Disclaimer: Ok so it's the usual spiel. I don't own these characters wish I did, but I don't. I am simply borrowing for the purposes of this story which I do own. So please don't sue me.

Setting: During episode That Old Gang Of Mine. Clark has just been shot. Assume that she has spoken to the police and everyone at the Daily Planet know Clark is dead.

Authors Note: Ok this is my first Lois and Clark Fic. I usually write Buffy ones, but after recently falling in love all over again with Lois and Clark I decided to try it so please let me know what you think.

Until it's Gone

By

Natalie Elizabeth

Lois walked up the steps to her apartment as the tears began to fall all over again. No longer would Clark walk up those very steps with her. No longer would he knock on her door. No longer would he exist in the world, only in her mind. Some how she found her way inside her apartment. She didn't know how she got there. It was like she was in a dream or rather a nightmare. She was just going through the motions.

Lois caught her reflection in the glass front of a cabinet. Her red dress mocked her. Its your fault he's dead. Why couldn't she have worn basic black. She would have blended in. But no not Lois. She had to stand out, be noticed. And now he was dead. Lois screamed and tore the dress from her body. Animalistic sounds reverberated out of her body as she fell to the floor crying.

Clark paced the floor of his apartment. What was he going to do. He was dead. At least every one thought he was. The only way to continue living was to admit that he was Superman and then would he really be living. No one would treat him the same way anymore. Especially Lois. He wouldn't be Clark Kent, reporter. He would be Superman, man of steel. It was his own stupidity that had gotten him in this predicament. He was just trying to protect her like he had done so many times before. He should have known the gangsters wouldn't hesitate to shoot. He could save so many lives yet he couldn't save the person who meant the most to him. Himself.

He had to go see Lois. He had to make sure she was alright. As he walked to the door he stopped. He couldn't go as Clark he would have to go as superman. A persona he might have to get used to being all the time. With a quick spin he had changed into his outfit and was on his way to Lois apartment.

Lois was laying on her couch cuddling a pillow. Clark must have sat on the corner of the couch recently as she could smell his cologne. Would she ever forget the way he smelt, the way he smiled. She would have to go to his apartment when his parents arrived. Would they let her keep any of his things. Maybe. They were nice people. At least she would be able to find out exactly what cologne he wore. It was so different from anything anyone else wore. So earthy, like a breath of fresh air . She would go out a buy a hundred bottles of it so she would never forget him. Yet she wished she could forget. Forget how Clark had gallantly come forward like he thought he was superman. The bullets hadn't bounced off his body though. That image would remain with her forever.

A gust of wind coming through her open window caused Lois to look up. She watched as superman hovered outside her window.

" Can I come in" He tentatively asked before coming closer to the window.

" No"

Superman stopped.

"No" He said in disbelief.

"You weren't there" She screamed. "The one time in my life when I needed you the most you weren't there"

Hovering outside her window superman looked down ashamed. "I am superman but it doesn't mean I can be every where at once Lois"

"Then what's the point" She asked standing up and walking away.

Superman came through her window and landed.

" Because saving one life is still a life. That person gets to live" He told her. It was a speech he knew well. One he told himself over and over again.

"So someone else was worthy of living while Clark had to die" Lois said turning to stare at him.

"I am sorry Lois, but that's just the way it is sometimes"

" Well I don't accept that"

Superman looked done again. What could he do. What could he say. He was thinking all the things she was saying.

"I can see your upset"

" Understatement of the century"

" Maybe you should speak to someone"

"Oh yeah that's great. Go to some shrink who is only going to tell me what I already know. I am so upset because I feel guilty. I am to blame for Clarks death. See I can do it my self for free" She said throwing up her arms.

"Is that what you think Lois, that its your fault"

Lois nodded and then her head dropped as tears fell from her eyes. Would they ever stop. She didn't know her body could have so many tears inside it. Superman walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her. He may be the man of steel yet Lois' tears were enough to break him.

"Its not your fault" He told her.

"It was" She sobbed. "He tried to stop them hurting me"

"Lois Clark would have done anything to protect you, that's just the way it is with him" He told her.

"If I didn't get in trouble he wouldn't need to protect me, he's not you" She told him

"Lois I think you need to go away"

Lois pulled out of his grasp. " What, no I cant"

"Lois I think its for the best"

" I have to find Clarks killer" She insisted.

" That's what the police are for. Lois if you go noising around you could get killed to. Clark wouldn't want that"

"So what am I supposed to do" She asked.

" Go see the Kents"

" Clarks parents, oh no I couldn't face them"

How could she go see his parents. She was the reason their son was dead.

Superman didn't know why he thought she should go see his parents. He had rung them to let them know what was going on. Perry had already contacted them so they had been waiting for his call to explain. His mom had been upset. She knew her boy was ok but the rest of the world thought he was dead. Could they give Lois what she needed? He hoped so.

"I've talked to them Lois , they want to see you. That's why I am here, to take you"

" You mean fly, all the way to Smallville"

" We could walk" He said with a smile.

" This is not the time for jokes"

" Sorry. Lets go" He said picking her up.

"I can't I killed there son" She told him

"That's not true and they know that. Come on they are hurting just as much as you are"

With that he flew out the window.

Superman landed on his parents porch. He set Lois down then opened the door.

" I better go in first to explain."

Lois frowned. " I thought they wanted me to come"

Superman hesitated. " They did, umm do, but they didn't think you would come"

Lois gave him a half scoff. "Clark probably told them how stubborn I was"

Tears began to well in her eyes again. Why did bother to stop. Superman led her into the kitchen then went into his parents bedroom.

" Mom, Dad" He whispered. " Mom"

He watched as his mom woke with a start.

" Clark honey who.." Clark covered her mouth with his hand.

" Don't call me Clark"

He let go of his mother and watched as she gave him a stern look

" Sorry, Lois is here"

Martha sat up then shook her husband.

" Jonathon wake up"

"Mmm what"

" Lois is here" She said climbing out of bed.

" Lois" He asked sitting up. Her saw Clark and quickly got out of bed. " Son what's wrong"

" She is taking Clarks death really bad. She's blaming herself. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't leave her alone"

" You did the right thing" He told his son wrapping his arms around him.

Lois sat at the kitchen table. She had sat at the table with Clark. Clark had sat at this table for years and years before she came along and now he never would. It was a bad idea coming here. Being surrounded by Clark things. There were pictures of him smiling with his parents so happy and full of life and now that was all gone.

" Lois honey"

Lois looked up and saw Martha Kent wearing a robe over her pajamas.

" I am sorry I didn't mean to get you guys out of bed. We should have waited until morning" She said looking over at Superman who had just walked in With Clarks dad.

"No No Honey" Martha said walking over to Lois and putting her arms around her. She began to rub her back when Lois began to sob loudly.

Jonathon looked at his son. " We will look after her. You go catch yourumm, I mean Clarks killer"

He looked over at his mom. She nodded agreeing with her husband.

" Lois I am going to leave ok, but if you need me the Kents know how to get in contact with me"

She nodded then held on to Martha tighter.

Superman took one last look at the group and then flew off.

Martha looked over at her husband and he just shrugged his shoulders. When Clark had talked about Lois he told them she was a strong person who didn't let anything get to her. He told them they were best friends, partners. It was clear to see that Lois cared for their boy very much, they were more than just partners.

" Come on Lois" Jonathon said walking over to Lois. "You need to rest. Things will be better in the morning"

Lois looked up at Jonathon. " Will Clark be alive in the morning" She asked him.

Martha and Jonathon looked at each other.

" I didn't think so"

" Come on Lois" Martha said pulling the woman up from the chair. " You can sleep in our room"

" No No" She said struggling out of Marthas hold. " I wanna sleep in Clarks room"

Martha watched as Lois tried to pull herself together. " Ok honey what ever you want" She said leading her over to Clarks room. Martha helped Lois into bed. She had been wearing sweats which were as good as pajamas. Lois snuggled into the bed. She wanted to pull the blanket over her head.

"How can you want me here when I killed your son" She asked the Kents.

Jonathon entered to the room and sat on the bed next to his wife.

"Lois the police called and told us what happened. These men are ruthless it wasn't your fault we know that. Having you here is going to help us as much as it will you. Get some sleep we will talk tomorrow"

" Jonathon is right Lois. Its not your fault and we will talk in the morning." Martha said smoothing down the covers

Lois watched as the couple walked out the door, great people. Maybe they were right. Maybe they did need her as much as she needed them right now. Pulling Clarks pillow into a hug Lois closed her eyes but the tears didn't cease to fall.

TBC

So what do you think let me know and ill write more