Disclaimer: I own nothing but my warped imagination.

Author's Notes: Another humourous story that came about during late night conversations.

All comments and reviews are welcome. All flames will be used to keep me warm.

Shopping With Gilderoy

Minerva McGonagall looked at her shopping companion. She couldn't believe that Albus had done this to her. The old wizard had better keep his sherbet lemons safely hidden or she'd borrow one of Severus' poisons and soak the candies in it. Send her shopping with that nancy. Someone needed to check the expiration dates on those candies the headmaster was so fond of, because they obviously expired a few decades ago!

"Minnie… Minnie," called Gilderoy Lockhart. "Over here. I've found the perfect robes for the party."

Minerva continued to look at the conservative dress robes on the rack in front of her, pretending she didn't hear him. Merlin only knew what he had found and she wanted no part of it. Something in Tartan or green would be just fine, thank you very much. She might even go out on a limb and choose something a bit more Gryffindorish… something in red and gold. Sifting through the robes, she was suddenly grabbed by the arm and dragged away to the other side of the shop.

"Unhand me now, Gilderoy! I will not hesitate to transfigure you into a troll," snapped Minerva, face flushed and chest heaving.

"Minnie, Minnie, Minnie… the headmaster asked me to help you find something for the staff party and so I shall. I believe he'd like to see you in something a bit more festive and I've found just the thing," said a smiling Lockhart.

When Minerva looked at the rack of robes Gilderoy was referring too, her mouth flew open and she began to feel ill. No. Absolutely not. There was nothing... not even You-Know-Who-Himself could force her to wear one of those. They were frilly and the colours… She just stared in horror.

"Let's choose three or four and you can try them on. What say you try this lovely fuchsia? Oh! Here's one in puce. I bet it would look wonderful with your coloring. And this lovely goldenrod would just set off your hair," gushed Gilderoy, grabbing each of the robes from the rack and pushing Minerva towards the dressing area. "Who knows," he continued to babble, "Perhaps Severus will want my assistance after he sees you."

Minerva snorted. Severus might require his assistance all right, but it wouldn't be for shopping. More than likely Gilderoy would end up as ingredients for some of the darker potions that Severus brewed. And Minerva wasn't so sure that it wouldn't be a service to society. Yes, looking at the robes in Lockhart's arms, she decided that Severus would earn an Order of Merlin First Class Award for ridding the world of the menace known as Gilderoy Lockhart.

When they arrived at the dressing rooms, Minerva was no sooner safely out of Gilderoy's sight when she transformed into a cat and sneaked back to the front of the store. She quickly transformed back into her human form, grabbed a lovely, but stately deep crimson robe with gold trimming. She paid for the robe and apparated back to the gates of Hogwarts before Gilderoy could realise she was missing. Now that she'd gotten rid of Gilderoy, it was time for some paybacks. With that thought in mind, she began the walk to Hogwarts with a purpose to her stride.