This is NOT a MST!

Warnings!: Okay, guys. Because there are so many wacky, and sometimes just plain cracked up pairings, out there in the Naruto fanfiction universe, I've taken it to the next level and decided to take a fun poke at all of them! I mean no harm to anyone who ships a certain pairing, nor am I here to insult anyone. I'm simply taking all the Naruto characters and their respective pairings, putting their personalities into the stories and making them react as they really would. If you are going to be oversensitive and overprotective about your pairing and you know that you will flame me to death, please don't read! This is only for fun and nothing else!

A/N: As a proof of my promise to only write this collection for fun, I have started the story out by bashing my one and only favorite pairing. SasuNaru. Sorry guys! I really hate to put you two in such situations, but if I can bash my own pairing, you readers won't be uber-sensitive and take out the torches, right?

Anything in bold from now on will be the character's true personality and their own words and thoughts. I only forced them into these situations, so have fun seeing how they react to my script!

Also, whenever they seem to be talking to you, as in referring to the story/ script, they are actually insulting me, the plot creator

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"Sasuke!" Naruto cried out happily, waving down the Uchiha as he passed by on the streets of Konoha. Dang it, what kind of dialogue is this?

Ugh, this is so disturbing… "Naruto! Hey…" Sasuke took out a hand from his pocket and raised it a bit to greet the boy.

"Are you busy today?" the blonde ran over to him and took his hand. Mustn't… crush… hand… He grinned widely at him.

"Oh, no… Not today, I'm free, why?" Sasuke smiled faintly at him, continuing to walk down the street with only one hand in his pocket now.

"Umm… I was wondering," 'if you would so kindly kill yourself right now…' Naruto blushed a bit and looked away, "if you'd like to spar with me today?"

"Sure, why not?" Maybe I'll be lucky and will get to kill you with a kunai…

---

"Oh! Naruto, are you okay? Sorry about that…" Dang, he isn't dead yet!

Naruto winced slightly as Sasuke ran over. He pulled out the kunai from his arm. "I'm fine…" No thanks to you! "Kyuubi will be able to heal me by tonight…"

Sasuke's eyebrows furrowed together. Go to hell, Kyuubi and let him die! "But still… You're in pain right now…" Though I wish you were in more pain that this…

"I'll be okay!" Naruto raised his uninjured arm and tried to wave him away. Yeah right, with you around, you'd probably try to kill me… Again.

"Look, come over to my house and I'll help you with the wound, alright?" Sasuke kneeled down by Naruto and looked at him gently. "And no arguing," he said firmly. I'm tired of bickering with you, dobe…

Naruto sighed. Stupid teme, always demanding me to do things I don't want to do… Dang it… "Fine, fine…"

---

"Here, have some tea, I'll go get the bandages…" Sasuke handed Naruto a hot cup of tea and walked away.

"Thanks," he mumbled and took it. His jacket was off so that the injury would be easy to treat. Lifting the cup to his face and allowing the steam to spiral around his face, he placed the warm ceramic cup to touch his lips. No poison that I can detect. Hey, you're not going to kill me in this stupid story, are you?

Sasuke rummaged around before he found the medicine and bandages. … so tempted to take the kunais… "Here we are…" he muttered as he returned to the spot where Naruto was resting at. "Let me see that arm…"

The blonde nodded and set the cup down on the table in front of him. He stuck out his arm apprehensively and watched as Sasuke placed down some rubbing alcohol, medicine, and bandages onto the table as well.

"It doesn't seem that bad…" he murmured. But hey, let's amputate it anyway! "I can't believe you didn't dodge that kunai…" It was going at a slug's pace, idiot…

"Hmph," Naruto turned his head away childishly but didn't move otherwise. His arm was still in Sasuke's hands. Teme…

Sasuke lowered his arm down and got some cloth and soaked it with rubbing alcohol. "This'll burn a bit…" he said quietly. But not as much as I'd wish it would burn… Burn his arm off! He wiped the clotting blood around the wound away, carefully avoiding the actual gash.

The blonde could feel the cold wetness of the cloth as Sasuke cleaned the wound. "This is really unnecessary, you know?" Wasting my time like this…

The Uchiha snorted. It's not like I really love cleaning some idiot's wounds all the time… "I can't just let you walk away with a hole in your arm. Even though it'll be gone by tomorrow morning."

"Have it your way, stubborn teme," Naruto followed Sasuke's actions as he unrolled some of the bandages and smeared some medicine around his wound. I'm going to scrub my arm off now that you've touched it with your filthy hands…

Sasuke began wrapping the bandages around the blonde's arm gingerly. Tainted hands for the rest of my life. This is what I get for being in a story? "There, feel better?"

"Yeah, sure. It's still unnecessary," Naruto said stubbornly, glancing at his jacket, which now had a hole where the kunai pierced through it. He sighed, "Another jacket gone…" Every single time we train you just have to ruin my clothing!

What kind of stupid idea will this be? "Look, I'll make you dinner if it'll make you feel any better about your jacket," Sasuke stood up and rolled up the unused bandages again. This stuff is going straight to the trash…

"Will you make my favorite meal?" Naruto's face brightened as he looked at Sasuke with hopeful eyes. How dare you make me look at that teme with such an expression! This is worst kind of torture!

"What? You except me to make miso ramen for you by hand?" Sasuke stopped his task and stared at Naruto incredulously. Like I would do something like that for you! He sighed, "Fine…" That wasn't what I was going to say! Darn you!

Naruto grinned triumphantly. Take that, sucker!

---

"Hm… This doesn't taste bad, Sasuke!" It tastes horrible! Pleh, pleh! Naruto slurped up more of the ramen with gusto.

Sasuke, on the other hand, was calmly pulling out some of the ramen and eating it. Choke, dang it, choke! A small smile on his face. A smile of doom and murder! "I'm glad you like it… Although I'm not going to be feeding you ramen all the time. Your body needs more nutrients and minerals than what ramen offers you." Yeah, I'll put some nice metal in you too, if you want…

"Augh, don't even try to lecture me on that! Kakashi-sensei has tried and failed quite a few times!" Like I would listen to you…

The Uchiha laughed a bit and put down his chopsticks by the side of his bowl. "But I'm different, aren't I?" Heck yeah, I am!

"Hmmm…." Naruto tapped his chin with his index finger. Yeah right, teme… "That depends," he said ambiguously.

Sasuke smiled and stood up, ruffling up Naruto's hair. He picked up their bowls and dumped out the leftover soup into the sink. "Go shower, but be careful of the wound," he ordered the blonde as he began rinsing out the bowls. Why am I the one who has to serve that idiot?!

"Yeah, sure… My clothes are…?" Naruto trailed off, half standing from the table. Better not be ruined!

Stupid story-maker didn't let me destroy your dang clothes! "It the closet, remember?"

"Oh yeah, I forgot…" he laughed a bit and raced up the stairs nosily. Noo! Let me beat him up or something! Why am I running up the stairs!?

---

The doorknob of the restroom turned slowly. Warm water was spurting out of the showerhead and Naruto was humming a song, shampooing his hair. He wasn't excepting a 'visitor' right now.

Low breathing sounds could be heard as the door creaked open slowly. A cold gust of air filtered into the steamed up bathroom.

"Hm?" Naruto grabbed some of the curtain and peeked out to see what it was. His eyes widened.

"Hey," Sasuke looked at him dully, his hand on the knob. MY EYES! THEY BURN!

The blonde's face turned red as he drew the curtain around himself. Oh my god, isn't this freaking illegal? "What are you doing in here, Sasuke?" he squeaked nervously. Sweat and warm water mixed as they dripped down his face.

"Brushing my teeth," he said, as if they were talking about homework. He walked over to the sink and turned on the water. Sasuke smirked when he heard Naruto sigh in relief. I wonder if a toothbrush is sharp enough to impale…

This wasn't in the contract…

---

"Hehe…"

"What's up with the creepy laugh and look, Naruto?" Sasuke was sitting up in bed, getting ready to sleep. Naruto was lurking behind him, chuckling childishly and looking at him. I'm going to gouge your eyes out if you keep looking!

Torturous… Can't look away, but I really… really… want to… "Do you loo-ve me?" the blonde stretched out the word ridiculously long. 'Cause I sure as heck don't!

"Tch," Sasuke rubbed his slightly damp hair a bit and stood up. Maybe if I pretend I didn't hear him, he'll go away…

"'Cause, y'know…" Naruto leapt off the bed and jumped onto his shoulders. Why am I doing this? LET ME JUMP OFF! He leaned over to his ear and whispered, 'You suck?' "I love you…" OH MY GOD!

Sasuke missed a step when Naruto jumped on him. My back… is breaking… He laughed a bit when he heard Naruto say those three words again. Heck, no! "Well then…" he turned around as the blonde nuzzled him with his cheek. Stop that before I kill you. "What can I say?" Oh, I know! GO DIE.

"Hm… Well, you can say a variety of things…" he jumped off and grabbed Sasuke's shoulder, turning his body around so that they were facing each other. Like, gee, I don't know, 'Naruto, you rock, here, you can kill me and claim yourself better than the Uchiha family!'

"Is that so?" Sasuke asked gently. You are not going to…

Naruto nodded and leaned in, kissing him. Holy crap, what the heck did you just make me do!?

Let me die right now, please! He hugged Naruto and put his head on his shoulder. "I love you, too…" That's a flat out LIE!

"Hehe…"

"Okay, we're done with this freaking story!" Sasuke punched Naruto, pushing him away, and cracked his knuckles. "You… Didn't say anything about that in our script…"

"Ow! The heck, man, I'm going to take revenge too! Ugh, disgusting! Kissing you, blach!"

Ah-ha… I'd better end this chapter here before I get killed…