Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. Leave me alone so I can cry.

Yugi and pals were having a positively LOVELY day in the beautiful city of Domino...

...are the words I wished I could write right now. Wait, shit, I just wrote them. Oh, well. Anyways, I am an author who writes the truth, not a bunch of fiction.

"Excuse me, but you're writing fanFICTION, you know that, right?" says one of the readers.

SHUT UP! It's my fanfact, I'll write it! You go be happy somewhere! Hisssss! Okay, in reality, Yugi and pals are extremely depressed, poor people who live in a one-bedroom apartment together and share the same syringe to mix meth and heroin in. They will die slowly and painfully after living a few more miserable years.

Now that I've set the mood for the rest of the story, let's dive in, shall we? Let's start off with Tea, since she's pretty much the only cast member that we will obtain pleasure from watching her be goth.

"I'm in love with Yami, but he doesn't love me back. He's in love with that slut, Yugi, who loves me more than life itself, which isn't very much, considering none of us love life anymore. And I'm stuck with my abusive boyfriend, Bandit Keith, who eats all our food, beats me with his spiked club after sex, if you can call semi-rape sex, and he took a crap in Joey's laundry again, so Joey'll most likely beat me after he does his evening speedball. I hate myself and want to die." says Tea, before cutting her wrist so much that her hand nearly comes off.

"HA HA EL-OH-EL it is teh funny grr die friendship bitch!!11!1" one of the reviewers types.

"Come on, she's annoying, but this borders on psychotic!" the one reviewer that isn't a total ass types.

"OMG shut up and go look at my myspace profile please"

Okay, now let's move on, this isn't a comedy. Yami is in his room. He just got his sXe because the dummy thinks it stands for "Sexy."

"I wish that, for once, Yugi would just return my feelings for him. I mean, isn't it obvious, has he even double-checked our dialouge during the entire series?! I WANT HIM!! But I can never! So, I'm going to go get a perscription for painkillers and die tragically in another couple of chapters." Yami whines, before and after pouring meth-laced alcohol down his Pharoah gullet.

Now that you are sad to an almost hilarious point, let's have something horrible and disgusting happen to Mokuba, one of the very few cheery characters in the whole show.

"LA LA LA! Isn't life just GREAT?! Everyone is friends, I haven't been kidnapped any time in the last couple of weeks, and my brother is about to take a week's vacation! Ohh, look, a dank, smelly alleyway! I'm going to wander off in there, totally oblivious to any danger!" Mokuba squeaks happily, oblivious to the danger that awaits him.

Mokuba skips cheerily into the awful alleyway where drugs of every kind are made, the guards of Fort Knox have to be on standby 28 hours a day, and where Osama Bin Laden does his tapings of terrorism to America. As Mokuba prepares to skp through the part of the alleyway where there are broken beer bottles and used syringes ALL OVER THE PLACE, a man comes out from behind a soggy dumpster and trips Mokuba, who lands directly into the mess of sharp, pointy things. We look on in horror as Mokuba is viciously buttraped in several graphic ways by the mysterious stranger, oh, and he has HIV too! After reading paragraph after paragraph of Mokuba screeching in blood curdling pain, the man throws the half-dead body of Mokuba into the dumpster, right next to the rotting carcass of a raccoon.

Two hours later, Kaiba just happens to be walking by to score a little of the sweet powder of crack, and he hears a small moaning coming from the dumpster.

"Oh, God! Mokuba!" Kaiba exclaims, staring down at his garbage-ridden little brother.

"Big brother... I'm in pain and I think that raccoon is alive, because I can feel something eating my broken hips." Mokuba hoarsely whispers, blood dripping from his mouth with every syllable.

Kaiba gets Mokuba out of the dumpster and carries him back to the large mansion.

"Who did this to you?" Kaiba asks.

"I never saw his face... but he calls himself... 4kids." Mokuba yet again barely manages to get out.

"4Kids? That's a disgusting pedophile name."

"He... he also says... you and Yugi and his friends are all next..." And, with these words, Mokuba fades into sleep.

Meanwhile, at Bakura's house, Bakura was frantically cleaning up after his Yami's pitbulls, Shred n' Slash.

"Oh, please, help me! Anybody!" The brit pleas while trying to pick dog shit off the floor with his bare hands because he can't afford towels. "My Yami will be home any moment and if he sees me with clothes and eating something that isn't sausage, he'll kill me! Literally!"

But it was too late, as always. Unfortanately for you, Yami-Bakura doesn't kill Bakura. No way, too kid-friendly. Instead, you are subjected to another 1000 word-per-paragraph rape scene where Yami-Bakura shoves the following objects into Bakura:

Broom handle

Hair dryer


A pipe

Some CDs

A cellphone

Guitar neck


A flashlight


An Ipod

Spare tire

Some beer cans

Loaf of bread

Kettle of milk

Stick of butter

A bong filled with acid

An enema to clean it out

And, the biggest of all, his penis. Repeatedly.

Yami-Bakura finally leaves Bakura on the bed, obese from all the shit inside him, and sleeps. The traumatized Bakura dreams about Yami-Bakura raping him continuously, only now Yami-Bakura's a dragon, so it's like he's screwing Tinkerbell. You have to read that too.

By now, if you look outside, it should be raining and thundering. Let's end this here chapter before a lightning bolt knocks your electricity out.