Sunny day number three hundred and forty-two and I was sitting in the middle of nowhere.

They thought I was hunting. They always thought I was hunting. Well, everyone except Edward. He always knew the truth. I'd have to thank him sometime for not telling anyone.

Now, how to get myself out of this little predicament I'm supposed to call my life. Could I even consider being a vampire a life? I didn't think it counted as one. I was technically the living dead, anyway.

I should be twenty right now. Well, actually I should be dead, but that's not the point. The point is that if I had lived and wasn't a vampire, I'd be twenty now. I'd have a husband and a house and everything I ever dreamed of having. I'd be happy.

But, instead, I have this. I have a dysfunctional trio of 'people' I'm supposed to call my family, a lust for human blood and an eternity to wallow in my self-pity.

There were perks though. I was more beautiful than I could have ever imagined. And the speed was amazing. I'd never have to worry about losing my figure. I'd never have to deal with my period again. That was a plus.

Even though being a vampire had its wonderful side, I'd give it all up to be human again. Oh, what I wouldn't give to feel my pulse racing and my lungs burn and my muscles give out in exhaustion. What I wouldn't give to actually need oxygen. I haven't dreamt in over two years. I've forgotten what it's like to get a good nights rest. I wonder what it feels like to sleep, to have unconsciousness sweep over me and escape reality for a few hours.

At least I could still feel the warmth. I could sit in the sun and soak up as much as I could and warm this cold dead skin of mine. The one problem was that I couldn't let anyone actually see me. I was okay with that though, to an extent.

I wanted someone to share this with, the warmth. I wanted someone like Carlisle was to Esme. I wanted love.

Who would love a monster like me, though? I sure wouldn't. Maybe Edward was right, we do lose our soul when we transform. It would make sense.

But I didn't truly believe that, and I knew it. How could one feel anything if they had lost their soul? How could one love as my foster parents do? How could I want something so badly that I would give anything for it?

I must have a soul. Oh, who am I kidding? Of course I have a soul. Edward was getting to me lately, I could tell.

I turned my attention back to the feeling of the suns rays on my skin. I tried not to think, but that never did me any good. I couldn't just not think. It was what I did. I think Edward got annoyed with that from time to time. It was his fault for listening, anyway.

Okay, so back to trying not to think. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and attempted to clear my head once more. Think happy thoughts Rose. Happy thoughts…

Wait, aren't I not supposed to think of anything? Ugh, I'm no good at this relaxation thing.

And that's when I smelled it. The blood. It was clearly human. Faint, maybe ten, fifteen miles away at most. I could feel the venom secreting into my mouth. Oh, no.

Get control of yourself, Rose. You can do this. You can resist.

"Oh, forget it," I thought aloud. I can't.

I rose from my position on the ground and took off running in the direction of the blood. It grew stronger and stronger as I approached.

Then I heard it, the bear. It was a grizzly, I believe. Nothing I couldn't handle. But then I saw him. A man – a boy, really – not much older than myself. He was on the verge of death, his heart was barely beating.

Before I knew what I was doing, I was snapping the bear's neck, holding my breath and grabbing this stranger. I was running toward home when my consciousness finally caught up to me.

What was I doing? I didn't know. All I knew was that I had to get this man to Carlisle. There was no way I could save him and keep my control at the same time.

I could, however, hold my breath and pray to God that his heart would keep beating until I reached someone who could control their thirst. I had no idea why, but I needed this boy to survive. I needed him to make it so he could become a vampire. I was instantly attached to this stranger and I had no idea why. He was almost mangled beyond recognition, but somehow, somewhere deep inside I knew I needed to save him. For my sake as much as his.

And that was what kept me going. That was what kept me running as fast as my legs would go. It was what kept me from taking an unnecessary breath and ruining everything.

I was fighting my instincts, I knew it. Every fiber of my being was screaming at me to sink my teeth into this man's flesh and drink whatever blood was left inside of him. But there was some part of me that overpowered that basic instinct. Some part of me was telling me to fight. It was telling me that I could do this. I could make it.

So I held my breath and kept repeating to myself that we would make it to Carlisle.

Come on Rose, you can do this.

I ran and ran with everything I had. By the time I reached the outskirts of our property, the sun was starting to set in the distance. I had to hurry; Carlisle would leave for his night shift soon.

The boy in my arms was so close to death now. His heart was giving out; he was giving up the fight for survival.

"No!" I shouted down at him. "No, you have to keep fighting. We're almost there. I promise."

He must have heard me, because he took a deep shaky breath and his heart gave a flutter.

I breathed a sigh of relief. I winced, not a good idea.

Rose, you're almost there. You can make it. You can control your thirst.

I held my breath once again and continued running. The house was in view now. Just a little further.

"Carlisle! Edward! Someone, help!" I screamed.

I ran into the house and was immediately bombarded by my family.

"Please," I begged. "Carlisle you have to do something."

My adoptive father nodded and took the human from my arms.

Sometime later, when I sitting with him, shushing him and telling him that it would all be over soon, it occurred to me that I made it.

I fought everything in me to save this man, and I did it.

Oh god, I made it.