Chapter 1: I Knew Him

Disclaimer: Not mine and I'm sure that every day they thank their lucky stars that they aren't MUWAHAHAHAHAHA.

A/N: So for some reason I wanted to write a new story but instead I ended up dusting off one of the ones that had been sitting on my hard drive for a while. I started writing this in the period when that evil preview was running on TV that made it look like Olivia had actually seen Dani and Elliot kissing. Also, as I read over it just now, I found myself laughing because there is a reference to Olivia having drank a glass of soda and as we all know, she apparently doesn't do that anymore. Maybe she found out that she was pregnant because some guy took liberties with her in Oregon when she was unconscious. Wow, I think that theory means that I should wrap this author's note up and go to bed LOL.

A/N: This first chapter goes out to Rach who stayed up with me trying to help me think of new story ideas and who was very patient with me shooting down every single one of them.

Olivia sat on her couch with her legs tucked underneath her. She cradled the phone between her chin and shoulder as she held the TV guide in one hand and the remote in the other. It was ten at night and she and Elliot were both looking for something good on the television. She changed the channel once again "Some movie, I'm not quite sure what channel this is though," she told him.

"What's it about?" Elliot asked as he flipped through the channels on his own television until he heard the desired echo from the other end. Since she had gotten back to New York, conversations had been restricted to trivial things. There had been no talk of work or cases or the woman that had taken Olivia's place during her extended absence. Olivia would be returning to work the next day, reclaiming her place as Elliot's partner once more and then it would be almost impossible for Elliot to simply change topics to frivolous things such as movies on TV.

"It's a Shirley Temple movie," Olivia answered, still unable to find the channel in the TV guide "I don't know which one."

Elliot finally heard the small echo over the phone which meant that he and Olivia were watching the same thing "Got it," he told her. The movie was the first even half way decent thing that they had found in two hours so Elliot decided to watch it "Thanks," he smiled as he held the phone close to his ear.

"No problem," Olivia responded. The two sat in silence for a while. It was not one of their usual comfortable silences. It fell over them in a heavy blanket that suppressed the things that they itched to tell each other. Eventually, Olivia spoke again "Um…" she cleared her throat in an attempt to break the tension "I should probably go. I've gotta get up early to come in tomorrow."

"Early?" Elliot questioned and even over the phone, Olivia could hear the smile in his voice "Got too used to sleeping in?"

"Actually smart guy," she was happy for the playful teasing that made it seem as if nothing had changed between them when in fact everything seemed like it had "I have an early meeting with Cragen to tie up a couple of loose ends."

"Good luck," Elliot told her with a sigh.

"Thanks," she replied simply. She wanted to say so much more. She wanted to tell him how much she missed him, how much she realized that she cared about him while she had been gone, how much it had hurt her to see him kissing that woman. He didn't even know that she had seen them and she wasn't about to tell him. All she knew was now that woman was gone to, God only knew where and she would be getting her old job and partner back. She wanted to say all these things and more but all she said was "Goodnight."

"See you tomorrow," Elliot hoped that she couldn't hear the lump in his throat as he spoke those words. He was overjoyed to have her back. He didn't know if he could ever tell her how much he had missed her when she was gone. He knew he could never tell her that his worry over her had driven him to Dani: his short term distraction. He wanted to tell her that he knew now that he would always place her safety above anything else because he loved her. He could have said all these things and more but for some reason he just couldn't. All he managed was a simple "Good night," before he hung up the phone.

Olivia hung up and flipped off the TV. She rose from the couch and flipped off the lamp on the end table; the light from the street lamps outside was enough for her to make her way through the apartment. She went into the kitchen carrying a glass that earlier in the evening had contained diet coke but now was empty. She set the glass in the sink, deciding that she would deal with it in the morning and headed into her bedroom.

At her bedroom door she paused. She had thought she heard something. She waited. There it was again. Someone was knocking on her door. She crossed the room quickly, thinking that one of her neighbors needed something and looked through the peephole "Who's there?" she called out. She waited but no response came. Trying to push aside the uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach, she opened the door, leaving the chain on and peered out into the hallway. She saw a note on the floor directly in front of the door. She closed the door and removed the chain. She reopened it and stepped into the hallway, bending down to retrieve the piece of paper.

Suddenly she felt someone behind her, moving too quickly for her to react. The unknown assailant clamped a hand tightly over her mouth and dragged her back inside her apartment, closing the door once he had gotten her inside.

Olivia tried to pull out of the grasp of her attacker but the person was too strong for her. Her arms flew out in every direction but found it impossible to strike a blow. She struggled as hard as she could and although she remained in her attackers iron grip, she managed to make it to the coffee table. She knew that her gun was nearby and she tried to search for it. She found herself pushed to the ground in front of the coffee table and she whimpered in pain when her jaw hit the corner of the table on the way down. She reached up with one hand and grabbed the TV guide. She managed to strike the attacker in the side of the face with the magazine though it did little good.

"What should I do with you?" a bone chillingly ominous voice whispered venomously in her ear "You betrayed us and now you have to pay."

Olivia froze. The voice sounded vaguely familiar. The realization hit her. It was someone she knew from being undercover. He was one of many people she had met and she couldn't match his voice to a name but she knew that she had met him in Oregon. She felt her stomach knot up. These people weren't violent. They wouldn't come seeking her out to exact some kind of revenge. At least she had believed that. Now she was absolutely sure that she had been wrong.

"You pretended to be something you're not," the man continued as he leaned more heavily on Olivia "And you have to be punished for your farce," keeping his hand over her mouth he pulled her to her feet and forced her into the kitchen. He grabbed a glass from a cabinet and shattered it in her face before forcing her to the ground yet again "The question is," he mused while his free hand explored her body "How should I do that?"

Olivia continued to struggle beneath his weight and finally managed to bite the hand that he was holding over her mouth "Somebody!" she began to call but the hand that she had bitten only moments before, crashed into her face in the form of a fist.

"Keep your mouth shut," the man growled. He managed to open a nearby drawer and pull out a butcher knife. He began to cut her with it. The blade of the knife moved in long cuts, deep enough to inflict serious pain and draw blood but not so deep that they would be fatal. "I could do so many things to you," he whispered seductively "This is a good start, don't you think?"

"Please," she managed to mumble although it sounded more like a whimper. She was positive that her nose was broken and blood covered her face and got into her mouth when she tried to talk "Stop? I'm sorry," it was so painful. With each cut that he etched into her skin she felt herself slipping further away. Her resolve was crumbling. Still she tried to get control over the situation "You don't want to do this," she told him "We can talk about this if you just-" she gasped as he dug the knife in deeper between to of her ribs "Put the knife down," she continued "Just put the knife down and we can talk about-" he dug the knife into her again and she felt her resolve totally disappear as the tears came.

"No talking dear," he told her as he began to slash at her clothes until they came away in ribbons "Oh it's far too late for talking dear," he entered her from behind "I wondered how you would feel," he told her as he degraded her "I saw you and thought to myself 'I'm gonna bang that one someday' but I got to know you," he kept talking even while he inflicted his brand of torture, commanding her attention while the knife slid painfully through the soft flesh of her rear end "I respected you. I decided to wait. But," his thrusts became faster, more painful and the knife strokes became deeper although he probably didn't realize this fact "You lied to us, you betrayed us and you have to be punished."

"I had to," she told him through heavy sobs and a mouth full of blood "I had a job to do."

"That's no excuse!" he fairly screamed at her, making an angry, undirected slash across her back. The pain from that slash was so sudden and severe that Olivia screamed "Shut up," he set the knife down and picked up Olivia's limp body only to throw it against the wall "You deceived us and now you are going to suffer for it," he began to kick her.

"Please," she began but her voice faded away too soon as she found herself teetering on the edge of unconsciousness. Her feeble voice couldn't even be heard by own her ears anymore.

"Now, now," he bent beside her "A good little cop like yourself," he spoke with unmasked disdain for her profession "You should know that it's useless to beg for your life. You should know my dear little detective," he picked her up again "That I'm not going to give you any mercy," he carried her into the bedroom and flung her on the bed. He wrapped the blankets around her so that all but her head was incased in cotton. He picked her up in his arms and walked out of the apartment and down to his car. He popped the trunk and laid her inside "You lying fascist pig," he kissed her blood stained lips and smiled when he saw the fear in her eyes "Don't be afraid my darling," he whispered "Your debt is far from paid."

He shut the trunk and left the woozy Olivia alone with her thoughts. She could hardly think straight and for one moment she had the fleeting hope that this was just a really bad nightmare. She willed herself to wake up but it didn't work. She was finally forced to accept the fact that this was the end. She was going to end up like so many of the victims that she tried to get justice for. She couldn't help but cry. She was going to die and she never got a chance to tell Elliot all of those things that she had been wanting to tell him since she had left to go undercover. She had come so close to telling him but now it would be too late. She heard once that it was best to live a life without regrets but when she looked at her life, as she lay in the back of that car, her wounds slowly scabbing over and the blankets becoming hopelessly stuck to her by her own blood, she could only find regrets in it.


Elliot walked into the squad room with a small smile gracing his lips and a bounce in his step, a smile and a bounce that disappeared as soon as he saw that Olivia was nowhere to be found. He saw Cragen walking out of his office and quickly walked over to him "Captain," he began in a hushed tone full of concern that he couldn't mask even if he had wanted to "Where's Olivia?"

Cragen wore a concerned expression himself "I was just about to ask you if you'd seen her," he told his detective "She never showed up for our meeting this morning."

This made Elliot's stomach do a full barrel roll followed by a ten story fall "That's not like her," he murmured.

"Find her," Cragen told Elliot "And when you do, tell her that if she wants to be a part of this unit again, she's gonna have to get her act together," Cragen turned and disappeared into his office once more.

Elliot sat down at his desk and began to worry. What could possibly have happened between when he had spoken to her last night and now? He was broken from his thoughts when Cragen reappeared "What is it Cap?" he asked, noticing that the older man looked to be all business once more.

"Elliot, there's a victim at Saint Elizabeth's hospital. She was found in the trunk of an abandoned rental car. There's no ID. I need you to get down there right away. When Olivia shows up, I'll tell her to join you."

Elliot reluctantly got out of his chair and grabbed his jacket. The drive to the hospital wasn't a long one but it did take him right past Olivia's apartment building. For a fleeting moment he thought of maybe just stopping briefly to see if she had indeed overslept or something but there wasn't time. He would call her after he got the facts on the victim.

When he arrived at the hospital he was met by a doctor who led him to the room of the unidentified victim "Highway patrol found her in the trunk of an abandoned car," the doctor explained "She was wrapped in a blanket that was soaked with blood. She's been beaten pretty badly. Under the blanket she was completely naked. Whoever did this slashed her up with a large knife."

Elliot couldn't believe what a cruel bastard this perp must be. They turned the corner into the room and Elliot got a glimpse of the victim. The doctor was saying something about how she probably wasn't going to regain consciousness for another hour or so but Elliot didn't hear him. He couldn't breathe, he took another step into the room and reached out to the motionless figure on the bed "Oh my God," he whispered in utter shock.

"Are you all right detective?" the doctor asked.

Elliot still didn't hear the doctor "Oh my God," he whispered again before collapsing beside the bed "Olivia," he cried out her name, taking one of her hands "Dear God, what happened to you?" he held her hand to his face as the tears came. He should have been more worried when he hadn't seen her that morning. Why did this have to happen to her? She didn't deserve it. He didn't hear the doctor take a step closer and when he felt a hand on his shoulder, he jumped. He turned around to see the doctor staring at him.

"Do you know her?" the doctor asked softly.

Elliot cleared his throat "Yeah, she's my partner, her name's Olivia Benson," he looked back at the bed "Is she going to make it?" she looked really bad. Her nose was broken, her face was covered with bruises and cuts and her jaw was swollen.

"It looks bad now," the doctor told Elliot "But other than a lot of blood loss, she didn't sustain any life threatening injuries. She'll be in a lot of pain but she'll pull through this," he reassured Elliot.

"Thank you," Elliot murmured as he stared at Olivia. Whoever had done this to her hadn't wanted to kill her; they had wanted to inflict as much pain as possible. Suddenly Elliot felt a chill go through his body. The one thing that hadn't been discussed yet, the one reason why he was here instead of someone else. He tightened his grip on Olivia's hand "Oh Liv," he whispered "You don't deserve this. I'm so sorry." Then it occurred to Elliot that he wouldn't be allowed to work the case when Cragen found out who the victim actually was. He looked at Olivia before standing up "I have to call my captain," he explained to the doctor as he walked into the hall. He pulled out his cell phone and dialed, all the while his heart was heavy with the news that he himself had just found out "Hey Cap," Elliot's tone was flat, almost dead sounding.

"Elliot," Cragen began "Olivia hasn't shown up."

"I know where she is Captain," Elliot stared through the open door of the hospital room at the bed where Olivia lay "She… she…" he could barely get the words out "I'm gonna have to pull myself off the case," he explained.

"You'd better have a damn good reason," Cragen said sternly.

"I do," Elliot told him. He took a deep breath, deciding that he had to get it all out "Olivia's the victim."

Cragen was shocked. He nearly dropped the phone. It was as if someone had knocked all the air out of him. He was silent for a long time "Oh dear God," he finally whispered "What the hell happened?"

"I don't know. She's still unconscious," Elliot explained "I can't deal with this, not this time."

"Look," Cragen began, he was fighting to keep his voice even at this point "I need you on this case Elliot. Munch and Fin already have more than they can handle and are going to be tied up in court all week."

"But Captain," Elliot began to protest.

"Elliot," Cragen took a deep breath, truly regretting his next words "That's an order."

"Yes sir," Elliot said bitterly before hanging up the phone. He walked back into the hospital room and took a seat by Olivia's bedside. He picked up her hand and held it once more. He watched her for a long time "I'm so sorry Olivia," he whispered "I wish I could go back and stop this from happening in the first place," he thought about the facts of the case. She had been found unconscious in the trunk of a car. How long had she been there? How long had it taken before she lost consciousness? Had she spent hours alone in that trunk, thinking that she was going to die? He began to cry for her. He hated that he would have to be the one handling this case but on some level, he wouldn't have it any other way. He wanted to be the one who brought the person who had done this to justice.

Suddenly Olivia's hand wrenched itself out of his and it flew into the air "Get off!" she began to scream "Get away! I'm sorry! It was my job! Please don't do this?!"

She was coming back into consciousness, flailing wildly. Elliot jumped from his seat and laid a hand on her shoulder trying to steady her as he spoke soothingly "Olivia, its just me. Its just Elliot. You're safe now. You're in a hospital. It's okay. Its okay," he couldn't keep her from thrashing about and he knew that he had to stop her soon or she would hurt herself even more.

His words weren't making it through to her "Please," she begged "Please just stop?"

The same doctor from before returned to the room; he called for a nurse "We need to sedate her," he explained to Elliot as he came over and grabbed Olivia's arm.

"Is that really necessary?" Elliot asked frantically. He could see the fear on Olivia's face and didn't want to have to do that to her.

"If we don't do something soon," the doctor told him "She's gonna end up hurting herself," he tightened his grip on Olivia's arm only to have her pull her arm away and lash out at him.

"Stop," she said shakily.

"Just let me talk to her," Elliot pleaded as he shoved the doctor to the door. He returned to Olivia's bedside and laid a hand on the side of her face "Liv," he began softly "Its okay, just listen to my voice. Can you do that honey?" She nodded, her eyes clamped shut. Elliot smiled "Good," he took a seat in the chair again. He stroked Olivia's bruised and scraped cheek gently "You're in a hospital," he explained "You're safe," he continued to speak soothingly all the while fighting the urge to breakdown and sob for her "Can you open your eyes?" he asked.

"I'm afraid," she whispered "Elliot, I'm afraid."

"I know," he reassured her "But I'm here, don't worry. Its gonna be okay."

Olivia heard his voice and wasn't sure whether it was real or not. She felt his touch and believed that her mind was playing a sick joke on her. He was telling her to open her eyes, that he was there but she was afraid. If she opened her eyes and she was still alone in the back of that car, what would she do? Slowly she opened one eye. Slowly her vision began to focus. She was in a hospital room. She was covered by a blanket, not one that was soaked with her blood but one that had been placed over her to keep her warm. There was someone sitting by the side of her bed. Her gaze slowly focused on the figure. She managed a weak half smile when she realized that she hadn't been imagining his voice or his touch "Elliot," she whispered.

Elliot's eyes gleamed with unshed tears "Liv," he wanted to wrap her in his arms and never let go. The tears began to fall "Oh I'm so sorry," he whispered "I'm so sorry," he buried his face in the mattress next to her.

Olivia couldn't help but cry as her hand found the back of his neck and rested there "I'm all right," she whispered.

Elliot looked up. He didn't think he had ever heard a more blatant lie in all his life. He always knew when she was lying and he knew it now "Oh God," he whispered running a hand through her hair "Who did this to you?" he asked.

Olivia took a deep breath and looked away from him "I don't know," she shut her eyes "I know him but I don't remember his name," she didn't want to do this. She could get away with not reporting it, she told herself. She knew he had only been after her "He's probably long gone anyway," she told Elliot.

"Liv," Elliot began "You know I can't just leave this alone. You know that anything you tell me can be helpful. Please," he pleaded with her; he wanted to find this guy and rip him to shreds "Do you remember anything about him?"

She took a deep breath, reaching out and gripping his hand so fiercely that for a moment, Elliot actually feared that she would crush it. She shuddered, not able to look at him but somehow afraid of looking anywhere else in case he disappeared. Finally she spoke "I knew him in Oregon."

A/N: So that was chapter one. I hope you guys thought it was at least mildly interesting. Please review. You guys are awesome. Now I'm off to bed before I do something stupid like posting a story that I wrote last year and write in the author's note at the end about how I thought it was a stupid idea because there's nothing worse than not showing confidence in ones work because if you don't have confidence, how can you expect others to? Oh wait, isn't that what I am doing? To tell you the truth, I really don't know anymore. I'm gonna go post this before I change my mind and then go to bed and sleep until… I don't know, probably at least noon. Okay, I promise the author's note is ending now. I love you guys. Go review please.

PS I promise I haven't forgotten about my other stories, I was just in the mood for something… what ever this is LOL.