Here Lies Ned The Janitor: Died From Slitting Wrists Because He Was Sick Of Writing Disclaimers. By The Way, He Doesn't Own Yu-Gi-Oh.

yeh and he wuz fat too lol

Goddamn Vandalizing Children...

Yugi, Yami, and Kaiba are walking down the DANKEST, DARKEST, SLIMIEST, FITHIEST, CRIME RIDDENIST, BUTT FUCKINGIST, DRUGED UPEST, SMELLIEST, UGLIEST GODDAMN DEATHPOOL ALLEYWAY THIS SIDE OF HELL AND NEVERLAND RANCH because they need a nice walk to clear their thoughts. They figured, hey, let's go to the nice part of town.

"Well, this is pretty much the biggest hellhole in the city, but it's actually really nice." Kaiba calmly observes as a cat with AIDS pisses on his leg.

"Once you get past the smell of old corpses and the hobos defecating on abandoned police cars it's kinda homey." Yami agrees, kicking the cat away from Kaiba.

"You know, the real estate in this hood is actually rather decent, especially the ones that had mass suicides in them."

"You ever see that one with the big "SUCK MY FARTASS" written on the front?" Yugi asks them both, mostly just trying to get into the conversation.

"Oh, yes. It just looks so... beautiful." Yami gushes like a girl.

Suddenly, Yugi steps in something thats powdery, crusty, transparent, and stinky.

"OH GOD, IT'S MAI!!" Yugi screeches, jumping into the arms of Yami, who promptly drops him to the ground.

"Holy shit!" Kaiba yells.

"Ugghh... kill me..." Mai groans sickly.

"Holy shit!"

"What's happened to you?!" Yami demands.

"4Kids... 4Kids... raped me... and shredded my character... please, be my angel and set me free." Mai told him inbetween sobs and convulsions.

"Holy shit!"

A long silence.

"...Holy shit."

"PLEASE! PLEASE! IT HURTS SO BAD, AND I'VE LOST SO MUCH BLOOD..." Mai then stops screaming, and then her face turns green. "MMPH!"

Mai vomits blood and glass all over Yugi's shoe.

"Ew, that's so gross!" pouts Yugi. "Took me weeks to shine these shoes, thanks to Bandit Keith using them as bun fodder after a delicious meal of enchiladas, REGULARLY! Oh, well, that fag is dead now. So, who's going to kill her-"

SQUISH!! 4Kids steps from the creeping shadows and stomps Mai's head. Her 25 years of lonely existence are over.

Then Mai shits her skirt.

"HA HA HA!!" 4Kids' cruel laugh rang into the skulls of our defiant heroes.

"It's him, the evil 4Kids!" Yugi declares as if it were a secret.

"How do you know?" asks Kaiba.

"Kaiba, he just killed Mai, he's drooling, he has an evil laugh, and he's staring at your hips." Yami said. "Do the math."

"Ahh... I see. Well, then, shall we piss our pants, cry for our mothers, and run?"

"No, that would be dis-"

4Kids grabs Kaiba by the throat and shoots him up with heroin. Then he drags him behind a dumpster. Screaming, tearing, and struggling are heard. Then a cracking sound is heard, followed by one last dying breath.

Then Kaiba shits his pants.

"Why, I believe 4Kids just killed Kaiba." Yami points out as 4Kids emerges from behind the dumpster.

"He most certainly did." concludes Yugi.




As Yami screams this, Yugi is grabbed as well. He is raped and killed in graphic fashion.

Then Yugi shits his pants.

"MIND CRUSH!!" Yami roars, sticking his arm out in a hopeless attempt at fighting back.

4Kids is unaffected, because he's already lost his mind. Hell, who knows if he even had it to begin with?

"I LEFT MY MIND AT ONE PIECE!! HA HA HA HA!!" 4Kids barks out in triumph.


Yami runs before the T is added, leaving nothing but his "abiou" (KAWAIII GLOMP ) and a trail of urine behind. 4Kids is right behind him, preparing to devour his soul and please the creepy Yu-Gi-Oh fangirls (ONLY SOME OF YOU ARE CREEPY NOT ALL OF YOU) by raping him so gratuitously, John Waters would be scarred forever. As Yami runs, he begins to question his existence. All of his friends are dead, he has no discernable future, Paris Hilton has a GOLD ALBUM OUT, and now he's running from some bloated rapist named 4Kids in a cold, dark alleyway. Just like New Years Eve. Except for the Paris part.


"Oh, hell with it." Yami whispers.

Yami stops and waits.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" 4Kids asks very extremely loudly.

"Letting you do it. Let's get this over with."

"You... you actually want the rape?"

"I don't want it, but I know it's going to happen. Please, end it quickly."



4Kids starts walking the other way, shouting about children and how they shouldn't be forced to see something as horrible as consentual sex. Oh, the horror. Stop. Police. Murder.

"Well... I guess I'll go home, then..."

Yami walks through the Alleyway of Suffering and walks back to the hospital to watch his last few friends die slowly, all the while twitching and occasionally, a tear slips out of one of their cheeks. Yami weeps himself back home and falls asleep on the couch, which is stained with blood and "milk".

When he wakes up after having nightmares about his dead friends blaming him for everything, he looks outside. It's another rainy day. He watches a puppy get run over and a child crying and burying it. Yami looks down and notices a broken bottle. He takes the biggest shard of glass and slices his tongue off. He lays on the floor, crying, dying alone. He almost drowns himself when he turns face down into the massive pool of blood that has accumulated on the kitchen floor, as well as rolling into Keith's dried up loaf of butt dumpling. Finally, he dies. And the last thing he thinks about when he slips into his last, eternal sleep... is release... bittersweet release.

Then Yami shits his pants.


I apologize if this depressed you. Go read a real humor fic NOW because I will not be responsible for your untimely demise.