A/N: Oh noes! I didn't mean to turn you all into vegans with this!! XD Yet, I can't help but feel proud. The rating will go up after this chapter since I can only get away with so much for so long and I've really rather not get banned. So, if you have M fics blocked then unblock it or you won't get alerted.
Tell me if you prefer a SasuNaru or NaruSasu pairing, votes will be counted in the end.
WARNINGS: Language, AU (they're about 23 or 24 now), some OOCness(?), and HOMOSEXUALS… Oh, and Sai (he gets his own warning label XD)
Disclaimer: C'mon Kishimoto, haven't you ever heard that sharing is caring?
Betas equal LOVE!
Sasuke grumbled to himself as he fumbled through his crowded key ring. He scowled as he realized he wasn't even halfway through them yet and still couldn't find the one that he needed.
He should probably sort through them all one day and throw out the ones that went to his old residence. After all, it wasn't like he'd be visiting there anytime soon. All that place did now was drag up bad memories.
Having a big ring full of keys always made him feel like a prison warren anyways.
He growled in frustration as he proceeded in fingering through the keys a second time. Damn, he must have skipped over it in his musings. Since when was he such a space case? That dumb blond must've been rubbing off on him already.
Who knew stupid was contagious?
Oh well, all the more reason to get rid of that idiot.
He pulled up the key he was looking for and jammed it into the key hole, taking all of his frustration out on his front door's lock. Putting his keys back into his pocket, he turned the doorknob and slammed the door open a bit harder than necessary.
Sasuke tossed his winter wear on the coat rack before shutting the door behind him with his foot. He didn't bother to lock it, figuring he had to work almost all night anyway and would hear if anyone decided to just waltz in.
Besides, Sasuke knew kung fu.
As he walked down the hallways he could hear loud wails (was that supposed to be singing?) echoing from the kitchen. He groaned mentally, did that idiot live there or something?
The only place he had ever seen the blond since he moved in was in his kitchen. He shuddered remembering that morning. This time he'd have to be more careful.
He peeked around the corner and let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding when he saw the blond clad in dark wash jeans and a bright orange t-shirt.
What was with all the orange? Was he trying to burn Sasuke's corneas? Probably.
Deeming it safe, the raven soundlessly moved into the kitchen. He squinted at Naruto, something seemed different about him. His skin was more of a golden rather than the brown is was before, his hair seemed to shimmer under the kitchen's artificial light, and his nose was actually shiny.
Uzumaki Naruto no longer had stink lines attached to him.
Sasuke had to admit, he didn't look half bad. He actually looked sort of… handsome. The Uchiha shook his head to dislodge those thoughts. No, he wasn't handsome. He was the enemy. The enemy, dammit!!
Naruto paused in eating a strange, hard white block dusted with powder when he saw Sasuke's shaking head in his peripheral vision. He whipped around and grinned at the raven, setting down the block on an empty package that was tossed on the table.
Without warning, he jumped up and spread his arms out the sides as wide as they would go. Sasuke's eyes widened slightly and he prepared to run once he assumed the blond was going to try and hug him.
However, Naruto just stayed rooted in his same spot with that dumb grin stuck on his face.
"Hey Sasuke, smell me!" He ordered, stretching his arms out even farther.
Sasuke quirked an eyebrow. Alright, that wasn't exactly what he had been expecting. Then again, he never really did know what to expect with this guy.
Uchiha Sasuke didn't like surprises. Not one bit.
He rubbed his temples. Suddenly he had a huge headache.
"I can't," he finally mumbled when the blond continued stretching his arms out until they went so far Sasuke thought they'd pop out.
"Ah, c'mon! Just one little whiff!!" Naruto begged, wiggling his fingers.
"No, I meant I can't smell you," he sighed, moving farther into the kitchen and setting his briefcase down on a countertop.
Before he would've been able to smell the blond's stench from halfway around the world but now he couldn't even smell it from across the kitchen. This was a major improvement.
"Glad to see you've discovered what personal hygiene is, Uzumaki."
Naruto grinned again and dropped his arms down by his sides. He shook out his limp limbs. They were starting to go numb from holding them there for so long.
"Yeah, well, I finally got some soap so you won't have to worry about me stinkin' up the place anymore," he said, plopping back down in his seat once he got the circulation back in his arms.
"You sure about that?" Sasuke smirked and leaned back against the counter, crossing his arms. Insults always came too easily with this idiot.
"Ha ha," Naruto replied sarcastically. He picked up the wavy white block again and took a bite out of it. He looked up to find Sasuke staring at him oddly.
"Want one?" He offered in between crunches.
"What the hell is that?" Sasuke asked, trying not to look disgusted by the blond's lack of manners.
"It's my own personal recipe! I call it a ramen cookie. All you have to do is sprinkle the dry noodles with the packet seasoning," Naruto waved around the used packet of miso flavoring, "and then walla! Instant dinner in even less than three minutes!!"
He held up his concoction proudly to show to Sasuke before taking another big bite. The raven scowled in response and crouched down in front of the set of lower cabinets. Naruto just shrugged his shoulders to say 'your loss' and began nibbling on one of its corners.
Sasuke opened the cabinet and paused when noticed something out of the corner of his eye. He turned his head only to find the same container of Lysol he put out earlier that morning in the same exact spot.
He bet that if he looked close enough he would be able to see the dust collecting on top of it from disuse.
"I see the Lysol's still there," he observed in a voice laced with venom. He knew it would never be able to save his seats, but it would still be nice to know that the room that he ate in was somewhat sanitary at least.
Naruto hummed in thought and swallowed. He ignored the angry aura surrounding Sasuke, only hearing the word 'Lysol' over his chewing.
"Yanno, when I was little I used to think Lysol was something that they used to kill lice. So, one day I sprayed it in my hair before I went to school 'cause they were doing lice checks," he paused to take another bite out of his ramen 'cookie' and closed his eyes to better appreciate the flavor. He swallowed and looked up frowning.
"I got a rash (1)," he finished off the ramen with one big bite and opened a second packet of miso ramen to begin preparing another one.
The raven just stared at him for a moment before shaking his head. Only a complete moron would think like that.
"What a life you've lived," Sasuke responded dryly. He glanced up at him with a smirk firmly in place and rolled forward to rest his weight on the balls of his feet.
"I don't think your scalp was the part of your head they should've been examining," he said before reaching into the very back of cabinet and pulling out a box.
"Shut up! It's an easy mistake," He defended.
Sasuke got up, still holding the box, and picked his briefcase up off of the counter.
"Only for complete morons," he shot back before leaving a fuming Naruto alone in the kitchen.
As much as he enjoyed pissing off the hippie, he still had to begin laying out his traps. He smirked; time to put my plan into action.
It was a simple plan, but simple enough to make the blond want to leave if everything was done correctly. Plus, it was the best he could think of in such short notice.
He may have been called a genius, but there were only so many things he could come up with on a twenty-five minute drive home.
He entered Naruto's room and made all of his preparations quickly and silently. Double-checking all of his work, he nodded to himself in satisfaction. Now all he had to do was wait. He clicked off of the lights and shut the door behind him, making his way toward the back stairs.
When he re-entered the kitchen he was relieved to find that it was deserted. Finally, some peace and quiet. He put the box back in its cabinet and went towards the sink to wash his hands.
As he turned off the water and reached towards the paper towels, he noticed a sticky note sitting next to a pile of already used towels.
He raised an eyebrow and picked it up to better read the chicken scratch.
'Save the trees, reuse paper towels!!
Sasuke's eye twitched as he shredded the note. He grabbed the pile of paper towels and slammed them in the waste bin under the sink, adding a few unused ones for extra measure. He killed a tree just to write that damn note! He thought to himself bitterly.
He glanced at the clock and decided he might as well eat a quick dinner before running off to his study to work for most of the night. He stalked towards the phone and picked it up off its cradle.
Once he pressed the worn out speed dial for Japanese take-out, he brought the phone up to his ear and made a face.
Since when did his phone smell like sour soymilk…?
Naruto yawned as he climbed the stairs to his room. He was dead tired and still had yet to unpack all of the belongings he managed to smuggle over behind the IRS's backs.
He opened his door and collapsed face-first on his bed, not even bothering to take off his shoes. As soon as he hit the mattress a small crunching noise came from underneath him. He frowned; that was strange. It smelled kind of fruity, too.
He decided to investigate later, too tired to care at the moment and kicked off his shoes before shoving his feet under the covers, still fully clothed. Naruto jumped back the second his legs came up short and squealed when he felt something go up his pant leg.
Throwing the covers off, he scrambled out of bed and hopped around trying to get it out. He stopped and stared at the multicolored corn flakes that fell out of his pants.
What… how did cereal get in my bed, he thought, suddenly remembering the box Sasuke got out of the cabinet while talking to him. He nearly slapped his palm to his forehead in realization.
He yanked back the covers only to find the scattered and crushed pieces all over and his bed short-sheeted. Naruto smirked. He never figured Sasuke to be a prankster like him.
Hell, half of the time he had a stick shoved so far up his ass Naruto had to wonder how he was able to walk instead of waddle.
Oh well, this one was easy enough to fix.
"Amateur," Naruto murmured, shaking his sheets loose of cereal and remaking his bed.
He figured he might as well get ready for bed while he was up. Stripping himself down to his boxers, he walked into the adjoined bathroom and shut the door behind him.
Not once did he notice the shadowy figure entering his room and moving to his bed.
He reemerged from the bathroom a few moments later with a yawn and walked back to the side of the bed where he left his clothes, only to find the floor empty.
Shaking his sleepy head, he climbed into bed. I probably put them back in my bag, he reassured himself before snuggling under the covers.
He yelped when his feet drew up short again. Bastard!! He got out, made his bed, and climbed back in for the final time that night. He'd think of a way to get Sasuke-bastard back in the morning.
Naruto mumbled something incoherent as the sun beat against the back of his closed eye lids, making him see red. He opened his eyes sleepily and scratched his chest, glancing over at his alarm clock. His eyes nearly popped out of his head when he saw what time it was.
"Shit, I'm late!!!" He cried, jumping out of bed and running frantically over to his bag.
Dumping out all of his clothing on a table beside an open window, he turned around to double-check how much time he really had to get ready. He had thirty minutes to shower, get dressed, and make it downtown in time to meet up with the others… on bicycle.
Fuck, he was screwed.
He groaned when he realized the clock radio didn't have an alarm set. The bastard erased his wake-up call! These pranks were becoming less and less amusing by the second.
Dashing to the bathroom, he practically ripped off his boxers and threw them onto his pile of clothing. He jumped in and out of the shower and dried himself in record time, hearing Sasuke's car start up and drive away.
Good, that meant no more stupid pranks to get in his way... Or so he thought.
He opened the bathroom door and his jaw dropped when he saw that his massive pile of clothes was gone. The bastard had shoved them out of the window before he left! He sprinted towards the window as the last remaining shirt finally slipped off the edge.
"A-asshole!!" He screeched. Quickly wrapping a towel around his waist, he ran to put his shoes on. The second he slipped into his tennis shoes he felt something wet and gooey squish between his toes. He shuddered.
"What now!" He cried out in exasperation and pulled them off, angrily peering into his shoes.
Lying on the bottom of each shoe were three raw eggs, now well scrambled thanks to his toes. Naruto paled as he thought of how he had just stepped on six baby chickens.
Somehow, he didn't think Sasuke was just fooling around anymore.
Especially when he found the note written in perfect cursive attached to the toe of his right shoe that read: 'Put an egg in your shoe and beat it.'
Oh, that fucking bastard, Naruto thought. He was beyond pissed. If that bastard wanted him gone so much, he should've just told him instead of making him kill chickens!! It's on now.
A gust of wind blew through the window and he snapped his head up just in time to see a pair of his boxers fly by.
"Shit!!" He screeched, barreling down the stairs barefoot in nothing but a long towel.
He stumbled on it a few times, but managed not to fall and crack his head open in the process. Throwing the door open, he ran outside, too busy looking around frantically to find out which direction his clothes flew off in to look where he was going.
The second he stepped off the porch, he tripped. His towel fell to the ground, leaving him stunned and naked— right as the full morning school bus drove by.
He groaned and covered his face, as well as his lower regions, in embarrassment. Picture phones suddenly started popping out of windows and a disgruntled bus driver flipped him off.
He tried to laugh it off, grinning sheepishly. Rubbing the back of his head, he gave them a quick wave before abandoning his towel to dart back into the house. He slammed the door behind him and leaned on it, breathing deeply.
He sighed knowing he'd probably be on everyone in the school's myspace webpage by that night. Damn kids and their technology. He pushed himself off the door and made his way upstairs, not having time to make another attempt at collecting his laundry.
As he entered Sasuke's sickeningly clean room, he smirked to himself. If the bastard thought he was just going to up and leave because of that, he had another thing coming.
Oh no, if Sasuke-bastard wanted a fight, he was going to get one.
He threw on Sasuke's dark blue t-shirt and a pair of his black jeans. They were a little snug on Naruto, but they would do. He grabbed one of the bastard's black hooded sweatshirts with a strange red and white fan drawn on the back of it and pulled it on as well.
Before he left the room he walked over to the window, opened it, and leaned out resting his hands on the window sill.
"THAT'S RIGHT BASTARD, I DELCARE WAR!!!!" He screamed and listened to the shouts of angry neighbors a few barking dogs that answered him back.
He nodded his head, feeling a bit better after getting that out of his system, and shut the window before heading out to meet up with his friends.
Besides, the joke was on Sasuke. Naruto was wearing his pants…
And he wasn't wearing any underwear.
Naruto burst through the door to the small café, panting heavily. He scanned through the tables and took off running in the direction of one of the sitting areas once a saw a familiar mop of pink hair.
He screeched to a halt in front of the chattering group of youngsters and rested his hands on his thighs, trying to catch his breath before speaking.
"Sorry I'm—ha—late guys," he wheezed, scanning over the faces to see all who made it.
He spotted Kiba right away, who was in one of the giant, overstuffed arm chairs grinning at him.
On the couch there was Haruno Sakura, the loud and bubbly pink hair girl. She became a vegan immediately after a friend from school showed her a few PETA videos, not having the stomach or the heart for meat afterwards.
Although she was the second-newest addition to their group, she was extraordinarily bright and knew more about PETA's inner workings than anyone else.
Next on the couch was Yamanaka Ino, Sakura's best friend. She mostly just joined because Sakura did and decided to keep it up once she saw the wonders the new diet was doing to her figure.
Beside Ino was her genius boyfriend, also the newest addition to their group, Nara Shikamaru. The only reason he was a vegan or even participated in these events was because he claimed it was too troublesome to argue with Ino.
Though when she wasn't around to nag him about his diet he didn't really care whether or not what he was eating was vegan. He was always too lazy to check the labels or call up companies to double-check, anyway.
A while back he tried to convince his best friend Akimichi Chouji to join up with them and suffer through Ino with him. Unfortunately, even though Chouji had a heart the size of the Northern Hemisphere, his stomach was twice as big.
The man loved his barbeque far too much to ever become a vegan.
He still joined up with the group from time to time though, sincerely wanting to make a difference in the world. It appeared now wasn't one of those times, though.
"Naruto, you're late again! What did you do, run here? You smell terrible!" Sakura lectured, setting down the tea she was sipping on the center coffee table.
"Yeah, you reek of B.O.," Ino added, waving her hand in front of her face as if to swat the slight stench away from her delicate nose.
Kiba burst out laughing. "Man, if you guys think this is bad, you should've seen— no, smelled— him yesterday! He was even using fucking Febreeze to try and cover it up!!"
Sakura and Ino gasped in unison.
"Here we go again," Shikamaru sighed, cringing slightly when Ino gasped in his ear. "So troublesome…"
"Naruto, you can't use Febreeze!" Ino said horrifically.
"Eh?" Naruto blinked at her, confusion written all over his face, "Why not?"
"IT'S NOT VEGAN YOU IDIOT!!!" Sakura screeched, jumping up and punching him square in the jaw; sending him flying back into an unoccupied arm chair next to Kiba's.
"W-what?! It's not?! I didn't know that!" He cried, throwing his arms up in defense.
Sakura sighed and touched her finger tips to her wide forehead, trying to clam her anger. She sat back down and breathed deeply. Over time she'd learned try to be more understanding of the blond's ignorance.
Even if Naruto was an idiot that sometimes slipped up and forgot a rule or two, he was still the most dedicated and enthusiastic one in the group. Hell, he was like the glue that held them all together, really.
"NO, it's not. It's made by Procter & Gamble, a company known for testing on animals. It's even on PETA's blacklist, Naruto!"
"I'm sorry," he mumbled, hanging his head low in shame.
Sakura sighed and shook her head. She hated it when the optimistic blond got like this.
"Well, now you know. Just remember and try to be more careful next time, okay?" She leaned across the table and patted his hand, offering a small smile.
"Okay," Naruto agreed, returning it with an appreciative smile of his own.
"Now, you guys are all here, but where's Hinata, Shino, Gaara, and Fuzzy Eyebrows?" He asked; bouncing quickly back to his cheerful self. Scanning the café again, he checked to make sure he didn't miss them the first time.
Kiba held up four fingers. "Hinata couldn't make it because of work. Shino had some big bug research trip. Gaara must be getting the plane tickets or something," he pointed to a finger and tucked it into his hand every time he mentioned someone.
"Lee's getting in some extra training with Gai before his triathlon," he suddenly paused and grinned.
"Speaking of Lee, remember how he used to wear that god-awful green unitard and called himself the 'Green Beast'?" He asked, leaning over his armrest towards Naruto's chair.
"Don't remind me," Naruto groaned. He swore he had never seen so much green in his life. That is, until he met Rock Lee's coach, Maito Gai. That man was a green explosion.
"Well, he got a new alibi, and this one makes the 'Green Beast' seem like the 'Beautiful Beast'," Kiba continued with a grin. "He swapped his old green unitard for one of those tacky ones covered in flames and fuck, get this; he calls himself the 'Flames of Youth' now!" He said, barking out a laugh.
As soon as the mental image entered his mind, Naruto couldn't stop himself. He burst out laughing, nearly spitting all over the coffee table and everyone's drink in the process.
Old Fuzzy Eyebrows may have been a good guy with an even better heart, but he didn't know the first thing about being cool.
Ino shielded herself from Naruto's spit fly as Sakura protected her drink and Shikamaru just shook his head at them.
"Honestly you two, grow up!" Sakura snapped. Both boys immediately stopped when they saw the angry look in her eyes. The girl may have been cute, but she was scary when she was mad.
Not to mention freakishly strong. Naruto sometimes wondered if the woman bench-pressed cars in her spare time.
"Uh, so Naruto, how's living with Sasuke-bastard?" Kiba asked, quickly changing the subject before they angered Sakura more.
"Wait, you're living with someone now?" Ino waggled her eyebrows at him, "Got yourself a new boyfriend, eh Naruto?"
"Hell no!!" He screamed, blushing bright red. "The guy's a complete asshole! First he asks me to live with him, then does nothing but insult me, and now he's playing all these lame pranks on me to try and make me leave! I don't get him!" He threw his hands up in the air in exasperation.
"How troublesome," Shikamaru sighed and glanced suspiciously over at the blond.
"Why not just ask you to leave or kick you out? That seems like it'd be easier." It didn't add up to Shikamaru. Why would someone go to all that trouble just to flush someone out before they even asked them to leave?
"Like Mr. Stick-Permanently-Up-His-Ass would ever actually ask. He's too proud for that," Naruto scoffed, he didn't count the note left on his shoe as actually asking him to leave.
"Maybe he just needs to get laid," Kiba commented, taking a sip out of his soy chai. (2)
"I don't think he'd have a problem with that—" Naruto was cut off when he was suddenly thrown back against the couch with Ino and Sakura firmly attached to each arm.
"Ohh why, is he handsome?" Ino prodded while Sakura glared at her.
"Hey, you're already taken! Leave some for the rest of us, Ino-pig!" Sakura whined at her.
"I can still look wide-forehead!" Ino snapped back.
"No way! I'm way better looking than that bastard!" Naruto declared, ignoring their bickering and still blushing scarlet.
Shikamaru smirked slightly at the blond's reaction as he finally put two-and-two together in his mind. Hey, he wasn't called a genius for nothing.
"Yeah, right," Kiba snickered and turned to the girls with a sly look on his face. "Did you know our little Naruto here has a dairy fet—"
"Uzumaki," a cold, emotionless voice sounded from behind him, interrupting their banter. Kiba snapped his mouth shut and shivered. No matter how many times he heard it that voice still always gave him the creeps.
Sabaku Gaara stood behind them, his arms crossed and an angry, yet slightly disappointed expression set on his face.
Gaara and Naruto had been friends since high school, both being outcasts and labeled freaks for choosing veganism over the usual teenage diet of cheese pizza and hamburgers.
Most people were shocked to find out the frightening red head was into saving cute and fuzzy little animals. After all, the words 'cute' and 'fuzzy' didn't even seem to fit in the same sentence as Gaara.
Only, what most people didn't know was that Gaara wasn't a vegan because he loved animals. Gaara was a vegan because he hated plants.
"Eh-heh, hey Gaara," Naruto greeted, rubbing the back of his head nervously.
"You didn't tell me your house got repossessed," he stated, shifting his gaze from Kiba over to the blond.
Sakura and Ino both let go of his arms and stared at him.
"What! Naruto, why didn't you tell us!!" Sakura asked, standing up and putting her hands on her hips, "We could have helped!"
"Do you even have a place to stay?" Ino asked, covering her mouth with a gasp, "Oh god, what if he's out on the streets, starving!!"
"He just said he was living with someone," Shikamaru corrected with a sigh.
"You can stay with me," Gaara offered, his cold stare still focused on Naruto.
"Nah, it's cool, but thanks man. I already owe you for the plane ticket." In all honesty, the blond had thought about giving Sasuke his privacy back and moving in with Gaara. But after what happened that morning, he wadded all of those thoughts up and threw them out the window.
Now, it was personal. He couldn't give that bastard the pleasure of seeing him leave. He did declare war, after all.
"Besides," he continued with a smirk, "I still have to pay Sasuke back for this morning."
"I like the way you think my man!" Kiba declared with a grin as he slapped a hand on the blond's shoulder. "Let me know if you need any help in torturing the bastard."
Naruto grinned, "Will do!"
"Alright guys, now that Gaara's here we should be heading out now," Sakura informed, looking at her wristwatch.
"Yeah, we'll be late for our flight if we stay any longer," Shikamaru added, forcing himself lazily to his feet and cracking his back.
"Roger!" Kiba called out.
They all got up and exited the café, going to their respected rides.
Kiba helped Naruto load his bike into the trunk of his beat-up car and they both hopped in, chatting animatedly about the protest as made their way to the airport.
Sasuke tightened his lips and fought to keep his look of apathy firmly in place as he tried to weave his way threw the mob of people and flashing cameras. It proved easier said than done though when a chattering woman decided to latch herself on his arm.
He couldn't wait to leave; he always hated these types of events. But as the current head of Sharingan Inc., appearances were part of the job.
Especially now that the company wasn't doing so hot, the last thing he needed was to have those noisy reporters gossiping and start looking into it just because he didn't show up.
Removing the human growth is the politest way possible; he posed for a few photos, and then sneaked away, hoping that would be enough for the night. On his way to the parking lot though, he swore he saw that unmistakable mop of blond hair.
At first Sasuke thought it was just his imagination. After all, he wasn't even in the same state as that blond idiot at the moment. Just then he heard the familiar figure cry out an "AW, C'MON!!" Yep, there was no mistaking it, it was him.
Sasuke growled to himself, 'dammit, there's just no escaping him!'
He recognized the group surrounding the blond as fellow PETA members from various protests and flyers around town. His eyes locked on the objects in the pink-haired girl's hands and he smirked, his interest suddenly peeked.
Well, it couldn't hurt to stick around for just a little while longer.
Naruto crouched down in the group-huddle to listen to their strategy, completely oblivious to the dark figure with onyx eyes watching him from the shadows.
"Alright," began Sakura, addressing their group, "when Lagerfeld shows up, that's when we jump out yelling—"
"And then I streak," Naruto interrupted.
"—and throw these pies." She held up the two tofu-cream pies she was holding.
"Then I streak," Naruto added.
"What do we yell?" Ino asked, ignoring Naruto.
"I don't know something anti-fur. If you can't think of anything, just repeat after me," Sakura answered after a moment of thought.
"So, basically just follow your lead," Shikamaru commented, tuning out Ino's complaints as he lit his cigarette.
"Right," the pink-haired girl agreed.
Gaara remained silent, only shifting his eyes from person to person as they spoke to show that he was listening.
"But then when do I get to streak?" Naruto whined, already buzzing with anticipation.
"No streaking!" Sakura snapped, tempted to throw one of the pies in his face.
"AW, C'MON!" He cried out, giving her his best beaten puppy look.
"Yeah Sakura, he does this almost every protest. Fuck, it's like tradition now or something," Kiba supplied, joining in with puppy-dog eyes of his own.
Something hilarious always happened to the blond when he streaked at these things. The dog lover looked forward to it every protest; this time was no different.
Sakura sighed in defeat after failing to avert her eyes. Damn, that look always worked on her.
"Alright, alright fine! Just remember to run behind me this time. I don't want to have to look at your ass again," she mumbled.
"You love it," Naruto said as he whooped in victory and already began scouting out a good place to put his (or rather Sasuke's) clothes. They drew straws to see who would throw the pies; it ending up being Shikamaru and Ino.
They took their places beside the reporters while Naruto was already naked and eagerly awaiting his part behind them.
"Get ready, here he comes!" Sakura called out to the others over the shouts of the paparazzi.
They watched as two figures strolled down the walkway, their path being illuminated by the reporters flashing light bulbs. Sakura spun to face the group as she silently used her fingers to count down, mouthing each number.
"3…2…1!" She lunged out with Ino and Shikamaru first screaming things like "fur pimp!" and "fur kills!" Gaara trailed them, choosing to just throw his fist in the air. He didn't need to scream, really. The menicing look on his face spoke volumes.
Kiba followed close behind, shouting and pumping his fists in the air while Naruto ran through the cameras and celebrities doing the same. Ino and Shikamaru immediately launched their pies at their target, Karl Lagerfeld, but neither of the activists was exactly known for being an athlete.
The pies missed by a long shot, striking the chin of the person next to Lagerfeld instead— Calvin Klein. (3)
They all froze. It wasn't supposed to happen like that. Oh, were they in big shit now.
The moment they froze gave security just enough time to tackle them all, arresting the entire squad of protesters. They were temporarily blinded by the paparazzi surrounding them as the officers read them their rights and forced the group towards two police cars.
"Sorry Calvin, We love you!" Ino yelled to the tofu-splattered designer as she, Shikamaru, and Sakura were pushed into a police car.
"Oh shit…" Kiba muttered as they shoved him in next to a still very naked Naruto and a somewhat pleased looking Gaara. The fiery red head had managed to sock one of the reporters in the nose on the way to the police car.
"Well, that didn't quite go according to plan," the dog lover said, his fellow fugitives nodding in agreement and the police officer got in and began driving them to the station.
Sasuke emerged from the crowd with a smirk firmly in place. He figured something interesting was going to happen when he saw that girl with those pies scheming with Naruto's group.
Uchiha Sasuke was always right.
He strolled to his car and took off, the all-seeing Neji watching him from not too far away. He smirked slightly and glanced over at the mob of flashing lights.
So that was the Uchiha's house guest. Interesting.
"Is there a draft in here?" Naruto asked as the group was lead to their holding cell, all of them charged with disorderly conduct and trespassing.
Well, except Gaara; he had assault on his plate too. At the moment the red head was the only one missing from their crew since he was the first to get his one phone call.
"Miss your clothes?" Kiba grinned at the still nude blond's bad luck.
Naruto shivered. It was fucking freezing! Screw nipping at his toes, he was pretty sure Jack Frost was biting as his ass.
He nodded in response, rubbing his hands together and blowing on them. They reached the cell and stopped walking.
"Alright, in ya go," the officer ordered, unlocking and opening the barred door with several loud clanks and bangs.
They all entered to find a dark clad man already alone in there. He looked to be around their age in his late teens or early twenties, his jet black hair and eyes contrasting greatly with his ghostly pale skin. Naruto stared at him, this person reminded him of a certain bastard.
The only difference was the hair, his face shape, and his creepy smile. Naruto wondered if that's what it would look like if he ever saw Sasuke smile. He shuddered at the mental image.
No, definitely not. The bastard was way better looking than this weirdo. Wait, shit, he meant Sasuke didn't look as bad! Yeah, that was it!
"Who's the freak with the pedo-smile?" Kiba whispered to him.
Naruto held back a laugh and shrugged.
The metal door slammed behind them, causing Kiba to jump up and yelp slightly in surprise. Shikamaru sauntered over to an empty bench and sat down with a lazy sigh, resting his head against the cement wall.
Ino and Sakura followed suit and joined him on the cold bench while Naruto and Kiba remained standing by the door. The pale man looked Naruto up and down.
"A bit cold in here, is it?" He asked with the small creepy smile still in place.
Naruto's jaw dropped. Who did this guy think he was making comments like that right away?! Kiba burst out laughing and leaned against the cell door, his hands in the front pockets of his gray zip-up hoodie.
"Nah, poor guy's naturally like that," the brunette replied for Naruto with a grin, "we can't all be blessed." He leaned back a bit more, pushing his pelvis farther in the air to emphasize his point.
"You're right," the man looked over at Kiba. "I'm sorry for your misfortune."
It was Naruto's turn to laugh as Kiba flushed. Pushing off of the cell door he growled and glared heatedly at the person that dared to question the size of his manhood.
"Shut up! I'm way bigger than you losers!! I bet you're the one with a 'tiny Tim'(4) and you're just trying to feel better about your small dick!" He accused.
"Do you have a 'tiny Tim'?" pallor man asked with that same infuriating smile in place.
"F-fuck you!!! I'll wipe that fucking smile right off your face!"
Kiba started to launch himself at the man but Sakura leapt up and helped Naruto hold him back. Shikamaru sighed. His friends were really so troublesome.
"Sit down Kiba! We all know your bark is bigger than your bite," she hollered, dragging him over towards the bench Shikamaru and Ino still occupied.
"That not the only thing it's bigger than!" Naruto laughed, enjoying the way Kiba growled in anger before Sakura shoved him onto the cold cement bench.
The pink-haired girl glanced over at the man who was eyeing Naruto hungrily. The blond was fidgeting uncomfortably under the man's gaze, suddenly feeling self-conscious and his hands automatically went to his groin to cover himself.
The way the raven was looking him up and down reminded Naruto of a bobble headed doll on a car dashboard. Trying to draw the man's attention away from the naked hippie, Sakura cleared her throat loudly.
She couldn't help but look away when his cold, charcoal eyes finally landed on her. The guy's smile reminded her of some sort of crazed serial killer. The fact that they were currently stuck in a jail cell with him did nothing to ease her discomfort.
"So, Mr…?" She willed herself to look at him.
"Sai," he filled in.
"Sai, what'd you do to get in here?" Ino finished for her, mistaking her friend's discomfort for nervousness. After all, the guy was kind of cute, even if he was a bit vulgar.
"I was painting a building," he responded, making Sakura sigh in relief. At least he wasn't a serial killer.
Shikamaru hummed in thought, still leaning back against the concrete wall with his eyes closed.
"Sai, huh? I think I've heard of you before. You're that graffiti artist known for painting giant, life-like beasts…" He opened his eyes and locked gazes with Sai.
"Correct!" Sai cheered, returning his gaze to the naked blond the moment Shikamaru said 'penises'. Naruto began to sweat.
"What about you?" The raven asked them.
"Us? Well, we're all from PETA and were protesting against the furs Lagerfeld uses in his clothing." Sakura sighed in disappointment, "But it didn't quite go according to plan. It seems SOME people don't know how to throw their vegan tofu-cream pies!"
She glared over at Shikamaru and Ino. The lazy genius just shrugged while Ino glared back heatedly.
"I'm not the one that wanted to draw straws, forehead-girl!"
"So? You agreed to it. It's still your fault, Ino-pig!"
"I streaked!" Naruto announced proudly, puffing up his chest and resting his fists on his hips. He blushed and re-covered his manhood though when he noticed Sai shamelessly staring at it.
Sai leaned towards the blond and smirked at him.
"So you're a vegan, eh? Wanna suck my carrot?"
"No thanks, I don't like baby carrots," Naruto smirked back, never one to pass up a chance at a come-back. Kiba, who have been fuming silently from his spot on the bench, burst out laughing.
"Good one!" He high-fived Naruto, glad that Sai got what was coming to him.
"Oh! We haven't even introduced ourselves yet," Ino realized, trying to steer the conversation away from penis jokes.
"I'm Yamanaka Ino, the loud one in gray that smells like a dog is Inuzuka Kiba,"
"Hey!" Kiba cried.
Ino ignored him and continued, motioning to each person as she went, "The pink-haired girl is Sakura, and this lazy stud is my boyfriend, Shikamaru."
Naruto pouted when he noticed he had been skipped. Sai noticed as well and looked over at him, his fake smile in place.
"What's your name? Or should I just call you 'Dick'?"
Naruto blushed and glared, opening his mouth to answer when an officer appeared at the door with Gaara. He opened the cell and red head joined them.
"Uzumaki, you've got bail," The policeman looked over at the blond and opened the door a bit wider, motioning for him to come out.
Naruto exited and blinked in confusion while the man closed and relocked the door behind him. Someone paid his bail? That was strange; he didn't even use his one phone call.
"Who paid?" He asked as he followed the officer down the hall. The man grunted and shrugged.
They entered the brightly lit front room and the officer stopped and pointed at someone sitting in a hard plastic chair along the white wall.
"That one there," the officer finally answered.
The tall figure stood and walked over to them. Naruto's azure eyes widened at the person and light eyebrows shot up into his hairline.
Well, THIS is a surprise…
1. Lawls. True story.
2. A loose leaf tea made by boiling milk and water. Tastes like gingerbread, too.
3. Real event; happened at the 20-th annual American Fashion Awards… minus the streaking Naruto. :P
4. You probably guessed/know it, but it's slang for a small penis.
MY GOD, DID ANYONE NOTICE HOW SEXY –cough- I mean… PALE SAI WAS?! He looked like a goth chick. XD
And you know that they made it so painfully SasuNaru just to make us fangirls wet our frilly panties.
Anyway, sorry for the late update!! Medical crap + work have been keeping me away from the computer (I wrote 3/4 of this in a hospital waiting room, haha). Hopefully this chapter makes up for it!
Wanna make my day? Review!!
(Especially long ones, those are loooove.)