A/N: Surprise, surprise! There isn't a whole block of text before hand. That's because I need to announce something, and you guys better pay attention!

Special News: If I get one more review that says "Please update soon!" or "Maybe you should write about someone/someone pairing next!" I will seriously stop writing this. I can whip up the strangest, cracked up-est, most disgusting, wrong, funny, and weird pairings if I really wanted to. But if I don't feel like writing, I won't. Stop offering me pairings. I have all of them. I can pick two pieces of paper out of a hat. I can do anything to get pairings. Now stop ordering me! And the "Please update soon!" is pressuring me to write cruddy chapters and it's getting me mad. Thanks for reading. Or not. If people continue doing this, I will only allow FIVE, maximum FIVE, 'accidental' reviews/ private messages to pass before I permanently stop writing this. Except for maybe close friends.


"But baa-chan!"

"Quiet, Naruto."

The demand made him stop. It was quiet for once. The room was quiet… Quiet…

Okay, idiot, you can stop repeating the same word over and over again… Tsunade stood up from her chair and turned around so that her back was facing Naruto.

The blonde boy stood there dejectedly. His face fell and his hands unclenched from their fists. Hm… So what's happening here? The script was incomplete.

"There's nothing I can do about it…" the Hokage's voice gently rang through the room. Her voice was exceptionally soft this time. So you're saying that I scream all the time? Is that it? Huh?

Look, baa-chan. You're as loud as I am, if not louder! Naruto didn't say anything. He only sighed.

"I'm sorry, Naruto… I tried, but there's no other way…" Tsunade turned back to face the boy. Her face was gentle as she spoke.

"I understand…" he said, nearly inaudibly. "But still…" he brought up his hands and made his palms face the ceiling. He took a step forward. I surrender! Wait, no I don't!

Ahahaha, no. "Naruto, there's no way!" her voice rose an octave higher and louder. Her own hands came down onto the wooden desk with a resounding slam.

He flinched when she yelled. His hands dropped. So meaaaan, baa-chan!

She shook her head slowly and sighed. "I'm sorry…" she repeated. I didn't mean to destroy Ichiraku, I swear!

Yeah, right… He looked at her despondently. "But…"

"I know… Everyone went through so much trouble…" Yeah, plotting out the destruction of Ichiraku took months!

Baa-chan, I don't think that's what the script is telling us to say… Tears suddenly began to overflow from his eyes. "Baa-chan…" he bit his lower lip. "Isn't there any other way?"

Tsunade's eyes dropped. "I… I wish there was, Naruto…" she said, her voice barely above a whisper. Eh? No? That's now how it goes? Well, gee, tell me earlier next time, brat!

Well, it is your first time being forced into one of these, huh? "Please, baa-chan! Everyone! Everyone… for so many years…"

"Naruto! You don't understand!" she yelled at him, leaning over the desk. "There's nothing we can do! Even if we don't do that, there will be trouble!" My throat hurts…

Tough luck, baa-chan. Naruto took a step forward and placed his hands onto the desk as well, barely gripping onto the edge. "Baa-chan…" he breathed, tears still shining from his eyes.

"You worked especially hard to bring him back, didn't you, brat?" she smiled sadly at him. "Him", huh? That only means one person! Itachi!

Heck no! Have you gone senile?! "I… I can't imagine life without him… Baa-chan…" his voice broke as tears fell onto the polished wood of the desk.

"No one can… He's a part of our lives…" she sighed. "But because of his betrayal to us… We must kill him…" Oh, come on! It has to be Itachi!

Ten bowls of ramen says it's not. "But why so soon? Why tomorrow, baa-chan?" he yelled with a wavering voice. His fist slammed onto the table several times before he was reduced to a hunched over figure.

Tsunade began rubbing his back soothingly. "We can't afford to delay it any longer, Naruto… He'll be executed tomorrow…" Uh… No, that's the most one-sided gamble ever… "Uchiha… Sasuke, huh?"

"S… Sasuke…" Naruto sobbed on his arm. What? This isn't supposed to be SasuNaru again! We went through that Hell in chapter one!

This means…


"Naruto… Don't worry… Please stop crying…" Tsunade said, tears threatening her as well. Her voice shook a bit. She walked around the desk and placed her hand onto Naruto's back. Ooh, shoot. We guessed right. This is sick.

I'm in the perfect position to barf right now… "Baa-chan! Sasuke… Sasuke can't die!" he cried.

Not on my paperwork, brat. "No one will accept his return… You know that. And he's the biggest threat to Konoha right now. Isn't that our goal? To protect Konoha with our lives?"

Uwah, now I can't even barf where I want to? "Then… I'll be all alone, baa-chan… I don't want to be alone again…"

My office. My word is law. "You won't be alone…" she reassured him, her brown eyes sparkling with unshed tears.

"Then who do I have?" he shot up and glared at her vehemently. Mood swings, much? I'm not that unstable, y'know…

"You have Kakashi, Sakura, Iruka, Jiraiya, Kiba, Shino, Hinata, Ino, Chouji, Shikamaru, and so many other people… Naruto, you aren't alone…" Might as well go listing off the entire cast of Naruto, huh?

Yeah, there's a list somewhere if you need it. "Without him… It's the same as being all by myself… There's no difference!"

"Naruto… You have me…" Tsunade's eyes stared back into his own. I don't want to join Asuma and Kakashi with the Pedophile Club…

And we're the ones getting the torture. Mental scarring, yep. Naruto's blue ones steadied but more tears flowed.

Tsnuade opened her arms and walked to him. He didn't move when she hugged him. … Brat, you will die later.

You seriously think I want to hug you? "Baa-chan…" he whimpered quietly, still crying.

"Don't worry, Naruto… I'll be here for you… Okay?" she mumbled into his hair.

"Hey. What's all this about killing me?"

Naruto and Tsunade looked up. The window was broken. How was it broken? There was no sound! Sasuke was perching on the edge of the broken glass.

"The plot just gets thicker… More bizarre and wrong with each passing day, doesn't it, teme?" Naruto dabbed his eyes with a handkerchief. "And our eyedroppers are running out too."

"No kidding…" Tsunade grabbed a tissue and scrubbed off the liquid.

"So… What's our escape plan this time?" Sasuke asked, somewhat bored.

"Yeah, I've got an idea…" Tsunade whipped out a copy of the script and a brush. She began scribbling on it.

"What are you writing?" the blonde boy asked.

"I'll read it… 'And all of a sudden Orochimaru appeared!'"

Orochimaru poofed in the middle of the room.

"The heck?" he muttered, looking around.

"'Then he kidnapped Sasuke and Naruto…'"

The man ran over to the boys and grabbed them by the collars.

"Urk!" they both gurgled.

"'And then they jumped out of the window, never to be seen again.'"

They did so. They sort of disappeared before they reached the floor.

"'Tsunade was last seen murdering the author of this horrific fanfiction. The end.'"

Dangerous job, isn't this?