Quick note from the author: This story slightly bashes coupling (such as Chase/Jack). I fully understand that everyone is entitled to their own opinion; this mock-interview is the embodiment of mine. Regardless of my disapproval, I've read my share of Clay/Kimiko and Jack/Kimiko and Raimundo/Kimiko/Original Character fanfictions without posting reprimanding reviews. Heck, I've enjoyed a few of them. So please, I hope you do not post irate responses and that you enjoy this playful fanfiction. Thank you.

Greetings, ladies and gents. I am KD Nguyen, a "RaiKim"-supporter at heart. Since the fifteenth episode of "Xiaolin Showdown," the internet has been overwhelmed with "RaiKim" (among other couplings) stories produced by adoring fans. With some many enthusiastic "RaiKim"-supporters, I felt the public deserved a response from this famous teenage couple.

KD Nguyen: What's it like being so popular among fanfiction-writers?
Kimiko Tohomiko: It's so weird having this many people fabricating stories about our relationship. It's like being a busty celebrity without whoring yourself out to the media and the occasional fanboy…
Raimundo Pedrosa: But fangirls are still a-okay!
Kimiko Tohomiko: Rai, must you?
Raimundo Pedrosa: Sorry, Kimi. Someone had to say it and it'd be more awkward coming from you…
Kimiko Tohomiko: ANYWAYS, as sweet as those "RaiKim" fanfictions are, those "origin" stories are waaaay off…
Raimundo Pedrosa: I never used a Shen Gong Wu as an excuse to kiss Kimiko, nor did I spam her "Inbox" with letters from a "secret admirer."
Kimiko Tohomiko: In fact, Raimundo was the SECOND Temple-inhabitant to ask me out…
Raimundo Pedrosa: That stupid lizard…

We took a break to get a quick quote from the Northern Cho-Cho Clan's only remaining member.

Dogo Kanojo Cho: I've lived at the Temple for FIFTEEN-HUNDRED years and nobody thought of bringing in a lady-dragon! Not even a lady-gecko! Of course you'll make a move on the cute Asian (although human) girl when you spend fifteen-hundred years in a sausage-fest!

Returning back to Kimiko and Raimundo, the shining couple added a few small comments before leaving for a date.

Kimiko Tohomiko: Me and Dojo? Ewww…
Raimundo Tohomiko: I proposed a much better first date than that gecko did: I laid out a romantic, lakeside picnic beneath shining stars and serenaded her after our dinner before embracing her and pulling in for one soft kiss…
Kimiko Tohomiko: Actually, he ripped-off Aladdin and flew me around on a wind-supported carpet while singing "A Whole New World"…
Raimundo Pedrosa: Eh, it worked.
Kimiko Tohomiko (smirking): Sadly, it did.
KD Nguyen: By the look on Kimiko's face, I suppose I should give y'all some "alone time…"

Leaving the couple to spend the afternoon together, I tracked down their two fellow monks to get their opinions. First up: Clay Bailey.

KD Nguyen: Where you ever attracted to Kimiko Tohomiko as many fanfictions claim you were?
Clay Bailey: Course I was. You spend a few years with only a single girl, a mighty fine one I might add, and you'll no doubt feel something towards her.
KD Nguyen: So, why not make a move?
Clay Bailey: Well, it was pretty obvious to me she had a thing for Rai. If I'd gotten involved, life at the temple would've been more awkward than losing the family farm to Ol' Bessie in a game of Hold 'Em while the sun sets to the South and the coyote that howls at the rising moon slides down the mountainside into a gator-infested swamp.
KD Nguyen: And that analogy means…
Clay Bailey: Honestly? I have no idea…

Next up was Omi. To be honest, I was nervous coming in for this interview, as I was complety aware of the Water Dragon's weak grasp on "love." Heck, I've mocked it myself (read "Something Blue").

KD Nguyen: A lot of writers have set up a rivalry between you and Raimundo Pedrosa in terms of ranks and skill. Have you ever felt there was a competition between the both of you in winning Kimiko Tohomiko's heart?
Omi "Crud": As in winning Kimiko's heart though a Xiaolin Showdown? That is most morbid…
KD Nguyen: No no no. I'm asking whether or not you love Kimiko Tohomiko.
Omi "Crud": Oh, no. I do not believe she could handle something as powerful as "love".
KD Nguyen: Do you even know what "love" is…?
Omi "Crud": …A newly-revealed Shen Gong Wu…?
KD Nguyen: You fail at life…

After interviewing each Dragon-in-Training, we moved on to their sagely instructor, Master Insert First Name Fung.

KD Nguyen: It's never been brought up in a fan-created story before, but have you ever been interested in your pupil, Kimiko Tohomiko, romantically?
Master Fung: As young and beautiful as Kimiko may be, I felt not the need to pursue a relationship.
KD Nguyen: Because of the age difference?
Master: My definition of "age" counts not the number of years in one's lifetime but the number of maidens one has charmed in one's lifetime.
KD Nguyen: And how "old" are you?
Master Fung: Two-hundred and seventy-three…

With the opinion of every hero documented, I turned to the villains. While the "RaiKim" pairing never really affected them (except for the few that stories that killed them), the Heylin Masters plus Jack Spicer have been thrown around in awkward pairings. Thus, I decided to interview their views on Heylin couplings. I stepped cautiously into Chase Young's lair to jot a quick discussion with the Man-Dragon and his whipping boy (no sexual innuendos intended), Jack Spicer.

KD Nguyen: There's been an increase in the number of "KimikoxChase" stories circulating the web. How do you feel about the material in such stories?
Chase Young: I never understood this fan-obsession of pairing me with Kimiko, and worse off, Spicer. Hmm…Maybe if I had met Kimiko a few millennia ago, we might've had something beautiful. But now? I'm twice her size and a hundred times her age; even I, one of the darkest Heylin masters in existence, find that disturbing. And Spicer? I wouldn't allow him in presence, much less my mouth. Creepy teenagers and their homo-erotic, pedophiliac dreams…
Jack Spicer: You think that's weird? There are people out there writing "JackxGoodJack" fan-fictions, some of which I'm pretty sure contain NC-17 material. They're writing stories about ME touching MYSELF; it's like a diary entry for whenever I masturba-

After a hurried exit, I sought out the two remaining villains (the two prominent ones at least), Wuya and Hannibal Roy Bean. Wuya, who I originally assumed was lodging in Chase's mountain manor, was actually found in the woods shortly after meeting with Hannibal.

KD Nguyen: Some fanfictions force Raimundo Pedrosa to struggle between his lust for you and yearning for Kimiko Tohomiko. Did you ever feel anything remotely human towards Raimundo?
Wuya: Probably a maternal-form of love. The dear boy did release me from that horrid ghost form, so I adopted him as my own I suppose.
KD Nguyen: Never a physical relationship though?
Wuya: Oh, heck no. Even if I wanted a "taste of Rio," the boy never showed much interest in my figure. Besides, another young-boy/older-woman couple already destroyed society.
KD Nguyen: Ashton and Demi?
Wuya: Exactly…

With Wuya's statement out of the way, I doubled back to where she had met with Hannibal to ask the veggie villain's take on his role in fanfictions.

KD Nguyen: You've always been portrayed as the antagonist in "RaiKim" stories. Did you ever want a non-villain role in those stories?
Hannibal Roy Bean: I always thought someone should've written a story where I use the "Moby Morpher" to shapeshift into a dashing, young man and sweep that Kimiko girl off her feet. Nothing I like more than a one-sided battle, but literally-hot Oriental girls aren't too far behind…
KD Nguyen: Pardon me, but that's actually pretty disturbing…
Hannibal Roy Bean: Oh please, child, I'm just a bean, a seed if you will. This here seed can't be more destructive to that fragile girl than that Wind Dragon's seed…

Debating whether or not that last comment should've been censored or not, I finally revisited Kimiko and Raimundo one last time to wrap up this extensive interview.

KD Nguyen: When this story hits, fans might change their opinions of the both of you. Some may cheer for "RaiKim" while others may transform Raimundo into a third wheel for one of Kimiko's side-romances.
Raimundo Pedrosa (shrugging): If this little interview actually annoys people or turns them away from "RaiKim" stories, it's no biggie.
Kimiko Tohomiko: It's kind of neat to see so many committed fans writing parallel universes and realities for us. Different scenarios and romantic moments and all.
Raimundo Pedrosa: They can write whatever they want to because its their views on us and they're entitled to their own opinions.
Kimiko Tohomiko: I would, however, like to see more romance scenes than porno-scenarios in "RaiKim" fanfictions…
KD Nguyen: Well, guess that's it. One final thing though: What did the both of you think of "Something Blue?"
Kimiko Tohomiko: It was sweet, but so prolonged…
Raimundo Pedrosa: Yeah, it kind of bounced to random topics like how Master Monk Guan survived fifteen-hundred years and my unseen parents…
Kimiko Tohomiko: Honestly, it could've been organized a lot better…
Raimundo Pedrosa: Who wrote that anyway…?
KD Nguyen: Just some fan…