done, Ianto?' Jack asked, not really expecting a great deal. Then he filled his mouth with a particularly large amount of Chow-Mien.

'Not a lot.' Ianto began. 'Just a bit of dom/sub, played master/servant a few time. Bit of bondage now and then – anal beads are great for that, you know – and I've even done a bit of somnophilia in my past. Oh yeah, and I forgot. I used to do a bit of cross-dressing as well.'

Ianto looked over to Jack, who had started coughing and choking on his Chow. Jack had been in the middle of eating when Ianto had answered. Obviously he didn't expect Ianto to be so kinky.

Ianto sighed, and went to get Jack a drink.

At least the coffee was fresh roast now.

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A/N: The writer's block is a persistent as ever. Now, however, it's also telling me to stop doing my work. Bugger it.