Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh, I write too many stories about them, though.

It was a day like any other. Yami was dueling for the fate of humanity with both Bakura and Marik in a Shadow Game.

"Ha ha, we have you now," Marik boasted.

"Okay, Heart of the Cards, guide me," Yami began whispering to himself, "Please, help me cheat by calling on your magical powers to place a real kick-ass card on the top of the deck when I draw!"

"Hey, you cheating little shit!" Bakura hollered. "Are you using the Heart of the Cards again?"

"Uh... no, don't be silly!"

Marik jumped in. "Bullcrap! We heard you mumbling to no one in particular over there!"

"Hey, I'm insane, that's why I do that!"

"Then get out a damn cellphone or something!" Marik suggested to the pharaoh. (Don't ask me how he knows what a cellphone is.)

"Yeah, just because you're insane, doesn't mean we want to be!" Bakura added.

Yami began to chuckle furiously at the overwhelming irony of Bakura's statement.

"What?" Marik roared impatiently, at least fourteen veins popping out all over his face.

"Oh, uh, nothing, I was just speaking to the Heart of the Cards again!"

"A-ha!" Bakura pointed at Yami. "So, you admit it!"

"Drat!" Yami's inner monologue snapped. "My clever strategy has been foiled!"

"Just draw a card!" Bakura impatiently tapped his foot.


Yami drew a card and immediately did a fistpump.

"Yes! I play Monster Reborn to revive my Big-Ass Monster Zombie Duck Thing that you killed with your Trap Hole!"

"Oh, no, not the Big-Ass Monster Zombie Duck Thing!" his two opponents yelled.

"My Piping Hot Breakfast Burrito can't survive that!" Marik cried.

"Neither can my Gruponeh Ogre Talon Buckethead With Three Brains And A Complex Patten Carved Into His Crotch!"

"Big-Ass Monster Zombie Duck Thing," Yami began, "use your Made Up On The Spot Attack Name and wipe both monsters out at once, completely defying the rules and confusing the kids who watch the show and play the card game!"

Big-Ass Name destroyed Yami-Marik and Yami-Bakura's monsters and threw the two evil duelists into the blue sky.

"Looks like Team Psycho's blasting off again…" Ding.

"That'll teach them!" Yami walked away from the scene. "Now, I must be off, there are minds to go crush and I've gotta do the crushin'!"

As Yami went off to ruin people's lives in the name of Duel Monsters, Marik and Bakura were standing at the street corner in the dirtiest part of town, eating the filthiest food they could get their hands on.

"There's a head in my Chicken McNuggets," bitched the crazy Egyptian. "I'm gonna sue!"

"Sporting good idea," Bakura replied.

Marik paused. "Did you just say 'sporting'?"

"Cursed British accent!" Bakura pouted. "Anyways, you should go and sue the bastards!"

"Hey, stupid, we can't afford a decent lawyer, remember?"

"Oh, yeah. Besides, no one would believe us. We maim too much people to be trusted."

Marik's face brightened. "Hey, do you remember that time we stole some lemon salt?"

"That was fantastic!" Bakura laughed. "We went around all day tossing it into peoples' eyes!"

"Priceless! The best one had to be when we tossed it into some huge guy's eyes and he started crying!"

Bakura wiped a tear of laughter from his eye. "Oh, yeah, those hospital bills we had to pay after he beat us silly were worth all of it."

Marik sighed. "It's a shame, really. We aren't having as much fun as we used to have."

"Yeah, we used to be a real threat. Oh, well, at least we both have our dignity. That's something the bastard pharaoh can never take away."

Marik nodded, then looked over to his left."Hey, here comes a customer!"

A police car pulled up next to the two villains.

"Go act sexy for them, no matter who they are!" Marik urged his partner in crime.

"But it's a police car!"

Marik scoffed. "So? Policemen get very lonely, that's why there are so many prison rapes!"

"The policemen aren't the ones who do it, the inmates do it!"

"Look, just go over there!"

"You're the one who's gay, you go do it!"

Marik facefaulted, and veins began to erupt from his forehead. "I will have you know that I am not gay! What led you to such a ridiculous notion?"

"Oh, really, you aren't gay?" Bakura sneered. "How come I walked in on you stroking it to a Boy George poster?"

"She is a female, and a very hot one, you fucker!"

"No, he isn't! He's just a very effeminate man who cross-dresses and has a British accent!"

"Like Ryou?"


Marik's hand went up to his forehead, trying to rub the filth out of his brain. "Great, now I feel confused about my sexuality!"

"Here's an idea," Bakura began to scheme, "Go with the cop and let him have his way. If you enjoy it, you're gay, and if not, you're just really stupid."

Marik puffed out his chest. "Very well."

Yami-Marik walked over to the car as the officer rolled his passenger side window down.

"Hi there! Looking for a good time?"

"No, I'm looking for a very evil man named 'Seto Kaiba,'" the somewhat clueless lawman replied. "We finally got over the fact that he got whooped in a duel and realized he almost murdered an old man by dueling him, which makes no sense whatsoever., but fuck it, it's better than chasing around you guys half the time."

Marik purred while Bakura, who was standing not too far in the background, tried to hold back his simultaneous vomit and laughter. "You can cuff me anytime, baby..."

The officer's face scrunched up like a prune. "Get in the car, now. You're under arrest."

"Ooh, someone likes to roleplay! You got it."

"Bring your friend along too."

"Damn it!" Bakura raged.

"You heard the man!" Marik called to his buddy.

The Yamis got into the backseat and went off with the policeman. What danger awaits them? Who can say?