SUMMARY: No matter what she did - going back to ZAFT, taking secluded vacations, memories continued to haunt her. It was the same for him - either he let go of the memories of the blonde dancer, or let go of his first friend … (S x L)
MAIN PAIRING: Shinn x Lunamaria (implied Steshin, LunaRey, Yzak x Shiho, Dearka x Miriallia, Asucaga, Kira x Lacus)
DISCLAIMER: This is a story based on characters and situations from Kidou Senshi Gundam Seed and Seed Destiny. I don't own it. Disregard upcoming Movie and the Special Editions.
WARNING: Text and all related materials are rated PG13/T and there is rather strong and coarse language and mild adult themes. So don't complain about offensive languages! XD Also, there are/might be some grammatical errors and typos, spelling mistakes, even after rereading it many times.
NOTE: The story is set from pre-GSD to post GSD. It will mostly be focused on Shinn and Lunamaria. Read the dates carefully!!!
The magenta-head held a special place in his heart. She was someone he could trust, someone to balance his troubled mind. Yet, he still loved her; he will never forget her. He could never replace the image of her innocent face. He knew that someday, like his family and her, Luna will suffer too. That's why he must let her go. That's why he could not and should never love Luna... - Shinn Asuka
Chapter 1 Visible Scar
-C.E. 72, ZAFT Training Academy, PLANT -
"Here you are, kid, your room is 1244 on the north wing. The real training will start next week. Take it easy and relax until then," a burly Zaft Officer patted a young boy on the back and left.
The boy's burning red orbs glared around the place, his whole body giving off a dangerous aura that made all the passer-bys scatter away from him. He had no luggage, nothing; indeed, he had nothing but a bitter reminder of his family.
He stomped towards his room, deciding to just lie on the bed and...do nothing. It's better to just stare blankly into space, so he wouldn't have to think about his deceased family. He clenched his fists in fury.
Damn Athha, damn Orb!!
Shinn Asuka was still scarred from the incident during the Battle of Orb. Whenever he closed his eyes, he would still see, vividly, the dead bodies of his family. Whenever he looked at his hand, he would see it almost clutching the torn limb of his dead sister.
An Orb general had kindly escorted him to the evacuation ship. Some of the refugees were transferred to PLANT, and he was one of them. He lived in the shelters for almost 3 months, without anyone to comfort him, all alone in an unfamiliar place.
After the war ended, he knew he had to remain on PLANT; there was no way he would return to the place that stole his family. He saw an ad encouraging people to join ZAFT, and it was then he made his choice.
Now here he was, his first time seeing the ZAFT academy. The place had a pretty serene aura, light-hearted, and Shinn thought he heard laughters everywhere. People were chatting with their friends, children his age were talking to their parents and siblings. They were all happy.
"Damn you all," he cursed angrily, punching the room on the wall. His room was pretty simple; not too grand but not too uncomfy either. However, it still felt so empty; had he not lived in the refugee shelters before, he would've been swallowed by the terrible sense of loneliness. He no longer had any tears left to cry.
So, this is how I'm going to live the rest of my life...after graduating, I'd be piloting MS, be assigned to a ship, patrolling regions and stuff. Alone...never...seeing Mom and Dad again, never talking to my sister again...oh why, why did I have to go after Mayu's phone? If I didn't, then I'd be with my family now...at least, I don't have to suffer like this...
"Ugh, screw my stomach," he scowled in annoyance. Since the rest of the Asuka family's money paid for his expenses, he didn't need to worry about spending money. However, to get food, he had to talk with people - what he desperately wanted to avoid at all cost.
Slamming his door shut, he walked out of the door grumpily, his pride prevented him from asking people directions. It took him awhile, but he still got to the cafeteria. The peachy atmosphere almost made him puke with distaste. How dare they? How dare people be so happy after his family's gruesome death? Or, even, after countless people's sacrifices during the war? How dare they?
Looking at the menu, his gaze softened. "A bowl of ramen...please," he muttered nostalgically. Mayu's favorite food. Mom made the best ramen in the whole world.
"Sure thing, kiddo," the chef had a motherly expression, smiling to him kindly and he almost had the urge to grin back. Almost.
He picked up his food, and his eyes scanned the room for a secluded spot. He really didn't feel like sociallizing, and his wish was granted when he spotted a bench without anyone sitting there.
The ramen tasted delicious, he decided, and was inwardly glad that no one came to disturb him or anything. He supposed his scary expression did its job. When he was about to leave, a bubbly voice reach his ears and he winced.
"Mou, I told you to come early. Now our spot's taken, Mey," a girl with short, magenta hair told a girl with long red hair tied in pigtails.
Shinn frowned; was it him or did the magenta-head's voice sound similar to Mayu? He must be imagining things. (see note at bottom)
Sighing, he standing up and muttered brusquely, "I was just about to leave anyways."
The girl had a huge grin on her face, radiating so much cheerfulness Shinn almost had to turn his head away to avoid the blinding'light'.
"Wait a minute, you're new here aren't you? Hey, you're in Class-E, same as us!" The girl exclaimed excitedly, looking at his ID tag. He cursed inwardly, scolding himself for not taking the damn tag off. So, this irritating girl was in his class? Oh gosh, how was he going to take this girl's happy-go-lucky attitude?
"I'm Lunamaria Hawke, and you're...?" She held out a hand for him to shake, but Shinn simply stared at it blankly.
"Shinn Asuka, and don't bother me in the future," he warned rudely, and was about to walk away when he was stopped for the second time.
"What do you want now?" He was barely keeping his voice even. Lunamaria seemed a bit miffed, but she seemed determined.
"Calm down, Shinn, I was just trying to be nice. We're going to be in the same class until graduation, let's get along at least."
"I don't want to get along with the likes of you," he growled warningly, giving her a piercing glare. She stared back without flinching. She put her hands on her waist and glared back.
"Likes of me? Okay, listen here you, I'm not impressed by your attitude so far but don't you think the stick up your ass is a little..." she was pulled back by the other girl. Lunamaria rolled her eyes, "oh come on, Mey, like you're not getting pissed!"
Meyrin threw Shinn a tentative glance, and she quickly hid behind the taller girl when he gave her a dangerous glare.
"Now now, don't go scare my sister you jerk," she glared at him, " if you don't want to be friends, fine, but don't threaten my sister or anything."
"You talk to me first, now I can do whatever the hell I want," he snorted disdainfully, feeling a strange satisfaciton at pissing her off and scaring her sister, " you're the stick that's up my ass right now, and bullying little girls is fun for me, how's that?"
Steam seemed to come out of Lunamaria's ears, "What is wrong with you? I was just introducing myself to you then you went and insult me and my sister. You don't have a sister, do you? Otherwise you won't be such an insensitive jerk!"
Shinn saw red."It's your damn cheerful persona I can't stand damn it!!" he shouted suddenly, and the room went quiet abruptly.
"You...how dare you be so happy without a care in the world? Granted, the war just ended, but think about all the victims of war!! We don't need your 'I'm-perfectly-fine' joy to spread around! Has it ever occurred to you what you said might be true? So what I don't have a sister? So what if I don't know how to interact with people? My sister's friggin' dead, blasted to pieces right in front of my eyes and here you are, lecturing me about my attitude!! You know nothing!"
He glared a the floor and panted hard, sweat sliding down his cheek. The silence was more than uncomfortable. When he looked up, he was surprised to see a sorrowful face. Where did the lively, cheerful face go?
"I'm sorry...I didn't know. You're right, I don't how you feel," she whispered sadly, "but...I do know how it felt, to lose someone dear to you. I'm sorry, Shinn, and I promise I won't bother you again." She bit her lips and left the room hurriedly.
The conversations in the cafeteria resumed gradually, leaving Shinn and Mey, the girl's sister, standing there, rooted to the spot.
Shinn muttered irritably, "Huh, she knows, eh? If she does, she should change that optimistic view of hers first."
"You...don't...Don't ...know...Just stop insulting Onee-chan!" Meyrin glared at him furiously. The girl looked timid, but she stood her ground while he glared back emotionlessly.
"Give me a reason why the hell not. She asked for it."
"You know why everyone seemed so peaceful and content here? It's because they understand Onee-chan's view on war and appreciated her efforts at making things better than it is! Guess what, our parents...d-died during the attack on Boaz." (See note at bottom)
Shinn blinked, shocked. What did she say?
"Onee-chan is all I have left. I couldn't deal with it...so for the past months, Onee-chan tried to make it seem normal, trying to help me adjust. She tried to be cheerful whereas I could not. I haven't seen her grieve yet...I often wonder how she felt when she comforted me. I never asked her how she felt about our parents'...deaths..." She stared at the ground, tears spilling down her cheeks and her body shivered slightly.
"I'm sorry," Shinn whispered, and Meyrin looked up in surprise, "I'll go find her now to apologize properly. Like she said, I didn't know anything..."
He quickly ran out of the cafeteria, hoping to see the magenta-head. Again, pride prevented him from asking but luckily, he was able to find her leaning against the window, looking out to the field.
"Hey..." he started, unccertain what he should say next. She hastily wiped her eyes before turning around to face him.
"Ummm," he forced himself not to look at her slightly red eyes to prevent his guilt from increasing, "Look, L-Luna-ma-ria, I'm really sorry about what I said before. I...I just heard from your sister that...well...I'm not pitying you or anything by the way, I just want to say that...I understand."
She seemed taken aback but nodded gratefully, "Thank you, Shinn...I meant what I said back there too. Don't worry, I'll try my best not to annoy you anymore. I won't force you to change your views. I...," she looked away sadly, "It's just...it never occurred to me how I act can affect the others. Maybe you're right, I'm too cheerful. Meyrin...I wonder if she ever thinks of me annoying, always talking and..."
"Hey, that's not it! Remember what you just told me? That you won't force me to change my views? Well, no one can change your view either. You're just who you are," Shinn had no idea why he said that, it just came out naturally.
Luna gazed at him in wonder, "...thank you again Shinn, I need that... I take back my words...you're not insensitive after all."
Maybe she's not so bad. A small smile appeared on his face, "Let us start over then. I'm Shinn Asuka," he held out his hand genuinely.
She shook his hand and grinned, "I'm Lunamaria Hawke. You can just call me Luna."
-C.E. 74 February, Berlin, Germany -
"How are you, Stellar?" Shinn kneeled in front of a small grave stone. It was delicately made; Shinn had found an especially smooth and round stone, and placed it in front of the lake, where the blonde had rested in peace.
He stroked the surface of the stone gently, half-surprised to see wet drops of water landing on the stone. He gazed, transfixed, at the tears that slid down from his cheeks onto the stone. He wiped them away hastily.
"It's been a year since the day we met, isn't it? I didn't even kow you then. I still remember, how I foolishly just grabbed you where I shouldn't," he chuckled drly, blushing slightly at recalling that day, "We don't know each other then, or did we know the event that were to happen...
"And now...peace is finally established, Stellar, so you don't have to worry anymore...," Shinn smiled lightly, and the wind blew against him gently, as if replying to his words.
He put down the flowers carefully, and stared at the lake. "Why haven't you come and visit me, Stellar? You said you would see me tomorrow..."
The wind continued to blow soothingly, almost making Shinn forgot where he was. Just to simply indulge himself in peace, in the serenity of the place, imagining that she was here with him.
Snow was everywhere, but he didn't feel the numbness. It was snowing on that day to, the day he had lowered her into this very lake. The day he parted with her...
"Shinn! The plane's going to leave in 30 minutes! We have to hurry if we want to catch up!" a voice called out to him.
"Luna..." He muttered, gazing at the magenta-head. They'd been through so much together, so much that they became dependent on each other, relying on each other's emotions to keep them sane amidst the war...
But the war was over.
"If she stays with me, she's going to get hurt by me," Shinn told himself, "I promised I'll protect her, and I'll still do...but from afar. I won't fail Luna like I failed you, Stellar. That's why I have to let her go..."
He stood up stiffly and walked away from the grave.
The wind continued to blow, and the flower petals fluttered away into the sky, descending onto the lake gracefully.
note: Lunamaria's Voice Actress is the same for Mayu...I thought I'd make Shinn confused about the similarity of their voice
note: I have no idea what happened to the Hawke's parents. I find it weird that when Meyrin supposably died, only Luna was shown grieving and no one informed Luna's parents and stuff, unlike when poor Nicol died. Also, sometimes Luna's unbelievably cheerful-to-the-brink-of-irritating, so I'd thought to give a reason for that attitude.
End of Chapter 1
A/N: A huge question bubbling up - why the heck is this Shinn x Luna? Am I not a Steshin fan? Yes I am, but I'm a very open person and unless I bring Stellar back to life, there won't be a chance for Steshin when the fic isn't AU. I'm trying to convince myself of Shinn x Luna's relationship, because I think they have the potential. However, I'm more Rey x Luna but alas, that didn't play out either...
Anyways, it's a challenge given by my friend and I do not turn down challenges. Besides, we need more Shinn x Luna fanfics. Too many post-GSD just ignores Luna completely. No words about the break up or etc.
While I'm uncertain of their relationships, I do like the Minerva Trio (Shinn, Rey and Luna). Luna is actually one of my favorite characters, despite the, ahem, majority's opinion about her. So she flirts with Athrun, but I think it's funny; the way Meer flirts with Athrun? Cough, it makes Luna's flirting so much more tolerable. Yes, yes, Luna's needy and annoying sometimes, but all characters have flaws (coughLacuscough) - yes, Cagalli too, but that's why we love the blonde XD. Oh no, I like Lacus, but I find her unrealistic; if only someone like her exists in the real world...
I wrote this fic long before the third special edition came out. Obviously, this story's plotline would be slightly different if I had known about the 4th special edition ahead of time...
To end this freakishly long author's note, I just want to say this fic will be in either the POV of Shinn or Luna, and the other guys will pop up here and there sometimes to play as supporting characters.
I'd love hear you guys' opinions, but don't flame this pairing. Don't like, don't read.