Disclaimer: CSI is not mine, and at this time…I'm not sure that I would want it anymore.
Summary: I never knew that a kiss could reach your toes, or that a hug could calm your fears. GSR
A/N: This is my final CSI story. I realized some time ago that I was using CSI and GSR fanfiction as filler in place of what I truly wanted in my life (because at the time Grissom and Sara were soooo chummy…oh wait no!). But the fanfiction allowed me to live out my own fantasies of what being in love could be. However, someone walked into my life just over a year ago and made me realize that instead of writing about what I wanted, I could actually have it. And I have to say that what he has shown me about what it means to be in love has completely exceeded my expectations about what I thought love was all about. In a year an a half we will be married, and probably will both still be yelling and screaming at Grissom to stop torturing Sara. I received a review the other day regarding my WIP A Turning Point, and I regret to say that the story will never be finished. I just don't have the same heart anymore to write about Grissom and Sara. Good luck to all you writers out there, there is some wonderful talent in this fandom, and I thank each and every single one of my readers for their time and reviews. Enjoy!
I didn't expect this to be my life.
When I was 12, I realized my life wasn't normal. Everything I had known up until then wasn't right. I lived in a home where midnight trips to the hospital were normal. Where spending all day in the library was a better choice than being at home with my father. Where there was nothing like the ocean breeze coming off of the bay to ease the pain of another black eye.
Then she did it. She killed him. And despite the relief that my father was gone and he wasn't going to hurt us anymore, my mother was also taken away that dreadful night. I very quickly became an orphan, and knew that my life wasn't going to end up anyway I had previously imagined
For five more years, my life still wasn't right, but this time I knew better. Some of the foster parents were nice enough, but I was still more content to stay at the library than be with all the other kids. I didn't mind the girls so much; they just kind of ignored me. But the boys, either they made fun of me for being so smart, or they wanted something from me that I wasn't willing to give.
I was never very popular with the boys.
But I did have my crushes. Oh, thinking of some of the boys at school would just keep me busy daydreaming for hours, as long as my homework was done. Nick, Mike, Josh, Jeff. But none of them ever saw me as more than a study buddy.
I didn't go to either of my proms.
The summer before I went to college, I worked with a guy who seemed interested in me. Dave. But I soon realized that he was just like the older boys in the foster homes, and I still wasn't willing to give it up so easily.
College. I had found the guy of my dreams. JT. Unfortunately, he hated it and transferred. Yes, people do transfer from Harvard. We kept in touch, but long distance just didn't seem worth it.
After he left, I fell into the exact same trap I had in high school. Every guy that I liked wouldn't give me the time of day unless I had done the homework or was asking to set up a study time. So, I figured that in order to get a guy, you have got to put out. Let me just say that sex in an airplane bathroom is not romantic at all, no matter what the guy says.
Then I met him. My colleagues had said that he was a pretty dull speaker, but I swear, the minute that man started talking, he had me. He had me wrapped around his little finger and didn't realize it. I wanted nothing more than to take this man home, and pick his brain about insects, forensics, hell even the color sheets we should have on our future bed. Of course, I wasn't about to do that, but I did get him to go out for coffee after his lecture and talk shop.
A few years later, he called me out to Vegas to help him. I stayed when he asked.
The first two years honestly weren't really that great. We had our moments, but nothing seemed to be going anywhere, so I looked elsewhere. Hank. Never before in my life had I felt so low, so hurt, because now I understood what was right and what was wrong. It truly amazes me how children are so innocent sometimes.
After Hank, my job came first and foremost. However, when the man that you secretly long for is your supervisor, and appears to have a personal problem with you, its amazing how much your job will be affected. And how your emotions will be affected.
Never again will I drink after a hard case. There are much better ways to relax. Believe me, I know.
I will never forget the night he came to me. Nick had been rescued no less than three hours before, and I was in bed after being ordered home. There was a knock on my door and when I answered it he was standing there, looking as lost as I felt.
He told me he loved me and if he couldn't say it then, there would never be a time that he could.
From that moment on, my life took a turn. I never knew exactly what happy felt like. I never knew what love was. He showed me what it meant to make love, whether between the sheets or with just a look across the layout table. I never knew that a kiss could reach your toes, or that a hug could calm your fears.
He gave me a dozen red silk roses that will last as long as he loves me.
My life was never easy. I worked for everything I wanted, including him. But everything was worth it: every bruise, every tear, and every pain. I would go through them all again if it meant that I could come home every night, see my roses in our living room, crawl into the blue sheets we decided on, feel his arms wrap around me as I drift off, hearing him tell me again that he loves me.
And think how my expectations were exceeded.