Hi all! It's my latest easter egg. A light hearted, short 3 Chapter short story on the desperate trials and tribulations of unrequited love. I decided to write this after the heaviness of my other story, Only in my Dreams, started to get to me. It was starting to drain me of energy. So here this is, just to get everyone's spirits right up there again. Enjoy.


Title: Homo- What?!
Author: Crystal Saturn
Rated: T
Chapter: 1- Eureka!

"I'm serious Drew! It's impossible! I can't seem to get Serena's attention in a good way. Every time I open my mouth a barrage of insults pour out. It just seems to be easier for me to control my feelings when I'm insulting her." Darien looked deeply into his coffee mug.

"Well, I highly doubt that your playground antics will win you her heart. Sometimes it's hard. People always want what they can't have. Daz, you need to be nicer to her if you want to stand a chance." Andrew refilled Darien's coffee mug before walking towards the other end of the counter to serve some customers.

Darien sat silently, contemplating the wise words of Jedi Master Andrew. Lifting the mug to his lips, Darien took a small sip, letting the hot, dark fluid seep within his lips. He savoured the bittersweet taste that mellowed itself out as it filtered across his tongue and down his throat. Placing the mug back down onto the table, Darien leaned his chin on the palm of his hand and stared pensively into the air before him.

"Eureka!" He exclaimed, sitting up on the stool. His eyes glimmered with newfound hope and excitement.

"What is it?" Andrew raised an eyebrow as he watched his best friend giddily make a fool of himself in the middle of the arcade.

"I've come up with an idea! I know how I'm going to get Serena's attention and win her heart."

"You're not going to go on another date with Raye are you? You've tried the jealousy card Darien. It didn't work and you're only making Raye more and more attached to you." Andrew drummed his fingers idly on the benchtop.

"No! I'm gay!" Darien exclaimed a little too enthusiastically, earning strange gazes from the customers of the Crown Arcade.

"What? Ok, no more sugar in your coffee." Andrew quickly removed the little yellow sachets of sugar from Darien's fisted grasp. Mortified by the sudden announcement, he shamefully shook his head at the thought of his best friend parading around telling everyone about his newfound homosexuality. Oh lord, what would that say about his own preferences. Surely straight men had the option of having gay friends without being romantically linked to them, right?

"No, no! Listen to me. You said it yourself- people always want what they can't have right?" Darien asked.

"Sure that's what I said but I don't see how that has anything to do with you being gay and getting Serena." Andrew pulled up a stool and sat down.

"Well if I'm gay then Serena wont be able to resist me!" Darien grinned broadly at his ingenious idea.

"Woah, back up buddy. Pun not intended. How do you figure that?" Andrew was finding it hard to keep up with Darien's strange twisted logic.

"If I'm gay then Serena will know that she doesn't have a chance with me because I wont be interested in her. Then the law of 'always wanting what you can't have' will kick in and she'll finally love me!" Darien casually explained. The automatic doors of the arcade slid open. Both men turned to see who had entered.

"Well speak of the devil. You know Darien, this plan of yours is totally insane. It definitely wont work this time." Andrew rolled his eyes and shook his head. "You're getting way too desperate man, just ask her out."

"You know I'd never be able to do that. Quick! She's coming! Flirt with me!" Darien tugged on Andrew's sleeve desperately.

"What?! Are you kidding me? That would imply that I am also gay and do you know what that would do for my business? No fan girls coming in. No flirtatious customers. I wont be able to whip out the irresistible charm in front of the ladies and make them swoon and do you know what that means? No money for poor broke Andrew. No pretty little high school girls to perve on. No-siree! I'm afraid you're going to have to con some other innocent civilian to do your dirty work for you." Andrew scolded.

"Hi Andy!" Serena happily bounced up to the counter and sat down two stools away from Darien.

"Hey Sere. My, you're looking wonderful today! Gorgeous as ever. Did you get some extra sleep last night because you're positively glowing!" Andrew winked. A faint blush crept upon Serena's cheeks as she giggled shyly.

"Andrew!" Darien glared at his blond friend menacingly.

"Hey now, just because you're gay it doesn't mean I have to be!" Andrew beamed.

"You're gay?" Serena turned to the man next to her. "As in… you like guys?"

"That's right." Darien nodded smoothly. Serena paused in thought for a moment. She looked at the man in front of him blankly. Darien- gay? Could it be?

"No way!" Serena laughed out loud. "There is no way that you, Darien Chiba, could be gay."

"And why is that?"

"Firstly, you have horrible taste in fashion. I've seen your jogging gear, and that horrible shirt that has 'Earth' printed on the front of it, and those sunglasses WOW are they big or what!? Boy do you own a mirror let alone look at your reflection before you step out of the house?" Serena shook her head. Her comments made Andrew laugh full heartedly. "Secondly, you don't have any characteristics at all. Thirdly and most importantly- you are way too attracted to girls to be a homosexual."

"Big words for a girl who has no idea what she's talking about." Darien shrugged her accusations off. "You're simply working on cultural assumptions."

"No I'm not. It's a proven fact that those 'cultural assumptions' are based on fact." Serena retorted smugly.

"Are you dumb?" Darien tilted his head to the right.

"What?! No! I may be a little... slow... and maybe lazy but i'm definitely not dumb!" Serena pouted, crossing her arms.

"Exactly. So the dumb blonde cultural assumption isn't true is it, ergo not all cultural assumptions are based on fact."

Serena stared at the handsome dark haired man in front of her skeptically.

"Andrew. Help me out here! I know Darien's lying." She turned to the amused blond man, happily watching the conversation unfold.

"Well... he does own quite a few turtle-neck sweaters, and I've been to his apartment... it is rather... metro." Andrew carefully selected his words.

"But that doesn't mean he's gay!" Serena pouted once again, refusing to believe what the two men in front of her were trying to tell her. He couldn't be gay. She had seen him around many gorgeous women. He just couldn't. She didn't quite understand why she was refusing to acknowledge it, but she wouldn't allow herself to believe that Darien Chiba, her biggest bicker-buddy was interested in men.

"Why do you insist i'm not gay? You barely even know me meatball head."

"Well because... because..." Serena frowned. It was true. She didn't know much about Darien, but assumed she knew enough to be definate about this.

"Why would I say I'm gay if i'm not? What good would that do?" Darien persisted with his argument.

"I don't know!" Serena exclaimed, "But I know it's not true and I'll prove it. I know you're up to something Darien, and i'm going to find out! I bet you $100 and a box of chocolates that you're not gay. Meet me back here tomorrow, 11 in the morning."

"Fine." Darien nodded and shook Serena's hand to seal their deal.

"Good. I'll prove to you Andrew, that he's not gay." Serena stood up defiantly and marched out the arcade door. Both men watched her stalk out before Darien turned his gaze back towards Andrew.

"That worked well..." He smiled innocently.


Next chapter will be in a week. Please Review.

Crystal Saturn