Chapter One: It's a Long Story…
Possible and other Disney characters
are © Disney Co. Professor Farnsworth and the What-If Machine are properties of Matt Greoning and David X. Cohen.
The light switched on to reveal a chamber filled with strange electronic objects crammed on shelves, tables, and displayed on pedestals. Kim Possible, the girl who can do anything, entered the room, followed by Ron Stoppable, her faithful sidekick, and Professor Farnsworth, an eccentric scientist. Kim Possible was a slender girl whose round Irish face made her look innocent. Her red hair was striking, but her dark green eyes betrayed the strength of body, mind and spirit that many villains bent on world conquest had grown to respect. Ron Stoppable was an awkward boy with messy blonde hair whose freckled face often hid his rapier wit behind an expression of insecurity. Both Kim and Ron were in their mission clothes, black sweatshirts with matching gloves and dark grey trousers.
"Thank you for showing us your laboratory Professor Farnsworth," said Kim.
"It's the least I can do, after you managed to recover my Quantum Interphase Transducer," replied the doddering old man. Professor Farnsworth wore comically thick spectacles, had bad posture, and often forgot to whom or about what he is talking. He was so old and decript that he resembled a bald desseacted mummy sans wrappings but instead wearing a white lab coat and coke-bottle glasses.
Ron was struggling with a bulky piece of electronic hardware and Rufus, an east African naked mole rat was perched on his shoulder. "Yeah, well now that we're here, where do we put it? It's getting heavy."
"Yeah, heavy," chirped his little hairless pet.
Farnsworth seemed distracted and glanced at Ron in confusion. "Wha?" The elderly scientist waved to a corner of the cluttered room. "Oh, just put it over there on that empty pedestal, just be careful not to knock over…" A loud crashing noise was heard, along with the sound of multiple metal objects hitting the ground. "…any of my other inventions."
"Ron!" Kim scolded, putting her hands on her hips.
Ron rubbed the back of his neck nervously "Ooh, sorry Professor Eff, well at least I didn't break that big screen TV hidden behind all that stuff."
Farnsworth squinted at the peculiar apparatus. It indeed appeared to by a large television set, but the border around the screen made the device look more at home in a science fiction show like Space Passage: The Next Generation than a family's living room. "What? Oh, that's my What-If machine, I'd forgotten all about it," said the ingenious octogenarian.
Kim was intrigued. "What does it do, Professor?"
"Simply ask it a question, and it will show you images on the monitor in the form of an ironic narrative," replied Professor Farnsworth.
Ron scratched his head. "Okay, just in case Kim didn't understand that, could you explain it a different way?"
Farnsworth searched for an alternative explanation. "Well it will be like watching a television program that lasts from eight to eighty minutes."
"And we will be able to see what life would be like if…" Kim was interrupted by an outburst from Ron.
Ron was hopping up and down with his hand raised high over his head. "Ooh! Ooh! I wanna ask a question!"
"All right, what's your question?" sighed Kim.
"What if I was the teen hero with the website and Kim was the sidekick?" asked Ron.
"Yeah!" Despite being a rodent the size of of a toy Chihuahua, Rufus was as intelligent as any human child.
Kim regarded her goofy sidekick with a stern look, her hands once more on her hips. "Ron, that's got to be the stupidest thing I ever…" She paused to stroke her chin thoughtfully. "Hmm, okay, I admit I'm curious."
Ron seized the moment by prostrating himself before the old man. "Oh please Professor Eff, show us what it would be like if I was the hero. Please, please!"
Rufus mimicked Ron's actions right down to groveling with hands (or in his case paws) clasped together. "Please, please!" He chirped through his bucked teeth.
"Very well," Farnsworth pulled a remote control out of his lab coat and spoke into a tiny receiver. "What if Ron Stoppable was the teen hero with the website, and Kim Possible was his sidekick?"
The screen flickered to life and revealed what appeared to be the opening credits of a television program, including a catchy song that sounded as if it was sung by Justin Timberlake. The song began with the call of Kim's Kimmunicator. The opening credits to "Disney's Ron Stoppable consisted on a montage of scenes showing Ron in action. Clips of Ron's Kung Fu moves against Monkey Fist, Kim's acrobatics during the time she was trapped in Ron's body, Ron's solo mission against Drakken last Christmas and other snatches of Ron's life that made him look good were displayed. The only scene in which Kim was spotlighted was the time that Ron saved her from Senor Senior Senior's spinning tops of doom, and the time that Ron used Diablo Sauce to remove Drakken's robot tick from the cheerleader's face.
Ooohh yeahh yeah
I'm your basic average guy
And my motto's do or die
You can't stop me
Cause I'm Ron Stop-pa-ble
is nothin' I can't do
When danger calls
Just know that I am on my way (know that i am on my way)
It doesn't matter where
or when there's trouble
If ya just call my name
Whenever you need me baby
Call me, beep me if ya wanna reach me
Call me, beep me if ya wanna reach me
When ya wanna page me it's okay
Doesn't matter when
I will be there for ya til the very end
Danger or trouble
I'm there on the double
You know that you always can call
Ron: So what's the sitch?
Call me, beep me if ya wanna reach me
Outside of Middleton High School a colossal sign displayed the message HOME OF WORLD FAMOUS TEEN HERO RON STOPPABLE. Kim, now in a lime green tank top and blue Capri pants, was with an attractive African-American girl in a red dress. They both held schoolbooks as they walked through the halls past the seemingly endless rows of lockers.
"Thanks for showing me around Middleton High, Kim," said the coffee-colored beauty.
"It's no big, Monique," replied the redheaded cheerleader. "It's not everyday that we get a new student. I can't believe you've only been in Middleton for a week and already landed a job at Club Banana."
"What can I say, girl?" Monique had a lot of spirit. "Everyone wants to buy what Monique is sellin'." She then lowered her voice and spoke in awe. "I can't believe that you are the sidekick to Ron Stoppable, the Ron Stoppable. Tell me, is he as cute in person as he is on TV?"
Kim rolled eyes as if she had been asked that question dozens of times before. "Oh yeah, he's cute all right. Cute like a puppy you have to take care of."
At that moment Ron appeared from the Boy's Room wearing his red hockey jersey and clutching his bulky cargo pants. "Hey Kim!" he waved. "Over here!" Unfortunately like many boys his age, Ron had a bad habit of securing his pants while exiting the restroom. He had inadvertently let go of his trousers to wave at Kim and his pants fell down causing him to trip. "Whoops!"
Monique gasped in shock as Ron Stoppable, the Ron Stoppable collapsed the ground with his pants around his ankles revealing his blue boxer shorts with yellow polka dots. "Was he, um, injured on his last mission or are there things about the Ron-man I don't know?" whispered Monique as she cupped her hand to Kim's ear.
Kim winced and there was a pause before she responded. "It's a long story Monique. I'll tell you at lunch."
Monique's curiosity had to wait until both after both she and Kim had been served the cafeteria "food" and sat at a table. She still managed to wait until Kim took an experimental sip of her soda before bringing up Ron. "Okay, spill. How did you and Ron start saving the world in the first place, anyway?"
Kim eyes lit up as she began her tale. "Well, about five years ago, I started a website to advertise for babysitting. We got called to Mr. Paisley's mansion, and I saved him from his own security system."
Monique winced as she tested the cafeteria meatloaf. "We? Was Ron with you?"
Kim seemed uncomfortable. "Well, yea, we'd been best friends ever since Pre-K. To be honest without his encouragement, I wouldn't even have entered the Paisley manor."
Monique gave up on the meatloaf and tried the "potatoes". "So what happened afterwards?"
Kim's spirits lifted again and she spoke with youthful energy. "Well, I realized that I could help people with more than just babysitting and getting cats out of trees. I could use my cheerleader skills to save the world. Ron and I started going out on missions. It looked like we would go national, or worldwide."
Monique caught the regret in her voice. "'Looked like?' Sounds like something went wrong. "
Kim didn't meet her gaze. "Well, the trouble started after we met a seven year-old super-genius online. He offered to revamp my website."
Monique gasped in surprise. "Seven-year-old super-genius? How super-genius?"
"He was working on his Ph.D. at the time," replied the athletic redhead.
"Wow, so this junior Brainiac messed up your website?" Monique's voice took an accusing tone.
"No, Monique, it was great," sighed Kim. "There were videos of me in my mission clothes and cheerleading outfit, showing off my moves… My logo was 'Kim Possible: She can do anything!'"
Monique gagged on her food and took a sip of soda. "And…?"
Kim looked down at her food in utter defeat. "People thought it was a porn site," she sighed.
"Ouch," clucked Monique. "That had to hurt."
"Yeah, I took it pretty bad," agreed Kim. "Then my mom suggested that Ron be the front man…"
Monique interrupted her. "Wait a minute, Kim. Are you saying that?"
"That's right," replied the cheerleader. "Originally Ron was the sidekick."
Monique couldn't believe it. "Get out! Are you telling me that Ron Stoppable, the Ron Stoppable, is a fake?"
Kim was quick to spring to his defense. "He's not a fake, Monique. He's just really, really, lazy."
Monique was skeptical. "How lazy we talkin' girl?"
"Well, when I was studying sixteen different styles of Kung Fu, he was playing video games on the Kimmunicator," replied Kim.
"Is he for real?" Monique exclaimed. "You fight terrorists and criminals for crying out loud! Doesn't he know the meaning of the phrase 'Be prepared?'"
"Don't sell him short," Kim retorted. "He does everything that I do—not as gracefully—I will admit, but he's there at my side the entire way."
Monique wasn't buying it. "And you've been carrying him the entire way, just 'cause it's a man's world is that it?"
"No, no, it's nothing like that," Kim denied. "Well, maybe a little," she had to admit. "But he managed to defeat Monkey Fist all by himself, and he saved the entire cheerleading squad from a genetic mutant without any help, well, unless you count Rufus, his naked mole rat."
"I don't know, it still sounds like you are doing all the work, and that boy's getting all the credit," said Monique.
"It's not like it's gone to his head or anything…" protested the redhead.
At that moment Ron entered the cafeteria with a flock of girls around him. "Ladies, ladies, there's enough Ron-man to go around," cooed the teen hero. "Who wants to get the
Ronster some snackage?"
"I do! I do!" replied a chorus of female voices. Kim made a strangled growling noise but was drowned out by a cacophony of feminine comments.
"So tell me again how you saved Wisconsin…" began Tara, a shy blonde girl on the cheerleading squad.
"Is it true that Kim tried to go it alone and that you had to save her?" asked Amelia, the sexy senior.
"Ron, could you do me a favor?" Bonnie, the curviest girl on the cheerleading squad and Kim's chief rival was clutching the boy's arm. "The Spirit Week Dance is Friday night, and I don't have a date…"
"Why Bon-Bon I'd love to…" began Ron, until Kim grabbed his arm and pulled him away from his crowd of admirers.
"Excuse me?" exclaimed the indignant redhead. "Bonnie doesn't even like you! She's just trying to get under my skin because she knows you're my best friend! She's just trying to drive a wedge between us!"
"Chill Kim," Ron tut-tutted. "You know I wouldn't dis my bon-diggitty sidekick. I'm just playing Bonnie…"
"Looks like the other way around to me…" Kim growled.
"Are we just a little possessive, Kim?" giggled Monique.
"No, I'm not being possessive!" Kim snapped.
Ron noticed dark beauty sitting next to his sidekick and his voice became deeper and more manly as he addressed her. "Why hello," he purred, taking a seat at the table. "I don't think we've met…"
Monique batted her eyelashes flirtatiously. "I'm Monique, and believe me, if you had met me I'd think you'd remember," she replied sensuously.
Kim gave Monique a withering look, and then addressed Ron. "Are you out of your mind? Even thinking of going to the dance with Bonnie…"
"Well, she asked me," protested Ron. "What am I supposed to do?" An idea entered his empty head and he looked at Kim and Monique slyly. "Unless one of you lovely ladies would like to go with me…"
Monique raised her hand. "Oh! Oh!" she squealed. "I'm willing to take one for the team!"
"Monique!" exclaimed Kim.
"Sorry Kim," she blushed through her dark skin. "I should have realized Ron was your boyfriend."
"He's my best friend, Monique," insisted Kim. "Not my boyfriend."
"If you say so girl," Monique doubted. "But your eyes tell a different story."
At that moment Tara arrived with a tray of cafeteria "food" and set it in front of Ron.
"Thanks Tara!" waved Ron as the giggling cheerleader sauntered away. "Call me!"
"Ron!" Kim scolded. "Don't you and I usually go out together?"
"True," he replied. "But you and I are friends and I was thinking that this year I'd go…"
"With what?" said Kim sarcastically. "An enemy? "
"You know, Kim," insisted Ron. "A date, date. A lot of ladies can smell what the Ron is cookin'."
Monique caught the hurt look in Kim's eye. "Noooo…he's not my boyfriend," she giggled sarcastically.
Kim growled at Monique and even Ron could sense Kim's distress.
"You aren't losing me, Kim," he said as he put his hand on her shoulder. "We'll always be tight. Besides, I know who the real hero is."
Kim melted under his touch. "Awww, that's sweet…"
At that moment a naked mole-rat emerged from one of the pockets on Ron's cargo pants and jumped onto the table. "Me!" Rufus exclaimed and then proceeded to help himself to Ron's lunch.
Kim's throat made another growl as the Kimmunicator sounded its characteristic chime. She removed a device that looked like a blue hand-held video game from her pocket. "What's the sitch, Wade?" Although she had control of her voice, the scowl on her face was still visible.
"Kim, we got a hit on Ron's site," replied a voice from the Kimmunicator. "Is Ron up to a mission?"
"I'll drag the hero away from his admirers and we'll find out," replied the girl, who was secretly pleased to notice that Ron's attempts to flirt was hampered by Monique's revulsion from both the cafeteria food and the hairless rodent's antics.
Next Time, Chapter Two: I've Forgotten Your Sidekick's Name