Fighting a Memory
Because I am ridiculous
And Channing Tatem is beautiful.
Duke and Olivia. Olivia and Duke.
It makes sense, in a way.
She hates that it does, but there is no denying. Every movie ever made dictates that they deserve each other – the sad but beautiful Olivia and the shy but charming Duke. Hollywood would love it, and it would be a blockbuster.
Viola stares at the blank ceiling. It is times like these, when there is nothing to occupy her mind – not soccer, not classes, not even Sebastian and his music – that she misses him the most. And that is stupid, because it isn't Justin that she is missing, it is just someone, someone to be the Duke to her Olivia.
He'd been so perfect, but he had failed her and now she doesn't have anyone, not even that two-faced, arrogant, insecure ass. She knows that it's just the fact that Duke is out of reach – it just made so much sense, Duke and Olivia – and she's lonely that spurs her affection, but she finds herself remembering him. His smile, the first time they met. His laugh. The way he used to pick her up and swing her around because he knew she got dizzy easily and would have to lean on him.
That's what she keeps holding onto, despite the fact that it wasn't all – or even most – of him. And, Beckham help her, it gets harder and harder each day not to return his phone calls, not to call his number and just say, "It's all right, the fight is over, I forgive you," because it's not all right, it isn't over, and she doesn't forgive him.
But she's only human, and she misses that nice way that their hands fit together, the way that she always felt so safe with him.
She feels that way with Duke.
But Duke's not available. Duke's not looking for her, he's looking for Olivia, and they're so perfect that it's disgusting. And she had that once, with Justin, and she hates that it's so ingrained in her. She wants to grab him and kiss him and scream at her roommate, "Look! Look, I'm perfect, too!"
And they are. They are perfect, because she is beautiful and he is beautiful and they both love soccer and pepperoni pizza and diet coke with peanuts. He never forgets to call and she's always got time for him, so what was missing?
And damnit all, but she had loved him.
She loves Duke, too. It's only that she's going to protect herself from Duke, because she's been hurt once and she's not likely to put herself in that situation again. She's not ready to hear him tell say that he's all about Olivia, all the time, and there's just no space left in his heart for Viola.
It's thoughts like that that make her miss him – and so she's always fighting off his memory.