It's 1986 and I'm in the first grade.

I'm workin' really hard to get Mario laid.


Bowser's voice droned in his ears. "We just received a message from Princess Peach Toadstool."

"The leader of the Mushroom Kingdom?"

"Yes.", the Koopa king continued. "Apparently the threat since the Smash Wars has escalated. She's going to be announcing the completion of a truly historical weapon. The only intelligence we have is a two word message from one of our operatives before he was captured...Metal Gear."


"I'm not any ordinary Mushroom Retainer.", the vest wearing opponent told him.

"Watch out!", Bowser screamed in his CODEC. "That's Toad, the most experienced M.R. in the Kingdom."

"I've been through this too many times to let you kidnapp her again."

"You're the one with the weapon!"


A contingent of Koopa Troopas carefully stalked through a deserted desert street in Desert land. A strange two syllable sound was heard. Immediately, the Koopas were being thrown out of the way by a herd of rampaging Yoshi's.


"Attention all retainers.", Peach's voice called throughout the castle. "The intruder may be dressed in our own colors. Face check all personnel."


"This Sneaking Shell is the latest in polyfiber technology, reverse engineered from Buzzy Beatle and Spike Top.", the Magikoopa stated.


"Be careful. Those suspended platforms will start to drop as soon as you jump on it. Just a tip...from your Number 1 Fan."


"I'm a whole different game from Mario.", Luigi informed. "I'm slimmer-therefore faster, able to jump higher."

"I suppose it's just your bad luck that I'm out to prove something today."


"She's armed with Starman! None of your weapons will be able to do any damage. But a pit will be able to reducer her number of lives. It's not design flaw, it's gameplay."


Mario walked warily towards him. "You-a know who the real winner is? It's-a the loser:they get to leave the battlefield. It's-a the winner who'll get put in game after game..."


A Cyborg Ninja Hammer Brother turned to face the incoming multicolored dinosaurs. Just before the first one reached him, the Koopa lept entirely too far and landed behind a third. Running back to the front of the pack, his sword took out the first three. One of the Yoshi's jumped into the air above him and instantly stopped, flipping into a butt-stomp. The Koopa barely dodged to the tip of his toes letting the monster land a millimeter behind him into this sword.

A fifth lashed out with its tongue, catching on to the Cyborg Ninja Hammer Brother's shell. He grabbed the tongue with one hand, and put the sword to it with the other. Rushing forward, even that Yoshi fell.

The Cyborg Ninja Koopa's mask retracted automatically, revealing Roy Koopa-a Koopaling. "Now it's my turn to protect you."