A Very Sparrow Christmas

"OW! Sonnovabi—"

"Watch the language, love."

I glared at the pirate through narrowed eyes as I nursed my burnt finger. Jack Sparrow, I mean, Captain Jack Sparrow and a few of his friends were lounging in my family room. Muses, the lot of them (who certainly haven't been doing their job lately). I studied my singed digit before attempting to once again retrieve the latest batch of cookies from the oven.

"Y'know, instead of just standing their and monitoring my language, you could be helping," I admonished.

"Now, honestly love, where would the fun in that be?"

I placed the sheet of cookies on the counter and turned around with a sigh. "It's Christmas Eve, Jack. Can't you at least try to be a bit nicer?" I pleaded. He grinned slightly and shrugged. "I might be persuaded to be nicer if you had a bit o' rum." I rolled my eyes and leaned against the counter. "Jack, babe, if I had any rum in this house I'd be consuming all of it. But, you know my parents don't allow alcohol in the house." He pouted and crossed his arms over his chest. "Your parents aren't right in the head."

"Be that as it may, this is a dry house. Sorry." I left the cookies to dry and headed for my bedroom.

"Siren, where are you going?"

"She's just in a bit of a pouting mood, Will."

"Why? Did her food burn?"

"Not that I know of, no. She's upset because there's a eunuch in her house."

"What eun—damn you, Jack!"

I smirked from my bedroom and shut the door. In actuality, I was in a 'pouting mood' as Jack put it because my Christmas wasn't exactly going as planned. I had planned on spending time with my possible girlfriend (I finally managed to come out last summer), but a family crisis got in the way. And then an argument got in the way. I had to cancel two dates so far, so any sort of relationship with this girl was looking bleak.

I flopped down on the bed and let out what had to be the fifth sigh that morning. I groaned at a knock at the door that I had closed for a reason. "Go away," I growled and rolled onto my side.

"Listen love, we can do this two ways. You can give me permission to open the door, or said door will be broken down by a drunk pirate with semi-good intentions."

The sad thing is he was serious. I suppressed the urge to murder the fictional character and muttered, "come in. Pirate." I heard the door open and heard the sound of a certain pirate sashaying towards the bed. After a few moments of silence, I spared a glance in his direction. "Are you just going to stare at me all day?" I asked in annoyance. He shook his head with a bit of a frown and flashed what I believe he meant to be a 'charming' smile. "Sorry, pet. You and the bed looked a bit inviting for a moment. I momentarily forgot that you're into the fairer sex."

He somehow managed to gracefully duck the pillow that I catapulted at his head. "Is that any way to talk to a lady?" I asked and sat up. He sat down beside me and looked as though he were considering it. "Well, I might agree with you if you were a lady."

Smart-ass.

"Jack, what do you want? I need five minutes of peace, okay? Is that so much to ask?" I pleaded. He smiled slightly. "There's 'peace', and then there's 'wallowing in self-pity'. So, what exactly is the matter? Come on; tell ol' Jack what's botherin' you." I glared at him before looking away.

"It's your bonnie-lass, isn't it? How is she? I haven't seen or heard much of her lately." I blinked at him. "How can someone who has rum for blood be so perceptive?" I asked. He shrugged and looked a bit confused himself. "I really have no idea. It's a gift." I shook my head and studied the bedspread. It was kind of old. I'd need to buy a new one soon. "Siren, please don't do that stoic, female thing. I get enough of that from Lizzie."

"I didn't want to be single on Christmas," I muttered. "Come again?" Stupid Jack Sparrow. "I said that I didn't want to be single on Christmas." I raised my eyes to meet his and saw that he was actually listening. "I finally managed to come out last summer and meeting other women has been…hard. And if I do meet a girl, I'm not allowed to bring her home. And everything has been so incredibly tense this holiday and I just…" I toyed with the bedspread. "I just wanted something to go right, you know?"

He nodded. "Aye. I understand, pet, I really do. And ol' Jack understands difficult situations. Hell, I've been in enough of them. But things do get easier, you know. You just have to give it time. Your family will adjust. They've already come a long ways." I rolled my eyes. "Sure, when they're not trying to convince me to at least 'try sleeping with a guy'." Jack beamed and offered, "if you ever do decide to experiment with a man completely though, you know I'm available." I couldn't help but laugh a bit at that and shoved him lightly. "Jack, you perverted pirate."

He held his hands up defensively. "I'm just putting it out there. No need to get physical about it." His grin widened. "Unless, of course, it's the more pleasurable kind of physical." I cocked an eyebrow. He shrugged and lowered his hands. "Thought it was worth a shot." I looked back to the bedspread, only to look up when I felt his hand covering my own. He looked completely serious, if not empathetic.

"Seriously, love, I understand where you're coming from. I've had my share of romantic interests as well." I saw him glance out the door and at Will. My eyes widened until I thought they would pop out of my head. "NO WAY!" I yelped when his hand clamped over my mouth. "I'd appreciate it if you didn't reveal it to the entire world. And yes, way. I've dabbled in both the fair and masculine sexes. Not something I like to brag about, but I'm not ashamed of it, either. And that whelp out there has no idea and with him and Lizzie all snuggles and shagging, I'd appreciate it if it stayed between you and me. Savvy?" I nodded and he took his hand away.

"So, like I said, I understand." I couldn't believe it. Captain Jack Sparrow really did have a crush on Will Turner. The yaoi stories were true! "You're sure Will doesn't feel the same?" Jack smiled sadly. "Positive, love. He's head over heels for Ms. Swann, and I may turn their lives upside-down, but I won't try to ruin what they have. It took enough time to repair what Lizzie had done." We both cringed at the memory of her and Jack's kiss. "But…didn't you like her?" It was Jack's turn to stare. "After being at sea with a bunch of smelly pirates for a few months, a clean, or somewhat clean woman will look very appetizing. I couldn't help myself."

I nodded. "Ah. Understandable." We sat in silence for a few moments before Jack stood up and held his hand out to me. "Shall we face the music now, pet? Or would you like to stay and sulk some more?" I took his hand and allowed him to pull me to my feet. I pulled him into a hug and gave his torso a squeeze. "Thanks, Jack." I felt him squeeze back lightly. "Anytime, love." And then I felt something akin to a hand on my ass.

SMACK!

"JACK SPARROW, YOU FUCKING PERVERT!"

Will and the others looked over at the pouting captain as I stormed back towards the kitchen. "I'm not quite sure I deserved that one," he mumbled. He ducked as a cookie was launched at him.

"Oh yes, you damn well did!"

Fin