Miss Marge Dursley. There are many ways to describe her. There are many angles to look at when describing her, giving her even more ways to describe her. Well, I am here to help you look at Miss Marge Dursley's different personalities, good or bad.
Now, let's look at it from angle one: her happy side
Her happy side is normally shown when she is in the public eye. She puts on her happy-go-lucky face. Nothing can go wrong when she puts that face on. Stunning, it is. At least, that's what she thinks. When this happens, she is an all around jolly and jovial person.
For example, when walking through the park near her beautiful house with her wonderful dog, Ripper, one might find her humming a merry tune. She waves to everybody — boys, girls, lovers, housewives, angry men, and old, smelly geezers. Everybody. It's just too bad she doesn't go on those .25 kilometer walks anymore. She claims that they are "bad for me precious heart and lovely backbone". But when she did go on those walks, she would somehow forget to pick up wonderful Ripper's wastes and little presents (very sly and sneaky of her, don't you think?). This finally brings me to the new angle.
What's angle two, you ask? Well, if you really wanna know...: The sneaky, sly side
The sneaky, sly side of Miss Marge Dursley is rarely seen, since, well, she is so sly and sneaky that nobody ever knows when it's in play. When Miss Marge Dursley uses her sly and sneaky side, she is incredibly sly and sneaky. Like outrageously sly and sneaky. It even surprises me. So, when she uses this sly, sneaky side, she uses it for things that benefit her. Like when she was at the grocery store and there was only one can of wet dog food left and two other women who wanted it.
Well, Miss Marge Dursley couldn't have them take away the wet, soggy dog food that Ripper had to eat. Ripper got indigestion if he ate anything besides human food, wine, and wet, soggy dog food. She yelled, "LOOK! TOM CRUISE IN TIGHT, SEXY, BUTT SHAPED, KISS-ASS – OH MY BLOODY GOD – SPANDEX!" And the two women looked away just long enough for Miss Marge Dursley to snatch to wet, soggy dog food can and slip it into her basket. Only the best for her Ripper. She can be so caring sometimes.
Angle three is: kind, caring Marge
Miss Marge Dursley can be so kind and caring. I mean, all fifteen of her dogs are treated like royalty. Getting Ripper his wet, soggy dog food was just one of the acts to prove this fact true. If you need anymore proof, I'll tell you of some other events that may convince you. She makes sure she has at least twenty pounds just for her "little neffy-poo" when she goes and visits him. That may be why he weighs so much. (A/N: hahaha… pounds:weight… I'm so pun-ny…)
Miss Marge also feeds the poor. After she ate (daintily, might I add) at a nearby healthy restaurant; Kentucky Fried Chicken (her favorite greasy American food), she threw the bones in the trash can and a couple of street scrapers scurried in and looked through the trash can, finding the bones, wanting some meat. It's just too bad that all .5 grams of sodium, 15.2 grams of fat, 19.7 grams of protein, 6.9 grams of carbohydrates and 258 calories were scraped off each piece. But it's the thought that counts, right? I guess there are some nutrients in bones. I mean, why else would we need milk and calcium to make them strong? Maybe we need the nutrients so we can make our "vocal bones", as Marge calls them, loud enough so we can yell about Tom Cruise (even if he is a nutcase) wearing spandex. Sexy spandex, I might add….
Now, let's get ready for angle four; the talented side.
I know what you're thinking. "How can you list all of Miss Marge Dursley's talents? There are so many!" So, I will tell you only a few of them. The ones that really stick out.
Miss Marge is an excellent dog trainer. She can teach them to do a whole bushel of things. Carting, canicross, pulka, scootering, flyball, disc, skijoring (not that any dog could pull her – same with the pulka), and many more. Ripper is a five time runner up at the national honors society competition for sophisticated, obedient dogs and their obsessive, freaky owners. The same dog, (1)Brounousar, always wins. "Bloody, criminal dog," is a fond phrase Marge picked up after Ripper lost the competition third time in a row.
Another talent that Miss Marge Dursley has is keeping her rotten, ugly, (2)horrawful nephew in line. Nope, not the "neffy-poo" you think I'm talking about. But… the other one.
You may not have heard of him before, but he is the worst ball of slime one might ever have to meet. But Miss Marge Dursley has a gift of a goddess. She can control him! She can control Harry Potter.
She has such kind tactics of taming him, too. "Boy, get my bags!", "Boy, your parents were bitches – but not like my dogs!", "Boy, why do you have an ugly scar on your forehead? It is an embarrassment to this house! It is sick and makes me want to hurl! Now go upstairs and cover it up!", "Boy, I don't call covering it up with my cover up what I wanted you to do! DEATH!"
See? I wish I had talents of charming and taming people just like her. Her dogs must envy her…. I sure do.
So, you see, I just showed you Miss Marge Dursley's life in a nutshell. Miss Marge Dursley is one of the most happy, sly, sneaky, Tom-Cruise- yelling-that-he-is-wearing-spandex-that-is-rather-tight-and-sexy, kind, caring, talented woman alive.
(1)Brounousar: When pronounced correctly, it sounds like "brownnoser"
(2)Horrawful: A mix between horrible and awful.
Hope you enjoyed my story! Please tell me if you did!