Summary: Yama-jii hires a photographer, much to the disgust of many…
A/N: At bloody last! I thought this one would never get done…
Sereitei was up in arms.
The outraged furore could be heard far into the deeps of Rukongai.
Yamamoto Genryuusai Shigekuni had proposed photo day.
'It won't be so bad,' he told his captains a little pleadingly. 'Just a group photo of the captains and the vice captains, one of each division, and then individual photos of each division's captain and lieutenant. Oh, and Komamura? No mask.'
'I will do this,' Tousen rumbled, 'as long as it is the path of least bloodshed'
Komamura glared at him. 'Do you realise how expensive grooming is lately'
Shunsui cackled gleefully. 'Nanao-chan in a picture… wonder if I can get her to wear her hair loose'
'I refuse,' Byakuya said disdainfully.
Kira sent Gin a small smile. 'At least you're always smiling, Ichimaru-taichou. It might be a nice photo…'
'…flash on my glasses,' Aizen fretted. 'What will I do because I can't see without them'
Hinamori looked horrified. 'Oh no, Aizen-taichou, they can't do that to you…'
'It doesn't matter to me, Hisagi,' Tousen said calmly. 'The less I see, the happier I am'
'Er, taichou, you can't see'
'I know that, you idiot!'
'You want me to what'
'Please, Nanao-chan?' Shunsui asked pleadingly. You would look so pretty – enough to warm the fires of my soul… OUCH'
Nanao bent down, retrieved the book she had just thrown at her captain, and stomped out of the office.
Madarame stopped polishing his head to glare at Yumichika.
'Stop with the humming already'
'Oh but don't you think this photo is going to show my best side to the world'
'Say that again Yumichika, and I'm going dunk you in the well'
'Both of you stop preening like a couple of girls or I'm gonna kick your asses from one side of Sereitei to the other,' Zaraki growled.
Hitsugaya scowled at the photo on his desk. In it, he was dwarfed by a beaming Matsumoto, her arms around his waist, his head virtually engulfed by her breasts.
'Totally ridiculous,' he muttered furiously. 'Totally ridiculous. What does she think I am, a doll'
Jyuushirou exchanged smiles with Shunsui as they studied their respective photos. In Shunsui's, he was standing beside Nanao, the ever present sake cup in hand, one arm around her shoulders. Nanao was seething, an expression that Jyuushirou was convinced had something to do with the fact that her hair was loose.
In his, Kaien was standing in front of him, a broad grin on his face as he mugged for the camera. Jyuushirou's expression was curiously resigned, but then again, when it came to Kaien, that was usually the norm.
Yamamoto beamed at his fukutaichou. 'Quite a success, eh'
'Er…' his lieutenant shuffled his feet, looking anywhere else but at the picture in his captain's hand.
A picture of the entire Gotei 13. All in their best shinigami robes.
Almost every single one of them with an expression of pure hatred, directed at their unaware Soutaichou.
Yamamoto sighed. 'We should do this once a year…'
His lieutenant politely neglected to mention the seven thousand, three hundred and twenty six – no, twenty seven – death threats that had been piled up outside his door that morning.
For some reason, it really didn't seem safe…