1923: ACT 1 - MR. GREEK GOD AND THE GREAT FALL! (revised)

Summary: Set in the American 1920s. Because of the fashion trend, Naruto gets mistaken for a girl a lot. With his job as a waiter and the non-stop groping by the customers, he is ready to maim everyone with salad forks. But how is a dark-haired man going to change all of this? And does Naruto want the change… SasuNaru, Shounen-Ai

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, the amazing Kishimoto-san does. I did, however, come up with the brilliant idea to set Naruto in the 1920's, so please don't steal the idea!

Warning: Groping, perverted men, dangerous eating utensils, and of course Shounen-ai…wait, apparently its Boys' Love now (the term SA is suppose to be outdated ). Still, they both mean boy-to-boy love. So…don't like, don't read.

I put in some slang words that I found on the internet for this time period. All terms will have definitions at the end. Sorry if it's confusing, I'm just trying to give the 1920's feel.

"" means speech
'' means thoughts
//.// means long periods of thoughts (more like Naruto talking to himself)
­-bold- means author inserts (but they are not AN's; I swear)
italics means emphasized speech



"Naruto! Could you grab that man another cup of water?"

"Right away!"

"Naruto! We need another set of utensils at Table 11!"


"Naruto, there are some dirty dishes over at this table!"


"Naruto!"… "Naruto!"… … … "Naruto!"

'Jeezus! What do they expect me to do? Make clones of myself?'

Heavily laden with trays on both hands and one balanced on his head, Naruto struggled to complete all the demanded tasks that were just made. As well as trying to sort through the ones in his head that was made a few minutes ago.

But then…he felt someone touch his rear end. Or to be more precise; pinch!

'Not again!' Naruto angrily screamed in his inner mind and cursed the latest fashion trend for the 24th time today.

His eye heavily twitching, the blond carefully balanced the trays he was carrying and turned his head slowly around. You could almost see flames in his eyes.

"Touch me again, and I'll shove a coffee mug up your ass!"

The brown-haired man grinned, "Well, aren't you a bearcat (1)." He gave what was supposed to be a seductive wink.

Naruto nearly gagged, his hand itching for that mug. But he resisted, that fag was lucky he was carrying so many trays at the moment. He didn't want to loose this job like the last one, when he worked at a bar…
'Hey! That beer bottle just happened to be nearby when that rummy(2) was feeling me up! Hardly my fault' Naruto reasoned.

The blond took a few deep breaths to calm his anger, and then giving the man a glare, he walked away with the trays; congratulating himself for keeping his cool.

Naruto looked around the interior of diner; the walls were a combination of red and yellow wallpaper, while the floor had the classic black and white checkered pattern. It had a nice upbeat feel and the food was great (hence the endless costumers). He had been working at this diner for a month now, and had hoped that this job would involve less groping and touching than his previous job. After all, it was a diner, and men would be sober and thus a better chance of controlling themselves, right?


Because a part of the servers' uniform was a…frilly…white…apron.
'Damn you Jaraiya!'

Well, a job was a job, and this job had good pay. At least Naruto could use his imagination to give all those men a horrible death using salad forks and butter knives.

He dropped the trays off in the back where the cook was.

"Hey Chouji, is the chow for Table 7 ready?"

"Almost" the plump boy said, the reply sounded more like a grunt.

"Here are the orders for Table 12." The blond clipped up a piece of paper on the ever-growing line of orders.

Chouji groaned.

"Keep 'er going." Naruto playfully slapped him on the back and went off to clear some tables.

A group of girls walked in through the door, all wearing the latest fashion trend. All of them had their hair cut short; were wearing long, loose shirts to hide their bust and waistline, and shorts or straight skirts.
'I just didn't understand the appeal of dressing like…like…boys! Girls look perfectly nice in corsets and frilly dresses.'

"Naruto, could you attend to those Janes(3), I'm a little busy." The pink haired waitress named Sakura called out. She was currently trying to juggle three trays full of food.

"Pos-i-tive-ly(4)." Naruto sighed and went up to greet the girls.

"Welcome to Jaraiya's Diner, table for five?"

"That's right, miss." One of the girls replied.

Argghhh! Not only do men mistake me for a girl but now girls do too!
If only they would stop wearing those futzing(5) boyish clothes, I won't be mistaken for a futzing girl anymore and be futzing groped all the futzing time!'

Naruto made a metal note to give the creator of this fashion trend a painful death involving bread knives and giant blenders.

"Something wrong miss?" The brunette looked at Naruto worriedly. "Your face looks a tad red"

"It's mister…" Naruto ground out in a lethal voice.

The girl laughed, "You slay me(6)! A doll(7) like you?" She broke off laughing and the rest of the girls joined in. "I'm sure you just say that so the ol' boys(8) won't be hanging all over you. Don't worry, your lil' secret's safe with me!" She winked.

'Its not my fault I'm skinny and short!' Naruto screamed inside his head.

Count to ten. Count to ten.
1 2 3 4 –
Ah, forget it!

He imagined attacking the girls with sharp chopsticks. He felt a bit better.
Just a bit.

Naruto managed a forced smile.
"Right…well, come this way." He said, showing them to their table. After they were seated, he handed them the menus. The blond quickly walked away before they could ask him for anything.
'I'll let Sakura or Ino attend to them.' Naruto thought.

By then the food for table 7 was ready, and Naruto went to retrieve it. He made his way to the table, carrying the trays of food for the three men.

"Here you are sirs." He said, as he placed each dish in front of them.

The man closest to him grinned, "Thanks, you're a doll."

"Ah shuddup." Naruto said tiredly.

The men laughed.

Naruto mentally stabbed them.

The bells jingled on the door, signaling a new customer coming in.

"Hot Dawg(9)! That's one handsome fella!" Ino exclaimed, she had stopped in her tracks to look at him and excitedly poked her elbow into Sakura's side.

"Ow! What'd u do that fo- " Then Sakura's gaze fell on the said man. Immediately you could almost see hearts floating in her eyes. She sighed breathlessly; "H-he must be an incarnated god…he's perrrfect…"

Naruto rolled his eyes and glanced over at the man at the door that they were being goofy(10) over. 'Hmm, I don't see what all the fuss is about.'

The fellow is in his late teens, but despite his young age he was wearing a suit, giving off a debonair look. His sleek black hair gracefully spiked back (looks more like a rooster head to me). His face is perfectly chiseled; a mixture of hardness and softness, a strong structure yet elegant features. His eyes are dark and mysterious, like two black pools of water (What the futz?). His body; a perfect imitation of a Greek god… (ok, who's writing this description?) …tall, lean, muscular yet has more grace than any woman, with hands like…
-Description is discontinued due to author trying to dodge flying forks-

"I'll attend to him!" Sakura shouted, running towards the door.

"Oh no you don't! I will!" Ino rushed forward ahead of Sakura, not to be beaten.
An imaginary trail of dust flew behind them as they raced to the door.

For a few seconds Naruto felt a tiny tinge of sympathy for the person-…er, correction: prey. Buuuut, he had work to do.

The blond hurriedly made his way up to the counter to where the cash register was. The attendant; Shikamaru is sitting lazily in a chair behind it. On the surface he looks a lazy bum, but he has an IQ of 200, he's also the restaurant's supervisor (not to be messed with).

Naruto handed him the receipt and cash, and using the least amount of effort possible, Skikmaru opened the register and gave the correct change. He turned his head to lazily look over at the two girls who were currently trying the push one another away from the table where Mr. Greek God sat. They looked liked two angry jungle cats wrestling over a piece of juicy meat.

The lazy genius sighed. "Naruto, go tell Sakura and Ino to attend to some other customers. They look like they are about to kill each other. You can be in charge of that fellow."

"Whoa, what! You want ME to tell THEM that? Coming between those two is worse than walking into a pack of hungry wolves!"

"Just tell them it's my orders, I'm sure they don't want to lose their jobs." Shikamaru propped his head up with his arm and closed his eyes, signaling that the conversation was over.

Naruto grumbled to himself and made his way to where Sakura and Ino were. It was like walking into an ominous black cloud, the intense waves of hate and rivalry rolling off them in waves; the two girls were having a duel to the death.
And you know what?!
Mr. Perfect-Body-and-Heavenly-Face was casually sitting there (looking like a model) and reading the menu as if it two girls having a death match was the most common thing on earth.
And the sad thing is! It probably IS a common occurrence in HIS world.

"Uh, Sakura? Ino?" Naruto meekly called out.

"WHAT!?!" They both snarled out and the same time and turned around to glare at Naruto, "WE'RE BUSY!!!"

If looks could kill, Naruto would be diced, boiled, fried in hot greasy oil and then ground into fine powder by now.

"U-um, Sh-Shikimaru told you two to go attend to other tables; I'm supposed to take over this one."

As soon as Naruto said this, he could feel their murderous intent reach up beyond the anger scale.
Oh Lord Jesus, please don't let me die, please don't let me die

"It's Shikimaru's orders…" Naruto squeaked out helplessly.

The girls looked towards the cash register, to where the said supervisor was sitting. Then looked backed at Naruto, contemplating on the situation.

Finally, to Naruto's great relief, Ino slowly started walking away. She brushed past him and whispered, "at least find out his name for me."
Then Sakura walked by on his other side, saying, "get me his address".

Naruto sighed, 'guess I have no choice.'

The blond turned towards the table and put on his best waiter smile, "Hi, my name is Naruto, I'll be your server today. Um…(thinking back to what Ino said)… may I ask you for your name…and, uh…address…you know, for future references?"
'He's never gonna buy it…' Naruto laughed sheepishly and sweatdropped.

Mr. Sex-on-Legs looked up; his dark eyes gazed into Naruto's for a few seconds, and then slowly traveled downward, finally resting on the frilly apron. He looked up and again and gave a small smirk.

The blond's face turned red.

"I didn't know it was common courtesy for the waiters here to ask costumers about personal information, but…" He leaned in towards Naruto. "if it's you, I think I can grant that request." His voice dropped down dangerously low.

"My name is…Sasuke Uchiha"
"As for my address…usually people wait until the second meeting."

Sasuke looked at Naruto in the eyes and smirked.

'What's with that bastard!' Naruto leaned against the kitchen door, his face still flushed red. 'That arrogant smirk of his! I-I don't like it!'

He angrily stormed over to the java(11) brewer to get the said man's coffee.

Thinking back to the conversation:
It can't be! There's no way he would be the president of Uchiha Automobiles.
Nope, no way…not with an attitude like that.

Assuring himself, he finished pouring the java and placed it on a tray along with a pitcher of cream and a container of sugar.

Naruto braced himself as he got ready to head towards The Bastard again; though he would never admit it, he knew he blushed like a little schoolgirl when the raven was staring at him like that.

'It's not gonna happen again!' Naruto promised himself.

The blond walked confidently towards the table…

Now…here's where a series of slow motion events started to proceed.

No one is quite sure what caused the trip,
Naruto for one says that he must have hit the corner of a table.
Sasuke claims he was "falling for him"
While the two jealous waitresses accuses Naruto for doing it on purpose.

Anyways, proceeding on with the story…

Naruto felt himself plunging forward, in slow motion; the tray flew out of his hands and its contents catapulted upwards, heading strait for Sasuke's head.

Naruto braced himself with his hands and landed on his knees and looked up just in time to see the coffee, the cream and finally the sugar all come splashing down on the raven's head. There were now brown and white blobs in his hair and…gulp…on his expensive looking suit, the blond winced.

Yet, how he still managed to look cool and composed like that will always be a mystery.

"Ah! I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" Naruto rushed forward to clean it up. But in his haste, he slipped on some spilt cream and landed on Sasuke's lap.

"S-s-sorry!" Naruto stuttered, his face flaming again.

Sasuke grinned, "I don't mind at all."

He quickly jumped up and turned slightly sideways to hide his blush. Then he suddenly remembered the mess he still had to clean up. He bent down to quickly gather up the bigger shards of the mug and pitcher.

"NARUTO! What did you DO?" The two girls suddenly shouted from behind him.

The blond was currently too busy praying he wouldn't get fired to mind them.

"Oh my, are you alright sir?" Sakura asked coffee-drenched man.

"I'm fine…" Sasuke loosened his tie and took off the outer jacket. "But the suit…I don't think the stains will come out."

"Oh don't worry about it!" Ino cut in. "Naruto here, will definitely pay for it!"

"Eh? I will?" Naruto looked up.

"WON'T you…" Sakura and Ino said in such a way that left no room for objections.

Naruto blanched, "O-of course I will." Then laughed meekly, "I mean, how much could it possibly cost? I'm sure it'll be no problem."

"$275." Sasuke said nonchalantly.

"WHAT?!?!" Naruto shouted.

"Two hundred and seventy five dollars." Sasuke repeated slowly.

'You have GOT to be kidding me.' Naruto felt faint, very faint indeed.

-End of Act 1-

Note: During this era, the average annual earnings were about $1200. So for Naruto (who wouldn't earn nearly as much), $275 was equal to about 3 months pay.

(1) Bearcat - a hot-blooded or fiery girl
(2) Rummy - a drunken bum
(3) Jane – any female
(4) Pos-i-tive-ly – affirmative
(5) Futz/Futzing - "fuck/fucking" not sure if this the correct way to use it, but I don't care. Don't u just love that word:P
(6) You slay me – that's funny
(7) Doll – attractive girl
(8) Ol' boy – a male
(10) Hot Dawg – Wow/great
(11) Goofy – in love
(12) Java – another word for coffee

A/N: I am an extremely lazy person, so if I have no motivation, I will not write! So give me reviews, motivate me! It'll make me work that much faster and it make me that much happier. :)

This puppy begs for your reviews!

On the next note: My set deadline for Act 2 is Febuary 6th, 2007. Though if I'm more motivated, I'll write faster, kukuku.

Much love, Koinu-chan (Puppy-chan)