This is going to be a dedication to pantherdemonXO8. No there is no lemon in here you pervs! Go back to chapter 1.

Yummy

"Unngh." a sore man groaned, he started to stretch but abruptly stopped when he smelled something familiar in the air.

Smoke.

Feeling a bit sluggish, he rubbed his eyes; waiting for his vision to focus. A minute later, he remained lying on the ground; wondering why it was a bit smoky in the room. He sat upright but was immediately pushed down by a pink blur.

"Ohayo Sasuke-kun!! And Happy Birthday!! Yay!!" Sakura cheered, slamming a small table onto his lap; her vivid green orbs shining earnestly. He blinked, "It's July 27th already??" he asked, a bit surprised. She nodded, puzzled by his reaction; his onyx orbs widened, "Sakura! Quick!! Lock the doors!! Lock the doors!!! The fan girls!! The do--"

She let out a great laugh, her short curls bouncing; "Oh, don't worry about them; they think you died because of that small fire that I started accidentally in the kitchen..." she stopped, "Eep."

"WHAT? Fire? Me? Dead?" Sasuke shouted, nearly spilling the plates on the table. "Don't worry, I put it out and cleaned the kitchen." the naive girl answered, waving her hand. He moved his head to look at the level of damage Sakura could have done to his kitchen, it looked normal except for the large scorch mark above his stove. He lowered his head and shut his eyes, rubbing his temple to relieve his shock.

He opened his eyes and stared at what seemed to be pieces of charcoal on plates. "What on earth?"

"Ah! I made you a special breakfast cuz' it's your birthday!! Aren't you the lucky one." she exclaimed proudly, wiping her hands on the green apron she wore.

"I'd be lucky if I was planning to die today." he thought. "Thank you." he replied politely. She smiled, "You're welcome! You can eat it now!!" The raven-haired man winced, "It looks too good to eat. I think it's better if we...frame...it." "Awww Sasuke-kun, aren't you the sweetest thing." His eye twitched as he could literally see smiley faces bursting out of her. "Don't worry Sasuke-kun, I have more. I knew you would love it so I made a pot-ful of everything. So come on! Try it!"

His midnight eyes traveled from her bright eyes to the crap she had prepared for him. He reached for the spoon, relishing the time to actually pick it up; "Oh god, do I really have to..."

"God! Yes that's it!!" He slammed his spoon down and beamed triumphantly inside, Sakura frowned, "What's wrong?" Sasuke scowled, "I always pray before I eat."

"To Kami-sama?"

"Yes."

"You do?"

"Yes."

"...??"

He sighed and clasped his hands together, shutting his eyes he started to think of other ways to avoid dying from food poisoning. Several precious minutes after his "praying" he opened his eyes. Her nimble fingers quickly shoved the spoon back into his hand, "Come on, try it Sasuke-kun! Try the miso soup, I think it needs more salt." she said, pointing to a bowl of murky water.

"Oh, so that's miso soup..." he started trying to start a conversation.

"Yup."

"And, uh, what about that!" he asked, jabbing his spoon to a plate. "Stir-fry!" she answered cheerfully, "You should eat now. Food is getting cold!"

"A-"

She violently grabbed the spoon and dunked it into one of the dishes; then held it out from his to eat. "Uh..." Sasuke started to back away, "I really must get going..." He tried to stand up but her hand shot out and grabbed his fist, "Now now Sasuke-kun, I worked hard on this food." her smile disappeared and her eyes glinted evilly, "I. Expect. You. To. Eat. It."

He glared fiercely at her, "Shit, You're not the boss of me!" He groaned as she painfully jumped onto his thighs. He hissed, "Fuck! Get off me!!" he roughly shoved her off and got up; heading for his dresser. She got on her feet, "HEY! YOU!!" she shrieked flinging the spoon at him. He turned around and got hit by the spoon, right between his eyes.

"AGH!" he yelled, bending over.

"Serves you right!" she spat grabbing a plate. He looked up just in time to dodge the pieces of food she threw. "YOU CRAZY BITCH!" he yelled, unconsciously putting his fists up. She wore a bewildered expression, "So, you wanna fight?" His eyebrows furrowed, "What?" he looked down at his fists and looked back at her, "Wait no! This is a misundersta--"

Too late.

She kicked him and her toes were practically digging up his nostrils. He staggered back and watched her crack her knuckles, "YOU WERE TRYING TO HIT ME!! A GIRL!!" she let out a shriek and punched him on his bare stomach. The handsome victim coughed and collapsed to the floor thinking, "Shit, she's going to kill me." He made a mad scrabble for the door but fell face down when the crazed female grabbed his ankle.

He groaned, "Good thing my face broke my fall." he thought sarcastically. "Crapppp, what do I do?" He rolled aside just as Sakura tried to nail him to the ground with her elbow; he put his hands in front of him in a defensive stance, "Loo-Look Sakura, I don't want to hurt you.."

He swore he saw thunder emitting from her body, she cocked an eyebrow; "Hurt...me?" She let out a war cry and threw another punch; he pushed it aside and slipped behind her. And as gently as possible, he hit some of her pressure points; making her immobile for only several precious seconds. In a flash, he flung the door open and rushed out; slamming it behind him.

"...!!"

He lifted his dark eyes and it rested on a familiar man, he strained his eyes trying to remember who the man was.

Flashback

Hey man, I know you're banging your chick and all; but can you keep it on the low. My wife is complaining about why I can't make her scream like that." the middle aged man said with a scowl. Sasuke stared back at his neighbor with a blank expression, "I'm not--. Whatever." he hastily tried to shut the door.

The man stuck his foot out, "Hey you!! You owe me something!! At least give me some tips, for you know what." A death glare was directed at the man, "Go away."

Sasuke shut the door, the man's shouts could be heard; "FIFTEEN YEARS!! FIFTEEN YEARS OF MARRIAGE AND I CAN'T MAKE HER SCREAM LIKE THAT!!!"

End Flashback (A.N. This scene occured in Of all the Rotten Luck; my first fanfic.)

He winced remembering the false accusation his neighbor had claimed a while ago.

Well, the man was half right.

He did end up one top of Sa--

Sasuke shook his head and narrowed his eyes at the man. His neighbor gave him an all-knowing smirk, "Your sweetheart found you sleeping with another woman didn't she."

"...No."

"You peeped on her?"

"No."

"You were caught jacking off."

"...!! No."

"You were caught watching porn ANDDD jacking off."

"No. Listen you geezer; I'm not the type of person to do that. I am a decent police officer who..."

"...who is standing outside his door with only his boxers on." the man pointed out smugly. The raven-haired man looked down,

"SHIT!"

"Kids these days." the man said while rubbing his chin; "Let me see, it's some special day and your wife cooked you a special meal. Turns out she's a terrible cook and now that you rejected her food, she's out to kill you." Sasuke blinked, "Yes...but she's not my wife."

"Girlfriend."

He thought for a moment, running his fingers through his jet-black locks, "...no..."

"Shame on you!!" the older man scolded, wagging his finger.

"SAAAAAAAAAAASSUKKKKKKEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!" an angry roar came from behind the door, a fist shot out near Sasuke's head. Both males screamed and fled.

----

Uchiha Sasuke had never felt so exposed in his life.

Dodging behind bushes, constantly jumping every time he thought he heard someone. He made his way to the police station noticing the tremendous amount of girls wearing black clothes; sobbing on each other while holding up huge pictures of his sleeping self.

----

He tackled the offender and quickly cuffed him. It sure was a busy day, the hot weather must have been getting on everyone's nerves. He loosened some buttons and welcomed the warm wind that blew. His walkie-talkie crackled

"Cell 2, Cell 2; report. Over."

He hastily whipped out the black device and put his lips close to the receiver, "Uchiha here, over."

"Uzumaki hurrr, over."

"Hyuuga here, over."

"ROCK LEE IS PRESENT, OVER."

"Cell commander Nara here, over. We've just about cleaned up here, over."

"Yup we totally kicked their asses!! Under." Naruto added enthusiastically.

"Good to hear, send Lee to drop em off and the rest get down here."

"Hai." The group chorused.

Sasuke and Naruto got into one car while Neji and Shikamaru got into the other. The sirens blared as they sped towards their designated spot. They stopped in front of an alley where three gangs were fighting. Naruto fired his gun, "YO!! CHILL!! YOU FUCKHEADS!!" Immediately, the gang members tried to run away; the policemen started to knock some out.

"Idiots, they're in an alley with a dead end." Sasuke thought, dodging a bat. The gangs were now reuniting to fight against them, "Back up, we need back up! Over!" he heard Neji mutter into his walkie-talkie. "Back-up on its way." A voice replied. The four stood back to back as the gang members closed in. "Shit, this is bad." Shikamaru said, scowling.

"UCHIHA SASUKE!!" Everyone listened and watched a pink head push its way through the crowd.

Holy crap.

There she was, disheveled and furious looking; still wearing her green apron and carrying a large metal pot with a spoon. Her emerald-orbs frosted and flames practically shooting out of her nose. Her short pastel locks were more tousled than ever. She glared at him while he stared at her in complete shock, just like everyone else. She pointed an accusing finger at him, "YOU!! BASTARD!!"

The silence shattered as the crowd rippled into discussion. The topic: Her.

"Cute." one drawled.

"Look at those curves!" another added.

"Feisty looking too." a sickly looking character commented.

"Hey, baby cakes; com' on over here." a blonde sneered, pushing his fingers through his mangy locks. "What is it that you want?" Her beryl-green orbs softened, "You see smelly-san, Mr. Asswipe over there won't eat the food that i spent hours working on. In fact, he paralyzed me and then left me." Everyone leered at the raven-haired man.

"Tch, troublesome."

"Can't believe you! You really are a teme!"

"That's low even for you Uchiha, paralyzing her."

Sasuke stood calmly while dying inside. "Babe, I'll eat your food." a brown-haired gangster said, stepping up forward. Her eyes brightened, "Really? Here!" she hastily put down the pot and opened it. "No, you don't underst-" Sasuke started, trying to warn them. "Oh shut up you rude git!" came a nasal voice. The bold brunette watched as Sakura dipped the spoon into the pot, "Curry!" she said cheerfully; producing her spoon that had foul, bubbling liquid. And like all her other signature dishes, it was black.

The male brunette took a step backward, obviously regretting what he had volunteered to do; "Open up!" Sakura exclaimed, shoving the food into the guy's mouth. Everyone stood still as they watched the brave guy swallow reluctantly.

And then his eyes lit up as he starting shouting for joy, "This tastes soo goood!!"

Nope.

That did not happen.

Instead, the man simply fainted. Sakura cheered happily, "He actually fainted cuz it's sooo good!" The crowd once again started chatting, "She defeated our leader!! Our feared leader!!"

"Did she poison him?"

"What do we do?"

"I dunno! Our leader's dead or sumtin."

Sasuke stared in horror, "Holy !#!$!!!" She turned towards him with an evil glare, "Your turn." She crammed a handful of her vile concoction into his mouth.

"Ugghh.."

He too fainted.

----

Sasuke heard muffled voices as he began to regain consciousness, "Kami-san? Is that you?" He groaned, "Look, I think he's waking up!" a familiar lazy voice commented. He opened his eyelids and saw a bunch of shadowy figures leaning over him. He groaned again as he tasted something foul in his mouth. He sat up and spit repeatedly.

"DAMN! Uchiha! My shoes!!" The angry white-orbed male exclaimed., jumping back.

Sasuke's back ached and his cheeks felt as though some crazy pink haired girl shoved a handful of cement down his throat. "It would have probably tasted better if it was cement." His whipped his head back and forth fearfully, looking for Sakura. "She said something about being pleased with the results and making more." Shikamaru explained.

"Crap." the raven-haired man muttered. "How long was I out?"

"About nine minutes." Naruto answered sporting a nosebleed. "Back-up is here so we can relax."

Sasuke sighed, the idea of Sakura making more food frightening him; "Hey Naruto, do you think I can stay over at your place for a while?"

End

As I watched the new naruto season, I noticed that Sasuke is less hot. His eyes are so dead. And Sakura's hair is messed up. And they drew her ugly.

Those anime people just find ways to dampen my passion for Naruto.

I still remember that episode when Sasuke went beserk because Sakura got hurt. So romantic.

Now they've grown up. This is the emo-iest i probably felt from watching an anime.

-cries in the corner-